Parenting During Coronavirus: Surviving, Not Thriving

Google “parenting” and “pandemic” and you’ll find plenty of articles detailing how hard life has been for parents in the past year.

These articles explain how moms carry the load of our society with no help in sight. Those same articles boast about the resilience of parents and our mastery of multitasking.

I’m writing this on my phone. I’m writing this during lunch, naps, screen time, and late-night nursing sessions. But at this one-year mark of the COVID-19 pandemic, I don’t feel resilient. I feel brittle. As if a strong burst of wind or another “unprecedented event” would result in my collapse, or at least my collapse onto the couch.

Because while the experts explain the difficulties facing families, parents are parenting. We make breakfast, assist with math homework, troubleshoot video calls, respond to emails, bake birthday cakes, job hunt... all while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for our families.

Over the past year, I’ve managed to connect with other parents on social media to commiserate, swap tips, and share hope. In PBS’ American Portrait storytelling project, I discover stories similar to mine that have been contributed by parents across the country to foster connection. While we may not be able to meet for a cup of coffee, the world feels a little less lonely when someone else says, “Yes, I too am tired and unsure how to continue.”

With a year of the pandemic under our belts now, here’s how parents all over the United States have been finding ways to survive this new normal.

For some, self-care is creating art or taking a luxurious bath. For me, it’s boundaries. I’ve gained a crash course in boundaries this year. I’ve explained to family why we couldn’t celebrate the holidays with them, and I’ve learned to ignore work emails after office hours. Whenever a playdate is scheduled, I have no problem asking questions (“Have you attended any large gatherings? Should we wear masks outside?”) to make sure everyone feels safe. Setting a boundary is uncomfortable in the moment, but both my mental and physical health benefit.

Katie D., a mom of two boys in Pennsylvania, also had to set work boundaries for her health. “I’ve learned more about my physical and mental limits,” she said. “Like I should not stay up past midnight working because I will get a migraine. And if I do, and for several days in a row, I will actually get sick.”

For Maryana A., a healthcare worker in Feasterville Trevose, Penn., who goes into work every day, her art is what helps her stay calm. “I paint almost every night,” she said. “My daughter [will do] her homework or paint next to me [and] it’s a great bonding time between us.”

In a world where we don’t have anywhere to be, I’ve discovered that schedules are a saving grace. It wasn’t long after the lockdown that I realized my toddler was missing consistency. When I aligned our days with his former daycare schedule, his meltdowns decreased.

Jessi C. of Austin, Texas, also instituted a schedule for these pandemic days. “I realized that in creating structure for my pandemic toddler, I was also creating it for MYSELF,” Jessi said. “I just leaned into the preschool teacher vibe: outside time, then art time, then snack time!”

First grade teacher Monica C. from Las Vegas, Nev. experienced a first this year: helping her daughter with virtual kindergarten. “[My daughter] and I have a great bond, but homeschooling is hard. Teaching your own kid is always tough, but important to make a difference in the world.”

Lara A.’s son was supposed to start kindergarten this past fall. Instead, Lara found herself homeschooling while juggling a brand new job. “I thought my son would never get used to wearing a mask or giving up play dates,” Lara said. “I am continuously amazed at how adaptive children are, and maybe it’s thanks to their example that we grown-ups have learned a thing or two about resilience.”

We’ve all had to adjust to some form of “new normal” over the past year. While I’ve often thought of all the things we’re missing out on from our “normal” life, I’ve also learned to appreciate this precious time when my family was each other’s entire world. As Jenete S. from Fairfax, Va. said, she has appreciated how her family slowed down and “depended on each other for happiness.”

I cherish our Friday family pizza movie nights. Our daily morning walks have made us well known throughout the neighborhood. Neighbors that were strangers a year ago now wave from the window or step outside for a socially distanced hello.

Vamsi K. from Oklahoma City, Okla. said, “When this is over… I hope we can look back and see that time spent with family cooking meals together, playing board games, [and] enjoying each other’s company is actually incredibly valuable and improves many things in our society.”

Being a parent can be a hard, overwhelming responsibility. But if there is one thing that I now know — it is that we feel connected to others, the responsibility feels a little more manageable. When parents can be honest and vulnerable with one another, then we all benefit. Consider taking a moment to submit your own story to American Portrait so that others can know that they aren’t alone.