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Preparing For a Life of Being "Us"

Meeting Louisa

Journey to India and to Myself

Dialogue Excerpt: The impact of self-applied labels

Dialogue Excerpt: Negotiating interfaith relationships




Closing the Age Gap

At a "chat party" over a year ago at a sports bar I met a wonderful man. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was not looking to get involved any time soon. I met lots of great people at this party and we're all still the best of friends and spend holidays and special occasions together, but the one closest to me happens to be twice my age. That's right, when we met he was 50 and I was 25, and we're still together over 16 months later.

Already I can hear the people reading this groaning and mumbling to themselves things like; "he must be rich", or "he's just using her". To all those people, I would like to elaborate on my story.

At 23, I left my home and an abusive marriage in NY to move to FL. I found a great job as an office manager and was making excellent money (so I was not after cash). I had a little condo near the beach, and my life was just peachy. When I met Bob, I didn't know his age (he looks and acts much younger), nor did he know mine. He spent half the evening talking to me and was genuinely interested in ME - something most men I had met were not.

He lived almost 2 hours from me, so I thought we'd probably never see each other again. But I found myself thinking about him all the time - somehow we had connected that night.

We spoke briefly online over the next 2 weeks. He called me one night and asked when he could see me again. By this time I knew the age difference, as well as the physical mileage between us, but I also knew what a wonderful person he was. I suggested we have dinner that Friday evening. He drove the 2 hours to my house, bringing flowers and all, and took me to dinner. Then we spent the rest of the evening at a friend's house trying to cheer her up.

After that it was just a natural thing. We spent every weekend together and occasionally visited on Wednesdays. A few months later he asked me to move in with him and his son. It took me another two months to decide yes - I wanted to be with this man everyday, and now I knew he wanted to be with me too.

I resigned my position and moved. We both work from home, so we are able to spend every day together. The age gap has been nothing but a blessing for our relationship. I have always been called "an old soul," and he acts like a teenager most of the time. In our eyes, there is no "gap" in our relationship.

The only problems we ever encounter come from strangers who would be much better served taking a look at their own relationships rather than judging those of others. My father, who is five years younger than Bob, was not thrilled at first, but he knows me, and he knows that I am finally TRULY happy, so he is happy for me. Bob's son, who is 2 years younger than I, is also happy for us. And all of our friends think we are extremely compatible, and "a great couple."

Of course there are issues, just as there are in any relationship. He can't have children, so I have chosen to not have children. Not an easy choice to make, but one I would make again and again. It's very likely that he will pass on long before I do (people think they need to point this out to me constantly); again, that is another factor we are both aware of, but it's not worth giving up what we have to spare the hurt later on - besides that, you NEVER know what will happen from one day to the next, but we do know that, come what may, we'll have each other.

For everyone who STILL thinks "it's just not right", I urge you to look past the barriers set by society and see two very happy people, both adults, both making their own decisions, both holding a piece of the other's heart gently in their hands and taking great care not to harm that most precious of gifts - our love.





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