- Hello, I'm Portia Young.

Next on 10 thirty-six, the son of the founder of the Sikh temple in Oak Creek killed in a mass shooting 10 years ago reflects on moving past hatred.

A West Allis woman travels to the Ukraine border.

Hear why she went and what she witnessed.

and a local author's words about listening and acceptance.

10 years ago this month, six people died after a mass shooting at the Sikh temple in Oak Creek.

A seventh victim died of his wounds in 2020.

The community held a candlelight vigil to remember those lives lost in addition to those four injured in the attack by an avowed white supremacist.

The shooter shot one police officer.

Another officer managed to shoot the gunman who then shot himself in the head in the parking lot in front of the temple.

One of the victims of the attack was the founder of the temple.

Producer Emmy Fink spoke with his son who reflects on hatred and the healing 10 years later.

- Take us back to, to that day for you.

And now it's 10 years ago - Most of the people who have survived or have been through anything similar to this mass tragedy, targeted violence, survivors, they can, there's a part of you that feels like it has been 10 years.

And there's another part of you that feels like it was just yesterday.

And I think that when you're in that facility, when you smell the smells, when you have the feeling of that atmosphere when we're at the temple, it's difficult because there's an intentional reclamation that needs to be done.

And that, that means that you have to be intentional in the processing of pain.

And so for, for us, you know the aftermath looked like us cleaning the walls and us cleaning the carpet and ripping out the carpet and making sure that blood wasn't there.

Today we only have a single reminder.

There's only one bullet hole that, that still exists from that shooting, but the emotional reminders are still all over the place.

Right here you will see, so within Sikhi, there is (indistinct) said, 'We are one", it says right here, "We are one, August 5th, 2012."

And this was the round, the nine millimeter round that was first fired into the Sikh temple.

There was two women here and those two women were coming out and going on to the, to the kitchen area.

The people that were here at that time were here, were the ones that come early.

And so they were just coming in and then the first shot that Wade Page took hit right here.

And that was in between the two women.

One of the women went inside and then one of the women went to the kitchen, what we called the Lundgren area.

And so it got lodged here.

And so this sits as the only reminder of, the only physical reminder of what happened that day.

And we kept it there intentionally because as we think about the power of division, and we think about what this person was trying to do, we wanna make sure that we intentionally kept community together and we stay true to our values.

And so the first words of the Mul Mantra which is the Sikh scripture, is that Ekam God, we are one.

Part of me, honestly wanted to leave the blood soaked in the carpet.

I wanted to leave the blood on the walls.

I wanted there to be a reminder of responsibility.

Every gurdwara in the world, every Sikh temple in the world has four doors.

And so the four doors, one to the east, the south the north and the west.

- What does that signify?

That signifies that we are, you know we're a faith that is open, inclusive and loving of all faiths of all people.

And so when that happened on August 5th, it was really, are we going to close off our doors?

And we said, no, we're not gonna close off our doors.

We're gonna remain open, but we just have to remain open with security protocol in place.

But making sure that, you know, we, we try to keep it the same way where, you know, we are, we're hosting.

we're, you know, we're there for community and we're.

And I think since then we've actually gone out into the community.

So Sujin Singh has, has gone out into the community and, and done services at other places.

(strident music) A lot of times when we've talked about PTSD we've talked about it from individual sense, but the, the very real reality is that we're, the mental health world is starting to understand communal PTSD.

And when the community is, is targeted, everyone in that community starts to feel it.

So I saw within the days after of this extreme hyper-vigilance of people kind of making sure that everything was okay, of tentatively coming back to their place of worship and trying to reclaim it but yet still, you know, there was an uneasiness.

And I think that part of that was that defiant spirit that I felt of saying, no we need to reclaim our, our place.

Not only in this, in, in Oak Creek and at the Sikh temple but we need to reclaim our place in America.

I thought about the kids who are growing up right now who are 10, 12, just coming to this country and thinking to them and saying, okay, if they're scared because of what happened, then, then the terrorist won.

But if we can lovingly challenge ourselves out of this place of trauma, then we won.

I could not let down an entire future generation of kids that come to this temple and say, you know what?

We can, we can do this.

In fact, it's written in our faith that we have to do this.

And so within Sikhi and Sikhism, there's this, there's the spirit that we call and it's called chardi kala.

And chardi kala basically means to be relentlessly optimistic.

And the whole saying goes (foreign language).

And when people say the whole, the whole quote this is what we say before we leave from service every single day.

Every single time we have a service, we say this, these are the last words that we say before we leave.

And basically what that whole saying says is, "For the peace and prosperity of all mankind".

Of all mankind not just our faith, but for the peace and prosperity of all mankind, we shall be relentlessly optimistic.

- Is that how you helped your family?

Especially through this?

- I think my family helped me more than I could help them.

There's a certain strength and resilience in youth.

Thinking back to that time, there was a lot of nights that I slept next to their bed and I would would sit there and hold them and, and, you know spend way too much time than, you know than fathers do to like, just tuck them in, right.

We tuck 'em in and we go to bed but I would find myself sitting there for hours.

I had this conversation with my wife and other people and saying, "Hey, I think I'm going through something and what's what's going on?"

And I'm like, I just I wanna spend so much time with the kids.

I, I sit like, I, I hold them for much longer than a father probably should.

Like, I, I almost need them to give me something.

And then I had a conversation with my brother and he he's like, you're, you're loving your children.

You're you, you want to be with them.

And you wanna spend time with them.

Part of you would've taken that for granted before.

Part of you, would've just said, you know what, let me just tuck him in and go to bed.

And now you like, he's like, he's like, I don't think you're going through post traumatic stress.

I think you're going through post traumatic growth and you're becoming a better father and a better husband and a better community person.

And so in, in a way, all of this that that's happened has helped me be a better person, be a better man.

- Pardeep talks further about hatred and mental health.

He's been very involved in a special program designed to help those struggling with extremism.

- Tell us about the national mental health hotline that you're part of.

Those conversations and the heaviness of what you're dealing with.

How do you prepare yourself every day to get up and deal with some of those circumstances?

- In the past 10 years I think I've shown up and bear witness to I don't know how many atrocities anymore, and I don't mean to minimize any one of them, but I you know, east coast to west coast, north to south, when you're involved in a shooting and something that happens in your own place of worship, as you come out of that and really start to reveal your own personal forgiveness journey, there's a lot of people who are going through that same thing.

And what that's looked like is, you know go going from location to location yes, but also seeing people in dynamics and experiences that they're having in life.

And those, those experiences show up with people being angry, people being bitter, people being sad, and the plethora of emotions that, that suffering kind of causes on, on, on on a human being and their psyche.

And so the work that we do now is really a continuance of, of that.

But it it's, it's the sense of God puts you in these places not just to beat witness, but to listen, you know.

People talk about their families, about the, the things that they're going through in their life.

And just, just how they're trying to come back to a reclamation of themselves.

You know, a lot of times within extremism work or what we call de radicalization work, you see people and clients who are very, very bitter.

They're bitter at the government.

They're bitter at what's happening in life.

They're bitter at, you know, all of these other macro things outside of oneself that they're bitter at.

And they'll quite frankly tell you why they're so upset at all these things, but sometimes just come back and say, Hey, like, are you grateful for anything?

Has, has life, you know, and and coming from a place like India, where we have a billions plus people who, I mean, so many of them live in poverty, you feel fortunate to be in America.

You, you really do, even with all of the, the suffering that might, might happen.

You, you know, I, you just feel really fortunate for all of the, the gifts that you've been given in life.

And then as soon as you start to kind of meditate, even just on, on a morsel of gratitude, it plants a seed and the seed is deep down and the, the seeds nurtures it and flourishes and grows and hopefully grows to the point that hate is no longer an option in somebody's, somebody's heart and spirit.

And, and I think that's, that's the work that we try to do.

- Mental health is a critical issue facing so many.

We want to remind you about some special programming addressing this issue.

Next month, we will bring you two PBS specials.

One on September 12th, Independent Lens looks at hazing and on September 13th, be sure to watch "Facing Suicide".

And we will re-air our award-winning documentary, "Kids in Crisis: You're Not Alone" that night at 9:30 right here on Milwaukee PBS channel 10.

A local woman traveled thousands of miles to help relieve some of the stress and mental anguish among Ukrainian refugees fleeing the war with Russia.

Producer Maryanne Lazarski takes us on "Kelly's Journey".

- She is nice.

And that was very kind of her to do that.

- Lincoln Edgar is talking about his mom, Kelly.

You might just recognize Kelly and her son Lincoln from our award-winning series, "My Friend Linkin", about a young girl, Nadia Greenwalt, who wrote a story book about her friend Lincoln and his battle with brain cancer.

(cheerful music) Lincoln is doing well.

He and his older brother, Travis and their dad Tim are very proud of Kelly, who traveled thousands of miles to help Ukrainian refugees, including mothers and their children fleeing the war with Russia.

(lilting music) Kelly said she wasn't scared to travel alone to the small country of Moldova on the Ukraine border.

- The Bible verses that I was reading over the last couple of weeks was just talking about Jesus telling his disciples to go into all of these new cities and don't worry about where you're gonna sleep or what you're gonna eat.

I will provide for you.

And I was just like, okay could you be more clear about me going?

But it was clear to me.

I just needed it to be clear to my husband.

- Yeah.

So Kelly says, "Tim, I want to go to Ukraine."

And Tim says, "No, absolutely not.

That's not gonna happen.

It's not a good idea."

So I, I started asking questions, you know why would you wanna do this?

You know, it's would you risk your life?

Would you risk your family?

You know, for, for what?

And then we started talking about, you know what was truly a place in her heart to care for other people.

And you know, to be somebody that goes out and acts as opposed to just talks.

- She connected with a pastor in Moldova whose team was already lending a hand to refugees, many who left their husbands and fathers behind to defend their country.

- The reason why I was going wasn't because I wanted to be on this great big adventure.

It was really a a calling to be with people and serve people.

- Kelly said she booked the trip on her own after her church where she is the compassion director, held a supply drive for the Ukrainian refugees.

- Another day, taking in donations.

- Drop off here, let's do this - Well within two weeks, we had about 48 pallets worth of goods that we shipped to Romania and it made its way over through Moldova.

What would it look like to see some, you know somebody from Ukraine and talk with them about the needs that they have, and then be able to, to hand those things over to them, the more my heart just said go.

(soothing music) - So we are in Moldova at a Northern Ukrainian distribution center, and today we have a few people, a few women here.

- (foreign language) Yep.

And we're grabbing some supplies so they can take 'em home.

- The minute I got there and started investing my time with the people at the the different camps and the distribution center, I knew that just having a conversation was probably more beneficial than the bottle of shampoo I was handing over.

The few personal encounters that I had, everyone had a story.

Everyone had a need, but, but there's thousands more.

- We are in Chisinau, Moldova.

We just visited one of the large shelters and distribution center for Ukrainian refugees.

Literally is a heartbreaking experience of people go through and what they share.

But one of the needs is summer shoes, flip flops and stuff like that.

So we're going to this open air market which is a typical thing in Eastern Europe and Eastern world go shopping for tomorrow.

'Cause we have a big distribution moment and we're gonna load a van full of these summer shoes to bless the kids and their moms.

- As a mom looking into another mom's eyes, my son has health issues.

So I know what that, that feeling of being scared is like.

I don't know what that feeling of being scared because I can't find medical for my son is like.

That's a, that is a totally different kind of scared As we're going around to some of the refugee camps, one of the refugee camps that we stopped at I got to go into one of the rooms.

It was two women and about eight kids between them staying in a small room and one of the moms let me hold her baby.

It was so cute, but he has, he's 18 months.

He has Down syndrome, but he also has a heart problem.

And so the mom was very concerned that he wasn't getting the medical treatment that he needed now that they are in Moldova from Ukraine.

And she was just asking if we had any connections to doctors that may see him because she was, she was validly scared that he was gonna die.

I was just in awe by her strength, in awe by his joy.

And I could tell through her tears that she, she definitely didn't think he was gonna live past the next couple of months.

I met a family from Odessa in, in Belts, Moldova.

Ukraine refugees that are, they're looking for shelter right now.

And the mother has a son who's probably 10 who has cerebral palsy.

Well, my son has gone through brain cancer.

So I understood a little bit of some of his limitations that he had.

Just watching him try to get around was very limited.

And so I, I immediately started thinking about what would it felt like, or, or been like to travel with a kid who takes three times as longer to do something or get someplace than a normal child.

I couldn't imagine trying to walk across the border with her son who literally has an impediment on one, you could see had an impediment on one side of his body and being able to talk to her and and understand that she did it because she wanted to be sure that he was safe.

You could see in her as she's speaking to the the interpreter that they knew that this was the right, the right choice.

- Literally, you think about 'em though, do you think, does that kind of experience stick with you?

- Absolutely.

I definitely think about where are they now because a lot of those locations are very transient.

Sometimes they're only staying a couple of days and then they're off to another location somewhere within Europe.

Sometimes they're there much longer hoping that they'll reunite with their husbands.

So where are they now?

- How would you describe this whole experience in one or two words?

What, what - Humbling.

You know, I'm here in my home with no lack of food, not having that mentality of what's tomorrow, will I have deodorant?

Will I have toothpaste, that scarcity mindset?

I don't have that.

And I'm blessed, right.

But I, I say that knowing that I think they think that they're blessed or they know that they're blessed in a way, they're not, they're no longer in a war zone.

They're in a safe space.

So perspective, I think is another, another word I would use.

Would I go back again?

I would love to go back.

- If Kelly does return, she'll have some company.

- Would you consider going to Ukraine with her?

- Yeah, I would probably not say no right away like I did last time, but I would wanna have a discussion about that.

You know, she's done it once already.

And that was a lot, I think, to, for the family to go through, you know, the kids and I, we were, we were like I said, nervous quite a bit while she was gone.

So we were very happy to see her come home and it would be hard to see her go again.

And if she did, then I definitely would love to be by her side if she did.

So - If your mom asked you if you wanted to go to Ukraine and help people, what would, what would you tell her?

- I would say definitely.

- Why?

- Because, because I wanted to help people and I wanted to see what Ukraine looked like.

- 10 thirty-six, we're bringing more of Kelly's journey next month.

Plus check out our YouTube channel to hear more from Kelly.

"The Rare, Tiny Flower" is a new book by Wisconsin author, Kitty O'Meara.

You might remember her poem "And the People Stayed Home" that we featured here on 10 thirty-six.

Her words then went viral and helped us get through the heart of the COVID pandemic.

Now with new words and illustrations, Kitty tries to help us all live in a more accepting world.

- I was scared what was happening to the country.

I was sitting and I just had this image that this bird was flying over a forest and there was a clearing and the bird dropped the seed into this forest, into this clear place.

And I just kind of started writing.

It really didn't take but a couple days to write the book itself, the text.

And so it's about a flower that springs from this seed and people are coming into the woods.

You know, they're attracted by those mysterious things that pull us towards, you know something new and they're coming towards the flower and begin to define what it is they're seeing by color and not agreeing because they're all planted where they're planted and saying, no, it's this color.

It's that color.

No, it's this color.

No, it is not.

And they're getting louder and louder and the leaders come and get nose to nose.

And you know, if, if you don't agree with us, we'll have a war.

You know, this little girl is kind of the heroine and she's, while they're all getting close to this war, she's kind of circling the flower and seeing that, no, you're not you know, there's another option here.

And she holds it up and rotates and the colors splash across all the people's faces and they get it and then realize that now, because someone had uprooted the flower and shoved it into a vase and they had been fighting that the flower is drooping and the colors are unpinning from it.

So there's some regret and reflection in the forest and they all kind of have to consider, what are we hearing?

What are we being invited, you know, to learn and how to grow.

And, you know, they come back together and learn that it's time now to join together, to seek peace and sort of a fellowship, a relationship connection with each other, to see the good and you know, it ends by saying a rainbow can happen when love leads the way.

So it's, you know, it's a very simple story, but I think like others that I have found important in my life and try to, you know, what I try to do with my own story is extend invitations to the children, but also to the child in all of us to kind of, you know, consider and grow.

- What is your hope right now for us?

- I do wish that we would be our better selves and really take the breaths we need to take before we open our mouths and our hearts and our minds to the other, in our space, in our families, in our workplaces and strangers on the street, you know, just everyone.

Just calm down, practice tolerance, practice listening, practice kindness.

- Important words from Kitty O'Meara.

Let's all try to remember to be kind to one another.

From "The Rare, Tiny Flower" to sunflower season.

We leave you with that from Shimon Sunflower Farm in Slinger.

See you next time.

(cheerful music)