Marshall Brickman Transcript
One good thing about growing older is that if your wife is younger than you, then as you both age she is in fact aging more quickly than you are - I mean this quite literally.
For example, if I'm 30 and I marry someone who is 20-10 years my junior-she is 1/3 or 33% younger than I am, which is a significant difference.
However, by the time I'm 70 she will be 60 and she's only 1/7 younger than I am-the fraction being 60/70 or 14 % younger a drop of more than half.
And by the time I'm 150 my wife will be 140 and so she'll be only about, anyone, class? 1/15 or 7% younger than I am so you can see how she's creeping up on me and she doesn't look that good.
Now, when I'm like Methuselah, 900 years-old, she will be 890, which means that she's only 1/100 or .010% younger than I and at infinity of course we'll be both be equal, but it won't matter because we'll be dead or living in Florida, which is the same thing.
The other good thing about growing older is that nature does provide. They used to say that pneumonia was the old man's friend that is before antibiotics and all the other life prolonging inventions.
People over a certain age who have done their life's work would pass peacefully in the night in their own homes of that friendly illness, but now since we can cure pneumonia nature has replaced it with a marvelous invention known as episodic television-exposure to which produces the identical result, curiously: a tired, logy feeling followed by disorientation, gradual lapse into unconsciousness and death.
I have in fact TIVO'd an entire season of Two and A Half Men so that when the reaper comes for me actually I'll be ahead of him. And now I think it's time for my nap.