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The following Featured Post comes from Under 25 Group 2, Thread 20.

1. Opposing seeing Others in interracial relationships--or being a hypocrite
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 9:09 PM/EST
davorah

Does anyone else have this problem--really, this issue? I've beenin an interracial relationship for three years now, and yet whenever Isee a brother dating or involved with a white woman, itupsets me. Not to the point that I'll be angry, but a little part ofme says, "what's wrong with a black woman--or even me?"

I can't explain why I feel this way, nor do I find it logical since Ichose to be involved and (advocate, if you will) interracialrelationships. Any takers on why this may be? Could anyone relate tothis?

2. The crusade of all crusades.
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 10:01 PM/EST
anthony

davorah,
your post is interesting because I kind of felt a little of what you're describing. When you see a BM and WF together, do you think that one of the parties has ulterier motives? In other words, do you buy on to the idea that the WF is some sort of status symbol? That could be what upsets you. I am a bit repulsed by the idea that someone from another race could be a status symbol, with God making us all equal.

I've said before that I really don't see any thing wrong with IRs, but not ever being in that situation for a lasting relationship, personal experience isn't really on my side. However, sometimes I wonder why people would want to put that kind of burden on their shoulders. Understanding some of our capitalistic, greedy world, I can see the economic reasons for those possessed by money. With other people, I think that they do it because it is something to stand up and fight for even if their mate isn't quite right. People can be driven solely by the difficulty to make it work. I'm sure it is rewarding experience to make an IR work, but do some people get sidetracked by just that?

3. I have the same problem!
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 8:44 PM/EST
blackwoman

I am so glad you said that because I find myself in a similar situation, but reluctant to talk about it with anyone. I ask the same question...Do BM see WW as being better than BW? I almost take it as an insult everytime I see the BM/WW combination, yet I am in an IR relationship myself. And it's so silly because it's not like B and W people are the only colors of people on this earth. I REALLY hate that I feel this way because it does make me a hypocrite. I always have to tell myself that it is really none of my business, but what if I find myself in a situation where I would have to confront my feelings?

I think perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I see a higher percentage of BM/WW IRR's than the other way around. I don't think that I would have as strong a feeling if the numbers were more balanced. There is also the fact that the number of BM who (forgive the statement) would generally be considered good dating material/lifetime mates is not exactly at an all-time high. Then you see them, BM...especially financially stable BM, choosing mates outside their race. What are we as BW supposed to do?...put our love lives on hold waiting for a brotha to grow up and be a man? Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type who wants a man to take care of my every waking need and I don't consider myself to be too materialistic either; but, I do want someone who is going to carry his weight. I am speaking totally for myself when I say it's like if you are a BW headed down a professional career path, you almost end up having to look outside your race for a good mate or else you'll end up with someone who, feeling threatened by your goals, tries to "bring you down a peg or two".

I suppose I feel anger toward BM for somehow putting me in this position and because it feels like they are "selling out" in a major way. I also feel anger toward WW because it feels a bit like they are being greedy.

Okay, please don't shoot me for what I just said.

4. Appreciate Honesty
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 10:59 PM/EST
wheatongirl

I have never been involved in a biracial relationship, nor am I in one at present. I have absolutely no qualms about people dating others from different ethnicities. But, I just wanted to thank you all for your honesty in sharing on this issue. It definitely reflects a maturity and humility that is very hard to find these days! God bless.

5. controversy
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 11:49 PM/EST
robin

I think it's great that you've opened up something that is probably going to spark controversy (so far, we've all been preachin' to the choir for the most part).

I was surprised to read your posts (davorah and blackwoman). I had always assumed that anyone in an IR was accepting of all IR (never assume anything). I truly appreciate your honesty and I have to be equally as honest in my reply. I do think it is a bit hypocritical of you to be involved with what I assume are good white men and to fault white women for being with good black men. Yes, I know that this system makes it very difficult for black men to succeed on a many levels therefore limiting the pool of decent husbands and fathers (thinking long term). In the total population, something like 1 out of every 2 marriages ends in divorce so I'm going to jump to a conclusion, a good man is hard to find, period.

Do you feel that you were driven to white men because white women have taken all of the good black men? If that's the case, I would like to hear some of your history in regards to the relationships you've had or haven't had with black men.

To go a step further, the elite of this country love to keep things the way that they are. What better way to do that than to keep the entire population divided? Let propaganda perpetuate these myths that white women take all of the good black men, that black women have to turn to white men because there's nothin' else left. Even when they're coming together, make sure that we plant the ideas in their brains that by loving eachother their abandoning their race, that they really don't love themselves, sellouts. Tell the white woman that she must be a slut for being with a black man or that she's not good enough to get a white man. Fill their heads with all of this crap and make sure that the people will never come together.

6. in response to all
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - /EST
davorah

Wow!I thought that i'd be blasted for putting forth such"subversive ideas!I thank all of you for empathizing and responding. Anthony: I do believe that White woman are seen as the standard ofbeautyjust look around you-tv..etc-That particular issue reminded meof another closely related one. That is, do i attract both white/black,any man due to my close proximity (hair, color, features)to the whitebeauty standard? That issue always bothered me when I was younger-andstill to an extent.This problem seems worse than the jealousy issue,since the way I look contributes to that standard of beauty,and I'mnot sure if I want to be included there-yet what is the alternative?

To be honest Robin--I've been trying to get at teh root of my feelingstoward white women with black men. I acknowledge teh hypocrisy, yet Istill don't understand the why and how I came to feel this way. To behonest, I feel much better knowing that others like blackwomen alsofeel the same way...at least i'm not alone... Although it's unfair tosay, when I usually see such mixed relationships I usually assume thatit's the opposite race purposely looking for someone outside of theirrace to date. That I find a problem with in general.For the reasons stated above...Though I do appreciate your response,and your view on this situation.

Read more featured posts here or continue reading thread 20 from Under 25 Group 2.





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