When I am impatient or feel bizarre about having a friendship with a son whom I've never seen (but let me assure you, I could pick out Matt in any crowd), I remind myself this is a situation that I - along with others - created and that I no longer have questions without answers. I make myself recall that it took me over three years to prepare emotionally to search for and contact him. That he, too, needs plenty of space and time to deal with his own emotions about being found. I pass this time of waiting by helping others who have experienced adoption loss and joining others who work tirelessly for more enlightened adoption laws in Texas.

Matt has been saying for quite awhile now, "I am coming to Texas to visit." He puts no date on that assertion and gracefully sidesteps any attempt to pin him down. The one time I asked him point blank why he hasn't taken this big step he replied, "Sheer terror."

And I believe him - because that's how I felt about wanting to find him. So, when he's ready, I know he'll do as he says and come to Texas for a visit.

As you might guess, I'll be happy to see him.

Alicia Lanier is a reunited birthmother who is a marketing manager & writer by profession and an adoption reform activist by passion. She is president and co-founder of TxCARE (Texas Coalition for Adoption Resources & Education) and is actively involved with ACC.