(uplifting music) (inspiring music) - September is Suicide Prevention Month.

Tonight, we're going to talk with people who have lost a family member to suicide, and we'll tell you how they're remembering their loved ones by making Central Illinois a better place for our young people.

We're joined by Camp Dallas President and Co-founder Patty Atherton and Board Member Cassi Ardis.

Thanks for coming in, ladies.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- You know, this is a hard topic, obviously, to talk about, but I think it's good that we share our stories with other people, you know, and not only keep our memories alive for those we've lost but maybe help somebody else who's having issues.

Camp Dallas, Dallas, named after your son.

Why don't you tell us a little bit about him?

- Sure.

Dallas was 19.

We lost him in 2007 to suicide.

And, you know, losing a child is just the worst thing that could happen to a parent, I believe.

But what we found once we, you know, kind of put our feet back on the ground, so to say, is we wanted to find a way to honor Dallas and to find a way to give back in his honor.

And that's where the concept of Camp Dallas came from.

- And Cassi, how did you get involved with Camp Dallas?

- I actually met Patty just shortly after she lost Dallas.

I ran a spa, and she was a client of mine, and she came in, and I was just so inspired by her as a person, her story, and just her resilience.

And then I actually got to meet Dwayne and her daughter, Amber, and really became a part of the family.

And we just became great friends, besides having that client relationship as well.

And when I lost my son in 2018, Patty and Dwayne and Amber just jumped right in and helped my daughters and I really navigate losing a child, losing a sibling.

You just don't know what to do, what to expect.

And they were right there to be able to listen, to just be still.

And I couldn't imagine life without them.

- You were lucky to have that connection.

Not a lot of people have that.

- Absolutely, absolutely.

Yeah, you know, you hear so many times that God put certain people in your life for a reason, and besides losing our sons, we would be friends anyway, but that's our reason.

A hundred percent, that's our reason.

- You know, as all three of us know, there's no formula for grieving and loss.

A lot of people, when that happens, they choose to curl up in a ball, stay at home.

And how do you get the energy and the motivation to do what you do, Patty?

- That's a really good question.

And I will say that I did stay in a ball and in my tears and my sorrow for a little while.

- And we still do every once in a while.

I mean, and it's okay to go back to there, as long as we just try and continue to either get ourselves out or help each other to get each other out.

You know, the support is everything.

- I do have that motto.

You know, I definitely visit the sad times and being sad in certain moments.

You know, his birthday, Mother's Day is really hard.

But what I decided, and I don't recall when, but what I decided was I owed it to Dallas to be happy and to try to make others happy.

And that's what I strive to do every day.

And sometimes I have to talk myself into it, but most of the time, that's my purpose.

That's what I want to bring into the world in his honor.

- Sure.

And in instances like this, a lot of people might go to a professional for help, a psychologist to talk it out, whatever, and that's great.

But what is it like talking to someone who has been in your shoes?

How is that different, you know, knowing that you're talking to someone who is experiencing or experienced the same thing that you did?

- For me, I don't think there's anything that compares because, you know, any situation that you haven't been in, you can't fully grasp what that person's going through.

And to talk to someone that you know has the same feelings and the same fears and the same sorrow that you have for the same reason, it's an undeniable way to help yourself heal and to help that person heal.

And I think that's what Cassi and I have always brought to each other is the need and the want to be able to offer that to other people.

- Yeah, there are certain things that we can say to each other without fear of somebody, of judgment, of anything other than love.

And I think that, and we've met other people, unfortunately, we've met other people that are in the same situation before losing our sons and now even after.

And it's that kind of family that we're unfortunately a part of, but we, you know, really try to be able to come together and help each other in ways that... I don't know, for me personally, it has been difficult to seek counseling or anything like that because if they haven't gone through it, it's really difficult to be able to have that relationship of understanding or understanding where they're coming from.

And I've been able to get more help from some of the different grief support groups, especially when it comes to suicide, and then obviously the friends that we have that have gone through that same loss.

- What would you recommend to people who, you know, God forbid that they're in this situation, whether it's a parent, a brother or sister, a grandparent?

Where would you guide them in terms of what to do first, where to go, who to talk to?

- That's a really good question.

I think every person is different for that need.

For me personally, I did seek counseling.

I got a lot of great, wonderful help through counseling.

My friends and family were true rocks through everything that we went through.

My husband had a different path.

My husband, you know, he went into his own deep depression after, and it took him a long time.

He was, when Dallas died, he was drinking a lot and he was just not taking good care of himself.

And he went into the AA program, and that's where he found his solace, honestly.

But for me, I think counseling was one of the best things that I could have done for myself and for my daughter.

- Does it help to talk about it?

- It does.

- Absolutely, yeah.

And it helps us to be able to say their name, to know that they're relevant, to continue to be able to remember them.

Talking about it makes it so that their lives... I mean, every life matters.

And to us, they're one of the most important things that could be in our lives.

So talking about it, and not only them but, you know, the suicide awareness or what we've gone through, we don't want to shy away from that because if we can help one person be able to not experience what we've experienced, it can change a life.

And that's what we aim to do.

- Have you had the thoughts of, you know, "what if?"

"What if I had done this?"

"What if I'd seen this?"

- Absolutely, every day.

- I don't know how you can't, honestly.

- What would you tell parents in terms of their relationships with their kids?

I know, you know, as kids get older and they want their freedom, they maybe don't talk to their parents as much and don't participate in family activities like they used to.

But, you know, what would you say to a parent in terms of looking for maybe signs that their child's going through a hard time?

- Well, for me, Dallas was 19, and he was at an age where we took a lot of his signs as age-related.

You know, he slept a little more than he was, he was moodier than, you know, what I thought maybe was the norm, but it was, "Oh, he's 19, he's going through things."

But to me, the most important thing would be communication.

And, you know, maybe not just set that aside as an age-related or he's having a bad day.

And that's the things that we share with our grandchildren.

You know, we talk to them about everything, and we allow them to express themselves and communicate.

I think that one of my husband Dwayne's biggest regrets is he talks about how Dallas came into our room and sat down beside him.

He was watching the news and sat down beside him, and Dwayne felt like something was wrong, but he thought Dallas should say what was wrong in his own time, and the next day he was gone.

So for him, that's his biggest regret is not asking questions and not, you know, enhancing that communication.

- [Mark] Sure.

- Our experience was a little bit different in that Austin was actively trying to get help.

We were seeking counseling, whether it was through his doctor, medication for his anxiety and his depression, through friends, but with my daughters and then my son-in-law, we were actively trying to, and he was too, get help that he needed.

And unfortunately, in our system, it's broken.

There's so much that needs to be done.

And we saw one psychologist or psychiatrist, and Austin met with him.

And first, he and I met with him together, and then he met with him.

And Austin was 22.

He was a junior at ISU.

He was in the Army National Guard.

I mean, he was so active, and you couldn't, with him, you couldn't tell that something was wrong because he was everybody's best friend.

His smile, that's what everybody still talks about, is his smile.

But we were actively trying to, 'cause he was very vocal about his suicidal thoughts.

And we did everything from removing all weapons out of the home to, again, trying to go into the hospital, into the psychologist.

And he had one psychologist tell him, or psychiatrist, that, "You have everything going for you."

And it just triggered him.

He knew that he had everything going for him, but he still felt the way that he did.

And he was trying to get the help that he needed.

And unfortunately for us, that wasn't enough.

But I will say that when it comes to trying to do everything that we did, we were doing that.

And I don't know what else that we could have done, even though I still do the what-ifs every day.

And that's a difficult position to have or to be in because you just don't know.

And those unknowns are just so scary.

- [Mark] Sure.

- And there's... A lot of times in talking to other parents of suicide, or my husband lost his brother to suicide, we just, again, have a family, and talking with other people, those what-ifs are normal.

And there's a lot of times where you're going to be reminded that you did everything that you could do.

And I would say to every parent that is, if they're going through this, just continue, like Patty said.

Continue that communication, continue those talks, continue to... If they don't want to talk to you, try and find other people.

I mean, there were so many times with Austin that I had reinforcement.

"Could you have a conversation with him?"

"Do you mind talking with him?"

"Maybe he's going to be more comfortable talking to a male," or anything like that.

And just try everything that you can do.

- We're going to talk about Camp Dallas specifically here in a few minutes, but with this camp, I know that on your board, you have people who have been affected by suicide and things like that.

What is it like, we talked about it earlier, being able to, you know, lean on people, but what is it like having a group of people, again, who have been in your shoes?

And does that help, even just temporarily, help how you feel?

- It absolutely does.

And to know that they feel the passion that we do, and really every board member that we have... And most people, unfortunately, have some sort of effect from suicide.

Whether it be, you know, our friends, friends of ours are on the board, and, you know, they saw our loss.

They went through it with us.

And to know the support that we have within our board and the love that they have for what we're doing, it means the world to us.

- Well, tell us about when you and your husband first thought about the concept of Camp Dallas.

I know that you live in Spring Bay and you're right on the water.

And I know that Dallas liked to be in the outdoors and things like that, but when did the light bulb go off?

- Well, I would say it was probably, I want to say it was probably 10 years ago when we had the idea.

We knew that we wanted to do something in honor of Dallas, so we've known that for a long time.

But as we were thinking about what that looked like, we realized it was in our backyard.

You know, his best childhood memories are in our backyard.

We live on two lakes, and it's just beautiful.

He loved to fish and hunt and ride four-wheelers, which we don't have four-wheelers, I can tell you.

But he just loved being in the outdoors, and that's when he was the happiest.

And so we were like, "Why don't we bring this to the kids in our area?"

So that idea was, I think it was about 10 years ago, and then a few years ago, we formed the 501.c.

We had the ideas, we were just kind of waiting for the right moment to do a launch.

And our daughter, it was around Dallas's birthday, it was July 5th.

It was like, "I don't care what we do, let's just do something."

And we called friends and neighbors and people that we've known for a long time, and we're like, "We're going to have this little fundraiser."

And we raised $40,000 in a day.

And that just launched from there.

And since then, the infrastructure that my husband, Dwayne, and his team have done is just unbelievable.

We'd like to have an event center and cabins, but this summer, just this summer was our first official summer.

We've had over 300 kids at the camp, and it's been phenomenal.

- [Mark] Looking at the pictures on your social media, it looks like the kids are having a lot of fun.

- It is.

- They are having a blast.

- [Mark] So how do you find kids to come to the camp?

How does that work?

- Another great question.

In my mind, when we had this idea, we, you know, we thought about working with the entities that are already doing great things for the kids, but how do we reach out to them?

How do we tell them that we're this new camp and what we have to offer?

And Bob Wolsey came to our gala this past year, and he just, he lost his father to suicide when he was 16.

And he was like, "I love your mission.

I want to help."

And so he made, not only is he now on our board, but he made introductions to Andy King at the Dream Center.

And from there, in my mind, we were going to have to go to these entities and show them what we had.

But Andy came out to our camp and loved it from the get-go.

He loved the vision.

He saw what it was about.

We brought his kids out, he told friends.

The Friendship House came out, Big Brothers Big Sisters have been out.

The Clipped Wings Global Initiative has been out.

We've had church groups, Boy Scouts.

It's just blossoming without having to go knock on doors.

- Now they're coming to us, which is awesome because we want to fulfill as many camps as possible.

And with the partnerships that we have with Big Brothers Big Sisters, Friendship House, the Dream Center, it's just been amazing.

Now other ones are hearing about us.

We've gotten two emails just this last couple days.

"We want to bring our kids out.

What do we need to do?"

- What's it like seeing these kids, Cassi, who most of them, I'm guessing, are raised in an urban environment, and now they're not that far away, but it probably feels like a whole new world to them.

- It does, yeah.

And it's so exciting because they'll come out and they're just really anxious about, you know, touching a fish and getting in a kayak and just doing these different things.

And once they're, you know, "Let's just try this.

Let's just do this," once they're encouraged just a little bit, they don't want to leave.

One of the times that we had the campers out, we had built a fun run.

So Dwayne had engineered a mud pit and done these different things.

We were doing this for our mud run that we did.

He's like, "Let's get the kids through there and see if they have... Let's get them to test it out and see how it works."

They didn't want to get out of it, and they were from head to toe covered in mud.

They just had the best time.

And then when they go to leave, they're just like, "No, when can we come back again?"

So that is just so exciting to be able to see the smiles on their face, to give them a different experience, and hopefully teach them skills of coping, of new experiences, of really just breaking down that fear and overcoming the anxiety of doing new things and really experiencing joy.

- When the kids come out, do you tell them the backstory of the camp, why it's called Camp Dallas?

- We do.

- Yeah.

- And how do they respond to that?

- You know, they just get really quiet and, you know, kind of thoughtful.

- But some of them, even just young kids, there are many that we've encountered that experienced some kind of a loss themselves.

The majority of them.

There was one that was on the dock, and she had asked Dwayne if, "I wish I could give my mom a picture."

And he goes, "Well, here, let me take a picture, and I'll make sure to get it to you."

And she goes, "Well, she's in heaven."

And it's just heartbreaking.

But knowing that we're giving that child, or any child that experiences these things, you know, a sense of just joy and being able to just to know that you can still have fun amidst everything else, it's just a wonderful experience.

- Is there any kind of counseling component to this?

Or is it pretty much just, "Hey, let's go out and have fun"?

- It's just, go have fun.

I think for us, you know, when we were first trying to imagine what we would be able to offer the kids, and, you know, counseling and different things, which hopefully that's down the road, but what we realized when we did our pilot programs and our first initial programs was what we wanted to give them was happiness and smiles and laughter.

And that's exactly, if you hear the videos of the kids, I mean, that's all you hear is laughter.

And I think that's just a gift that it's worth every minute that we spend on it.

- So Camp Dallas is slowly getting bigger.

Tell us about your future aspirations for the camp.

- Oh, we actually are getting ready to do a big meeting on this because it has grown so quickly over this past summer.

So for 2026, we're looking to increase our volunteer list by at least 50 people.

Our gala is going to be March 7th, and with that, the main component of that will be getting the event center set up.

And we're going to triple the amount of kids that we are able to serve, I believe.

- Yes.

I mean, we already have next year's camps planned for October of this year, and we're already looking at 2026 camps, and the future's just looking like we're going to be out on the water area almost every day.

- You think it'll spread out a little further than just, you know, Peoria, maybe some of the surrounding counties?

- I definitely do.

We had kids from Springfield this year.

Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

That's a good distance away.

So things are definitely improving for y'all.

I'm curious too, you know, in the media, we specifically don't report on suicides, so for that reason, I think people may not understand how big of an issue suicides are 'cause they don't hear about them on TV or read about them in the newspaper.

Just from people that you've talked with, people on your board, people that come to camp, how big, "issue's" not even the right word, but how big of an issue is suicide in our community?

- Well, unfortunately, I think that, you know, especially with social media, even since we lost our Dallas in 2007, it's just astronomical.

And, you know, to Cassi's point, we need to work on the system that we have to improve the resources that these kids have.

I don't think that there is a child untouched by some sort of depression or anxiety or fear, not necessarily that that leads to suicide, but what can we do for these kids before it becomes that big issue, before it becomes too much for them to handle?

And I think that the problem is too big, and we, as a society, need to find out what those resources are that these kids need.

If it's a younger age that we're starting with them, what resources can we provide our parents, our teachers, our healthcare providers?

And, you know, I think it needs to be tackled.

- Do you feel like there are resources here, but parents may just not realize that they're here or how to get to them?

- I think there are resources here, and I think there are great resources.

I think that our healthcare system is as good about getting the kids to the resources that we have.

The problem is the resources we have, it's not enough.

It's definitely not enough.

And some of those facilities that helped kids have closed in the, you know, again, since 2007 when we lost Dallas, some of the facilities have closed.

Now I know that, like, Trillium is an amazing place for the kids, and they're doing a great job, but there are too many kids for them to serve.

- Well, how could people find out more about what you're doing at Camp Dallas and maybe get their child involved?

- We would love that.

Campdallas.org is the name of our website.

We have a beautiful website, and, you know, anybody can contact Cassi and I individually at patty@campdallas.org and cassi@campdallas.org.

And we would love to talk to them and show them everything that we can offer.

- I'll tell you what, just looking at your social media pages, you guys have been doing some fun stuff in the last few months.

Tell us about the fisherman with the world record that you just had.

- Marathon Man Kolo, he was absolutely amazing.

We had such a fun time with Kolo.

So his goal was to... He holds the current world record, "Guinness Book of World Records," for the most fish caught in 24 hours.

His goal was to beat that, but more importantly, his goal was to catch 2,977 fish, which is the amount of people that we lost in 9/11.

And at the end of that 24 hours, he wasn't done.

He didn't quite have 2,977.

So he stood up in front of everyone and was like, you know, "We lost these people.

I want to honor these people."

He sat back down after 24 hours of fishing and finished.

And then we had people from the sidelines come down to the dock and help him finish catching his fish.

It was a beautiful, beautiful... But he is just a wonderful man, and we've known him for probably 10 years, and his passion is for helping people.

And it was a lot of fun.

- That's great.

Well, before we wrap things up, is there anything else we haven't touched on that folks might want to know about Camp Dallas or just the experiences you've gone through?

- For sure, if you are or anybody that you know are experiencing any kind of depression or anxiety, we urge you to get help.

Whether talking to your counselors, and honestly, in schools, there's such great resources just within the schools with the counseling systems that is there.

Talk to someone.

And parents, talk to your kids, because they sometimes will put their heads in their phones, and you know, you may think that they're doing okay, and they're just not.

So, talk to your kids.

Grandparents, talk to your kids.

Just really communicate and continue keeping those lines of communication open is just so important.

- One of the things that I might encourage too is, you know, one counselor isn't the right person for everybody that has an issue.

And one of the things that I encourage people to do is if the person that you're reaching out to doesn't give you what you need, look for somebody else.

- Yep, absolutely.

- Well, ladies, we're out of time, but I appreciate you both being here.

You're very brave, and we appreciate what you're doing for our youth out there.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Well, thank you for joining us.

You can see the segment again at wtvp.org, share it with friends, and you can check us out anytime on Instagram and Facebook.

Have a good night.

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