The logic here is, as long as something tragic isn’t happening to Mel Brooks, it’s funny.

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- The difference between comedy and tragedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die, to me it could be comedy.

Didn't happen to me.

Why do I care?

Who gives a shit?

But tragedy is if I'll cut my finger, a paper cut.

I'll look at it for hours.

What I think I'm trying to illustrate is the innate, incredible selfishness, the love for ourselves and every human being.

We like other people, we do, but if we look in a mirror or we think about ourselves, it's a deep love.

I'm head over heels in love with myself.

I gotta tell you that.

Every night before I go to bed I try to kiss myself.

It's hard.

I'm gonna stop and do it for a minute. (smacks) The best. (smacks) Who could be better?

No one, you're so cute.

You're adorable, I love you.