How Parents Can Get Comfortable Expressing Feelings

I grew up watching “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.” (So did my parents!) And now I get to pass down these life lessons to the next generation — cuddling close with my children as we watch “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” As we sing along, we’re learning a thing or two about how to better care for each other — and ourselves, too.

As I go through my day, hitting work deadlines and folding laundry, I’ve found myself more than once humming the catchy strategy songs from "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood." And I’ve realized something: I might not be the little girl with pigtails who got swept off to the Neighborhood of Make Believe anymore, but I’m still learning about managing my feelings. I love that these life lessons from Mister Rogers live on through Daniel Tiger (and Donkey Hodie!).

To learn more about how Fred Rogers has inspired the songs and stories in "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood," I talked with Christopher Loggins, Supervising Producer for the series.

“‘Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood’ left us such a great legacy and philosophy to build upon with ‘Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.’ We’re fortunate to be able to work with people who worked with Fred Rogers for many, many years and were able to learn from him firsthand,” he said.

Inspired by a popular Fred Rogers phrase, Loggins said that “all feelings can be mentionable and manageable.”

All feelings can be mentionable and manageable? Did I hear that right?

It made me wonder: How often do we as grown-ups feel like we need to sweep those more difficult feelings — such as anger, frustration, or sadness — under the rug? And how often does that (even unintentionally) seep into our parenting?

“It’s important for adults and caregivers to pay attention to their feelings because the children around you are watching and learning from the things that you’re doing,” Loggins said. “Another paraphrase of a Fred Rogers quote is that attitudes are caught not taught — kids will pick up on things.”

As a parent, I love that Daniel models the broad spectrum of feelings that preschoolers experience. And that Mom Tiger and Dad Tiger express their feelings, too. Because part of helping our kids express their emotions is modeling that very same thing.

I’m inclined to hide my feelings from my kids, but that’s not always for the best. But following this simple script has helped me name my feelings and model a healthy way of working through my emotions:

“I feel _______ when _____. I want to ______.”

For example, I might say:

• “I feel frustrated when you don’t pick up your toys. I want you to pick up your toys, so we don’t slip and fall.”
• “I feel appreciated when you set the table for dinner. I want to give you a hug."

When I talk about a “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” episode with my children (like when Daniel wants to play with his dad, but his dad is busy working), it’s like I hear Mister Rogers helping me manage my feelings as a work-at-home parent, too.

Like so many other parents, I’ve wrestled with challenging emotions this past year-and-a-half. So many of us are doing the best we have with what we have in an ever-changing world, and I’m grateful for the ways Loggins and the team at “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” not only see and serve my kids — but remember the grown-ups caring for kids, too.

“We hope that children and parents get more comfortable expressing feelings,” Loggins said.

As I pass these songs onto my kids for when they’re feeling stuck, I’ll remember to hum them the next time I feel upset, too.

Want more? The free Daniel Tiger for Parents app empowers parents and caregivers with more than two dozen of the most popular songs from the series, covering important topics like feelings, self-control, and kindness.