I think that as adoptive parents we fear that we are diminished in the triad. Our link to our most loved one is merely legal. It is nothing compared to biological links. Contracts are broken so easily in this country, legal decisions reversed. It all makes me uneasy.

I suppose my greatest fear is that I will lose my child if the birthmother changes her mind. All the attention in the media about such cases makes me very uncomfortable, and I can imagine there are many parents like me. My husband does not feel as afraid as I do about this. I imagine there are many parents like him, too.

We did have the honor of meeting the birthmother, at her request, for a few minutes just before our child came into our home. I was very glad to do so because I wanted to see for myself how she felt about the situation. She was very sad but also determined that this was the best thing for her child.

My child knows about the adoption. We talk about it often, and I answer any questions I can. Since my child is young, I want to know what issues adoptees have as they are growing up so that I can understand - and help - my little one navigate the hard lessons of life. And, at the appropriate time, if my child wishes to contact the birthparent, I will give all the information I have and help to the best of my ability.

anonymous