I hated myself for giving in to the pressures. For not doing what I felt was the right thing to do. For being weak.

And then I read "How Could You?", written by a woman who didn't feel guilty about leaving her children. She wasn't ashamed of saying it or putting it in print. Her ideas began to chip away at a belief I thought was set in stone.

One sunny weekday afternoon in San Francisco, I went out to do some errands. The radio in my car was blasting a pop song. I was dancing with one hand and driving with the other. As I turned the corner and headed up the slight incline, I had a sudden inspiration to throw my guilt out the window! My guilt floated out to sea and I haven't heard from it since.

Later, it occurred to me that guilt is an intellectual idea. Very different from the gaping hole I feel in my body and spirit because you're not here with me ... your mother.

Guilt is the bent posture one takes for doing wrong in traditional society. I had shamed my family by getting pregnant, by having sex out of wedlock. I was denied my motherhood by my mother, my father, and the social worker. I was punished for my sin by not being allowed to keep my baby. We were separated to cover up the shame - "in your best interest and mine."

I believed my powerlessness in the situation was a fault, a sign of my ineptitude. I fell into the old victim mentality, where the victim wears the responsibility that belongs to the victimizer.

Freeing myself from society's yoke of guilt made me see how the judgmental self-righteousness of one group of people can blind them into believing that they have the right to take advantage of the misfortune of another group of people. Their power is so destructive as to take you, my child, away from me and to take your birthright away from you.

But by telling our stories, we take our power back.

Sheila Ganz found her daughter ten years ago. She is currently completing Unlocking the Heart of Adoption, a documentary about the impact of adoption.