Caring for Textured Hair

One of my earliest and most special memories is getting my hair done. To be honest, it was a long and sometimes intense routine that included several days of preparing and styling. As a preschooler, I thought my mom was torturing me as she washed and conditioned my hair in the kitchen sink – and followed it with hours of drying and styling. But now, I realize that was sacred bonding time together. We shared stories about our week, laughed, and even paused for snack breaks.

My mother worked in a hair salon and would often bring me along on the weekends. During her breaks, she’d do my hair there. I felt pampered, and now, as a mother of two, I treasure those memories.

I wish I had a digital game like “Lyla and Stu’s Hairdos” when I was younger. My mom relaxed my hair way too early and I think this game could’ve helped us both feel more confident and proud of my natural hair. I’m glad my daughters now have tools like this “Lyla in the Loop” game to see their beautiful hair reflected on screen. They love their hair, and we cherish the precious moments we spend together while doing it.

Adiba Nelson, mother and author of “Oshún and Me: A Story of Love and Braids,” learned about braiding early in life. Her aunt was known for designing eye-catching braided styles in the Bronx in the 1980s. While Adiba didn’t learn to braid from her aunt, she did learn how important it is to follow a routine to keep her hair healthy. Her aunt even started her own haircare line and opened one of the first braiding salons in New York City.

But not all parents start with this kind of experience.

Brionni Nwosu, a self-professed bookworm, said she never got the hang of braiding and styling when it came to her hair, but after becoming a mother of two daughters with thick tresses, she was ready to learn.

“Caring for my girls' hair has been a journey riddled with YouTube tutorials, Pinterest boards, and many hours of practice,” the Nashville-based creative and mother of three said.

That’s where “Lyla and Stu’s Hairdos” makes the process accessible for everyone. Although my oldest daughter knows our routine well, my youngest likes to use the app when it’s time to do her hair. Whether you’re just learning or confident in your textured hair care skills, the app breaks things down step-by-step process–from pre-wash to accessorizing–making the process engaging and playful.

“Mommy, can I pick out bubbles?” my three-year-old asks. At this age, she doesn’t care much about styles yet, but she loves choosing colorful hair accessories like barrettes, bows, and bubbles.

One of the best parts of “Lyla and Stu’s Hairdos” is that it gives kids lots of choices. It helps them feel like they’re just as much a part of the process as the stylist, empowering them to create finished looks that match their personalities.

“As my girls have gotten older (they’re now ten and seven), they’re expressing themselves more with styles they see in pictures,” Nwosu said. It reminds her of when she was growing up and exploring fashion and style with her mom.

Children’s book author Tanisia Moore was inspired to write “Wash Day Love” because her daughter, Savannah, didn’t like getting her hair washed. “She reminded me of myself when I was younger,” said Moore.“Like the main character in the book, we were runners, creating an entire adventure around wash day.”

“Every experience is different,” said Moore.

“Our goal as parents or caregivers should be to tailor this experience as best as we can and as easy and as gentle as we can,” she continued.

Celebrity stylist and mom of four Erica Grier agrees.

“What didn’t work for me was waiting until the last minute or nap time to style their hair,” she said. “What works well is detangling with leave-in conditioner and water prior to shampooing, separating and rinsing their hair in four sections for the remainder of the process, and styling each section separately while damp,” Grier said.

Even though I know a lot about natural hair care, I still lean on my stylist friends for help.

“Consider wash day a ritual of self care and nurturing,” Grier said. “I used to shower my girls with kisses while shampooing their hair. Because laying back, having to trust that the water running from the faucet isn’t going to drown them can be overwhelming! To calm their fears, kisses and affirmations of what you notice about their face does wonders!”

Shenelle Johnson, a stylist in Maryland who works with young children, says toddlers don’t have much patience, so it’s best to keep things simple. “Minimize the process by washing their hair in the shower or tub, using large-tooth combs and gentler brushes, and eliminating heat,” she said.

For my toddler, styles like ponytails and large twists work well. My older daughter likes more detailed styles and has more say in the process.

Clear the calendar. Plan a day with no activities or commitments and start early. Gather all products, toys, and tablets, and don’t forget the snacks! Queue up “Lyla and Stu’s Hairdos.”

Let your child help choose the style. In the game, Lyla and Stu choose hairstyles and accessories for special occasions. I also practice this creative decision-making with my daughters, especially for their birthdays.

Make room for creativity. Now that Nelson’s daughter is older, she’s interested in locs. “We’re having so much fun with the finger coils,” says Nelson. Nwosu finds the creativity refreshing for her son, who prefers plaits. “Whatever you do, just make it fun,” Nelson said.

Show yourself grace. Parents often feel pressure to be perfect, but it’s really about enjoying the process. “One thing I’ve seen, heard, and learned from parents is that they often feel like they have to have a lot of knowledge around products and hair types,” said Grier. “This tends to create anxiety around performing well. Hair care isn’t about the final result, but rather the journey to it.”

Take breaks. “To ease the overwhelm, I break the process up over several days…hair out on Friday, wash and air dry on Saturday, and blow and style on Sunday,” said Nwosu.

Add books to the mix. Stories like “Wash Day Love” and “Oshún and Me” show kids they’re not alone in their routines. Reading together and engaging in fun activities with your children builds self-esteem and a sense of pride in their traditions.

Be flexible. It’s okay to change the plan. A few years after she began caring for her hair, Nelson found that her daughter was tender-headed. After trying many things, they chose to cut her hair short. “Because we changed up the routine to meet her needs, what used to be six to eight long hours of doing hair transformed into a sweet mother-daughter bonding moment that takes less than two hours.”