COFFEE: What's Driving the American Workforce: Will Durst pays homage to the miracle potion that has fueled him through more than 100 jobs and keeps the American workplace on its toes: coffee. Ode To Coffee ( Take our Coffee Poll! ) by Will Durst Lifeblood of the American workplace. Jump start of the morning. Hot dark jolt to the central nervous system. An elbow to the frontal lobe of passivity. Not just a friend but a doctor. Did you ever try to sober up a friend with a cup of fresh squeezed grapefruit juice? I don't know about you but without my morning shot of coffee, I'd be as sluggish as a slow motion sloth swimming in a Bulgarian swamp filled with gelatin. "Hello. My name is Will and I'm a coffeeholic." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." "Hi Will." I have many ways to get my fix. Got a home coffee maker. And a spare. Got an office coffee maker. And an office espresso maker. And another office coffee maker. Different office. And one for the edit room. I have one to take on the road, and one I take on the road when I don't have any room. Just have one thermos. Gave my spare thermos to my buddy Chuck. Auditioning for spares. A car mug and its understudy. And when I'm really desperate, I pull out my jar of instant and when I'm really really desperate my jar of instant espresso. Its a sickness. Doesn't matter what kind of coffee. Gas station coffee. Thick black bubbling ooze been on the burner for fourteen hours. Forty weight. The bottomless cup served by a lady named "Pud" wearing green polyester who calls you "hon." Even the worst cup of coffee I ever had was still pretty good meaning that weird new stuff with the word…hazelnut on the package. But only after I'm out of instant espresso. These days, coffee shops are springing up like mushroom spores after a spring rain in Iowa. If the trend continues, we'll have a coffee shop every 20 feet. I say yea! Who needs hardware stores or dry cleaners? Let's say you're walking down the street and feeling sluggish. What are you going to do? Walk into a hardware store and slam your hand with a claw hammer? Drift into the launderers and grab a quick huff of a chemical soaked rag? No, you're going to grab an eight pump caramel half caf double Latte with no foam, and who in their right mind wants to walk a whole half block to do it? San Francisco should become a theme park called "Grindland" for the skittish, fidgety and those prone to easy startlement. Cup Of Joe. Bug Juice. Java. The Morning Buzz. Mug of Mud. Universal Torpidity Devastator. All right, I just made that one up, but call this rich dark juice of the Gods what you will, without it, the American economy would shrivel and die like slugs on a salt lick. Its one of the perks of going to work. Look at England. They drink tea. Explains a lot don't you think? Next» Will does the Work • Reality or Fantasy • Found Horizons • Commute • Yolanda.World • Coffee Back to "Carpool" homepage