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Durst's Hints - 17 Ways to Lessen Your Workload
How to Save Time and Stay on the Go:
  1. Commission full size model of self and prop it up at meetings, thereby avoiding hundreds of wasted hours
  2. Take a tip from the astronauts: food in tubes
  3. Espresso machine with cigarette lighter adapter
  4. Hardwood floors and roller blades
  5. End time-wasting stops; Install own catheter
  6. Instead of normal front door, put in remote garage door opening device so you can come and go without unnecessary movements; same with car and office doors
  7. Establish a wardrobe consisting solely of formal sweat suits appropriate for any and all occasions
  8. Chutes, ramps and slides instead of stairs
  9. Caffeine suppositories
  10. Pack a portable flame-thrower; comes in handy for snowy driveways, slow pedestrians and recalcitrant security guards
  11. To save time and help clean up the environment, have hibachi set up in trunk, and utilize road kill in an efficient and nutritious manner
  12. In lieu of sleep, play cassette tapes of Ralph Nader speeches
  13. Schedule all project review meetings at exact same time and place; then refuse to attend
  14. Don't just burn candles at both ends; light middle as well
  15. Fast forward through all movies with Gwyneth Paltrow in them
  16. Tanning light strips activated when car is stopped at red lights
  17. Two words: electronic forks

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