1. I didn't want to hurt my adoptive mom. I loved her with all my heart. I didn't ever want her to think I loved her any less.

2. I was also afraid that if I looked for my birthparents that I would completely lose my already tenuous relationship with my adoptive father.

3. As tension grew within the family, I didn't look because I did not want to inadvertently latch on to my birth parents just because my adoptive parents and I weren't getting along.

4. And there's the fear that my birthparents will want nothing to do with the secret they may have kept their entire lives.

5. But my biggest fear was what if they gave me up, decided to marry each other later, and turned out to be wonderful people who have forever regretted their decision!

There was always the curiosity, the omnipresent loneliness near my birthday and family holidays, the emptiness of not knowing anyone that I share genes with, but I just shoved it to the back of my mind.

So afraid of knowing. So afraid of not knowing.

Jeane Schintgen is a reunited adoptee.