(bright folk music) (wind rushing) (doors creak) (doors thud softly) (tune whistling) - Just going out for a wee while, Jock.

I may be some time.

(Jock barks) Janice.

- You'd better go straight in.

He's waiting for you.

- Ta.

- [Dicks] Come in.

It's not entirely satisfactory, is it?

- No.

- [Dicks] Some people think that the world turns on credit.

You would appear to agree with them, Constable.

- Well, I don't...

I don't know.

- I don't subscribe to that notion.

Thrift.

Thrift!

It's a virtue that preserves purity of thought.

Keeps us from sinful avarice.

You could say... (clock ticking) It brings us closer to God.

Would you agree, Constable Macbeth?

- Well, I suppose.

I don't know.

Aye.

- And yet you seem to have lost that virtue.

- Well, I had a few unforeseen expenses.

- Indeed you have.

This very day, a check for 340 pounds presented by McCall Pines Wholesale Whisky and Spirits Limited, Inverness.

- Och, that was a special bulk buy bargain offer.

- It's a bargain with the devil, that's what it is.

The check has been returned unpaid.

You've got a month to find the 1,356 pounds you owe this bank before we commence proceedings.

You can hand in your cash card on the way out.

- How am I gonna eat?

- It's a wicked, sinful world we live in, PC Macbeth, and we are both put here by the law to turn folk away from error, no matter how painful that redemption is.

(lock beeps) - Hey, Jimmy.

- Hamish.

- [Hamish] Duncan.

- Eh?

- Oh, good morning, Hamish.

- Mr. Soutar.

I'm ready for you now.

- It's all right, son.

I'll take care of this.

- So there we were... Oh, 63p, please.

So, it's the big fight.

Big Doug, he gets his flick knife out, starts waving it in front of Bobby's face.

- There's 55.

- Before anyone can stop him, he steps up to Bob, slips on the floorboard, and wham!

In goes the blade, right up to the hilt.

It was an awful sight.

The blood was spurting out of Bobby in a jet, great big gobs of it.

I tell you, it was terrible.

- 63 pence.

There you go.

See you later, Rory.

- Hey!

Hey!

You've not listened to a word I've said.

I'm just after telling you how Bobby Gillespie was stabbed.

- Bobby Gillespie?

When?

- Last night.

At the rehearsal.

- Oh, right!

- It was a terrible accident.

God alone knows how we're gonna replace a singer of Bobby's caliber with only three weeks to go.

- Ah, well.

- Hey!

You've given me Spanish money.

- Could you let me off with it, Rory?

The bank manager stopped my cashpoint card.

- Never.

- Aye.

Wee Jock's sitting out in the car and he's starving.

- Oh, for goodness' sake.

State of the world.

Letting a wee dog starve like that.

There.

- That's very kind of you, Rory.

Very kind.

Uh... Kinda hungry myself.

- Help yourself.

Pay me when you can.

- I really appreciate this, Rory.

Anything I can do for you.

Anything.

- Och, whisht.

(tune whistling) Hey, hey, hey, Hamish.

There might be just a wee something.

(lively music) ♪ When you're a Jet, you're the top cat in town ♪ ♪ You're the gold-medal kid with the heavyweight crown ♪ ♪ When you're a Jet, you're the swingingest thing ♪ ♪ Little boy, you're a man; little man, you're a king ♪ ♪ The Jets are in gear ♪ ♪ Our cylinders are kickin' ♪ ♪ The Sharks'll stay clear ♪ ♪ 'Cause every Puerto Rican's a lousy chicken ♪ ♪ Here come the Jets like a bat outta hell ♪ ♪ Someone gets in our way, someone don't feel so well ♪ ♪ Here come the Jets, little world, step aside ♪ ♪ Better go underground, better run, better hide ♪ ♪ We're drawing a line ♪ ♪ So keep your noses hidden ♪ ♪ We're hanging a sign ♪ ♪ Says "visitors forbidden," and we ain't kiddin' ♪ ♪ Here come the Jets, yeah, and we're gonna beat ♪ ♪ Every last buggin' guy on the whole buggin' street ♪ ♪ On the whole buggin' ever-lovin' street ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ - [Rory] Nice bit of left-hand work there, Esme.

- [Esme] Thank you, Rory.

- I can appreciate a woman with supple hands.

- Good!

Good, all of you!

Hamish, not bad for a first try.

- Aye.

Uh, let me get this straight.

There's two gangs, right?

The Jets and the Sharks.

And they're always, like, fighting and stabbing one another.

But in between, they do a fair bit of singing and dancing?

- That's it.

- Uh-huh.

And, like, these are the Jets?

Who are like a band of savage teenage thugs?

- Do you have a problem with that, Hamish?

- Well, I mean, come on.

You've got to admit... (laughs) No?

No, um... Who are the Sharks?

- We do them as well.

- So what happens when the Jets and the Sharks meet up?

- It's surprising, with a bit of subtle reworking, how seldom they have to meet.

- Aye, but when they do?

- We spread out.

- Sorry, Isobel.

I had to work.

- Well, you're cutting it fine, hmm?

We're just about to do your scene.

- Sorry.

Evening, Hamish.

- All right, Jimmy.

- Scene 21, please.

- Is that Phyllis Dicks?

The bank manager's daughter?

- It is.

Okay, Rory.

Roll it!

(violin hums) - I didn't know young Jimmy could act.

- Oh, there's not much acting about it.

Watch this.

♪ Only you, you're the only thing I'll see forever ♪ ♪ In my eyes, in my words, and in everything I do ♪ ♪ Nothing else but you, ever ♪ - Does her father know she's doing this?

- How should I know?

- What is the matter with you?

Just saying, I don't think her father would approve of the way she's handling young Jimmy.

- Yeah, well.

That's what "West Side Story" is all about, Hamish.

A forbidden, star-crossed love.

♪ All the world is only you and me ♪ (bright music) ♪ Tonight, tonight ♪ ♪ It all began tonight ♪ ♪ I saw you and the world went away ♪ ♪ Tonight, tonight ♪ ♪ There's only you tonight ♪ ♪ What you are, what you do, what you say ♪ ♪ Today, all day I had that feeling ♪ ♪ A miracle would happen ♪ ♪ I know now I was right ♪ ♪ For here you are ♪ ♪ And what was just a world is a star ♪ (pensive music) ♪ 'Tis God that lifts our comforts high ♪ ♪ Or sinks them in the grave ♪ ♪ He gives and when he takes away ♪ ♪ He takes but what he gave ♪ ♪ But here you are ♪ ♪ And what was just a world is a star ♪ ♪ Tonight ♪ (sentimental music) (Isobel clears throat) - Jimmy.

Phyllis?

That was great.

Jimmy.

- Sorry.

Do it again?

- No, that won't be necessary.

Some of these men'll need hospitalization if they have to witness unbridled lust twice in one night.

Come on now, there's work to be done.

- I'm telling you, didn't know you had it in you, Jimmy son.

- (laughing) Aye?

Well, just a wee bit, you know?

- Listen, is your dad okay?

- Aye?

How?

- Didn't look himself in the bank this morning.

- It's nothing we can't handle.

You coming?

All right, see ya.

- See ya.

- Goodnight.

- Johnny.

Tell me, uh, you wouldn't happen to know if there's anything wrong with Jimmy's father, would you?

- Well, that would be confidential, of course.

- Oh yeah, of course, yeah.

- It's a hard life keeping sheep on these hills.

Solitude, financial crisis, drink.

It could all conspire to break a man.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

- Och, course!

And, I mean, a man might need a wee bit of help, even if he was too proud to ask.

- Hypothetically, aye.

(Hamish laughs) - Step, step, kick.

Step, step, step, kick.

- Have you got it?

- Step, step, kick.

Hey!

- That's it, that's it.

- Step, step, step, kick!

- Hey, Doc, Hamish!

Look at this!

- Amazing.

- Step, step, step, kick.

♪ Breeze it, buzz it ♪ Not bad, eh?

♪ Easy does it ♪ - Hey, rip it up, daddy-o!

Hep it up, boy!

- Hey the drinks are on me!

- Hot dog!

- Jolly good, yeah!

- 'Tis amazing, the strange magic of theater that leads grown men to make complete of themselves.

- Absolutely.

(both chuckle) (ominous music) - What was Mr. Macbeth saying about your dad?

- Well, my dad's just...

Since my mom died, he's not been right.

Everything's kinda...

I don't know.

Phyllis, we're skint.

- And was my father sympathetic at the bank?

- Not very.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, it's okay.

We'll cope.

- Oh, my hands are cold.

Yours too.

- Phyl, you're not kidding me around here?

- I haven't yet learned how to joke that way.

I don't think I ever will.

- Get your hands off her.

- Kenneth!

- Stay away from my sister.

There's only one thing he wants from you.

- Kenneth, just mind your own business.

- How can I?

You'll end up cast from the sight of the Lord.

You'll be nothing but a visitor of clinics.

- Och, Kenny, shut up.

And get lost!

- No, you've been missing meetings of the Good News Fellowship for weeks.

Does Father know what you've been doing instead?

- Look, Kenneth, don't tell him.

It's just a musical.

It's harmless.

- Well, we'll have to see about that, won't we?

- Jeezo.

He's kinda revved up, your Kenneth.

- Yes.

Think it's his hormones.

- Aye, well, I know how he feels.

At least I didn't get God.

Just plukes.

- I don't care.

Come here.

- Well, it's a night made for loving, Jocky boy.

(gentle music) But, my woman doesn't want me.

Nobody wants a bankrupt polis.

Not even one with three cases of the finest malt whiskey known to man.

(knock at door) (Jock woofs) - Hamish... - [Hamish] Isobel.

- You forgot your script.

(ominous music) (floorboard creaks) - Phyllis?

What do you have to tell me, daughter?

- Dad.

- You have been missing your church meetings to attend rehearsals of a... An entertainment.

Which I am told involves dancing in public.

- I...

Yes.

- And now Kenneth says he found you compromising your dignity with a village boy.

Who is he?

- [Kenneth] Jimmy Soutar.

- [Dicks] Duncan Soutar's boy?

- That's correct, Father.

He was all over her, hands everywhere.

- Enough.

His father's an idle, feckless waster who cannot live within his means.

- That's not true.

- I'll not let you taint the memory of your mother with such wanton foolishness.

You're not to see him again.

You hear me, girl?

(Phyllis sobs) (footsteps running) - [Kenneth] Goodnight, Father.

- Goodnight.

You did right to bring this to me, Kenneth.

Your mother would have approved.

- I wish I'd known her.

- She was a fine, upstanding woman, son.

Not like some you'll find.

On you go.

Fine woman.

- Shouldn't really be drinking this stuff.

That bank manager bounced my check.

I'm in debt up to my ears.

- What are you going to do?

- I don't know.

Maybe run away to the rigs.

- Nah.

You don't want to do that.

You'd be missed.

- Would I?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Hamish!

Hamish!

Are you all right?

- For god's sake, what is it?

- I sensed something.

Some sort of karmic surge coming out of your house.

Something going down!

I thought you might be in some kind of trouble.

- Does it look like I'm in trouble?

- Well, you can't be too careful.

You've opened a bottle then?

- Och!

Sit down.

I'll get you a glass.

(glasses clink) - [John] Isobel.

(lively music) (sheep bleating) - Hello?

Duncan?

Hi, Jimmy.

- All right.

- How you doing?

- Well.

Fine.

- I was wondering if I could have a word with your father.

- Sure.

Listen... You'd better come in.

- Duncan.

Come on, Duncan.

You need to get a move on, man.

It's 11 o'clock already.

- There's no point.

- There's every point.

Come on!

The world's not such a terrible place.

There's young Jimmy there, he's the toast of the village and he'll be singing.

Yeah, having a romance with young Phyllis Dicks as well, I hear.

- What?

Not the Dicks girl.

- Dad.

- [Duncan] Are you trying to shame me, boy?

- No!

- I told you to stay away from her!

Her father's intent to drive me out of business and you run around with his girl behind my back!

- Duncan- - You keep away from that girl!

For god's sakes!

What are you trying to do to me, boy?

God's sakes.

(footsteps running out) - [Hamish] Duncan.

(haunting music) He's just a boy, Duncan.

- I can hear the selkies from here.

- The who?

- The seal folk.

They sing to us.

Mary's down there.

- Mary's been dead for seven years.

- No, no.

(sniffles) No, she's down there.

Calling for Jimmy.

She went back to the seal folk, and now she wants him as well.

They come back for their own, you see?

- Duncan.

Look, the guy has cashed in his marbles.

It's obvious.

- Maybe aye, maybe no.

- You're not saying you believe him?

- I'm not saying I believe him.

I'm not saying I don't believe him.

- Oh, well, thank you, Paddy Ashdown.

Are you saying to me that you believe that this guy's wife has turned into a seal?

- A thing doesn't actually need to happen for it to be real.

- Give us a break, John.

- Duncan's suffering from love sickness.

And he's not the only one.

- What?

- There's a selkie calling for you as well, Macbeth.

- I'm warning you.

- But you're looking on the wrong beach.

- Right.

That's it.

I'm off.

And John.

John.

Stop polishing the fax machine.

(wistful accordion music) ♪ Make of our hands one hand ♪ ♪ Make of our hearts one heart ♪ ♪ Make of our vows one last vow ♪ ♪ Only death will part us now ♪ ♪ Make of our lives one life ♪ ♪ Day after day, one life ♪ ♪ Now it begins, now it starts ♪ ♪ One hand, one heart ♪ ♪ Even death won't part us now ♪ - Cease this sinful spectacle!

Put my daughter down, boy.

- Excuse me, Mr. Dicks, but you're interrupting our rehearsal.

- This rehearsal is over.

Under the standing orders of the Church Hall Subcommittee, any lewd or licentious use is barred at the discretion of the chairman of the said subcommittee.

- And who is the chairman?

- I am.

Phyllis.

Home!

(footsteps stomping off) - It's scandalous.

Two months' hard work down the drain.

- Mm, it's just our luck to have a religious maniac on our patch.

- Aye.

- There's nothing to do.

We'll have to call the production off.

(group grumbles) - We can't give up as easy as that.

I mean, if Cameron Dicks wants to... What is it?

Rumble?

Then I say we rumble.

What do you say?

- Aye.

- Well, I say go, go.

- I say mix.

- I say bomba bomba.

- Wacko jacko!

- I applaud the sentiment, ladies and gentlemen, but what can we do?

Dicks is well in with the ministers.

- Discredit him.

- Discredit him?

- Mm-hmm.

- You need to have done something to be discredited.

The Pope has more form than Cameron Dicks.

- Aw, come on, if we can't find any dirt on him, we'll just have to make it up.

- Always the consummate police professional, eh, Hamish?

- Ah, there's guilt tugging at the heart of that man.

I can see it.

- What?

- Ah, you mark what I'm saying.

He's got a past.

- [Rory] I hate to say it, but he's seldom wrong.

- Hey, I've just remembered something.

What an old mate of mine told me once.

- [Rory] What?

- Do you know I never gave it one thought?

- Come on!

What?

- Aye, aye, hang on.

(phone dialing) Hi.

Zoot boy?

Aye!

Yes, it's Lachlan McCrae here.

Aye.

Aye, that Lachlan.

Yes.

So, uh, how's sunny Inverness then?

Ah!

You southerners get all the good weather, don't you, eh?

(Lachlan laughs) Yes, I was wondering, did you tell me once that you knew Cameron Dicks back in the '60s?

Yes.

Oh, aye.

That was great days in Lochdubh as well, aye.

Yes.

(lively music) - Zoot?

- Zoot, aye, aye.

- (laughs) Who is he?

- Well, he used to be an old customer of mine, you know.

And he was a leading light in the bohemian cafe society of Inverness.

- Well.

- I never knew they had bohemians in Inverness.

- Oh, this was in 1967, man.

You know.

Mini skirts, music, free love.

- Sometimes I think I've wasted my entire life.

- I'm afraid the bank can't do anything more for you, Mr. Soutar.

If you can't meet your commitments in five days, we'll be commencing repossession.

- My farm?

You'd put me out?

- That was the agreement.

(clock ticking) - Is there nothing... Is there nothing I can do?

- If you can't keep your son off of my girl, I'll keep you out of my town.

(clock ticking) - What?

- So.

I think that concludes the interview, Mr. Soutar.

Thank you very much for coming in.

Good morning.

(chimes ringing) (airy new age music) - [Lachlan] Aye, it's some place you've got here, Zoot boy.

- [Zoot] Aye.

Kinda freaky, ain't it, lads?

- [Hamish and Rory] Very nice.

- Aye, you should be here for one of our nature communion weekends.

Man, I mean, it's like a... Like a sex machine.

- Ah!

Sounds cracking, boy.

Um, Zoot.

Didn't you tell me that you knew Cameron Dicks?

Didn't you?

- Knew him?

I was his best man.

- Really?

- Oh, one of the swingingest gigs ever.

We stained ourselves with blue woad.

We hailed the sun as it rose out of Dingwall and flung ourselves naked in the Caledonian Canal.

Fantastic.

- This can't be the same Cameron Dicks.

- Sure it was.

Effie ran off with a polis sergeant from Argyll in the end.

Good Cameron never even got his car keys back.

That was right about then he signed himself with the God squad.

Definitely not my scene, man.

You dig?

- [Hamish] I thought his wife was dead.

- No, no, no.

Come here.

That's us at the Isle of Wight in '67.

Gave an entirely new meaning to the term "pleasure beach," I can tell you.

And this is Effie.

(suspenseful music) She's running some shop in Wick these days.

- Oh, what?

- My god.

- I wonder, Zoot, do you think you could give us a loan of that for a couple of days?

In Wick?

- Aye.

Busy?

- Maybe.

No, it's Cameron's been creating a few negative vibes in the village.

You know, upsetting folk unnecessarily.

But I think if he was to see these photographs, he might change his ways, do you know what I mean?

- Oh, I see.

Would youse be interested in the film I shot at the Nairn Free Love Festival in '69?

(laughing) My god, what a gig that was!

Didn't hear a stich on for a fortnight.

Aye, we're honest when we get old.

The Donkey Dick's his nickname.

- Donkey?

- Phew, god.

I never seen nothing like it.

- Oh, well, I suppose we could take a wee look.

Couldn't we?

- Right, see ya later.

- See ya.

- [Jimmy] Hamish.

- [Hamish] Jimmy.

- Hamish, you need to come.

It's Dad.

He's off his head.

- Come on in.

All right, Jimmy, you just try and get some sleep, and go back in the morning when he's calmed down, eh?

- He's going to lose the farm.

And it's all because of me.

- No, it's not your fault.

- He's smashing the place up.

I tried to stop him, but he just went for- - Jimmy.

I'll take care of you, okay?

Okay?

(brooding music) (sheep bleating) Duncan?

(sheep bleating inside) (hooves clattering) - [Duncan] All right, lad.

You get your hands off her.

- Whoa, whoa.

- You just keep off!

- [Hamish] Duncan.

Whoa.

Take it easy!

(bottle smashes) Duncan, you all right?

You all right?

- Hamish.

(pensive music) (sobbing) Hamish.

I can't stand it!

I'm losing it, Hamish.

I'm losing it all.

- All right, all right.

(Duncan bawling) God, what a night.

- You've got a customer, Hamish.

- Mr. Dicks.

Something I can do for you?

Perhaps you heard there's someone enjoying themselves and you want me to lock them up.

- You would be better advised not to take that satirical tone with me, Macbeth.

I want Jimmy Soutar found and arrested.

- For what?

- For taking my girl against my will.

She went out last night and didn't return.

I want them found.

- Well, your girl wasn't with Jimmy last night.

- You know that for a fact?

- Aye, I do.

Jimmy still in the cells, John?

- Aye, but it's not that simple.

- Right.

Mr. Dicks, this way.

- Oh, Hamish, I don't think this is a good idea.

- You want proof that Jimmy was alone last night?

- Hamish!

- Right behind this door.

(pensive music) (Hamish and John mouthing silently) - "I very much regret this course of action, but in this event, repossession proceedings are being brought forward and will commence immediately.

Yours, et cetera, et cetera."

Right, Janice, get that off to Soutar.

- Yes, Mr. Dicks.

- Uh... Take another.

To Police Complaints, Inverness.

"Dear sir, I wish to report the use of a police station as a brothel."

- You're ruining everything!

- Thank you, Janice.

We'll do this later.

(clock ticking) I won't have you associating with that boy.

- You can't stop me.

- Well, we'll have to see.

You might find that he's moving out of the district.

His father's gone bankrupt.

- Yes.

You made sure of that, didn't you?

- Phyllis, I'm trying to do my duty by you.

- I hate you.

- Wait.

Phyllis!

Come back here!

(door slams) (clock ticking) (projector rattling) - I never realized what a wonderful sport volleyball was.

(Lachlan shushes) (Hamish snapping fingers) (others snapping in rhythm) (John and Rory whistling a tune) (others humming along) ♪ Here come the Jets like a bat outta hell ♪ ♪ Someone gets in their way, someone don't feel so well ♪ (pensive music) - Gentlemen, I give you the toast.

Revenge.

- [Others] Revenge.

- Apparently his wife isn't even dead.

He just pretended she was.

Even his children don't know.

When this gets out, he's finished in this place.

- Aye, the man's been living a lie, and now he's gonna pay.

(Lachlan chuckles) - Oi, who keeps standing up?

- Hamish!

- Phyllis.

- I came to...

I thought Jimmy was still here.

- Better go after her.

- Yeah.

(Phyllis retching) (Phyllis sobs) - Phyllis, I'm really sorry you had to witness that.

I don't know what we were thinking.

- How could he?

All these years, thinking she was dead.

- Well, I don't know.

I mean... Maybe he felt he had to, you know, make up this story to help him cope with a loss.

People do that all the time.

- This'll kill Kenneth.

He thought my mother was a saint.

- I'm really sorry.

Look, um... Why don't you and me put our heads together and see if we can't do something great for a change, eh?

Aye?

Come on.

- I brought the post down from the road.

Right then.

- Jimmy.

Don't go, son.

I can't manage.

- I've got to get out.

(clock ticking) - What's that?

- That's your holiday shots from Nairn.

- What are you talking about?

I haven't been to Nairn for... - Why didn't you tell me my mother was alive?

- Phyllis.

(door opens) - Morning, Father.

Bless this food, O Lord.

May your fruit strengthen our will against the forces of sin.

Amen.

- Amen.

- Sorry, Father, I'm late for school.

Got to dash.

- Your mother didn't want you.

I had to find a way of... Of making things right.

Kenneth- - Kenneth thinks she was next to God.

She wasn't.

- You mustn't tell him.

Please.

I don't want him hurt.

- You're gonna let Jimmy's dad keep his farm.

Otherwise I'm leaving.

And Kenneth gets the whole story.

- You can't.

Phyllis.

Don't leave.

- It's up to you.

(clock ticking) (Dicks hisses) - Damn you, Effie.

Damn you.

(ominous music) (car honking) - That was Cameron Dicks' car.

- Better get after him.

- Soutar!

Soutar!

Mr. Soutar!

(tense music) Mr. Soutar!

- Duncan!

- No!

Mr. Soutar!

- Dad!

(gunshot cracks) (sheep bleating) (shot echoes) (pensive music) - Soutar.

- It's okay, it's okay.

It's done, it's okay.

- God.

(Duncan sobbing) (tense music) (wistful music) (door shuts) - Kenneth?

Kenneth.

(Dicks sobs) - Father?

(fingers snapping in rhythm) (mischievous music) ♪ Boy, boy, crazy boy ♪ ♪ Get cool, boy ♪ ♪ Got a rocket ♪ ♪ In your pocket ♪ ♪ Keep cooly-cool, boy ♪ ♪ Don't get hot ♪ ♪ 'Cause man, you've got ♪ ♪ Some hard times ahead ♪ ♪ Take it slow ♪ ♪ And daddy-o ♪ ♪ You can live it up and die in bed ♪ ♪ Boy, boy, crazy boy ♪ ♪ Stay loose, boy ♪ ♪ Breeze it, buzz it ♪ ♪ Easy does it ♪ ♪ Turn off the juice, boy ♪ ♪ Go, man, go ♪ ♪ But not like a yo-yo schoolboy ♪ (sentimental music) - Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- [Phyllis] Tony, when you come, use the back door.

- [Jimmy] Si.

- [Phyllis] Oh, Tony?

What does Tony stand for?

- [Jimmy] Anton.

- [Phyllis] Te adoro, Anton.

- [Jimmy] Te adoro, Maria.

♪ Goodnight, goodnight ♪ ♪ Sleep well and when you dream ♪ ♪ Dream of me ♪ ♪ Tonight ♪ (bright folk music)