TO FIND THOSE AREAS THAT I CAN DO IT.

>> NOTICE HOW HAPPY EVERYONE IS THIS YEAR?

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S BEEN SO WARM THIS WINTER.

IT HARDLY EVEN GOT BELOW 30.

WHEN I WAS A KID IF IT EVER GOT UP TO 30 IN JANUARY, WE’D ALL PUT ON SHORTS AND GO OUTSIDE WITHOUT OUR COATS.

WE HAD ONE OR TWO MEASLY SNOWSTORMS - THAT’S PATHETIC.

MIGHT AS WELL LIVE ON A CARIBBEAN ISLAND, AND WHAT FUN WOULD THAT BE?

THERE WAS NO SNOW UNTIL FEBRUARY, AND THEN IT ONLY STUCK AROUND FOR 24 HOURS, LIKE A MAYFLY.

YOU COULDN’T EVEN FIND YOUR MITTENS THAT FAST.

WE’LL BE TELLING OUR GRANDKIDS ABOUT THE “GREAT VALENTINE STORM” OF 2024, WHEN IT SNOWED ONE DAY FROM NOON TO SUPPER TIME.

SO, GREAT.

UNFORTUNATELY, A TOO-WARM WINTER COULD MEAN WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE SOONER.

SCIENTISTS SAY A COLD CLIMATE KEEPS US ALIVE LONGER, AS LONG AS WE DON'T FREEZE TO DEATH.

APPARENTLY, WE ARE PRESERVED IN FROZEN TEMPERATURES, LIKE PORK CHOPS.

HUMAN BODY TEMPERATURES HAVE BEEN SLOWLY DROPPING OVER DECADES SINCE 1860, AND LIFE EXPECTANCY HAS BEEN GOING UP.

WE LIVE LONGER IN THE COLD - OR MAYBE IT JUST SEEMS LONGER.

THIS HAS ALSO BEEN DEMONSTRATED IN OTHER ANIMALS.

SCIENTISTS WOULD BREED WORMS AT A CERTAIN TEMP, THEN MOVE THEM TO COLDER CLIMATES.

THEY ALL LIVED LONGER, ALTHOUGH THEY DRANK MORE AND SOMETIMES WOULDN’T GET OUT OF BED.

THEY SAY THIS IS RELATED TO A PROCESS CALLED “PROTEIN MISFOLDING” IN WARMER TEMPERATURES, WHICH CAN TRIGGER DISEASES LIKE PARKINSON’S AND ALZHEIMER’S.

THEY NEVER COVERED THIS IN MEDICAL SCHOOL.

MISFOLDING IS HOW I GOT OUT OF DOING THE LAUNDRY.

SCIENTISTS ARE WONDERING HOW TO APPLY THIS TO HUMANS, BUT IT SEEMS PRETTY CLEAR TO ME - IT MEANS WE SHOULD ALL MOVE TO BIWABIK.

MEANWHILE, THEY ARE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO PREVENT THIS PROTEIN MISFOLDING.

MAY BE A GOOD TIME TO INVEST IN SPRAY STARCH.

OF COURSE, THIS WINTER WAS PROBABLY JUST A FLUKE.

NEXT YEAR WE’LL PROBABLY BE BACK TO NORMAL, WHERE IT’S COLD ENOUGH TO FREEZE YOUR NOSE HAIRS.

IF NOT, WE ALL MAY BE GOING TO DIE A LITTLE SOONER BUT LOOKING A LITTLE MORE TANNED AND HAPPY.