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Falstaff’s Plan and Pistol’s Revenge


Falstaff (Jacob Ming-Trent) tells Pistol (Joshua Echebiri) about his plan to woo Madam Ford and Madam Page by sending them identical love letters. Pistol, feeling long overlooked by Falstaff, sees his opportunity to enact his revenge.


Aye! Pistol!

Falstaff! My man!


Do you know a Ford of this town?

Ford... Ford. Yeah, yeah. He is of substance good.

My guy, I will tell you what I am about.

Hmph, what you are about. You are about two yards wide.

[laughs] No quips now, Pistol. But yes, in the waist, I am about two yards, but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift.


I'm gonna make love to Ford's wife!

Ford's wife?

I spy, a bit of, uh, entertainment in her. She discourses; she calls, you know how they call.

She gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of her familiar style; and I can hear her saying: 'I am yours Falstaff.' [ laughs] Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse.

Oh, really? So what'''s our plan?

I have written a letter to her; and another to Page's wife, who, even now, gave me good eyes too. Sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly Uh huh. And the sun shines at night.

Nah man, I'''m serious. She did so course over my exteriors with such a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass.

She bears the purse too.


She is from a region in Ghana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be sugar mamas to me.

We'''re gonna have the Ghanaian AND the Nigerian jollof rice!

[laughs] Go bear this letter to Madam Page-- and this one to Madam Ford.

And then, my friend, I will thrive!

[Audience claps] I mean...We will thrive; we-we-we!

Y'''all heard that?

'I will thrive.'

Falstaff really thinks I'''m stupid. After all these years, he still won'''t give me what I deserve.

But I'''m done playing nice. I will discuss the foolishness of this love plan to Ford.

I will incense Ford to deal with poison. I will possess him with jealousy.

Yeah... This time, I will finally have my revenge.


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