>> ARON: HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW!

2024 IS GOING TO BE THE YEAR TO REMEMBER!

NOW SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE SKEPTICAL OF THIS NEW YEAR SINCE THERE ARE SEVERAL INTERNATIONAL CONFLICTS, WE’RE BEING HIT WITH ANOTHER WAVE OF COVID, THERE’S AN ELECTION PEOPLE ARE TERRIFIED OF, AND OTHER LITTLE THINGS.

BUT TO THAT I SAY: YOU NEED TO START PLANNING THINGS TO BE EXCITED ABOUT.

LISTEN, LIFE IS DREARY, AND I THINK WE’RE ALL PAST THE POINT WHERE ANOTHER OLYMPIC GAMES CAN PERK US UP.

SO YOU GOTTA START MAKING SOME INTERESTING PLANS.

HOW ABOUT A TRIP?

DON’T GO SOMEWHERE OBVIOUS AND EXPENSIVE LIKE PARIS OR LAS VEGAS.

GO SOMEPLACE WEIRD, LIKE THE LOWEST-RATED RESTAURANT IN DETROIT OR AN ODDLY SPECIFIC MUSEUM.

GET SOME STORIES IN YOUR LIFE.

YEARS FROM NOW ARE YOU GOING TO REMINISCE ABOUT THE YEAR THINGS STAYED BAD AND GOT WORSE OR THE TIME YOU STUMBLED INTO THE MUSTARD MUSEUM IN MIDDLETON, WISCONSIN?

HOW ABOUT A PROJECT?

I DON’T MEAN A KITCHEN RENOVATION; I MEAN SOMETHING SILLY AND DUMB.

PAINT YOUR BEDROOM A WEIRD COLOR; BETTER YET, PAINT YOURSELF A WEIRD COLOR AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL.

YOU CAN USE ANY SHADE - EXCEPT FOR BLACK.

AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS, PICK UP AN ODD SPORT.

SURE YOU COULD PLAY BASKETBALL LIKE A SCHMO, OR YOU COULD TRY YOUR HAND AT UNDERWATER HOCKEY, EAR PULLING, WIFE CARRYING, ZORBING, AND FLANGE FLINGING.

ONLY ONE OF THOSE SPORTS ISN’T REAL, HAVE FUN FINDING OUT WHICH.

I KNOW ALL OF THIS MIGHT SEEM A TOUCH EXTREME BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU “YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO BITTERNESS!” ROLLING YOUR EYES AND SUCKING YOUR TEETH WILL NOT MAKE THE YEAR MORE BEARABLE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT?

DRESSING UP LIKE A MOOSE AND CONFUSING YOUR DOG.

EATING SOME TRULY HORRIBLE FOOD WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.

OR EVEN COMPETITIVELY CARRYING YOUR WIFE.

SO FOR 2024, I’M GONNA GET WEIRD AND BE SPECIFIC.

AND IF YOU DO TOO, WE WILL