Helping Kids Focus on What Matters During the Holidays

By Kayla Craig

Nov 24, 2021

In a recent episode of Alma’s Way (“The Three Kings Day Do-Over”), Alma notices that her younger brother Junior hasn’t opened the toy cars she gave him for Christmas. They’re still in the packaging under the tree! She feels terrible thinking he didn’t like her gift, so she sets out to find a “do-over gift” for him. But she gets so caught up in her mission that she skips playtime with Junior, which hurts his feelings. She eventually finds out that her brother was saving the cars so they could play with them together.

Alma is reminded of something important: Spending quality time with loved ones means a lot more than material gifts.

It can be easy to believe that things will fill us up, but more stuff usually leaves us feeling a little empty or comes at the cost of something else. But making memories and having fun with friends and family? That’s priceless — and will last a lifetime, no gift receipt needed!

Your family can rethink gift wishlists and prioritize time together with these tips for making the switch to giving fewer toys and more experiences this holiday season.

Examine your values. Tell your child a story about a time when you received a non-material gift when you were a child. What was it? How did it make you feel? Talk about how not all presents come from the store.
Encourage experiences. What does your family enjoy doing together? How could that translate into a gift for Christmas? If your child loves animals, consider a family zoo pass. Is your little one a budding artist? Maybe they could ask for a ticket to a local museum or class at an art center. Little ones adore opening presents, so maybe give one small coordinating gift to go along with the theme of the future experience. (Think a popcorn bowl with popcorn and snacks to go with tickets to the theater, a ballcap to go with tickets to a baseball game, a stuffed animal to go with a trip to the zoo) so they can still open something. (Click here for 10 easy experiences to give loved ones this holiday season!)
Model it. Consumerism is caught, not taught. Kids are paying attention not only to the culture around them, but to how the grown-ups in their lives act, too. If you have a long holiday wishlist yourself, they’re likely to follow suit. Keep communication open about experiences big and small that have meant a lot to you. Look at pictures as a family of fun times and traditions you’ve had together with friends and family. Showing them — not telling them — goes a long way in helping kids broaden their idea of gifts.
Be mindful of media. Sometimes I’m shocked at all the toys my kids have on their wishlists. Where did they even find out about half of these things? Help your kids be conscious consumers by talking about the ads you spy on the subway, commercials you catch on TV, and pop-up ads you see from online games. Advertising can be sneaky and young children don’t know how to not take ads at face value. In fact, the American Psychological Association has indicated that advertising to young children is unfair and misleading because young children don’t have the developmental ability to understand that advertising is tricky and trying to sell them things. Keep those lines of communication open!
Count your blessings. Strengthen your child’s gratitude muscle by listing memories and experiences your family is grateful for — even in difficult times — and then brainstorm how you can share what you have with others. Do you know someone who might be lonely? Maybe you can invite them to experience one of your favorite holiday traditions with you!
Practice it. Even if your immediate family cuts back on store-bought toys and intentionally moves toward giving each other homemade or experiential gifts, chances are your child still might receive a store-bought present or two from friends or family. Talk with your child about what to expect before a family gathering to cut down on holiday stress. Rehearse a script together about what to say when they receive a gift, even if it’s one they may not have asked for or chosen for themselves. Practice saying, “Thank you so much!” or “This was so kind of you.” It’s also wise to make a plan for what to do if your child feels jealous about a gift someone else receives. In the “Alma’s Nochebuena” episode of Alma’s Way, Papi reminds Alma that “sometimes we can’t control the way things work out, but we can choose what we do with our feelings.”
Take a trip to the toy bin. If your home is anything like mine, you’ll find more than a few discarded toys begin to accumulate in your kids’ closets and bedroom floors. As you anticipate the holiday season with your children, explore how toys and material items often seem special at first but break or collect dust soon after. Talk about why it might be that while we can get an instant rush from opening a material item, the excitement wears off. Consider donating the toys your child no longer plays with that are still in good condition!
Set gift-giving boundaries. Some families opt for gifts that fill different categories: Something to wear, something to read, something your child wants, and something your child needs. Others make each other homemade gifts and some parents go in for one special family experience, like a special trip or a family pass to a science museum! Find what works in your budget and aligns with your values, and then communicate your plan with your child. Remind your child (and yourself!) that all families are different and this is how your family will celebrate this year.