My adoptive father was an OB-GYN, and he arranged the adoption with my unwed birthmother. I never really had a desire to do a search for my birthparents, but as an adult I wanted and needed medical information. I searched. My birthmother did not wish contact with me; they could not find my birthfather. It did not upset me that my birthmother did not wish contact. Maybe I can understand this better because I, too, had a child out of wedlock.

I adopted my son out. I did what was best for my child at the time; it was very painful. My parents were very ashmaed, and we all lied and said it was my ex-husband's child. Every year on my son's birthday, I thought of him. Was he okay? Was he loved? Did he have a good home? Would he try to find me some day? That was my constant hope.

I did not have to wait for him to search for me. He and my youngest daughter were attending the same school. They fell in love and were going to marry one day. I checked into everything. It was true. He was the son I had adopted out 20 years before.

I had to break my childrens' hearts. I had to tell them the truth. It ripped us apart for a long time. I am not even sure that my son has every really accepted it. He is married and has children now, but I know that the pain was unbearable for all of us for many years. It is still in my heart and always will be.

Rena Kurvink is an adoptee and birthmother.