Researchers find strong relationships protect long-term health and happiness

Read the Full Transcript

• John Yang:

  A decade's long Harvard study is concluded that the key to lifelong health and happiness is good relationships. Ali Rogin has more on what you can do to nurture the relationships in your life.

• Ali Rogin:

  We've long heard about the importance of diet, exercise and good genetics to long term health. But the longest running study on living a longer satisfying life shows that your relationships are just as important. The Harvard study of adult development found that close friendships more than money, fame, or even your cholesterol level are connected to keeping people happy and healthy in the long term.

  With the holiday season upon us, it's an opportunity to connect with loved ones. But it can also be a lonely time to walk us through some of his decades of research on human joy is Dr. Robert Waldinger Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and the director of the Harvard Study, his latest book, "The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness," came out this year.

  Dr. Waldinger, thank you so much for being here with us. What is your study show about the role of relationships and friendships in human health and happiness?

• Dr. Robert Waldinger, Harvard Medical School:

  What we found is that relationships actually protect us they protect our health, as well as our happiness. They get into our bodies. And they actually keep us from getting the diseases of aging as early and they help us live longer.

• Ali Rogin:

  What are some of the physiological effects of that? How does it get reflected in our bodies?

• Robert Waldinger:

  It seems to have to do with stress that relationships help us weather the stresses that are normal in our lives, right? So that if something happens to me, today, that's upsetting, I can go home and call somebody or I can talk to my partner, and I can literally feel my body calmed down. And we think that it's partly that calming effect, when we're stressed that protects us from the ravages of, you know, of time.

• Ali Rogin:

  And what types of relationships are important?

• Robert Waldinger:

  It's all types of relationships. What we find is that everybody needs somebody who they feel really has their back that they could go to, in times of need. But then beyond that, it could be friends, work relationships, even casual relationships, the person who checks you out in the grocery store, if you have a friendly conversation with that person, you get a little hit of well-being.

• Ali Rogin:

  And what are your recommendations for somebody who's taking stock of where they're at in terms of their relationships and says, I need to make changes. What do you recommend people do?

• Robert Waldinger:

  Well, if it's a relationship you already have, there are things we can do to strengthen those relationships. So reaching out often, like just sending somebody a text or an email or calling them on the phone just saying hi, I just wanted to connect.

  But then if we want more relationships, if we don't have enough in our life, one of the best ways to do that is to do something you love or something you care about alongside other people. So, it could be volunteering for a community organization. It could be a gardening club or a soccer league, because what we find is that when we're with the same people over and over again, who are at first strangers, we're doing something we all love, and so we have something in common and that's a natural place to start conversations. Then some of those conversations can deepen into friendships.

• Ali Rogin:

  The holiday season can be a wonderful time full of friends and good cheer but it can also be a stressful time, things like planning for travel and hosting big groups. What are your recommendations for people looking to stay present once they're with the people that they love?

• Robert Waldinger:

  No one of my teachers once said, attention is the most basic form of love that if you can, in all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, actually spend time just being with somebody, just being with your family, that goes a long way. And that gives a gift that only you can give to somebody else.

  Now, it's hard to do. But we can structure our holiday gatherings so that we have a little time to take a walk with that person who we want to be sure we connect with during the holidays. And on the flip side of that certainly many people are spending the holiday season with people that they don't see as being a nurturing part of their circle their village, what are your tips for how to approach those relationships?

• Robert Waldinger:

  Different ways. So first, you can bring curiosity even to that person who really annoys you. One question you can ask yourself is okay, I'm with this person, who I don't like being with what's here that I've never noticed before about this person. And being curious about somebody goes a long way to making them feel seen and making them feel like you're interested in them. And even the most annoying people will respond warmly, usually, to your genuine curiosity. So try bringing some curiosity to an old, annoying relationship.

• Ali Rogin:

  Dr. Robert Waldinger with Harvard Medical School, thank you so much for your time.

• Robert Waldinger:

  There was a pleasure, thank you for having me.

Improved audio player available on our mobile page