The Benefits of Teaching Children to See Race

My 5-year-old son nestled himself between my legs on our front porch, ready to hand out Halloween candy and observe a parade of costumed kids.

“Is that your son?” a Batman asked before too long. “He is,” I said, having rehearsed this in my head before, “Isn’t he handsome?” Batman’s question was more loaded than it sounds. My kids are Black and Black biracial, and I am white.

I had many opportunities to consider the ways race might impact my parenting as we pursued the adoption of all our children. I had read and researched and talked to friends. Now further in my parenting journey, we read books about loving who you are, acknowledging the variety of people there are in the world, and being strong, proud Black boys.

This, though, was the first time I was questioned about our family’s racial differences in front of one of my kids. Did I answer the “right” way? Should I have said something about his beautiful brown skin? Did my son understand what Batman meant by his question? I questioned all this while I laid in bed that night, my sons sleeping off their Halloween excitement a bedroom over.

Some weeks, I want to devour all the research there is on teaching our kids to see and celebrate race. Then some weeks I grasp around to find what to teach them. Can I really teach them when I’m still learning myself?

Our greatest resource is a thirst for more knowledge. We get to learn together and strive for more in our neighborhoods and communities. We get to foster a safe place of honest conversations within our families. It’s important we start early.

A 6-month-old’s life is simple. We feed them, cuddle them, change their diapers and maybe start to sit them up in the seat of the shopping cart. Depending on our families, friends, and neighbors in the grocery store, they may start to see people who do not look like mommy and daddy. Surprisingly, they are already noticing color.

A 1997 study by Katz and Kofkin showed us babies as young as six months gave special attention to unfamiliar faces of a different race more than unfamiliar faces of their same race. They see color. By the age of 3 to 5 years old, our children have begun to categorize people by race and show some bias toward certain races.

In not so recent years, we taught kids to be “colorblind.” We might have said, “Yes, Susie’s skin is brown, but she is just like you.” Boys and girls can and should share character characteristics. My son and his cousin both love building LEGO creations without instructions. The physical characteristics of my son and his cousin, though, are vastly different. They will walk through the world and be seen in different ways.

To teach our children to be “colorblind” eliminates the beautiful diversity of our communities. We inevitably reinforce that sameness is good and difference is bad. Our children grow up believing that because race was not talked about, it has no value in their conversations as they mature. Specifically, shares Dr. Renée Wilson-Simmons, Executive Director of ACE Awareness Foundation, when white parents don’t have these conversations, “they are ‘white washing’ histories of prejudice, discrimination, and racism.” No matter how broken or beautiful it is, our children should get to understand this world they are growing in.

So, what are some ways you can help show your child the benefits of seeing race?

Inspect and educate yourself. Consider what your childhood experiences taught you about race and differences. Recognize prejudice within yourself as you go about your day running errands, watching the news, or texting with friends. Read books such as Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? and Raising White Kids.

Talk, talk, talk. Consider your child’s age and developmental level to start the conversation. It’s okay to make mistakes! “You don’t have to have a perfect conversation to have an effective discussion,” shares Dr. Dana Winters, Director of Simple Interactions and Academic Programs at the Fred Rogers Center. Talk now, before your child starts to make comments about other people. Incorporate discussions into your everyday goings-on. Welcome your children’s curiosity, and make space for them to ask questions.

Use resources available to you. Wonderful books, television shows, and movies celebrating all races are available on our shelves and TVs. Find some books geared for children to add to your family library. Listen to podcasts or read research on the topic. Hear the voices of people of color, and believe what they tell you about the ways they have been treated because of the color of their skin. Seek more information however you best learn.

Celebrate skin tone. Diversify the books, television shows or movies in your home to include people of different races, allowing you to begin a conversation with your child. In these conversations, make observations about these differences in a positive light. “Isn’t it cool how all the characters are different?” Start to help your child notice the ways people are unique and special, including race. You might draw comparisons to people your child knows, such as neighbors and classmates. Remember, there is nothing wrong with observing differences. Placing value on specific differences is where we might go wrong.