(mellow music) - [Narrator] Funding for this program was made possible by the Staunton Farm Foundation.

Thank you.

(somber music) - [Woman] Like you don't exist, as if you're not a part of your surroundings.

(somber music) - Got real depressed.

It seems embarrassing to say something like that.

(somber music) - So I would start cutting people off until eventually I started becoming suicidal.

- During the pandemic, I started drinking and I drew about my drinking.

- [Narrator] We Americans are as lonely as we've ever been.

- [Narrator] We have an epidemic- - [Narrator] And that isolation hurts us socially and emotionally.

- Cognition that worsens when you don't have human contact.

- [Narrator] Isolation is making us sick.

(somber music) - More likely to have heart problems that their life expectancy is reduced.

- [Narrator] Loneliness has long been rampant among people of all ages.

- I don't think I saw most of my friends for a good year and a half.

- [Narrator] And then the pandemic hit and put even more walls between us.

- [Woman] I love you Ma.

Darryl loves you, Tim and Dre.

- I feel cheated 'cause I didn't have that opportunity to sit there, to be there when she passed.

(somber music) - Think there was a lot of underserved communities that fell further behind.

(somber music) - [Narrator] It is that feeling of empty silence, of not belonging, of yearning for connection.

Emotions we all experience but might not want to share.

- Nobody wants to show any signs of weaknesses.

At least I don't know a lot of people who want to look weak.

- [Narrator] We can reach across the empty spaces to build connection and community so we don't feel so alone.

- [Woman] These four walls will cave on you.

- [Man] Isolation hurts.

- [Woman] We're coming over here.

- [Narrator] Dinner's on the stove at the Ifft home in Ben Avon, Pennsylvania.

- [Woman] Let's just put it here.

- [Narrator] Three generations will sit down for a holiday meal together for the first time since the pandemic began.

- Well be before we say grace and we'll hold hands to say grace but I wanted to thank the good Lord for our family, friends and for our health most importantly.

(somber music) - It was really difficult.

I mean the most difficult was not being able to come home to see my family.

- I teach at a school where all of my kids are hearing impaired or have speech delays.

So for us to wear a mask every day, it was hard.

(somber music) (people speaking) - COVID hitting and it really just destroyed everything.

Didn't get to have a graduation until the middle of the summer.

- One friend of mine's grandmother was in hospice and nobody could go see them and Sal was in the hospital and only one person could go see Sal and that was me.

- [Narrator] Sal is Sally Ifft, Kevin's younger sister who lives with the family.

She's 60 and has an intellectual disability.

- For years, she attended a day program.

It was wonderful.

It gave us structure.

It gave her structure and she loved it, and she loved the people that she went to daycare with.

- [Narrator] But COVID shut the program down.

Sally has not been the same since.

- Through the experience of COVID to see the rapid decline of life and enjoyment and knowledge and just everything.

But I think the combination of missing out on seeing all her friends from work and seeing all the people that she worked with.

- [Narrator] Sally is losing her eyesight and has early onset Alzheimer's disease.

Life has always been challenging for her.

The pandemic put barriers between her and some of the things that helped her to thrive.

- [Man] Sal just had this recall ability that we would get on to family reunions and I'd have to go over to Sal and say, "Sal cousin Danny, what's his kids' names?"

And she'd know them all.

(somber music) - Her joy, her sparkle is definitely not as bright as it was- - No, Mmh hmm- And it's hard, we just look every day for the moment that we get a little bit, like we see a little bit of joy.

She completely relies on others to do everything for her and with her.

- [Man] It's heartbreaking.

- Even when we look at seniors or people that are starting to have memory problems problems with their cognition that worsens when you don't have human contact or social interaction.

- [Narrator] Psychologists long have known of the thread that connects loneliness to mental decline and now they're learning the pandemic made things worse, much worse.

Before COVID, a little less than one third of adults reported feeling isolated, a year into the pandemic, that number more than doubled, bringing with it a whole list of health concerns aside from the virus itself.

- [Woman] Such as?

- Sleep disturbances.

It's really important that we need our sleep.

Sleep, high blood pressure has been linked as a physical condition that is related to loneliness.

Obesity... - [Narrator] The list goes on.

Being socially isolated can be as lethal as smoking.

It causes heart disease, chronic pain and fatigue.

Living alone without social connections will raise the risk of early death by 30%.

And challenges like the pandemic always land most harshly on those who are marginalized or different.

- You know, when you're looking at the underserved communities, there's less knowledge and less resources for them to fall on.

It would've been frightening to think the negative effect it would've had on individuals at that point.

(mellow music) - [Narrator] It is unlikely that Sally ever will rebound to where she was before the pandemic, but she is fortunate because she has this large warm family around her.

- At the end, when you look at your kids and you see what your kids have learned from bringing someone like Sal into your house.

Sal has brought patience, understanding, humility, laughter, more patience.

(laughs) (somber music) - [Woman] We need that common thread of touch and talk and I think without it I think it would be a very lonely existence.

- The common denominator is the same is just loneliness and just this feeling of not being in control and not being able to change the reality as fast as we would like to.

(somber music) During isolation, I developed a drinking problem.

(somber music) I was drinking early in the morning and I was drinking all day long.

- [Narrator] Andrea Shockling is a graphic artist and also a self-described introvert.

She always has enjoyed spending time alone but when the pandemic gave her no choice but to be alone, she turned to alcohol.

- At the time I was working for a brewery and so the access to the beer, which I love, was so easy.

I didn't realize it was a coping mechanism until it was a dangerous one.

(dramatic music) It was a way of not feeling alone by not feeling at all.

(dramatic music) - [Narrator] As COVID shut down the world, the usual checks and balances of time with her friends and family were gone.

- There's nobody to stop you to comment on, "That's really fast that you finished that."

- [Narrator] Andrea descended into alcoholism, sleeping much of the day and having blackouts.

- There were like awkward interactions that I couldn't explain away afterwards and that was an immediate like punch to the gut.

"You're outta control."

- [Narrator] Even before the trouble started Andrea had been sharing her personal comics and graphic stories.

As the pandemic dragged on she put pen two tablet and began to draw this story, a brutally honest telling of her year in groggy isolation.

- I mean, there's so many stories of the increase in alcohol consumption throughout the pandemic and so many more instances of people drinking alone.

So it was like a cathartic experience writing it.

(mellow music) - [Narrator] Frame by frame, the memoir captures it, the lonely days and all the beer.

- Now I am stuck and I feel lonely and I feel kind of scared about how this is a much bigger loss of control than I've ever experienced.

(mellow music) - [Narrator] The memoir ends with her return to sobriety.

On December 1st, 2020, Andrea stopped drinking and has been sober ever since.

- I tend to really look at my growth as an opportunity to tell a story of like where I was and where I am and where I'm going.

- [Narrator] She hopes her art will resonate with others who turn to drinking or other unhealthy habits to cope with loneliness.

(mellow music) - It's hard to face just yourself day after day after day without having like the touchstone of your people.

So putting out those feelings on paper through my words and through my drawings was a chance for me to say like, "This is impossibly difficult.

Hey, this is my story but your story's probably also very similar."

It would be really kind of lovely if we talk about that and maybe lovely for you to see that reflected in somebody else's work.

(mellow music) - [Woman] The nursing home notified everybody they were shut down.

I couldn't touch her, but I could see her.

- [Narrator] A moment like this came for many thousands of people during the pandemic saying last goodbyes separated by glass.

- We played music, we prayed together.

- [Narrator] Patsy Bradshaw lived her last years in a skilled care facility.

Because of COVID, her family could not be in the room with her.

- Can you hear me Ma?

(somber music) I'm going through a emotional rollercoaster right now.

- I love my mom very much we were side by side like sisters.

She worked at Children's Hospital in the cardiac cath lab and she took care of us.

We didn't even know we were poor.

- [Narrator] In her 80s, Patsy developed dementia and moved to the nursing home.

Her daughter believes the imposed isolation of the pandemic may have hastened her mother's decline.

- She was pushed to the window in her bedroom.

The declining, each time they zoomed, I could see it, especially in the face.

She keeping her eyes closed more often.

I'd say, "Mom, it's me.

Can you hear me?"

And she would hum.

(somber music) 8:05 PM Monday, August 17th, 2020.

Mother's in her at the final stage.

Her respiration is down to six.

I told her I loved her and she just looked and a tear rolled down.

A tear rolled down her face.

(somber music) - [Narrator] Patsy Bradshaw died in August, 2020.

- Each day I went up there and then like a home going for her and I and that, getting emotional here, and that Tuesday I told her, "Go home."

It's okay to go home Ma.

Miss B, if you gotta go home, go home.

- [Narrator] Like so many people during the pandemic Patsy deserved a better home going, so did her daughter.

- I felt cheated because I should have been there holding her and touching her just to let her know somebody was there and she could go even more peacefully.

That's my thought.

- [Narrator] These days, Dorothy finds solace volunteering for other aging adults at the Vintage Senior Center playing music for the line dancing classes.

(upbeat music) (indistinct) It's a place to get out and make friends.

- I like to keep moving.

I think that as you get older, if you settle, if you sit you rust.

- [Man] G52.

- [Narrator] And if you don't want to dance, there's bingo.

- And the people here, they make you welcome.

It's like a big family here.

- [Narrator] Social isolation can be especially hard on older people.

As the years pass, friends and relatives are dying.

Studies have shown that even before the pandemic as many as half of those living in skilled and personal care homes rarely have visitors.

Some have none at all.

- When you're feeling lonely and you're isolated from people then you start to worry.

You start to think maybe negative thoughts like "What's going on here?

I never felt lonely before."

- [Narrator] And it's not just those living in facilities people aging alone in their houses and apartments can be at risk too.

- How do we serve these underserved, unserved and unseen older adults in the community who don't come through the doors of a senior center?

- [Narrator] The Area Agency on Aging is starting a program that will go into neighborhoods to look for those seniors who live alone and need help building relationships.

Programs like Meals on Wheels will be among the tools used to identify those people and bring them into the fold.

(door knocking) - [Woman] Just to double check to make sure that that they're okay mentally, physically and spiritually.

How are you feeling?

- Okay.

- It's not just the meals, it's the whole, "Oh my gosh, somebody's at the door."

- I think the number one thing is just of being afraid of getting old.

(upbeat music) (indistinct) - There is an enormous stigma against admitting that there are mental health challenges in this world.

We just need to be close to people.

We can feel each other's energy.

You can be having a bad day and walk through the doors here and the first person that you see can turn your day around.

(somber music) - And my mom used to tell us, "These four walls will cave on you, because touch is so important."

(somber music) Touch is the human nature from day one as a baby till it's time to go, till it's time to leave this earth.

I think I truly learned that nobody wants to be alone.

(somber music) - [Joel] It got to its worst when I was living on my own and that loneliness, that isolation really started to feed back on my depression.

- [Narrator] Joel Richard's story is one of such dark isolation that he almost didn't make it back into the light.

In 2014, after months of being alone, he tried to take his own life.

His depression reaches back to when he was 13 and his father died.

- He had been diagnosed with stage four brain cancer, but when the grieving process went away I kind of maintained this flat mood.

So it got to its worst when I was living on my own, I wouldn't have the energy or just the willpower to deal with people.

I stopped talking to my mom and my sisters because my friends were seeing me less and less and less, all I had was just my own head space and that just kept feeding back on itself until eventually I started becoming suicidal.

But I also was convinced that by cutting people off it would make my suicide more acceptable to people.

And then I finally had my attempt in 2014.

- [Narrator] That's when Joel finally reached out for help.

First, therapy and medication, and then finally his doctor suggestion that he stepped back into the world.

- I played video games and he is like, "Well, that isn't good.

We don't want you sitting in front of a screen."

- [Narrator] Joel looked around for a group to join and landed in a most unexpected place.

- Hey guys, thanks for everybody meeting up together today.

I'm sorry I can't be there with you guys.

I've got COVID- - [Narrator] But he wouldn't miss this game for anything.

- But hey, we're gonna have a good day at D & D, right?

- [Man] Yeah.

- [Narrator] He was joining his friends for regular tabletop games.

(group cheers) - [Joel] And I thought, "Okay, maybe this is a good thing.

Sounds like fun."

And I quickly realized that having a obligation each week of social interaction was a fantastic thing.

- [Narrator] The gaming group counted on him to participate and that forced him to go even when he didn't feel like it.

- They're just there to have fun.

They don't realize that I'm using this as a tool to avoid isolation.

- [Narrator] What began as a way for him to take that first step out of his room turned out to be the thing that saved his life.

- I didn't like to tell people that I was alone and lonely because I was afraid that people would feel obligated to do something about it and I didn't want people to hang out with me because they felt obligated to make me feel better.

(somber music) - [Narrator] Joel now reaches out to others who are where he once was.

- I know how dark of a place that can be, and I also know how oddly comfortable that place is.

When you get used to it, it's kind of like staying in your bed under the blanket.

It's a comfortable and warm and fuzzy experience, but you're keeping yourself from experiencing life.

I'm in a much healthier place now.

I've reconnected with my family.

I'm starting to have genuine self-worth again.

Yohan you fool.

(indistinct).

- Didn't you see the pole sign, Yohan?

- There are times when I will stop and pause being in these groups.

The one's laughing and smiling and I'll just kind of take it in and go, "This is what I would've lost if I had taken my life."

(group laughing) - They always tell us when they see us that they just dropped 10 years.

They'll start to act like we do.

Their personality will start to feel like they're feeling younger.

(upbeat music) I met Audrey at our crochet class.

- [Narrator] Julie Cleer and Audrey Hathaway share more than just crochet needles and yarn.

They share living quarters.

- So I was like, "I should just make myself a hat this weekend."

- [Narrator] Julie is a sophomore at La Roche University in suburban Pittsburgh.

She's one of a handful of students who chose to leave typical dormitory life and moved into a senior living facility.

- I ended up here after my freshman year in college.

I was looking for other housing options.

I'm not a big party person.

I like a more quiet home setting.

- [Narrator] This is an intergenerational residency program that places La Roche students in their own rooms at the Vincentian Terrace apartments nearby.

Most of those who live here are aged 55 and older, and among them are a few much younger residents who, like Julie receive free housing in return for helping with activities.

It's a program built on the need for social connection.

- It's sometimes hard for me to feel connected still and have a family since while I'm at school.

- I thought I might wear the headband, but I haven't.

I lost my husband in May and then my mother in November the same year, so that was hard.

- [Narrator] Julie has grandparents who live out of town and Audrey has grandchildren.

- I rarely see 'em because they all live in different states.

I just made this for my little niece in Ohio.

- Think of her as my adopted grandparent and we're able to share anything with each other and usually when you talk to a grandparent, it's a very comforting feeling and they're able to share their own experiences and kind of how to overcome any issues that I'm having.

More people signed up this time.

- Did they?

- So we might get some more people at that one.

- [Narrator] Six decades separate these two friends, both are a little less lonely because they have each other.

- And a lot of people think that we're just helping out them but they're really helping out us just the same.

They're giving us someone to talk to.

They're sharing their wisdom, they're sharing their experiences.

- And I get a sense of belonging and caring.

- I also got french toast before and they put the french toast inside of a waffle maker.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

That was really good.

- If I need to talk to someone, there's always someone around you know, just take a walk down the hall.

- [Julie] And I think that overall we're really benefiting from each other.

- Look at her Sally.

Sally.

There is this invisible energy that runs between humans.

- [Narrator] We were made to be with each other and so much of our hurt and suffering lies in the empty spaces between us.

- We have to look at loneliness as a human emotion.

It's a human experience that we all experience at sometimes in our lives.

- I think we are very, very social species and I think we need each other.

(somber music) - You know, in this very isolating world.

Just being reminded that you're not alone through some of the difficult things that we experience, can go a long way towards giving you some goodwill to just kind of get through the day and figure out what comes next.

- I feel I don't wanna be alone when it's my time.

I want somebody to hold my hand.

(somber music) - Yes, there are painful elements to life but if you are able to be receptive to it, there's a lot of simple joy and pleasure in life too.

So keep trying.

- Give us Lord our daily bread.

- [Group] Amen.

(crowd cheering) (somber music) (upbeat music) - I think I'm gonna be fine.

You know, five years from now I will look back at this and not be excited about my experience.

♪ You have me I have you ♪ ♪ That's enough to paint lonesome black and blue ♪ ♪ I have you and you have me ♪ It was difficult, but I will still be sober ♪ We've had down ♪ ♪ We've had one night we've gone round and round ♪ - Finding someone to play Monopoly or Dungeons and Dragons or checkers or chess.

If you can get that weekly commitment, it's a fantastic thing.

♪ I've gone north ♪ ♪ And I've gone south ♪ - [Narrator] What would you say to somebody who is afraid to step through that door because they don't know how to make a friend?

Tell me how you make a friend.

- Good morning.

How are you?

Good to see you today.

That's the first step.

Sometimes that's all it takes.

♪ They all point to you ♪ - Pick up the phone.

Just pick up the phone.

I know you have a phone number for somebody.

(upbeat music)