This and more coming up on the Whitney Reynolds Show.

To be given the opportunity to represent a single mom and a mother/daughter relationship, it's been a really important journey.

And I know me growing up without a father, like, definitely played into the fact there's this little guy here.

He doesn't have anyone for him in the world.

He needs that person.

[announcer] Support for the Whitney Reynolds Show is provided by...

Together at Peace, a community dedicated to spreading the light that still shines bright, helping foster a connection to those we love and lost.

Offering suggestions, products, and curated event templates to move forward with their spirits.

We are forever together at peace.

K O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

JoePerillo.com, where you can browse their selection of pre-owned luxury vehicles.

JoePerillo.com is based in Chicago and ships all over the country.

And by Fair Oaks Farms, an escape to the country with acres of fun, fresh food and learning where you can explore family-owned farms and reconnect with nature, animals and our planet.

Additional support provided by Kevin Kelly Real Estate Agent, Midwest Moving & Storage.

Brendon Studzinski with State Farm, Bark Busters Chicago, Concierge Aesthetics & Plastic Surgery, and these funders.

Welcome to the Whitney Reynolds Show.

We are so glad you have found us.

Today we are talking blended families and learning about the love that has bonded these special people together.

[opening theme music] [Whitney] AJ Coleman leads our show.

He holds many titles that have molded him into the father he is today.

At 33 years old, he lost his beloved wife to brain cancer.

His daughter was just 16 months old.

Overnight, he became a single father, riddled with anxiety and grappling with loss.

This life-altering moment was when his blending started.

From a widower to a single father and now stepfather, he joins us now with more.

Welcome to the show.

Great.

Thank you.

Great to be here.

We're talking blended families.

And you do have a blended family now.

[AJ] I do.

Can you take us back to the beginning of how this all started?

Well, to go back to where it all began, we'd have to go back to losing my wife back in 2009.

I was 33 years old, raising my daughter, caring for my wife at the time who was battling brain cancer, and the world just stopped.

And it was really difficult to understand where, and where I was going in life.

I could only focus on my daughter.

I couldn't even focus on myself and the grief that was behind because I didn't have anywhere to go.

How old was your daughter at the time?

She was about 16 months old.

And as the years have gone through, just raising my daughter on my own, the prospect of dating seemed so foreign to me.

You know, you get married once and you just think about life as that whole and you spend your entire life planning that whole segment, and then when that stops, do you really have the energy to do it again?

And I just couldn't do that.

Your children are your most prized people.

You protect them.

You nurture them.

You let them grow.

But you're very selective on who can touch them, who can hold them, who can take care of them.

And little by little, I started forming a different perception.

And over the years, I had to go back and actually speak to a professional about how do you move on from a marriage into a dating lifestyle?

How long did that take you to wrap your mind around?

It was two years to at least go from the prospect of, okay, I'm going to start dating again and really start moving forward with my life.

And there was still a lot of guilt that I had deep down.

When my wife got sick, we never talked about the unknown.

We never talked about the "what if" scenarios.

Like, "If something were to happen, I want you to be okay "and I want you to move on without me, even though I know you still love me."

I didn't believe that we are going to lose the battle on cancer.

I fought with her from the beginning, to the end.

And I just did not accept defeat.

Did the diagnosis come right after your daughter was born?

Yes.

My daughter was born in 2008.

Two months later, we were in surgery for the brain tumor.

It's hard to wrap your mind around.

You know, you have this brand new life and then you find out that the love of your life potentially could be taken away.

Were you able to even see past where you were in that moment or were you just kind of stuck in time?

That's a good question.

Looking back, I think it was really more I was just stuck in time.

I didn't want to address the unknown.

How did you end up meeting your now wife?

We grew up four houses down from each other when we were babies.

We lived in the same subdivision and just kind of moved in each other's lives throughout the next 40 plus years.

And your new wife also had kids?

She does.

Yeah, she did.

She had twin girls at the time that were a few years older than my daughter.

It was really interesting, the dynamic.

They were helpful that they were girls.

They played with my daughter.

They helped nurture her a little bit.

But now you're also navigating being a stepdad.

Yes.

What advice would you have for the blended families that have gone through a divorce now?

You didn't, but your now wife did.

What advice would you have for being a stepfather?

Just be patient.

There is a lot of moving pieces when it comes to blending a family.

And just really understanding your role.

Understanding where they're coming from, their feelings, their thoughts.

Because not only are they gaining a stepdad, but it's still a dynamic change, right?

The blended family is really about moving together forward.

You have two different lines that they intersect together, and then you're trying to figure out how do you wrap those hands together and just walk.

And you actually wrote a book about moving forward and keep going, and I think that is such wisdom.

So, the book is called Keep Those Feet Moving, and it's one of those books where I wrote, really just started out as just a memoir for my daughter to read about my insights to my life, some personal things about her mother,= in the winding minutes before she passed.

Some of my struggles growing up as a young child.

It started evolving into something bigger.

As I started a blog, Keep Those Feet Moving, people said, "Well, you need to write a book "and share some of your wisdom "and share some of your philosophical viewpoints that are a little bit unorthodox from others, but it resonates."

Thank you for being vulnerable with us today, being honest, and helping other families that could be in similar situations understand that there is a path forward.

There is.

Thank you very much.

And now we meet a couple who struggled with fertility and that led them down the journey to embryo adoption.

They welcomed us into their home and talked about their loving hearts.

Josh and I got married eight years ago already, almost nine, and we started trying for our own family almost right away, and it didn't turn out how we would like to.

We did go through IVF and IUI.

Actually went then and found an organization called Nightlight and they have an embryo adoption program called Snowflakes.

The Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program is created to help families who have remaining embryos from their in vitro fertilization in frozen storage that they do not have a plan to use themselves.

So they're done with their family for whatever reason that is.

And they have various things that they can do with their remaining embryos.

They can just continue to keep them frozen.

They can donate them to scientific research which destroys the embryo, or they can donate them for reproduction.

The adopting family is making a commitment to the embryo set that they're adopting to do their best to give every embryo an opportunity to be born.

We know that not every embryo will be born, but we're going to give as many of them that opportunity as we can.

[Whitney] Donna was given four embryos by her donor family.

The first did not take, but the second resulted in the birth of her son.

And she is currently pregnant with the third.

It's a family, a husband and wife.

They went through the process.

They have three children and they had four embryos left.

And it was their wish to give these embryos a chance at life.

In the long run, our goal and the other couple's goal is that our son or our children will know that they're a genetic family and will be able to see them, talk to them, reach out to them, have a relationship with them.

With the organization, you could pick different levels of communication and move slowly on your own pace.

So, at first it was, we used them as a mediator, the adoption agency, and wrote the family a letter and let them know it was healthy, and to communicate.

And then within a few months of our son being born, we exchanged emails and we try to communicate as often as we can.

We give them updates and we let them know when I get pregnant again and when I was going to go through IVF.

You know, communication is there.

When you start an infertility journey, it's very private, very, very private.

And we were very lucky to have friends that helped us when we were going through our IVF, that they went through IVF.

And I feel very blessed to have found my counselor to help me go through the grieving process of not having our own biological children.

But it is definitely a long-- it's a long process to be verbal about it.

But we feel it's important to share that this is an option out there for other couples.

The first, I could say, three months, it was unreal.

The feelings that you have and you go through, and you're learning to be a mom, and you're learning to take care of your child.

And it was-- Every day I look at him and it makes me smile.

To be able to care for the child for the nine months and know everything you do: you're protecting it and you're growing, letting it grow and be healthy and doing everything you need to to have a healthy child, is a pretty amazing feeling.

You're creating life.

And now to another adoption story.

One that the family feels like is extremely unique and they are proud of.

He's just my son.

If that does make you interested, that's fine.

Let's have a coffee and let's talk about it.

Maybe we can help use that as a way to kind of like help people not necessarily see race first, but a human first and be able to break down some of those barriers.

[Whitney] Ruthie and Lamar both held the dream of starting a family one day.

However, that vision, when brought to reality, presented some challenges.

One of the first things that they're like, "Oh yeah, you might have issues getting pregnant."

And I thought a magical pill was going to fix it, but it didn't.

So, we started our journey with our fertility doctor in August of 2020.

And during that, we had a couple of procedures done.

We did a couple of different methods of trying to have a baby.

So, I went through additional procedures to make sure my lining and stuff was the way that it needed to be.

But that procedure took a lot out of me to try to do.

It's kind of difficult to be like, "I can't really take any of this off of you."

I don't know what else I can do besides, I'm here 100 percent trying to make sure I can create the best stress-free environment for her so therefore she can try to be comfortable so she can relax on top of like, trying to make sure her scheduling is working out, so she has time to breathe because she's a, go, go, go, go.

Overall I'll say, like, it's definitely been quite invigorating watching her go through all that because it just reminds me of how strong she is.

[Whitney] And just when Ruthie wanted to pause the process, one phone call changed everything.

Right when I decided that, I was like, I just need a break.

So my friend called me and she was like, "You want to have a baby?"

[giggles] So, the timing was just impeccable, to say the least.

[Whitney] The family that they'd been hoping for was finally about to happen.

What they didn't anticipate, though, was having a baby of the opposite race.

They went into this with an open mind and walked out with love in their hearts.

So, I got the call and she put it all out there and she was like, "Do you want this baby?"

And yeah, he was White.

You get hit with this whole, "Hey, there's this kid that needs you."

And I know me growing up without a father like, definitely played into the fact there's this little guy here.

He doesn't have anyone for him in the world.

He needs that person.

And I can be that person.

I have plenty of room in my heart to love and we have to own the space.

Like, why not?

I know for me, when like, we met him the first time, yeah, I'm a sucker.

My heart melted the moment I saw him and everything, his cute little face and everything.

Like, I may be a big guy, but I have the softest little heart.

And he just melted it the moment I held him.

We got to get the kid.

I don't know what else to say.

[Whitney] Doing everything they could to create a warm and loving space for their new baby, Ruthie and Lamar were ready to bring Chip home.

We hustled to like, get everything together.

We got his nursery together in a weekend, fully furnished and everything to be like, you see we're serious about making Chip a part of our family, doing everything that we can.

[Whitney] While the love and family bond between them is undeniable, being an interracial family opened their eyes and hearts, plus now, their story to the world.

I will say this has been like more of a interesting position to be in.

We may be out in a grocery store and depending on people's perception, they may interpret the situation like, hmm, that's weird.

That's awkward.

But some of the situation has been a little bit shocking and everything because a lot of places we go in, there's mostly Caucasians there and everything.

And how quickly they assume, "Oh, you're spending time with your dad.

You're playing with your dad."

There's like an automatic assumption there which surprised me and has been more surprising, more warm and welcoming than anything has been.

So, I've been thoroughly like, mind blown over this whole situation.

When I look at him, I just see my son, you know, and honestly, if I do have to give a further clarification, in some of those spaces that Lamar has mentioned, it's always like, yeah, this is my son.

Do you need to know our story?

Because I don't mind sharing it in hopes that maybe it would inspire you to, like, consider the fact that families don't have to necessarily match, especially from a skin tone perspective, for it to still be a true family and to be just as legitimized or full of worth as like a traditional family environment.

And now we look at a TV show that talks about today's topic.

My goodness, how are you guys doing?

So good.

So happy to be here.

[Whitney] Richa Moorjani and Poorna Jagannathan star in the show Never Have I Ever, a program that portrays a family overcoming loss while also dealing with their own relationships with each other.

This show is bringing out the emotions.

Tell us about like, the comedy side and then also dealing with grief in the same type of setting.

I think that comedy is a really powerful way of addressing real-life issues, but not spoon feeding it to you or or it feeling over-the-top or cheesy.

And it can be a very powerful medium to talk about things like grief and mental health and culture.

Like real life, it is tragic and hilarious at the same time.

It doesn't come off aggressive either.

It's like you're laughing and then you're also understanding like, wow, we're actually hitting on some big points.

Yeah.

I mean, the therapy sessions with Niecy Nash are my therapy sessions.

[Richa giggling] She says, love yourself and I'm like, yes, I will.

It's true.

Some of the things that she says to Devi, I'm like, wow, that really hit home with me.

Or even some of the things the mother says to the Devi, Nalini says to Devi, are like the things I've never heard my parents say to me.

And it's kind of like, oh, my gosh, that's a beautiful thing to hear.

[Whitney] Some families are private, especially when it comes to tough topics like grief.

However, in this show, we get a front row seat to it all: loss, laughter and everything blended in between.

And playing the mom, what is this like for you?

You know, it parallels my own journey.

I have a son who's going through high school and will be graduating soon.

And it is-- I was just talking about this, which is it is a point that I had to come to as a parent to stop parenting the way I used to parent, which is much more childlike and telling him what to do and stuff, and switch to having a much more conversational, letting-go approach.

And I knew that if I didn't do that, I would lose him in some fundamental way.

And I think Nalini also has to step into that emotional hole that Mohan, her husband and Devi's beloved father, has left, and be kind of you know-- You'll see Nalini standing up for her daughter in a way that she hasn't.

She's stepping into mothering in a way that Devi really needs right now.

What do you hope people take away from this family?

I think that one of the reasons so many people relate to this show and love watching it is because, yes, it's an Indian family and it's a very specific family, a family of mostly women, which I kind of love.

But at the same time, the things that we experience and the emotions and the themes are very universal and things that everybody experiences, whether it is grief or it is, you know, dealing with a difficult high school teenager, or that disconnect between the parents.

Or having a perfect cousin or somebody in your extended family that you're always compared to.

The complexity of our lives was never portrayed on screen.

We're so unidimensional.

We're always like the foil for the kid to to push off against.

We're such a wet blanket.

And to be given the opportunity to represent and hopefully make people understand not only South Asians but what a single mom or what a widow, or what the mother/daughter relationship is, it's been a really important journey.

We've been hearing from the parents today, but now we sit down with a daughter that had to fight hard for her family.

My parents are a perfect example of this.

Yes, they work hard at their marriage, but they also love each other more than anything in the world.

I cannot believe that there would be anyone that thinks they should not be together, because there are human beings in the universe who are meant for each other and I'm happy that they are.

They're my dad's and my role models and I hope I am 1/10th as happy when I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

-[crying and laughing] -[applause] [Whitney] That was Chelsea Austin's speech at her fathers' wedding that went viral in 2008.

Growing up with two fathers in the nineties, Chelsea faced different challenges in her childhood.

You have a very unique story.

When you were being raised, it was different.

Yeah, growing up in the early nineties, it was a whole different world.

I didn't know anyone else that had two gay dads, especially not two they were biologically related to.

And in doing that, my parents were actually part of a landmark case in California, where they were the first ones to go back to a judge and have one parent do a single parent adoption.

They could be on the birth certificate as parent and parents.

So they were like really groundbreakers.

They really were.

It's kind of incredible, their story.

They're first of all, adorable.

They've been together now for 41 years.

They're still so in love.

But at the time they'd already been together 11 years.

And when they decided they wanted to have a child, they really wanted someone that was biologically linked to both of them.

So, they used my dad, Kevin's sperm, and my daddy Dennis, his sister's egg.

And then my cousin carried me.

UCLA, who did the transfer and worked out everything that they needed for the pregnancy, actually had them sign a non-disclosure agreement because they were afraid of losing their funding from large religious organizations.

I didn't face a lot of discrimination in our hometown, in school, or in our religious organizations.

It was very open, very loving, very accepting.

And that's not to say we didn't face discrimination when we left our bubble, but in our bubble it felt very safe and like I could be exactly who I am with my dads.

That's interesting that you say, "exactly who I am with my dads."

Was there sometimes you had to be slightly a variation of who you truly were at home?

I think, yes.

Not necessarily because of having two gay dads.

I think every kid goes through this, and I think that's really the essential part of my story is, I'm just like every other kid.

But yet I was someone that just didn't really know where they belonged.

And so, at home with my parents who just loved me for my big personality, for everything I am, I felt very safe, but I didn't necessarily feel accepted in school.

And there were times I felt that I had to make myself smaller to fit in and be what everybody else wanted of me.

Yeah.

Did you ever miss the aspect of having a mom?

I stand by this very strongly and I write this over and over in anything I write, but I didn't miss having a mom.

I had many incredible, strong female influences in my life.

My aunt, who's my biological mom, was a very, very strong influence in my life.

And I always felt grateful to have many women to call on.

But my parents stepped up.

They read the literature.

They knew about periods.

They knew how they were going to handle this and take care of me.

And so they supplied themselves with so much information.

When I was in high school and Proposition 8 passed banning gay marriage in California, I knew I had to do something more than just live by example.

That was a really big turning point for me where I decided I have to do more.

I have to find a way to use my voice and any kind of platform.

How old were you at that point?

Fifteen.

Fifteen.

So, I was 15 and I just adored my parents.

And I was going to do anything it took to get other people to understand.

So, I took my speech from their wedding and put it on YouTube and it started getting picked up by all these different news outlets.

And I started traveling around the country talking about my parents, speaking for large nonprofit organizations about why to support this cause.

And that became a really big part of my identity and what I even ended up doing today.

So, let's talk about your book.

What made you decide to write a book and put this all to paper and say, like, this is me?

I think it was really the next generation or the next feeling I had, the impetus of saying, I want to spread this as far as I can beyond just preaching to the choir at those different nonprofit organizations.

I want to reach a larger audience.

And I never thought I was going to write a book.

I didn't think I was a good writer.

I needed a creative outlet.

So, I just thought, okay, I can try this.

My husband really convinced me.

And I thought, I'll just sit down and write a chapter.

And then it was born from that place of, how can I connect people?

How can I build bridges between people that may not understand each other?

What would you want to say about your blended family that makes the perfect ingredients?

Just love each other.

If there's love there, nothing else matters.

If you can show up for each other and be as accepting of each other as possible, whatever that means, I think that's the most important thing.

There was a lot of love on today's show and that made for a beautiful blend.

Remember, your story matters.

[announcer] Support for the Whitney Reynolds Show is provided by...

Together at Peace, a community dedicated to spreading the light that still shines bright, helping foster a connection to those we love and lost.

Offering suggestions, products, and curated event templates to move forward with their spirits.

We are forever together at peace.

K O'Connor Law Firm.

When it comes to your injuries, we take it personally.

JoePerillo.com, where you can browse their selection of pre-owned luxury vehicles.

JoePerillo.com is based in Chicago and ships all over the country.

And by Fair Oaks Farms, an escape to the country with acres of fun, fresh food and learning where you can explore family-owned farms and reconnect with nature, animals and our planet.

Additional support provided by Kevin Kelly Real Estate Agent, Midwest Moving & Storage.

Brendon Studzinski with State Farm, Bark Busters Chicago, Concierge Aesthetics & Plastic Surgery, and these funders.

[Whitney] For more information on today's program, visit WhitneyReynolds.com or get social with us.

Facebook @ WhitneyReynoldsShow, Twitter @whitneyreynolds, or on TikTok and Instagram whitney_reynolds.

[Kids] Our mommy!