On Parenting: How the Pandemic Made Us Better Parents

It’s hard to find silver linings when it comes to COVID-19. There have been overwhelming losses and incredible stressors for everyone to manage, including children and families. As parents, we’ve had new financial and health worries, along with questions about what the isolation and mask-wearing might mean for our children’s development. Plus, we’ve spent more than a year juggling the demands of work and family, without much outside support.

What have we learned about raising our young children during the last 14 months, and how has it changed us?

We’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff. Before the pandemic, it was easy to get overwhelmed with the details, whether it was the outfit for child care picture day or the goody bags for a birthday party. The pandemic forced us to focus on the heart of the matter: What does our child need right now to thrive? And we’ve discovered the answers are things we can give easily — our attention, a cuddle, some encouragement, a shared laugh, or a snack.

Being outside is a good thing. There was a running joke at the beginning of the pandemic that dogs everywhere were exhausted and wondering why “Corona” was making their owners walk so much. That joke is not far off. Many of us have discovered how good it feels to be outside — in all kinds of weather — with our kids (and pets). At first, let’s face it, it was just a chance to leave the house. But now, outdoor time has become an important family routine as we all look forward to opening the door and spreading our wings a little bit.

Good enough is good enough. It’s always been true, but the pandemic made it real for me. It’s impossible to be a perfect parent. Fortunately, our children give us lots of chances to get it right (and get it wrong). When we say good enough is good enough, it means that we try our best, learn from our mistakes, and keep moving forward. Our children need love and connection, not perfection.

We embraced the family circus. For so many months, all we had was one another — and we made the best of it. Jumping in piles of leaves, sharing a quick storybook between meetings, dinnertime dance parties to chase away the 5 o’clock crankies, pre-bedtime walks around the neighborhood in pajamas (the kids, not us). These are just a few of the ways that parents in my world made the best of spending. every. single. minute. together. And as stressful as it was at times, we’ll probably never have time together like that again. That family circus was something special after all.

Finally, we felt grateful for our little community. Whether it was a neighborhood pod, a group chat, Zoom crew, or grandparents who moved in so you could shelter together, hopefully you’ve had other grown-ups to turn to. The last year-plus has made me more grateful than ever before for the friends who are there to lift me up during the hard times, make me laugh, and help me keep everything in perspective. I love these people so much that I went to an outdoor, socially distanced dinner in December — temperature: 36 degrees. We sat huddled around a firepit, laughing until our faces hurt and our teeth started chattering. Here’s to them.

The coronavirus pandemic has demanded that parents be resourceful, determined, and creative. We’ve also had to be kind, patient, and loving, even when we didn’t (completely) feel it. While the future may still mean wearing a mask, what we learned about caring for our kids, about the fun in family time, and the connection to our community can also last — if we let it.