By — Casey Kuhn Casey Kuhn By — Nicole Ellis Nicole Ellis Leave your feedback Share Copy URL https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/thanksgiving-table-conversations-can-get-tense-heres-how-to-prepare Email Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Tumblr Share on Facebook Share on Twitter How to navigate tough conversations at the holidays Nation Nov 22, 2022 2:51 PM EDT Food, family … and friction. Thanksgiving gatherings can be filled with great joy and connection, but they can also devolve into arguments over the recent midterm elections, the ongoing COVID pandemic or the best way to cook a turkey. To cope with – and strategize for – potential strife at your Thanksgiving table, PBS NewsHour digital anchor Nicole Ellis spoke with Columbia University psychology professor Peter Coleman to get his best tips for anxious feast-goers. Watch their conversation in the video player above. “It’s possible just to start the dinner by saying, ‘I love you all and I’m so glad you’re here and I’m glad we’re connected with each other. And in the past, we’ve gotten into some rough conversations. If possible, let’s agree to respect each other today,’” Coleman said. Setting up ground rules doesn’t have to be formal, he said, but should be upfront, so that if conversations start going into tense territory, “you can use that as leverage to bring the conversation back in line.” Coleman also recommends that if you anticipate that a difficult personal topic might be unavoidable – like a breakup, loss of a job or a guest who doesn’t accept an aspect of your life – consider proactively raising the subject in private before you’ve all gathered. That way, he said, issues can be addressed early without others interfering. READ MORE: How to keep conspiracy theories from ruining your time with family Finally, Coleman suggested starting off the night by acknowledging everyone as loved ones with shared humanity to help create a connection that supersedes politics. “Setting the table emotionally to have people connect with each other as humans or as family members or friends [can help] before you wander into anything that’s divisive,” he said. We're not going anywhere. Stand up for truly independent, trusted news that you can count on! Donate now By — Casey Kuhn Casey Kuhn Casey is a producer for NewsHour's digital video team. She has won several awards for her work in broadcast journalism, including a national Edward R. Murrow award. @caseyatthedesk By — Nicole Ellis Nicole Ellis Nicole Ellis is PBS NewsHour's digital anchor where she hosts pre- and post-shows and breaking news live streams on digital platforms and serves as a correspondent for the nightly broadcast. Ellis joined the NewsHour from The Washington Post, where she was an Emmy nominated on-air reporter and anchor covering social issues and breaking news. In this role, she hosted, produced, and directed original documentaries and breaking news videos for The Post’s website, YouTube, Amazon Prime, Facebook and Twitch, earning a National Outstanding Breaking News Emmy Nomination for her coverage of Hurricane Harvey in 2017. Ellis created and hosted The Post’s first original documentary series, “Should I freeze my eggs?,” in which she explores her own fertility and received the 2019 Digiday Publishers Award. She also created and hosted the Webby Award-winning news literacy series “The New Normal,” the most viewed video series in the history of The Washington Post’s women’s vertical, The Lily. She is the author of “We Go High,” a non-fiction self-help-by-proxy book on overcoming adversity publishing in 2022, and host of Critical Conversations on BookClub, an author-led book club platform. Prior to that, Ellis was a part of the production team for the Peabody and Emmy Award-winning series, CNN Heroes. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology and Human Rights from Columbia University, as well as a Master’s in Journalism from Columbia Journalism School.
Food, family … and friction. Thanksgiving gatherings can be filled with great joy and connection, but they can also devolve into arguments over the recent midterm elections, the ongoing COVID pandemic or the best way to cook a turkey. To cope with – and strategize for – potential strife at your Thanksgiving table, PBS NewsHour digital anchor Nicole Ellis spoke with Columbia University psychology professor Peter Coleman to get his best tips for anxious feast-goers. Watch their conversation in the video player above. “It’s possible just to start the dinner by saying, ‘I love you all and I’m so glad you’re here and I’m glad we’re connected with each other. And in the past, we’ve gotten into some rough conversations. If possible, let’s agree to respect each other today,’” Coleman said. Setting up ground rules doesn’t have to be formal, he said, but should be upfront, so that if conversations start going into tense territory, “you can use that as leverage to bring the conversation back in line.” Coleman also recommends that if you anticipate that a difficult personal topic might be unavoidable – like a breakup, loss of a job or a guest who doesn’t accept an aspect of your life – consider proactively raising the subject in private before you’ve all gathered. That way, he said, issues can be addressed early without others interfering. READ MORE: How to keep conspiracy theories from ruining your time with family Finally, Coleman suggested starting off the night by acknowledging everyone as loved ones with shared humanity to help create a connection that supersedes politics. “Setting the table emotionally to have people connect with each other as humans or as family members or friends [can help] before you wander into anything that’s divisive,” he said. We're not going anywhere. Stand up for truly independent, trusted news that you can count on! Donate now