Helping Kids to Learn to Use the Potty

There’s a lot of hard work involved in learning to use the toilet. Children have to learn to control their muscles, to hold on or let go at just the right time. They have to stop doing something they really like and go right away to the bathroom.

• When you have to go potty, stop and go right away. Flush and wash and be on your way.
• Do you have to go potty? Maybe yes, maybe no. Why don’t you sit and try to go!
• "Go Potty, Go" Song

The “training” that goes on in “toilet training” is a joint effort. parents train their children in the mechanics of using the toilet, but they also need to learn how to respond to their child’s cues of being ready to be trained. children, on the other hand, have to develop awareness of the sensations of urinating and having a bowel movement as well as developing a certain measure of muscular control.

When parents are able to have realistic expectations, they are more likely to approach toilet training with a balance of gentleness and persistence. Then children are more likely to gain from the experience not just mastery of their body functions, as well as a stronger sense of self. They can feel proud of themselves for the ways they are growing.

Many parents wonder when to begin toilet training with their children. It's best to wait until you feel that your child is "ready." Children often give signs of readiness, for example:

• Being aware that they're urinating or having a bowel movement and telling about it
• Staying "dry" for longer periods of time
• Showing interest in using the toilet

The timetable for learning to use the potty for each child is as individual as learning to walk or talk. Expecting too much too soon can lead to frustration for both parents and children.

Even after children have learned to use the toilet, it’s natural for them to have an “accident” once in a while. Though toilet accidents are frustrating, children manage better when their parents are patient and remind them of their successes rather than making them feel bad when they’ve wet or soiled their pants.

You could help your child see the progress by putting stars or checkmarks on a calendar when your child goes to the potty on time or stays dry all night.

Even after children are “toilet trained,” there may be times, like when they’re sick or have a cold, that children will lapse into bedwetting. They have less control of their bladders when they aren’t well or when they’re upset about changes in their lives (like the arrival of a new baby in the family, a move from one home to another, or other stresses).

Try to be patient with your child. It takes a while for many children to be completely toilet trained. At first accidents are common. After an accident, give your child some of the clean-up work to do, like changing clothes or helping to wipe the area with a rag or paper towel. Being involved helps children know that it takes work and time to clean up from a toileting "accident."

Even though it's natural for parents to feel upset about accidents, it's important to try to be matter of fact about them. Many children already feel bad when they've had a toilet accident. It’s important not to make them feel too ashamed to try the next time.

It can be very helpful to praise your child for getting to the bathroom on time. Many parents say things like, "I'm proud of you!" or "You really are growing!" Your praise means so much to your child.

Children really do want to please their parents. And they feel proud of themselves for the ways they are growing and learning to manage certain things that are important in the grownup world.

Toilet training for parents and children is another way of saying “I love you.”