Managing Back-to-School Feelings With "Arthur"

Have you heard the big news at Lakewood Elementary School? Arthur is moving up to fourth grade and his little sister, D.W., is starting kindergarten! For the characters in the “Arthur” special, “Arthur’s First Day,” the start of school brings excitement, but also anxiety and challenges. Your child can likely relate to these feelings as they anticipate and manage the ups and downs of new experiences.

For many children, big transitions happen in late summer and early fall. The weather may be changing. The longer summer days (and likely relaxed routines) are ending. A new school year often brings a different schedule, a new classroom, and unfamiliar grown-ups and kids. It’s no wonder that kids can be nervous about what lies ahead.

In the special, best friends Arthur and Buster are disappointed that they will no longer be in the same classroom. Buster also has a brand-new teacher. Muffy volunteers to be a “big buddy,” but her self-confidence crumbles when she loses her little buddy. D.W. triumphs in her new surroundings, but her friend Emily isn’t so lucky. Her name tag falls off, she spills paint all over, and other kids make fun of her lunch. In the end, each character rebounds: Arthur and Buster make new friends, Muffy resolves to do better, and Emily finds a bright spot in her day.

Like Arthur and his friends, most children have a range of feelings about starting a new school year. They might:

• Fear meeting or being accepted by new people,
• Worry about getting lost,
• Fret over their academic abilities,
• Or feel self-conscious in a new setting or social circle.

How can you tell if your child is feeling anxious about the first day of school or another transition? You may notice your child becoming more clingy, demanding, or whiny. They may have nightmares, sleep troubles, headaches, or stomachaches. Some children take a temporary step backward, sucking their thumb again or wetting their bed. They may get more easily frustrated or angry. Any of these symptoms could be signs that your child is struggling with difficult feelings.

(Note: If your child seems unusually fearful, sad, or withdrawn, don’t hesitate to seek help from a counselor. Your doctor, community health center, or school may have resources that can help.)

Here are ways you can help your child identify their emotions and practice their coping skills during a new school year.

• Watch “Arthur.” In addition to “Arthur’s First Day,” there are countless “Arthur” episodes that deal with feelings, friendships, and related issues. As you watch together, talk about what happens in the story and what the characters are thinking and feelings. This can help your child feel more comfortable about opening up. You can also play the online game, "Back to School," which offers kids the chance to get familiar with school routines by helping others.
• Name that feeling. It’s helpful to give children the words to talk about their feelings. Try to go beyond the usual “mad, sad, glad” labels. Talk about feeling nervous, worried, frustrated, confused, scared. Use examples from your own childhood, if relevant, and explain how you managed your feelings. Practice mindfulness by taking deep breaths or relaxing different parts of the body.
• Listen and learn. It can be tempting to dismiss children’s feelings as minor or silly. Accept your child’s feelings and reassure them that it’s OK to feel that way. Let them know that you are there to listen and help. You can say, “That must be hard” or “I know new things can be scary.” Let your child know that you have confidence in their ability to handle the new situation.
• Extend the conversation. Encourage your child to describe what is frightening or worrisome about the transition. It might be something simple (“I won’t know where the bathrooms are”) or more complex (“I heard my new teacher is really mean”). Help your child visualize what the first day will be like, from waking up to getting dressed, eating breakfast, getting on the bus, and so on. Familiarizing them with these details may be reassuring. It can also help to reveal the source of an issue.
• Do a walk-through, virtually or in-person. If you can, visit the school beforehand. If your child takes public transportation, go on trial runs together. Perhaps another parent and friend can join in. You can also check out the school online or visit the teacher’s website to learn what to expect. If your child is particularly sensitive to transitions, you may be able to email the teacher, principal, or school counselor so that they can be on the lookout for potential problems.
• Read books about school transitions. Sharing stories together is another great way to help your child communicate and process his or her emotions. Try one of these books and ask your local librarian for more recommendations:
  • All Are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold
  • The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson
  • My Name is a Song by Jamilah Thompkins-Bigelow
  • The Pigeon Has to Go to School by Mo Willems
  • School’s First Day of School by Adam Rex

Despite your best efforts, the first few weeks in a new setting may still be rocky for your child. As Mr. Ratburn tells Muffy, “No one gets everything right the first time.” Celebrate small successes and keep checking in. Your patience and encouragement will pay off as your child adjusts and becomes part of the class community.