Nurse reflects on struggles of working the frontlines during COVID

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• Amna Nawaz:

  And now we continue our look at the fifth anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic.

  We have spoken with a handful of the countless people whose lives were turned upside down by the virus. We hear now from a nurse who worked on the front lines in New York.

• Sandra Lindsay, Former Critical Care Nurse:

  My name is Sandra Lindsay.

  And I was the first person in the United States to receive the COVID-19 vaccine outside of a clinical trial. I can hardly believe it's five years, as it feels like just yesterday. It was such a tough time on many levels.

  Personally and professionally, I was heartbroken to see the amount of patients that were dying despite doing our very best. I couldn't sleep. I felt like I was always thinking about work. I felt like I was carrying the responsibility of an entire critical care division team on my shoulders.

  On one of my days rushing out of the house to go to work, I had a sculpture of a face, and I slammed the door. The piece fell to the floor and broke. All I had the energy to do was pick up the pieces and I put them in a bag and I said, someday, I will put this back together.

  Personally, my grandson was born prematurely, and so he was in an intensive care unit fighting for his life. And here I was trying to save lives. Nobody knew my struggles, because I had to be focused and I had to be there for my team. And I felt like I couldn't share that information, because people had other issues that needed my attention.

  I was really, really devastated to see the number of people that looked like me that were disproportionately being impacted by the virus. I am definitely a different person today than I was back in 2020. People still recognize me. They say, it's because of you why I felt OK and felt like I should go get the vaccine.

  I hear that all the time. There's so much misinformation and politics involved in vaccines and in science and in medicine. It doesn't give me hope that we have learned our lessons and are in a better position to deal with future pandemics.

  As a country, I'm fearful. I have been given this amazing platform that I can use now to advocate, to educate, to dispel misinformation, and just to work alongside our communities to improve health and well-being for all.

  After one of the many waves of the pandemic, I sat down and I started putting the sculpture together with all the scars and the glue marks, the missing pieces. It came together just the way I wanted it and just the way that I was feeling at the time, which is perfectly imperfect.

  Next month, my scrubs, my vaccine card, and all the paraphernalia from that historic day will be showcased in the Smithsonian. I am going to feel so proud. It's going to be surreal. It's way more than I could have ever imagined my life to be.

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