6 voices on what motherhood means to those with and without children

John Yang:

The American family has changed significantly since Mother's Day became a national holiday 110 years ago, families are smaller, more people are choosing not to have children, and more are choosing to be single parents. Still others want to have children but aren't able to.

On this Mother's Day, we asked people around the country for their views on what motherhood means to them.

Woman:

I did not set out to be a big family mom, although I would say I was open to it. And then one thing led to another and we decided to engage in this adventure of having a big family.

Gerald Olson:

Mother's Day is a very traditional holiday. And we have a very non-traditional family. I decided to have a child solo. I'm just getting old. And I realized that this thing inside me that wanted to be a parent was not going to go away.

Jamie Toth:

I decided I didn't want to be a mother pretty early on. I wasn't the type of person who wanted to play with a baby doll or to play mother. I just didn't have that in me.

Man:

I am a single dad to a two year old boy named Theo. And I've been raising him alone since he was four months old when his mother passed away.

Danielle Wade:

At the end of 2023 we decided to stop IVF treatment and walk away without a child because it was taking a huge emotional toll and was financially impossible for us to afford any longer.

So initially, Mother's Day has been a little bit of a challenge for me. I enjoy spending it with my mother and I honor it as a holiday for my mom and have never really had the chance to honor it for myself.

Jamie Toth:

When I was younger. My mother actually abandoned me and so my relationship with Mother's Day has always been fairly complicated.

Vani Verma:

My mother's birthday actually falls right on the weekend of Mother's Day. So it's always feels like a reminder of the fun and love and affection of my kids. But at the same time, there's always a feeling of missing my mom.

Kyle Bergman:

I think in the future as he becomes more aware of the fact that his mother passed away when he was very young, you know, I definitely want to keep her memory and spirit alive.

Gerald Olson:

I think that the notion of celebrating mothering is kind of profound. And however mothering looks I don't think that has a gender or an identity around it. I think it's a thing you do.

Vani Verma:

I feel, the way I can define motherhood is, it's like this bridge between being the child of your mother and the mother of your children. As you're learning on your path of motherhood, you're always looking back at what your mom's did and how your childhood was. And yet it's a new adventure every day.

Danielle Wade:

Since my miscarriage especially I see motherhood differently because I still wear my mother in a way because I did carry the two children that unfortunately, and loss. And I do see motherhood as a role that people take on in other children's lives, to support them, to help raise them, to guide them. And to mentor them.

Jane Holman:

There's been many moments where it has seemed like perhaps I jumped in the deep end, perhaps I put off a little more than I could chew.

Jamie Toth:

When I married my husband was very delightful to have my stepdaughter come into my life, she has taken to calling me her bonus mom, which is super cool. I think that the word mother is such a tiny word for such a large job, and that there are many ways that we are mothered. And that there are many different types of mothers out there.

Jane Holman:

Having all these people who need you in different ways at different times. And they really helped draw out virtues in you that you may not otherwise have been able to draw out of yourself. I think that is my favorite thing about motherhood. And it's something that I can't wait till when my kids are all out of the house. And I can look back and see all the ways in which they've transformed me.

Jamie Toth:

I've certainly been told that I'm not really a woman because I didn't have kids, which I think is a ridiculous charge. I think in some ways, I've been able to be more of the woman I sought to be. And I think if my mother had known me, she would have been proud of me.

Gerald Olson:

If you look around people, Mother us in so many ways, it's not a biological thing at all.

Vani Verma:

I just want to wish everybody a very Happy Mother's Day in whichever way they celebrate. I know it can be hard for a few people. And I just hope they find solace in memories.

Danielle Wade:

I think it's very important that people recognize that there are so many different stories, and that it may not be the happiest day for everyone. But we all still deserve to be seen.