(mysterious music) (upbeat music) (woman singing with piano) >> Now you see Ms. Dinklemeyer, That's the way it should be sung.

Shall we try it again?

>> I'll try anything for you professor.

>> Well, that's fine.

Fine.

If you please doctor.

(stick tapping on wood) Doctor?

(head banging against piano) >> Doctor?

(slapping hand across head) >> Oww.

>> Play.

(piano playing) (Miss Dinklemeyer singing) (screeching) (screeching) (screeching) >> No, no.

You are too fortissimo.

Too allegro.

Too contro.

>> Oh that bad?

>> It ain't good.

You're supposed to be singing about the voices of spring.

Not the eruption of a volcano.

Hit with the throat.

Not with the bellows.

>> Oh professor, you want it more like a bird?

>> That's it.

That's it.

Give me the bird.

(Doctor snoring) (head bangs against the piano) >> Oww.

Look.

(screaming) >> Professor: Play.

(piano starts playing) (Miss Dinklemeyer singing) (Miss Dinklemeyer singing) (singing out of tune) (screeching) (screeching) (screeching) (Professor tapping the piano) (piano clanging) >> That's enough.

That's enough We've done enough for today.

You might hurt your voice, you know bend it, crack it up, break it or something.

>> Oh Professor, you're so considerate.

(laughs) I'm just crazy about you.

>> Don't forget we've got another lesson Tuesday.

Gargle with old razor blades.

>> All right Professor.

I know you wouldn't want anything to happen to my throat.

>> Except to have somebody cut.

>> How would you like to be married to a Dame like that?

>> Don't even say that.

(door banging) >> I oughta.

>> You oughta what?

>> Well be a lot more careful.

>> Shut up and listen.

Do you remember your uncle Caleb?

>> Do I?

Why that old tight wad.

He'd steel flies from a blind spider.

>> But Shemp he's a >> He's a louse and a weasel.

>> Yeah well, he just died and left you a 500,000 bucks.

>> Just like that old skinflint.

(gasps) 500,000 bucks!

(screeches) Poor old uncle Caleb, like I was saying he was a swell guy.

Give me the shirt off his back and throw in a button stew.

>> But there's one little catch.

You get the dope provided you're married.

(gasps) >> Married.

No.

No fellas I'm gonna faint.

(inhales deeply) (groans) >> Or.

>> Oh, what?

>> If we get married within 48 hours of the reading of the will.

>> what time was that?

>> Six o'clock the night before last.

>> You just got seven hours to get yourself a bride.

>> It can't be done.

No woman is interested in me.

>> Maybe not pal, but if you look real hard, you might find one that's interested in a half a million bucks.

>> Maybe you've got something there.

>> Darn right he has.

You know any girls?

>> Well I've got a lot of numbers but I haven't had much luck with them lately.

>> Well you can't get killed for trying.

Where's the phone?

>> There's a booth down the hall.

>> Well what are we waiting for?

>> Oh.

>> Down the hall.

>> Ow.

Ow.

>> Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

>> Here, here's six nickels.

That's makes 17, you oughta hit the jackpot with one of them.

Go ahead.

(phone booth door screeching) (dial turning) >> Give me saskuahana 2 2 2 2.

>> Say, he's been in there over an hour.

>> What are you getting nervous about?

When Shemp pours on the charm, no Dame can resist him.

>> I hope you're right.

Hello?

Is this Ginger Grey?

It is.

Well, this is your little snukkems.

I'm about to do you a big favor.

(chuckles) Will you marry me?

(phone hanging up) >> Oh.

(phone booth door screeching) >> Hey.

Any luck?

>> I've got one phone number and one nickel left.

>> Well, start using it.

(coins drops onto floor) >> You clumsy arse you.

Where that go?

>> It went down here some place.

>> Lets find it.

>> Here take this receiver.

>> I got it.

I got it.

(head bangs against wood) >> All right just take the.

>> Oh wait a minute.

>> All right.

>> Now get this outta here.

>> All right.

All right.

>> Hey easy easy.

>> Get off your foot.

look what I got here.

>> What's that?

>> I don't know, yeah.

And wait a minute.

It leads around, under my arm then up here around the neck.

(screams) >> Get your hand outta here.

>> Shemp: Oh all right.

Oh all right.

>> Now wait a minute.

Can you dial from there?

>> No.

Can you?

>> Yeah.

>> Oh.

(dial turning) (crunching) >> Wait a minute if I come around like this, and get up at this one.

How's that?

>> Oh It don't feel as good as when I did this.

>> Oh wait, wait, wait.

Take it easy.

Now look.

We ain't getting no place fast.

(shouting) Lets get this thing right the right way.

Get this off.

>> All right.

Wait a minute.

All right.

>> Moe: Can't stand no more.

>> Its not a with the phone.

Moe, where's your hat?

(crash) >> How you doing?

(bang) >> Get your hand out of my face.

(chuckles) >> That ain't my hand.

That's your hand.

>> All right.

You asked for it?

(crunch) Oww.

>> Say Miss, would you like to get married?

>> What?

>> Get married?

>> Well, I don't know, but you are kind of cute at that.

>> Oh, its not me.

Its him.

(woman screams) (slap) >> Better get out of this.

>> All right.

>> There isn't much time left.

You know that.

Don't you?

>> All right.

(loud crash) >> What happened?

>> That's what I want to know.

>> Wait a minute.

(whistles) Did you get a load of that?

>> What a dish?

>> I wonder who she is.

>> We'll soon find out.

>> Oh boy.

>> Yes.

>> Who's the new Dame?

>> A Miss Hopkins.

>> Miss Hopkins.

Did you hear that kid?

>> And good looking too.

Go get her Shemp.

(squeals) >> Oh wait a minute.

You can propose to a girl looking like that.

We got to give you the works.

Come on.

>> Stand still will ya?

We got to get going.

It's three o'clock now.

>> Yeah.

And if you don't marry a girl by six o'clock we're out of the money.

>> I said stand still.

(spring going off) >> Oh, Moe, Moe, I'm blind.

You're point my eye out.

Get a towel Moe.

Get a towel.

>> Okay.

>> Oh.

>> Aye where are the towels?

>> Shemp: In the bottom drawer.

>> I got a it.

(loud crash) (laughs) >> You sure look funny with a busted brown collar.

>> Hold that.

(loud crash) >> You too.

>> Where are ya?

>> Here.

Say, I forgot to tell you when the afternoon papers come out, you're gonna to be famous.

>> How come?

>> I gave the story to the reporters.

Yes Sir.

Shemp Howard to inherit a half a million bucks.

Let's get going kid (scratching) I'm telling you to hold still now.

I'm warning you.

>> Oh, come here.

Wipe that.

(crash) (shriek) >> Moe: Hold still.

(scratching) >> Oh.

Almost had seven years of bad luck.

(chuckles) (things clanging) >> Oh.

How do you like that?

(scratching) >> I said stand still.

(spring going off sound) >> Shemp: Oh oh.

Hey I cut off my head.

I cut off my head.

Moe my head is off.

Moe my head is off.

(sobbing) Oh there I am.

And as pretty as a picture.

Yeah, but (mumbles) (slaps) Get gone.

>> Moe: This means a half a million dollars.

>> Shemp: I know what it means.

>> Here you are.

>> Boy, I'm tired.

>> Where will I throw this water?

(loud crash) (shriek) (water splashes) >> You look good.

You look great kid.

You're a (mumbles).

Go to it.

(gasps) Come on.

Come on.

(knocking on door) (knocking on door) >> Hello.

>> Oh, hello.

(squeals) >> Come in.

Cousin Basil.

Oh.

I'm so happy to see you.

>> (hesitates) I, I, I.

>> I've just been dying to meet you.

You're even cuter than Aunt Sadie said you were.

(smooches) >> Oh, boy.

Success.

Listen to those kisses.

>> Cut it out.

(slaps) >> Oh, you must be exhausted after you're long trip.

Sit down.

(thump) Let me look at you cousin Basil.

Oh.

(phone ringing) Now don't you go away.

(thump) >> Hello.

Yes this is Miss Hopkins.

You're cousin Basil?

Well then who is >> I was.

>> How dare you pretend to be my cousin Basil.

(slaps face) I'll teach you a thing or two.

(slaps face) You wolf.

Don't you dare strike me.

(slaps face) Taking advantage of a poor, weak, helpless woman.

>> Boy these kisses are getting louder.

>> You, you horrible person you.

(loud crash) >> Get up.

What happened kid?

Can I help it if I ain't cousin Basil?

(shriek) >> Professor?

Are you all right?

>> Oh I'm fine.

All I wanted to do was to propose >> Propose?

Oh, professor, this is so sudden.

(exhales) >> You mean you'll really marry him?

>> Oh, of course.

He's my little old dream boat.

>> You're little dream boat is sailing.

>> Wait a minute.

You're gonna sail away from a half of a million bucks?

We only got two hours left.

Come on, get going.

>> The bride and groom.

(chuckles) >> So here's the license.

My pal wants to get married in a rush.

>> Oh, splendid.

(phone ringing) Oh excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, who?

Mr.Howard?

Yes he's here.

>> Hello?

Yes.

What?

How many of them?

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay thanks.

That was the clerk at the apartment.

Those Dame's this morning found out about the 500 grand from the papers.

Come on pal, we gotta make this fast.

>> Have you got the ring?

>> Why certainly.

Certainly I got it.

Oh.

(metal dings) >> Shemp: It went in the piano.

Get it.

>> You see anything?

>> Yeah.

Why it.

(piano clanging) >> Listen you.

>> What?

>> You know, I think the piano's out of tune.

(piano clanging) >> I think I see it.

(piano clanging) (muffled shouting) >> Look out.

Get up buddy there.

>> Get me out of here.

My face.

Oh.

You want to spoil my looks?

>> Impossible.

Nevermind your face and get that ring.

It's a quarter to six.

(screeching) >> Oh.

>> Oh, I'm awful sorry.

>> So am I.

(loud crash) (muffled shouting) >> Quit playing around in there and get that ring.

>> Oh.

(piano clanging) Get me out of here.

Get me out of here.

>> Lets get him out.

>> That dummy.

(piano top screeching) >> Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

>> He's all tangled up with wires.

>> All right, well back him up and lets break him outta there.

(wire screeching) >> Oh my.

The piano.

>> Shut up.

(wire screeching) >> Hey sit him down.

We'll get a new grip.

(screeching) (loud crash) >> Easy now, wait.

>> Get the stuff off of him.

>> Oh.

Oh.

>> You get into messes every time.

Hey, give me your arm.

Now its two minutes left and no ring.

No nothing.

>> Wait a minute fellas.

Here's the ring.

>> All be a life saver, get up here.

Okay partner, we're ready for the kick off.

>> Join hands you love birds.

(women shouting) >> Who is this character?

>> Man: She's the bride.

>> Oh yeah?

Not while I got my strength.

Tell them fool.

Didn't you propose to me.

>> Yes but I'm with >> Didn't you?

>> Yes but you turned me down.

>> That was before I read the papers.

Now I accept.

Okay, let it rip.

>> Oh no.

(women shouting) (slaps) >> Loot at that.

We better do something fast.

>> Yeah.

(women shouting) Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

(bang) Oh.

Oww.

(women shouting) >> Ladies, ladies.

>> Oww.

Ow.

(women shouting) (thump) (women shouting) >> Please, please.

>> Hold hands you love birds.

(bang) (birds chirping) (women shouting) >> Oh my goodness.

>> Oh.

Oh.

Ow.

(screech) (Shemp shouting) (women shouting) >> Wait a minute.

You wouldn't hit a lady with that.

Use this.

Its bigger.

>> Oh thanks.

(women shouting) (loud crash) >> Oh.

(bang) >> Will you marry me?

>> Never.

No.

Oh.

(women shouting) (crash) (crash) (crunching) (women shouting) (crash) (Moe screams) >> I'm getting a headache.

>> Ill fix your headache.

(Shemp screaming) >> Larry, an octopus is on me.

Larry help.

>> Yeah.

>> Whoa.

>> Hold still.

I got it.

Hold still.

>> Now what do you say?

>> I give up, ill marry you.

(women shouting) (vase shattering) >> Oh Mr (mumbles).

Please, please hurry.

>> Hold hands you love birds.

(Moe screaming) >> How are you?

>> What do you mean how am I?

>> Congratulations.

Both of you.

>> Oh thanks.

(laughs) >> We're married.

>> We made it.

Its six o'clock, and you're married.

>> What happened?

What happened?

>> You're married kid, say something?

>> Help, help.

(upbeat music)