- I had a big secret in the core of my life, for these 60 years.

- We children, people would spit at us in the street.

Or people would push their kids away from us.

- Giving me the courage and wisdom to go ahead with that, because I was afraid I would not survive.

- But actually having meaningful discussion where your brain is having to work, that actually does seem to make a difference.

(light music) - Welcome to "getting dot OLDER," the new TV series where Americans over 50 share intimate, personal revelations about aging.

I'm your host, Roberto Mighty.

This series interviews people live and online, and asks everyone the same questions, like number three, the one thing I want to do before I die is... Or number six, if I could go back in time and counsel my younger self, I'd tell me to... You can answer these questions on our online survey.

Join us.

Stay tuned on TV, and I'm looking forward to hearing your story online.

(bright jazzy music) In this episode, we're going to meet Jessica, the Harvard astronomer with a 60-year secret; and Dolores from Buffalo, an author who grew up in a mixed-race family in the 1960s.

We're going all the way to Beverly Hills to ask Orin and Bernardo about life-altering medical procedures, and we're going to check in with Dr. Lesley Fernow in Maine about the top five things you can do at home to improve your health as you age.

We're going to test your Boomer IQ, and we're also going to check out some viewer responses to our online survey.

So, stay tuned!

(light music) I first interviewed Jessica in 2014.

At that time, she'd recently come through a profound transition.

- Hi, my name is Jessica Mink and I'm an astronomer at the Harvard Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics.

I work on data and I work on positions of things in the universe.

Any size, any place.

- Jessica is full of energy, always on the move, and dedicated to public service.

- In my spare time, I bike a lot, I tend to bicycle to work everyday all year, I love bicycling in really awful weather and that's sort of one of my trademarks.

I also try to make the whole city better for everybody else to bike in, that's my goal in life is to make this place, Boston, the best place to bike in the world.

- I asked Jessica survey question number nine, when I was a child, I wanted to be... Now that I'm an adult, I am... - Actually, it was really funny.

When I was a child, I had a bunch of different things in order that I wanted to be.

I think the first thing in my life was I wanted to be an architect because my parents had their house built and it was a sort of standard design but they had an architect anyway and I liked to do drawings of the house when I was four, when the house was being built, I'd go in and wander around and make drawings.

And then, when I was seven, I was in the Black Hills of South Dakota and we bought a bunch of rocks from an old prospector, really interesting minerals.

And I came back and that was also the year the Mercury astronauts were selected.

And so I sort of got fascinated with space and space geology.

And so what I really wanted to do from a pretty early age, so this was from when I was seven, I wanted to be a planetary geologist.

- So, how does one become a planetary geologist?

- So it turned out that's what I went to school to do.

I went to MIT, I studied planetary astronomy at MIT.

It was like beginning to be a field and I had to sort of create my own degree in it with the courses I wanted to take as a mixture of things.

And I did it.

- Then came what at the time seemed like a major setback.

- And I ended up getting a job because my spouse got accepted to grad school at Cornell and I didn't.

And I ended up doing studying planets.

And the first big project I worked on was discovering the rings around the planet Uranus which was kind of exactly the kind of thing I wanted to do all my life.

- But sometimes fate steps in, in odd ways.

Jessica found out that she also loved software.

- And so I moved toward doing astronomy, doing more computers with astronomy and that's what I do now.

And I'm really happy with that as a profession.

I feel like I'm contributing and I feel like I'm actually doing what I started out to do.

- Sounds like Jessica had it made, a degree from one of the top engineering schools in the world, a lifelong dream coming to reality, a growing family, and a successful professional career.

But something was not quite right.

- So the way it worked in my life, I had a big secret in the core of my life for these 60 years until I was 60.

And then I could let it out.

And so I did and all of a sudden I didn't have secrets to keep 'cause I didn't have anything that I didn't care, I didn't have anything in my life that I minded that people knew.

- I asked Jessica survey question number 10, the most profound life transition I ever had was... - So the most profound life transition I ever had was when I switched gender two and a half years ago and went from male to female in my entire life and it was very, I was scared about it for many years before that, that I couldn't do it.

And gradually I got convinced that I could, I had friends that were really supportive.

I was really surprised that I had more just regular friends who were part of my life that were extremely supportive of me.

And in fact really got me out and I'm like so happy that I did that.

And it was really, it's sort of funny because it was a big transition, but I don't feel like I as a person changed drastically, more that I got freed to be more of myself than I was before.

But I was it sort of like being more of me rather than being different.

- That sounds terrific.

But was everyone on board with Jessica's transition?

- It cost my marriage.

It made have to deal with things that my family didn't wanna have to deal with and they've been okay about it.

They've been great, but they've been okay and I feel pretty good that everybody that I knew before pretty much is still talking to me at some level.

And a lot of 'em are dearer friends than they ever were before.

- We're going to hear more from Jessica in a later episode.

But what about you?

Did you harbor a deep secret for years and years?

What happened when you finally shared your secret?

Whom did you tell first?

Or are you still keeping your secret?

What is or was your number one fear about revealing your truth?

Please write and tell me about it and please send me some photos of yourself in your old and new life.

(light music) My next guest became an author after retiring from her regular job.

But in the 1960s, Dolores grew up in an unusual family.

We talked about her background and her life on a video call.

- I'm a retired marketing executive in the high tech sector.

Had a long career in which I focused on telecommunications solutions, hardware and software.

After that career, I went to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library, where I had the honor of digitizing, overseeing the digitization of President Kennedy's papers with the Library of Congress.

I have one daughter, an adult daughter, and I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

- That's great.

So please tell me a bit about your growing up.

- I grew up in Buffalo, New York, the youngest of three children.

Black father, white mother, was an absolutely unthinkable thing.

And we were considered both a black family and a mixed race family, which was not acceptable to many people.

And I went to public schools.

We lived in a ghetto.

I started out in a rented flat with a coal burning stove.

And by the time I got to high school, I was an honors student taking AP classes.

- Wow.

- And eventually won a scholarship to Howard University, graduated from there, went to Harvard Business School and on from there.

- Wow.

What a background.

Wow.

So you're not an underachiever?

- I don't think I heard that one.

No.

- You're not one of those, no, absolutely not.

Do you think you were driven to achieve more for some reason, and if so, what might that reason be?

- Well, I've thought about that a lot, and I seem to be driven from a very early age.

My father drank and according to some things I've read, sometimes children want to achieve in order to mitigate the feeling of the alcoholism in the family.

- Got it.

Do you have siblings?

- Yeah, I have two older brothers.

Unfortunately, they both passed away.

But I was the youngest and the only girl.

The baby.

- You're the baby.

Got it.

I asked Dolores survey question number 11, I am like my parents in that... - I am like my parents in that we all took risks to create the life we wanted to have rather than letting life happen to us.

In that, I mean, my father is black, my mother's white.

They met in Indiana in 1942 where the Klan ran the city Council.

There had been a lynching, and there was an anti-miscegenation law which said that you could not intermarry or face 20 years in prison, both male and female.

And yet they decided to get married.

- Just to underscore this, interracial marriages were against the law in Indiana in 1942.

I wondered what Dolores' parents did next.

- My parents decided to flee Indiana, and my mom staged her own disappearance, leaving her family to receive the results of a police investigation that said that she had been murdered or sold into white slavery.

And she left them to believe that.

- Why did she have them believe that?

- Well, my father was afraid he was going to get lynched for being with her, and he believed that the law would come after them.

They ran to New York State, where it was legal, and got married.

And he told her, if you tell your mother where we are and what we've done, she's going to send the law after me and I'm going to still get lynched.

And so it wasn't their explanation.

They gave no explanation.

They disappeared and they stayed disappeared for 36 years.

- That is an amazing, tragic story.

That's just amazing.

- That is at the heart of my book, "Say I'm Dead."

That is what my memoir is about, the mixed race journey in America.

And my parents place in it.

- In the now famous 1967 case, "Loving v. Virginia" the United States Supreme Court ruled that laws banning interracial marriage violated the Equal Protection and Due Process Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment to the US Constitution.

- They were ahead of the Supreme Court's decision to overturn anti-miscegenation laws by 25 years.

Can you imagine the circumstances under which they lived?

- I can't.

- Or that we were raised in.

We children.

People would spit at us in the street or people would push their kids away from us in order not to touch us publicly or run away.

A woman ran away when she saw that my mother was with my father.

With her hand over her mouth.

- The law was changed in 1967.

But what effect did that have on public opinion and common practice?

- But today, I can happily tell you that according to Pew Research in the Gallup poll, the opinion in America has switched from the time that I was 10.

And the national polls showed 96% of Americans were against race mixing and I was already 10.

My parents already married 15 years.

To today in 2021, their poll shows 94% of Americans agree with race mixing.

- There's a lot more to Dolores' life than this.

We'll hear more from her in another episode.

But how about you?

Was your parents' union thought of as illegal, or difficult, dangerous or socially unacceptable?

How did that affect you as a child?

How does that affect you now?

Please write and let me know, and send a photo if you can.

- So I thank God every day for giving me the courage and wisdom to go ahead with that, because I was afraid I would not survive.

(bright jazzy music) ♪ Oh, can't you see that look in my eye ♪ ♪ We're running out of time ♪ ♪ Running out of time ♪ ♪ Can you hear it when I talk to you ♪ ♪ That something going ♪ (light music) - Thanks to all the viewers who are filling out our "getting dot OLDER" online survey!

Here's a viewer survey response from Ophelia in Boston, Massachusetts.

Here's her answer to question number two, when I was younger I used to think that older people didn't... Ophelia says, "When I was younger, I used to think that older people didn't know what I truly felt inside.

I had no idea they experienced similar thoughts and beliefs that I was feeling.

Now that I'm older I can see they really knew the bigger picture, and I try to share my wisdom as a mentor with the youth."

Thank you for sharing, Ophelia.

(upbeat music) When it comes to staying healthy as we age, there's a lot of information, misinformation, and even disinformation.

I asked an expert about the top five things we can do at home to help stave off some of the negative effects of getting older.

Please join me again in welcoming Dr. Lesley Fernow, Geriatrician and President of Maine Highlands Senior Center.

As we get older, what are, let's say, the top five things that you wish people as they get into their 50s, 60s, 70s would adopt as lifestyle changes to help their aging process go better?

- Yes.

We've touched on some of that.

I would say the first thing is to get adequate exercise, to really make that a part of your daily weekly routine.

By adequate, the minimum would be 20 minutes a day of moderately vigorous exercise, either walking or using a machine, if you prefer to use a treadmill or a stair stepper or whatever it is you use, going up and down the stairs.

Starting in your younger years, if you work in an office building where there are stairs up to the third floor that you work on the third floor, walk up those stairs, and use that rather than using the elevator.

Park your car farther away from the entrance to the building and walk.

Those are really important things.

That's number one.

I think that's really high on the list.

Eating a balanced regular diet and not gaining weight and becoming obese and really paying attention to, perhaps, a more vegetarian lifestyle.

That doesn't mean you don't can't ever eat meat, but really avoiding those kinds of fats in your diet, the meat-related fats.

Don't smoke.

I think that's absolutely critical.

Get adequate sleep, which we talked about, and have regular human contact, regular human, develop a group of people that you can regularly have conversations with.

I want to address one thing, actually, that many people think keeps their mind active, which is doing puzzles.

Many people, as they begin to age, start doing puzzles online or buy puzzle books and things like that.

The research is very clear that that does not work to prevent aging of your brain.

- Darn it.

- It does not work.

What does work, though, is having human connections and conversations, meaningful conversations with people.

That makes a difference.

Whether it's a book discussion group, joining a library group where you actually talk about books or whether you just sit down and talk with people about current events or have meaningful discussion, probably not so much talking about the weather, but actually having meaningful discussion where your brain is having to work.

That actually does seem to make a difference.

I guess the final thing I would say that I would recommend people do early in life is develop a habit of some sort of mindfulness practice.

- We'll discuss different mindfulness practices with Dr. Fernow in a later episode.

If you or someone you know has a mental illness, is struggling emotionally, or has concerns about their mental health, there are ways to get help.

Use these resources to find help for you, a friend, or a family member.

(soft music) (bright jazzy music) We met Orin and Bernardo in another episode.

They're a married couple in Beverly Hills, with successful careers in acting, location scouting and interior design.

I asked them survey question number 10, the most profound life transition I've had was... - I think my decision to change my physical appearance, to the degree that I did with my ears and my nose, made all the difference in my self-image.

My life was forever changed from that moment.

I had so much more confidence, and people started thinking of me as attractive and good-looking.

That's what I wanted at the time.

- You were 17 years old.

- I was 17 years old but I suffered through my childhood being called names because of my ears or my nose.

- Got it.

- Suddenly, I was handsome and that made all the difference.

- Interesting.

And Bernardo, transition?

- Well, my transition of life was really monumental, because in 2010 I had to have a liver transplant.

I was not going to have it.

I knew that I was deathly ill and it was inevitable that I was going to die.

I went in October of 2009 to a doctor at Cedars, a young doctor from New York and he read my medical history, Mr. Puccio, he says, "I'm going to be very honest with you, very blunt.

If you don't decide to have the liver transplant very soon, you will be dead by Christmas."

As I said, this was October.

I looked at him and I said, "Doctor, you really have terrible bedside manner."

I said, "If you were to send me a bill, I would throw it in the garbage where you belong."

I walked out that doctor's office and I won't give you his name.

I walked down the street and I said to myself, because I talk to myself a lot, it's not insanity.

It's the only person who'll really listen to me.

I said, I have three choices.

I can drive my brand new Jaguar off a cliff and end this all entirely.

I can go to the nearest bar and get completely very drunk, or I can completely stop drinking, and have the liver transplant and live a new life.

Obviously, I chose the latter.

I thank God every day for giving me the courage and wisdom to go ahead with that because I was afraid I would not survive.

- What about you?

Have you undergone a surgery or medical procedure that has changed your life, or even saved your life?

Did you put that procedure off for a long time?

If so, why?

Please write and let me know, and send a photo if you can.

(light upbeat music) Well, thanks to all the viewers who are writing in and filling out our "getting dot OLDER" online survey!

Here's a viewer survey response from Dan in Arkansas.

Here's his answer to question number 13, Religion is... Dan says, "Religion is superficial and different for everyone.

God is consistent and genuine.

I strive to live according to His instructions."

Thanks again to Dan in Arkansas!

(upbeat music) This season on "getting dot OLDER."

- I had to stop drinking.

That was huge.

I probably wouldn't be here talking to you today, Roberto.

- I am most proud of being who I am, Melvin Juanico, as a Native American, who is here to serve my people.

- I'm really not afraid of death.

- Because, when we think about older adults, and I think one of the realities of a life that could be to 100 is that most of us need to keep earning a paycheck.

- Thanks so much.

Please go to our website and take our survey, and let us know if you're interested in doing a video call interview with me.

I'm really looking forward to hearing your story online.

(light upbeat music) (soft jingle) (light orchestral music) (exciting music)