I watched "With Eyes Open" with so many feelings. During the last 4 years I have experienced death much to often. I am 44 years old. I lost very special people in my lives. My 40 year old brother in law. Married to my husbands twin sister. Such a open spirit and full of life to the end. No complaints and always full of love. Died of a brain tumor.

My sister in law, age 49. Married to my most special brother. Died of lymphoma. Always so good to me. Special person to my children.

My most special brother. Age 50. Died of a brain tumor. He helped me find my way to a relationship with our Lord Jesus. He was a most fascinating leading type of person. People just loved him. Accordian player with a voice like Elvis. Loving father and most Holy Christian that I knew besides my mother and father.

At this time my father is also dying of cancer. During the past 4 years, cancer has been a part of my daily routine. A routine that I would like to quit. The program gave me new insights as to how I can better help my father die. I hopefully can help my children better to understand the hope that the next life is better. My attitude about death and dying is that not to wait until someone tells you they are dying to do something special for that person. Every day we must do as if it is our last. I need to open my heart to every situation, every day. Do not wait. Do it now. Let them know how much you love them. Hug each other. Touch each other. Love each other.

Thank you for a very thought provoking program and I wish you could air things like this on the major channels so all people could see it.

Vickie
Michigan

I have wanted nothing to do with Hospice ever since I learned that they set a time limit for their services to people. Can you imagine anything more cruel than developing an intimate relationship with a dying person only to tell them "so long" just because they managed to out live your deadline for them to die? This is disgusting! As a clinical psychologist, I never referred anyone to Hospice after learning this.

Julia
Texas

I was moved to deep sobs at the end as I thought of my mother in law's death a year and a half ago, and wishing I had been there with her to tell her I loved her, and to offer my presence. I was too detached out of fear of death to do that. I now live with a greater sense of the gift of life and the days are here to use to be kind and loving to each other. Yes I did also feel shame at the cowardice I had with her. I was unable to break the wall between us. I can only hope that there is a hereafter and she gets my love.

Joseph
Texas

After watching the program, I have decided that I really need to follow through on becoming involved with a hospice program in my area. When my father died, I was devastated. I wasn't ready for him to go. I felt cheated, angry, lost. He was in the hospital, but he wasn't supposed to be dying. Then all of a sudden, he was gone. My mother's death was a different story. I think I knew before the doctors told us that she had cancer. I was able to spend time with her as the cancer progressed. We were able to talk about things we had not discussed before. I was able to be there with her and for her. She was able to let me know what she wanted to happen as her time drew near, and I was able to see that her wishes were followed. She slipped into a coma and we thought it would just be a matter of a short time. My aunt (her sister) and my grandmother had not been able to see or talk to her in some time. They were brought to the hospital after she was in the coma. She came out of the coma a

and in an odd way, happy moment. We did not want to lose our mother, but we did not want her in pain. And we knew we had not really lost her. Her spirit is just waiting in heaven for us to join her. Her faith was so strong. Her dying helped make my faith stronger, too. It's been 16 years now since her death. Sometimes I whirl around because I hear her voice speaking her words, only to realize that I am the one using her words, her voice. She is still with me. She is a part of me and I carry a part of her always. Her death also helped me finally grieve for my father and to be okay about his death. He is waiting for me, too, because she was able to let me know that. I'm in no hurry to get there, but I no longer fear my own death. I know where I am going and who will be there to greet me.

Gail
North Carolina

I have been in police/fire for 17 yrs. I thought I had a grasp on death and control of my emotions concerning it's effects as I have seen it many times.

Sometimes you can't prepare. in 1999 both my dogs died, was promoted to a position where I could not just stop and get off, was told by wife...ex, that she wanted divorce and lost my only remaining relative, (the rest have passed) my mother, and in doing so had to make "the decision" in the hospital emergency room. Some things you can never prepare for...I really had to dig deep to my core beliefs to cope...I don't think I would have been able to continue if not for some of those beliefs. Programing like this helps. We all are more alike than different, Death and loss..just one of those things that we don't talk about.

Michael
Ohio

My mom died of breast cancer about 4 monthes now and I am doing ok but it is very hard and I have really come to find a gift in it..not her being gone but all the things I am learning about love and life....they are what life is about and nothing else really matters.

Joanne
MN

Both the Moyers program and the follow-up were awesome invitations to discuss the whole experience of death and dying. In the early seventies, when my father was dying, I couldn't find any support and did not have the inner resources to deal with it insightfully. He withdrew and the rejection was so painful. It is very painful to realize that I in turn abandoned him at that time. I think I've forgiven myself and I sense he's forgiven me...but it would have meant the world to me to have the support of the fine people that I witnessed on your show tonight. Thanks to the Bills, especially, and the poetry and wisdom of Mr. Lynch. I feel that the program had a tremendous impact on me and I will honor my death and the deaths of others in a refreshing new way.

Susan
Ohio

MY FATHER PASSED AWAY LAST YEAR,MY FATHER WAS ABLE TO

DIE AT HOME WITH THE CARE OF OUR FAMILY AND HOSPICE.

TONIGHTS PBS SPECIAL TOUCHED MANY OF THE FEELINGS THAT

ARE PRESENT DURING THE PROCESS OF WATCHING A LOVED ONE

DIE. THE DYING AND THEIR CARETAKERS? WHAT A LEARNING

PROCESS(BOTH GOOD AND BAD)TO WATCH A LOVED ONE DIE-MAKES MOST PEOPLE CRINGE-(UNTIL THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPENS-ILLNESS STRIKES YOUR FAMILY!)IT IS AMAZING HOW YOU KICK INTO OVERDRIVE WITHOUT EVEN GIVING IT A SECOND THOUGHT. I REMBER LISTENING TO OTHER FRIENDS THAT HAD SICKNESS IN THEIR FAMILIES AND SAYING "HOW CAN YOU HANDLE IT?" WELL YOU DO! WITH LOTS OF LOVE-I COULD CONTINUE----BUT I HAVE TO STOP -I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE REMAINING PROGRAMS----------WITH LOVE, C

Carrie
Michigan

I lost my husband Peter, 13 years ago to CF. Though I had the help of some professional counseling, I had to do much of the work of healing and rebuilding on my own. The comments of the doctor's wife really hit home...I cried...the realisation that you have been privileged to participate in a loved one's dying is so profound, that it is truly a religious experience.

Thank you for your thoughtful program.

Donna
MA

My attitude toward death and dying is that we have to open doors more to discussion in an effort to increase support to our community.

The advise is well taken, sensible, well thought out and offers a logical approach to a taboo subject. People need to see death as a natural process of the life cycle and therefore control some of the end of life decisions if not all of them in a gentle and loving manner....bless your efforts!

Betsy
NY

I felt doctor,& some hospital staff not sympathic to dying parent.. Cold, wanted us to let her go' like it was such a burden on them to bother taking care of her.And that we were promoting her misery.When, they to most extent, were to blame to cause her to almost die, and to be forced to live like a zombie. ..I knew she wanted to live...regardless. . We took her home, she lived 1l more years..It was so hard; now I'm burned out; my grief is over the horrible care she received in hospital. Everyone gave up on her but me...No support from society in general; now I must return to a world that has forgotten me; no job, after 11 years of24hr. caregiving....I feel so isolated, bitter and alone. The politicians talk about family values; but noone was or is there to help me.How do I release this resentment I feel?

Connie
PA

Hello, my name is Michael and I am living with what has been termeda life altering illness. I term it as life threatening because it has threatened my life three times since my diagnosis. I have multiple sclerosis. The first time I faced death was eight months after my initial diagnosis. I had ongoing upper respiratory infections, becoming worse and worse. I had to leave Graduate school, and try and face this threat. Near the critical time of my illnes. my Doctor told me that I needed to make a plan about my future, get my will updated, plan for my wife and child and look into funeral arrangements. He said that I was at the point of whether to choose life or not. I left his office determined to chose life. And for whatever reason, I am still here.

It hasn't been an easy road and each time I become ill, it becomes more life threatening. It took me quite a while to realize that I have had a pretty good life. And that I feel blessed everyday I wake up. But, I no longer fear death any more.

I did a lot of searching. I investigated different belief systems, I questioned and chose to learn more about myself and especially about others not only in my situation but those who have to live a life with someone who faces death as a truly real issue. I walk through life with eyes open and though I still seem to have some time left on this planet, I am begining to realize that my eyes still have a lot of anger in them. It bothers me to be angry, I find it to be such a negative energy drain, but I still get angry. I am working through it and remembering that it's my reaction to this disease thatmakes me angry and especially my frustration at not being able to communicate as well as I did before. I am accepting my losses, but it is harder and I don't want to let go of my independence.

What I learned from the series is the idea of a need to be able to express my emotions more. To cry more, and not hold back, being that strong male role model. I have learned to focus myself more on what I truly want in my life. and that is something that has been on-going. My family lives with my disease every day. My son is too little to fully comprehend what happens, my daughter realizes that life is a short trip and you have to make it worth while. My wife understands me, loves me unconditionally and accepts the disease. We have come a long ways since my diagnosis twelve years ago, but I still have a way to go. I try to have a postive outlook on life, I am still employed which helps my self esteem and I still am able to teach a couple of college courses. That's what has made me happy in my life and teaching has become my first love.

Thank you so much for your series and I will be watching it and taping it not only for myself but for my family as well. God Bless

Michael
New York

The first night was handled in a very professional manner. I am impressed and will look forward to the other nights.

Thank You

My father had several strokes and was hospitalized. He had lost his ability to swallow. A feeding tube was recommended. He had one previously and pulled It out. He had been very clear on his wishes. His mind was good. He had lost most of his ability to speak, but had ways of communicating. He had the nurses call me, I went and he said I want to go home. I arranged with hospice and we brought him home. My sister and I were able to be with him in the final days of his life. He was kept comfortable. We placed his bed in the living room, in his favorite place. He could see the bird feeder and see friends and relatives come and go. On the evening of his death I was sitting, touching his arm and talking to him. He had been comatose and the nurse had told us it would not be long. Suddenly, he took a deep breath and opened his arms as if to give someone a hug. Then he closed his eyes and he was gone. I knew someone, his angel had come to accompany him on this part of his journey. He wa

Patricia
Alabama

don't know how it has changed my attitude-I had my mother and aunt both die within 3 months of each other.one in a demintia unit, and one at home, last days in nursing home. I was the only one responsible, or only one who seemed to care but inside I sometimes felt like I had no feelings. I Sat with my aunt alone in the hospital for 4 days while she lay dying. Not something I ever want anyone to go thru. My mother died right/during christmas season - a horrible choice time. Now almost a year later the estates are still regurgitating problems I never ever anticipated. I guess I am just bitter and resentful from what should have been sweet and peaceful ending has a very bitter taste. It goes to show what a difficult subject you are trying to explain. Everyone has very difficult circumstances and yet underneath we all feel the same, but are respressed because that is what we were taught, just like you explained. Sometimes oh the regrets and yet could we do any different. All I know is that it is n

Shirley
NY

I have signed advanced directives but feel I need to be more specific after my experience with my father's death.

Mary
NH

My husband died Feb. 29-00 The last month we called hospice We got rid of them the very next day. We called another hospice the nurse only came every three days for fithteen mintes she wanted to drug him up and send him to a hospice facilty. He stated he was staying home.He was up and dressed right to his last day. when he was at the end they refused to come. Hospice care under Medicare is just another

managed care the pays for meds.I am now reading Final Exit I have five daugters they will not be able to stop working to care for me when my time comes.I intend to die at home by myself.Living a long life in good health sounds great,I see this as being rare.I live in elderly housing its like living in a nursing home.

Fran
MA

My mother has 3rd stage colon cancer and is going through the end of her radiation and chemo. I live far from her and every time I try to talk to her she doesn't want to come to the phone. My dad is always telling me how she is doing. No word from her, however. It is as if she is mad at me.

Furthermore, my mother doesn't want me to tell a soul

about her having cancer. She gets very, very upset if we mention that it is better to admit to having it to others. Is she in denial?

Should I leave my mother alone for awhile and give her space?

Darlene
Indiana

19 months ago our 19 yr. old son was killed in an auto accident. 8 months after his death I became a Hospice nurse. My attitude about life and death has changed greatly since these events entered my life. I have come to realize that youth and health does not equal a long life. Living is a struggle, not a morning goes by that when I awaken my heart fills heavy before my mind has even had time to process that I am awake. I don't know how I feel about death and dying it's still so new.

Katherine
Fla

This program is providing a very acceptable forum for discussing what is [for many] uncomfortable to discuss. Our oldest son was killed in a motorcycle accident and it didn't take us long to realize how uncomfortable most folks are about disussing death and dying. Death, pain, loss became the focus of our life [especially since my husband's mom died 5 weeks after our son] and we sure felt out of synch with the rest of our friends. thanks for opening up this important topic for discussion.

Carolyn
IN

I was my mothers hlth care agent & was with her the entire time thru her dying process.It was the most incredible experience that I had ever gone thru in my life. My Mom woke up 1.5 days before she died & we spoke & cried & said our I Love You's. My Mom died at home where she wanted to in her own way, on her own terms. It was a priviledge & honor for me to have my Mom ask me to do this for her.

Mass.

My husband is dying of cancer. He doesn't talk about anything with anyone. Is he facing his own death? Surely he is but it is this huge gorilla living with us. The show was very poignant for me. It was healing to get words spoken that I have inside me that only add to my helplessness of watching the love of my life wither away before me. Thank you for producing it.

Nan
TX

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God,for letting us four children of Mary Alice Petray Davidson,take care of this wonderful soul,whom we all called Mother with the help of hospice team at the end.

We were in our mid 40' to late 50's back in 1990.I do not fear death, but like so many, I pray I can go at home with dignity as our mother did. Death is in the dictionary but not in my vocabulary and in this letter it will explain it all.

What we seen the night before our mother passed on has consumed my life for over 10 years. My sister MarJoe Davidson has written a Book (Angel in Disguise Bridging this world to the other side). Her web site is www.arrive.at/AngelinDisguise

This story is on the caring for nine months, of our mother when we found out she had 12 tumors in the brain and what we three sisters saw, the night before she passed on.

Our brother did not see, but was a big part of what was going on in that room in Mesquite, Texas on Jan 18th,1990. We watched for five and one half-hour's, which seemed like only minutes, we could not believe that 5 and one half hour's had past.

Myself, I saw mother's spirit coming out of her mouth and her nostrils going into this light gray cloud about 6 inches above mother's body, the length of her body. I saw the wall behind mothers bed, go from a light yellow, then a darker yellow, and then pure gold.

That is when I said; oh sweet Jesus, sweet Jesus and in my head I thought what are you showing us. I seen both my sister's setting on each side of mother bed. Carol had on a red sweat suite, Mary had on a black sweat suite.

Their whole body had like a white light attached to their cloths that out lined their whole body. I seen through the bed and seen Mary's feet. But how could see her feet. The way she was setting against the bed, all I could really see was from the waist up.

But I did I seen her whole body, feet on the floor and the light, out lined her feet up her leg, down the other leg and up the side under her arm her fingers, up her arm to her head, a complete circle a complete out line of her body, Carol the same.

I seen Carols hand on top of mother hand and she was patting It and telling mother to wait because aunt Pauline was coming [mothers sister from Wash State was on her way] as Carols hand came up and got to the spirit, Carols hand disappeared and then I seen her hand as she was coming back down and got to the spirit her hand disappeared again until it touched mothers hand. Carol seen this to.

I seen 3 figures on the wall at the side of where Mary was setting, and the wall behind Mary was pure gold, when i told Mary about the figures and the gold, she said she wanted to see, will when she got up from her chair, a ray of light came out of the ceiling and on to her chair making a black chair a light gray chair, when she could not see What I was seeing she sat back down and the white light out lined her clothes again. I seen something very small and very very thin come out of the spirits head and go to the edge of mother pillow.

Although I was standing at the foot of mother bed it was like I was looking at his little square from a far distance. I could tell there was a face in the square. As I strain to see it. All of a sudden it flew so fast right to me leaving a trail like a commit. It was a large perfect whiter than snow square, inside the square was a face.

It had two black perfect almond eyes, two perfect black circles for the nose its mouth was shaped in a V but moving to a smile and back to the V and then a smile and then the V. jet black hair long curly like a fresh wet perm. all I could do was stand there with my mouth wide open, wanting to say something like who are you, but just as fast as it came at me it flew back and went back into the spirits head.

I seen the spirit start to set up and all of the spirit that was at her feet started coming up into this set up position and then move away from the physical body but not Off the bed, it started floating towards me. It was smaller than the human body.

I looked at it and I remember saying out loud the word Wings and then I thought what did I just say. I seen Mary slide out of her chair, her hands together like in prayer saying our mother has wings our mother has wings and carol was nodding her head up and down like saying yes.

I said to myself that has to be the pillow, because when mother went into a coma that morning she through her head deep in the pillow and it made the tips of the pillow puffy.

I looked and did not see mothers physical body in that bed but I seen the pillow and the pink pillow case and the deep indention in the middle of the pillow. I looked at the spirit and seen my mother, young about 20 years old and very happy smile on her face, beautiful teeth, shoulder length hair, a long flowing gown that kept coming out from under the covers. Our mother was 77 years, no hair lost that during radiation treatment and no teeth, but her spirit had it all.

The spirit had no color, sort of a light gray silver. Her wings were open and the white feathers so vivid I could see each feather laying on one another. After our aunt ran into the room, everything went back to just the room.

Before talking to each other, we got pen and paper went into different rooms and drew what we had seen.

Went to the kitchen table counted to 3 flipped them over, to much a like, we seen what we seen and we were not dying or on medication. So let me see someone explain this one. All I have been able to do is thank God for letting us see where our mother was going and showing us without a debout we do live on after we leave this earth. I will never stop thanking him and never stop telling this story, for it is a story to be shared with the whole human race.Thank you for reading this....

We knew this wonderful and glorious experience had to be shared. And that is what is fixing to happen. For 10 years I have talked to God everyday and night saying God I know you did not show us 3 sisters what you did, so we can grow old and only talk to one another about it.

I have kept the faith for over 10 years just knowing that something had to happen, so the whole human race could see what we three sister's seen.

On July 30th, 1999. I was standing in my den looking out the window and thinking,but thinking of anything of importance, when all of a sudden my brain stopped completly.

I could not think but only hear this voice in my right ear, he said GET READY and he assured me their would be a movie made from MarJoe's book and he said; And my people will see how powerful I really am. TELL there will be a great revival SOON. Then he said a few things that was just for me... Now I have told you so we wait and see.Thank you for reading this and BLESS YOU....

Pat
Texas

My daughter died of leukemia a year and a half ago. My wife and I were holding her hand. She was surrounded by those she loved. It was a "good" death. Now, life goes on, but not really. Everything has changed. I am both more alive and more dead than before. I lost not only her, but also all my dreams for the future. Now each day seems like a post-script. I wonder why I am still here. I look up into the stars and feel her there. Nevertheless, I get up and go to work, brush my teeth, mow the lawn, and attend to the thousands of details of everyday living. I am of two worlds. Does anyone understand?

Randall
Utah

What if you do not accept the "comforts" offered by afterlife religions? Are there those who remain in thrall to this deliverance on their deathbeds? How do the survivors of these non-believers deal with it?

Terry

I thought the program was great. I enjoy all Bill Moyers contributions to our lives. What struck me about the broadcast was that no one talked about spirit and/or after life. After suffering a heart attack two years ago, I was forced to look at my own mortality. What became apparent to me is the importance of a belief in spirit and passing on to something much better. My mother passed on last March and I truly feel she is in a better place. I miss her but I don't mourn her death. I feel she is the lucky one and we are the ones left to suffer on this planet. I wonder why I was not "let go" after my heart attack. Sometimes this angers me to still be here. No one on the program seemed to look at death in this manner. I wonder why not?

Sean
Vermont

No, it has been the same as what I've seen on this program. It did impress again to me howimportant it is to take control of our last days vs. the "system"

Susan
WA

In answer to the question "Would you volunteer?" for Hospice; Yes, I can think of few things more worth mustering the courage for. I will be contacting Hospice in my area as soon as possible to find out what I can do. I am not afraid of death, only suffering, and although I cannot stop suffering, perhaps I can help those who would otherwise bear it alone.

Erica
CA

I got diagnosedwithParkinson's about 2 years ago and I find I am going down faster inthe last 3 months than I have in the past 2 years since diagnosis. I was divorced by my exwife after 23 years of marriage and it devastated me. my kids are in Ohio and Oregon and neither one has accepted the fact of my illness; no kids want to think ofthier parents as sick. I am on disabilty after 30 yerasof working. Knowing the disease has no permanent cure, I am staring at a slow detioration in life style. thsi ahs made me wake up and think about what are the important matters in life. The so-called frineds of yesteryear are gone. I am ahppy for what I ahev especailly my kids and I will do my most not to burdent them with my illness. I have put my life and future in God's hands. I an understand the feelings of most if all of th epeople in your group and I am trying to ease my pain by helping others in their hours of need. I will be pleased to keep in touch with atleast one of the members in the group.Pleas

Ram
AZ

Having watched the discussion period, a questionable thought came to mind - Who is better off? Those of us who do not know how much time is left or those who have an idea of how much time is left?

John
Calgary, Alberta, Canada

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