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Durst's Hints - 17 Ways to Lessen Your Workload
How to Save Time and Stay on the Go:
- Commission full size model of self and prop it up at meetings, thereby avoiding hundreds of wasted hours
- Take a tip from the astronauts: food in tubes
- Espresso machine with cigarette lighter adapter
- Hardwood floors and roller blades
- End time-wasting stops; Install own catheter
- Instead of normal front door, put in remote garage door opening device so you can come and go without unnecessary movements; same with car and office doors
- Establish a wardrobe consisting solely of formal sweat suits appropriate for any and all occasions
- Chutes, ramps and slides instead of stairs
- Caffeine suppositories
- Pack a portable flame-thrower; comes in handy for snowy driveways, slow pedestrians and recalcitrant security guards
- To save time and help clean up the environment, have hibachi set up in trunk, and utilize road kill in an efficient and nutritious manner
- In lieu of sleep, play cassette tapes of Ralph Nader speeches
- Schedule all project review meetings at exact same time and place; then refuse to attend
- Don't just burn candles at both ends; light middle as well
- Fast forward through all movies with Gwyneth Paltrow in them
- Tanning light strips activated when car is stopped at red lights
- Two words: electronic forks
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