(logo whirs) (signal buzzes) (gentle indie music) ♪ Glittering lake under a splintering dock ♪ ♪ I get a piece of it to take home ♪ ♪ And I pick at the wood under skin ♪ ♪ Sunlight slipping and spinning new days while I stood ♪ ♪ In a moment, I'll try to recapture ♪ ♪ Through mushrooms ♪ ♪ And speeding through stop signs and bleeding ♪ ♪ I wish there were things I never understood ♪ (gentle indie music continues) ♪ The time before knowing ♪ ♪ The silence preceding a knock at the door ♪ ♪ The light 'til shadows cast on me over and over again ♪ ♪ How to be smaller again ♪ ♪ To pretend ♪ (gentle indie music continues) ♪ A beautiful wake, I cried too long and too late ♪ ♪ After the service, for the kids running fast ♪ ♪ Through the manicured lawn ♪ ♪ Untouched by what had been lost ♪ ♪ Just for a moment, though I know it'll pass ♪ ♪ Losing is so long ♪ ♪ All my love ♪ ♪ All my love stuck in a time that will always be gone ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ The time before knowing ♪ ♪ The silence preceding a knock at the door ♪ ♪ The light 'til shadows cast on me over and over again ♪ ♪ How to be smaller again ♪ ♪ To pretend ♪ ♪ Though it is fleeting in theory ♪ ♪ A body remembers a notch in the wood ♪ ♪ Though I was too young to have understood ♪ ♪ The beauty in the time before knowing ♪ ♪ The silence that I could afford to endure ♪ ♪ The light before shadow brought me ♪ ♪ A comfort that I can ignore ♪ ♪ I can't live in before ♪ ♪ Anymore ♪ (gentle indie music continues) (gentle indie music continues) (audience cheers) (lively indie rock music) ♪ DSLR flash ♪ ♪ Looking past the lens ♪ ♪ A teenage imitation ♪ ♪ Now just a picture of a picture I've taken ♪ ♪ Glitter closing my eyes ♪ ♪ Falling asleep with your hand in mine ♪ ♪ Every moment has a touch of goodbye ♪ ♪ We were watching it leave while we still had time ♪ ♪ I wanna kill your boyfriend ♪ ♪ On the phone, you said ♪ ♪ I promise ♪ ♪ I know it's bad ♪ ♪ When I come home on the holiday ♪ ♪ You tell me everything in my bed ♪ ♪ Whispering like we're 13 again ♪ (lively indie rock music continues) (lively indie rock music continues) ♪ Glass bottles in the trunk ♪ ♪ Looking for something far past drunk ♪ ♪ Learning how to be loved ♪ ♪ In the back of a car that you're scared of ♪ ♪ Fall from a chemical high ♪ ♪ Outrunning the feeling of being alive ♪ ♪ But after it ended, you never felt right ♪ ♪ You're not supposed to take that stuff all the time ♪ ♪ I wanna kill your boyfriend ♪ ♪ He can never know you ♪ ♪ He wants to crush you in his hands ♪ ♪ And every time ♪ ♪ That you say he loves me ♪ ♪ I say that's not what love means ♪ ♪ I say that's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ ♪ I say that's not what love means ♪ ♪ I say that's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ ♪ That's not what love means ♪ (audience cheers) - Hello, Birmingham.

(somber indie rock music) ♪ With my hands in my pockets ♪ ♪ Standing like a little sister ♪ ♪ Know you like me a little better when I beg ♪ ♪ When we both pretend ♪ ♪ That what you're giving's what I'm after ♪ ♪ I just love to chase the difference ♪ ♪ And you get off on your affect ♪ ♪ I needed to feel small to someone ♪ ♪ And masochism's just more fun ♪ ♪ When you like to deny me ♪ ♪ In the moment ♪ ♪ When being below you ♪ ♪ Was just where you wanted me ♪ ♪ I don't wanna get it this way ♪ ♪ I don't wanna wake up again like this ♪ ♪ Punch drunk, filling up on whatever it is ♪ ♪ You decide to give ♪ ♪ I'm not as careless as I say I am ♪ ♪ To you when I want you badly ♪ ♪ When I'm so sick of my lonely ♪ ♪ But too proud to ask you to love me ♪ (somber indie rock music continues) ♪ With my hands on my mouth, I'm sitting down in the shower ♪ ♪ Had to pop my jaw to fit you in ♪ ♪ And it doesn't matter ♪ ♪ How I feel about it now ♪ ♪ When I guess that's what I wanted then ♪ ♪ I needed to feel close to someone ♪ ♪ And the best you could do ♪ ♪ Was close enough for me ♪ ♪ In the moment ♪ ♪ When being below you ♪ ♪ Was just where you wanted me ♪ ♪ I don't wanna get it this way ♪ ♪ I don't wanna wake up again like this ♪ ♪ Punch drunk, filling up on whatever it is ♪ ♪ You decide to give ♪ ♪ I'm not as careless as I say I am ♪ ♪ To you when I want you badly ♪ ♪ When I'm so sick of my lonely ♪ ♪ But too proud ♪ ♪ Oh, I'm just too proud ♪ ♪ I'll tell you now ♪ ♪ You never pulled one over on me ♪ ♪ I know how I played it ♪ ♪ How ♪ ♪ I used you to punish me ♪ ♪ You took the bait ♪ ♪ I'm not my place in your hierarchy ♪ (audience cheers) - If I had to pick one to do for the rest of my life, it would just be writing my songs for myself and having nobody ever hear them, but it is really special to be able to sing them in a room full of people who, you know, have listened to them and know the words, and, you know, knowing that it just means something different to them than it did to me, and that is, like, really beautiful, because then I'm like, oh, we're really connecting on this emotional level.

Like, we don't have to have each other's same experiences, but we can, you know, connect to the same kind of thing.

I mean, I think our brains will work in the ways that the platforms we use work, you know, and, like, we'll kind of get trained on those reward systems, and for me, I always found the instant gratification of TikTok really not conducive to creating meaningful art for me personally.

So I found a lot of solace in those more long-form mediums, like being able to publish an in-depth investigative or personal essay more often, or really, you know, basically communicating with people through the marketing strategy of not posting clips on TikTok, of not posting clips on Instagram, because I've been off TikTok for two years, of, like, well, if you wanna listen to me, then I would prefer if you engage with, like, a fuller body of work, and I've been really heartened to see how people will follow me to the long-form platforms, because I think we actually do want to engage with things in a serious way and not just scroll by them, which has been really nice to see.

(solemn indie music) ♪ Nose to nose, I hold you so close in the moment ♪ ♪ Though I know I feel it slipping away ♪ ♪ I told you to shut your mouth ♪ ♪ When you started talking about ♪ ♪ Passing years, passing days ♪ ♪ I've been having visions of you as a baby ♪ ♪ Maybe part of it is all in my head ♪ ♪ I don't think I understand time as a line ♪ ♪ I wasn't meant to live it like this, I guess ♪ ♪ And I don't know how you people do it ♪ ♪ See it all without the urge to fall right through it ♪ (solemn indie music continues) ♪ Crack open a photo book ♪ ♪ Sit alone at 20 and look for a sign ♪ ♪ That I was there ♪ ♪ Stare into the ceiling and contemplate ♪ ♪ The feeling of total obsoletion ♪ ♪ Dust and despair ♪ ♪ And yet I ♪ ♪ Can't stop trying ♪ ♪ To hold every beautiful thing ♪ ♪ In my hands ♪ ♪ I suck the pulp until I choke ♪ ♪ On what was never meant to last ♪ ♪ And still I hope, although I know ♪ ♪ I'm never gonna get it all back ♪ (solemn indie music continues) (solemn indie music continues) ♪ I feel limited in my constant sensitivity ♪ ♪ To what I know will hurt me soon ♪ ♪ Every day I spend in the sun, I waste ♪ ♪ Thinking of what will come when it's time for the moon ♪ ♪ If I have to love you ♪ ♪ I don't know how to do it without holding on too tight ♪ ♪ And I don't wanna leave you, but I might ♪ ♪ Only 'cause I don't know how to do this right ♪ ♪ And yet I ♪ ♪ Can't stop trying ♪ ♪ To hold every beautiful thing ♪ ♪ In my hands ♪ ♪ I suck the pulp until I choke ♪ ♪ On what was never meant to last ♪ ♪ And still I hope, although I know ♪ ♪ I'm never gonna get it all back ♪ ♪ Oh, just hold me ♪ ♪ Tell me I can hold it all too ♪ ♪ Tell me something small ♪ ♪ Lie so I can make it through ♪ ♪ Tell me there's another side ♪ ♪ And I'll be with it again ♪ ♪ Fake omnipotence ♪ ♪ So I can crawl back into bed ♪ (audience cheers) (upbeat indie rock music) (upbeat indie rock music continues) ♪ Feeling my way around in space ♪ ♪ Only takes a long time if I do ♪ ♪ I know how to speak to what you can't see ♪ ♪ But I'm sick of it trying to find you ♪ ♪ Giving you an out in the conversation ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm always bringing up the worst of it ♪ ♪ But you're taking my hand ♪ ♪ And you're taking me in ♪ ♪ When I'm in the shower, throwing up in the drain ♪ ♪ I explain it's not about you ♪ ♪ Everything I'm feeling is a phantom pain ♪ ♪ The rot settled in without you ♪ ♪ And there you are, looking at me with your bright eyes ♪ ♪ You could eat me alive ♪ ♪ And I'd let you do it 'cause it's all I know ♪ ♪ But you wanna do it right ♪ ♪ I'm a hard person to unravel ♪ ♪ I'm an endless ball of yarn ♪ ♪ I'm a labyrinth in the dark ♪ ♪ I'm not anything you want ♪ ♪ I'm not anything you want ♪ (upbeat indie rock music continues) (upbeat indie rock music continues) ♪ Being unknown is all that I own ♪ ♪ I don't wanna be taken apart again ♪ ♪ Pacing my way up and down the shame ♪ ♪ I've stayed after the strike but then ♪ ♪ You say you want nothing that I don't want to give ♪ ♪ And I don't think that's true ♪ ♪ But, anyway, I can't keep my secrets ♪ ♪ Even when I want to ♪ ♪ I'm a hard person to unravel ♪ ♪ I'm an endless ball of yarn ♪ ♪ I'm a labyrinth in the dark ♪ ♪ I'm not anything you want ♪ ♪ I'm an outlet mall parking lot ♪ ♪ I'm an Everclear on the rocks ♪ ♪ I'm not anything you want ♪ ♪ I'm a hanger-on of the band ♪ ♪ I'm a bug in your soda can ♪ ♪ If I could get away from who I am ♪ ♪ I'd be anything you want ♪ ♪ I'd be anything you want ♪ ♪ I'd be anything you want ♪ ♪ I'd be anything you want ♪ (upbeat indie rock music continues) (upbeat indie rock music continues) (upbeat indie rock music continues) (upbeat indie rock music continues) (solemn indie music) (solemn indie music continues) - You know, I had kind of a built-in audience when I started touring.

Like, I've never had to play a whole run of shows where like five people came, which is usually how you, you know, break in and start doing stuff, and even then, I was thinking to myself, like, wow, I had to gut my savings basically to buy merch and to do initial payments and to rent the van.

Like, how do people with no other job and maybe no savings, which music is so precarious as an industry.

Most people don't have that.

It's like, this is so untenable, but that's why I'm really a big fan of organizations like UMAW, which is the United Music Allied Workers, who are trying to start unionization efforts for musicians along the same lines as like SAG for fair wages and for these giants like Spotify and TikTok and whatever to stop or to share the profit that we generate for them.

So I have a lot of thoughts about the untenability of music right now and how I would like it to change, for sure.

(somber indie music) ♪ Your girlfriend wants to take me to yoga class ♪ ♪ And you want me to stop cutting myself in the bathtub ♪ ♪ The hospital wants to let my mother go home ♪ ♪ I said I won't give consent for that over the phone ♪ (somber indie music continues) ♪ I smoke a big bowl in my car all alone ♪ ♪ I get really high ♪ ♪ And cry to a stupid song ♪ ♪ I work at the mall where I sell nice perfume ♪ ♪ I say this one would be lovely on you ♪ (somber indie music continues) ♪ You corner me daily in the kitchenette ♪ ♪ You say have you eaten enough today yet ♪ ♪ And I always say yes and we know that I'm lying ♪ ♪ I let you fall silent ♪ ♪ We pretend that you're trying ♪ ♪ I don't know what to do with you ♪ ♪ You say it often ♪ ♪ Almost sounds like a good excuse ♪ ♪ For doing nothing ♪ (somber indie music continues) ♪ I call the police on my mom again ♪ ♪ I bring her yoga pants ♪ ♪ Without the drawstring in ♪ ♪ I buy another plant for the corner of my room ♪ ♪ I don't think it'll make it ♪ ♪ But I guess I'm speaking too soon ♪ (somber indie music continues) (somber indie music continues) (singer vocalizing) (singer continues vocalizing) (somber indie music continues) (somber indie music continues) (somber indie music continues) (gentle indie rock music) ♪ I've been feeling all right ♪ ♪ I think that I'm on the mend ♪ ♪ There's an old man shaking my shoulders ♪ ♪ And he's counting me in again ♪ ♪ Gotta do it ♪ ♪ Go ahead, live the life you agreed to, won't you ♪ ♪ Move it ♪ ♪ And move on ♪ ♪ In my dream last night ♪ ♪ The dog was still on the leash ♪ ♪ He was dead but I just kept dragging him down the street ♪ ♪ How stupid ♪ ♪ That seemed to me ♪ ♪ How foolish ♪ ♪ The wish might be ♪ ♪ Really, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ Everything's all right ♪ ♪ I mean why ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I, wouldn't I, wouldn't I ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I like to have a reason ♪ ♪ To make sense of the feeling ♪ ♪ Saving all my break-downs for the evening ♪ ♪ Even feeling guilty while I'm sleeping ♪ ♪ Praying one day I learn to lose my pretensions ♪ ♪ Easiest way to suffer is to be the exception ♪ ♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Face it, you're not special in your sadness ♪ ♪ And that face is pissing me off ♪ ♪ Really, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ Everything's all right ♪ ♪ I mean, why ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I, wouldn't I, wouldn't I ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I like to have a reason ♪ ♪ To make sense of the feeling ♪ ♪ Saving all my breakdowns for the evening ♪ ♪ Even feeling guilty when I'm sleeping ♪ ♪ Snap out of it, snap out of it, snap out of it ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm doing fine, 'cause I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm doing fine, 'cause I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ Really, I'm doing fine ♪ ♪ Everything's all right ♪ ♪ I mean, why ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I, wouldn't I, wouldn't I ♪ ♪ Wouldn't I like to have a reason ♪ ♪ To make sense of the feeling ♪ ♪ Saving all my breakdowns for the evening ♪ ♪ Even feeling guilty while I'm sleeping ♪ ♪ Even feeling guilty while I'm sleeping ♪ (audience cheers)