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Tony and Tacky
October 21, 2005

Robert Mugabe Here's How I Did It
Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe, who is accused of starving his own people, was invited to speak at a U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization meeting in Rome this week. The Africa dictator used the occasion to compare President Bush to Hitler. "I think tacky doesn't say it," says John Fund. "I think we need a new category -- inexplicable. Since Mugabe is guilty of starving his people, it seems to me that he's not exactly the best expert to give the keynote address to this body. And he didn't just call Bush Hitler, he branded British Prime Minister Tony Blair a terrorist. Robert Mugabe does not belong in polite society and frankly, anyone who would invite him to a meeting should also be excluded from that society."

**Batteries Not Included Barry Bonds
Barry Bonds still holds the single season homerun record and was paid $22 million last year. This week his personal trainer and the founder of a drug lab called BALCO were given jail time for distributing steroids. Victor Conti, the head of the drug lab, got four months in prison and Greg Anderson who is Barry Bonds' trainer was sentenced to three months in prison. "So they committed crimes. What's going on with the record?" asks Daniel Henninger. "We've got to put an asterisk after this. My solution is to simply regard these players as something not quite what they seem to be. They're robots. They're like characters in video games. Video games are becoming very realistic and they're very entertaining -- but it's not the real thing and that record is not the real thing."

Katrina Hey Sam, We Eat Your Spam
Not all of the relief for hurricane victims came from home -- some of it came from overseas. But now it's been rejected as unfit for America, and it's going to be shipped out. "Tacky and ungrateful to the U.S. government for the announcement that they are going to not use 330,000 packaged meals that were donated to Katrina victims by Britain. Why are we thumbing our noses at the country who stepped up to the plate first to help us after all this? America still has a ban on British beef because of mad cow disease. Now anyone who has followed this knows that whatever the merits originally of a health ban on British beef, it no longer counts. The threat was always overblown and besides the British have changed the way that they do their beef and it's safe now. The only reason we have this is pure trade protection these days. It's an excuse to protect our own farmers from competition."