Helping Kids Find Their Inner Heroes

I blame Halloween.

I can trace my son’s current superhero obsession to seeing his friend wear a foam-muscle Batman costume while trick-or-treating last fall. He suddenly wanted comic books at the library and superhero T-shirts at the store. (My son is 3 and his much-idolized friend is 5.) Noticing his interest, the neighbor sweetly gave my son that Batman costume soon after Halloween, along with other capes, masks and costumes that he had outgrown. Soon, I was eating breakfast with Spider-Man, brushing the teeth of Black Panther and helping the Hulk learn to ride a bike.

I’m all for dress-up and imaginative play, so I got a kick out of the costumes. But in other ways, I felt ambivalent about his budding interest. Was seeing all those depictions of men with rippling muscles teaching him unrealistic or unhealthy body ideals? Would the cartoon violence make him hit other kids on the playground? As an adult, I understand that Batman is violent in order to defeat the villain and make Gotham safe, but a preschooler might not make that distinction. His understanding might stop at “cool superheroes kick and punch.”

It was a dinnertime power struggle that made me realize I had a chance to make a parenting pivot. When my son pushed away the meal I put in front of him, I blurted out, “Batman has to eat good foods to get energy to fly,” like a 1950s mom enticing her child to eat spinach by telling him he’ll get muscles like Popeye. I don’t remember if that made him eat his dinner; probably not. But it did unlock the idea of using the positive attributes of heroes to my parenting advantage.

I started putting a heroic spin on everyday situations. After a tough preschool drop-off where he cried and clung to my leg, we talked about the bravery it takes to walk into a classroom. I broke up a sibling squabble by reminding him that heroes are kind, not cruel. I’m not above asking him to turn on his “Flash speed” to catch up to me when he’s lollygagging on a walk.

I’m using the new show “Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum” to bolster this parenting strategy and diversify my son’s superhero intake. He’s learning about actual historical figures and how they developed the qualities that made them heroes, whether it’s Albert Einstein’s curiosity, Johann Sebastian Bach’s persistence or Maya Angelou finding her power through words. These are values I want to pass down to my children anyway, and using heroes — either historical or fictional — is a natural entry point.

“Memorable lives cast a certain spell on us and can have a profound influence on the kind of person we become,” write Kevin Ryan and Karen E. Bohlin in Building Character in Schools. Knowing about the right heroes could help my children see their own capacity for greatness even during adversity. Fingers crossed that repeated viewings of the Bach episode could one day lead to more enthusiasm from my daughters for piano practice; I need all the help I can get.

I’ve already noticed that making a stronger connection between the qualities that make someone a hero, and everyday life has helped my son in unexpected ways. Hero play has helped him build confidence. When he is wearing his costumes, his chest is all puffed out and not just because of the foam pectorals underneath; he clearly feels like such a big kid. On playdates, hero costumes and toys are an easy way to find common interests with new friends, which gives him social confidence.

I know that teaching my son the values of bravery, kindness and helping others is an ongoing effort, because raising up little humans takes a long time. But I’m glad I’ve been able to use his superhero fixation to teach my son we all have heroic qualities inside- even when the challenge is just eating your spinach.