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10 Groucho Marx jokes to make you laugh

Comedian Groucho Marx began his career as part of The Marx Brothers, a comedy team famous for classic films like “Duck Soup” and “Animal Crackers.” Known for his spontaneous wit and distinctive mustached appearance, Groucho Marx’ wisecracking persona is one of the most iconic in comedy history.

Groucho Marx, supplied by Globe Photos, Inc.

With so many off-the-cuff zingers in person, especially during his time on “You Bet Your Life,” Grouch Marx quotes are often difficult to credit. Classics like “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana,” which is frequently attributed to him, may be a misquote – though it is very possible Groucho Marx said the line at some point. The joke, “these are my principles. If you don’t like them, well, I have others” also dates back before the comedian’s use of the phrase. Similarly, Groucho himself denied ever saying the oft-cited insult, “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”

Here are ten jokes and witticisms from the comic.

1. “Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”

― Groucho Marx, from his autobiography, “Groucho and Me”

2. “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”

― Groucho Marx, testimonial for S. J. Perelman’s first book, “Dawn Ginsberg’s Revenge”

3. “To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.”

― Groucho Marx, from his book, “Memoirs of a Mangy Lover”

4. “Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”

― Groucho Marx in “Monkey Business”

5. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

― Groucho Marx in “Duck Soup”

6. “Beyond the Alps lies more Alps. And The Lord Alps those that Alps themselves.”

― Groucho Marx in “Horse Feathers”

7. “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.”

― Groucho Marx in “Animal Crackers”

8. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

― Attributed to Groucho Marx

9. “Gentlemen: If you continue to print slanderous material about me, I shall feel compelled to cancel my subscription.”

Groucho Marx, letter to Confidential magazine

10. “Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.”

― Groucho Marx in “Duck Soup”

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