There is a deep biological motivation in each of us, whether we respond to it or not, to pass on genes. Because we are sexual reproducers, this means finding a mate, and because we have such dependant offspring, it also means long hours of parenting ... It's no surprise, therefore, that people say the most important thing to them in a prospective mate is a personality they can get along with. If we look at "mateship" as long-term relationships in which children are nurtured, rather than as a quick pickup, people should look for a mate who is a good negotiator, someone they can work with.
--Meredith Small, What's Love Got to Do With It?, 1995
I don't know why we choose the partners we do, or what women really want from men and men want from women. What I do know is that nobody else knows either. I know that the deep psychology of human love and human bondage is as yet a great mystery, though there are a few glittering sequins scattered here and there that tempt some to think, Oh yes, we see the light ... Variation and flexibility are the key themes that get set aside in the breathless dissemination of evolutionary psychology.
--Natalie Angier, Woman, 1999
Sharon and Joseph Tremitiedi, featured in the Evolution series, describe what drew them -- and keeps them -- together.
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People use a wide range of criteria to judge how "similar" and compatible they are.
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Do "similars" attract? Studies of married couples in the U.S. have found that partners often share the same traits -- from ethnic background to IQ to earlobe length.
The drive to have a compatible partner may be more important in human psychology than the drive to have biological offspring.
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