(upbeat music) >>I'm Darryl Owens.

Welcome to "A World of Difference, Embracing Neurodiversity.

” It's a well-worn TV trope, parents who stumble, mumble, and bumble when it comes time to talk to their children about almost anything, but especially sensitive subjects.

While this might generate giggles while watching your favorite sitcom, the inability to effectively communicate with your child assumes a different dimension for parents of children with learning or attention issues.

The awkwardness that can grip parents when discussing the child's learning disabilities together can be rooted in mom and dad's limited understanding of the diagnosis, fear the child will be stigmatized, or simply the struggle to find the right words.

Yet, it's critical for parents of neurodivergent kids to have intentional talks with them.

It not only helps kids understand their learning disabilities, but also develop a positive self-image, gain a sense of ownership, master self-advocacy and craft coping strategies.

And this can't be a one-and-done deal.

These parent-child chats must continue and evolve as the child transitions from Oshkosh B'Gosh to Forever 21.

On this episode, we meet a family that has treated regular talks about learning differences as second nature since their son's diagnosis.

Next, our expert panel guides parents what age appropriate language to use from kindergarten through college for affirming talks with their neurodivergent children.

Later you'll meet our latest difference maker, an author, consultant, and motivational speaker who went from the low of entering foster care with developmental delays days after birth to the high of soaring across America in Air Force One as a valued presidential advisor.

First, Health Day special correspondent Mabel Jong chats with the North Salem, New York parents who are rearing a neurotypical son and nurturing their boy who has autism through routine dialogue about his learning differences that evolves as his birthday cakes gain more candles.

(upbeat music) >>Brothers 11-year-old Michael and seven-year-old, Matthew share a close bond.

They like to joke and shoot hoops together and are each other's best friend.

But like any set of brothers, the scenes of their time together aren't always so heartwarming.

And for these two, any situation can be especially unpredictable because of the autism diagnosis that Michael received at a young age.

It's a diagnosis that mom, Jennifer, took action with immediately.

>>By 18 months, he was getting speech and OT and PT, and I really firmly believe that that's why, I mean, even though he's speech delayed, I think if we didn't do that, I don't know if he would've even really talked.

So I do think it made a huge difference.

>>Parenting can be a challenge for anyone, even under the most ideal conditions.

But parenting children, Matthew, who is neurotypical, and Michael who is neurodiverse, comes with its own unique demands.

>>He doesn't like loud sounds.

He takes extra effort to engage and he occasionally will have meltdowns, which are different than tantrums.

They're like sensory overloads.

And so we have a calm down corner in his room and we have different strategies.

>>That calm down corner gives Michael a place to de-stress from the stimulation going on around him.

It's just one of the strategies the family deploys to help Michael live with the condition.

Playing with the family cats works, too.

Parents, Jennifer and Mike, speak casually and almost daily with the boys about learning differences and the unique ways each of their brain works.

Not better, not worse, just different.

And they also talk about how Michael is still learning how best to navigate the unpredictability of his autism.

>>But I think the biggest thing is we're just really open about it when we talk about it.

Really, as young as Matthew could remember, we've been talking about autism and we've been reading books on it.

And I basically explained to both of them, even Michael, that it means that his brain works differently than others, but that doesn't mean it's better or worse, it's just different.

And so as a family, we have to work together to support these differences.

He is unable at this time to regulate his own meltdowns.

So Michael will say to me, "Help me calm down, mommy."

Right?

And that's really great because then I know he needs help, kind of, he's recognizing that he can't do it himself just yet.

And so I'll do something like, "Okay, hold your breath, Michael," and we'll go, that's right.

And then we do, what else do we do?

Counting.

>>Yeah.

>>We drink water.

So there's different things to try to get him to a better place, but it depends on what the issue is and his mood.

Sometimes a meltdown can be just a couple minutes, but we've had times, especially during the beginning of the pandemic, where meltdowns would be 45 minutes.

>>It can be very tense, especially for his brother Matthew.

>>I feel a bit worried that I like hide from him because he might get mad at me and like have like a temptation to hit me.

So I get worried.

So, I'm scared.

>>It can get frustrating.

And what I always tell Matthew, I'm sure he'll agree with me, is Michael doesn't have as many words as we do.

That's the way I put it.

That he doesn't have as many words.

Matthew can talk up a storm.

Matthew and I can have conversations for days, but Michael can't.

And so he gets overwhelmed sometimes by Matthew when Matthew's talking to him.

Michael lacks these skills to be like, "Dude, you're overwhelming me."

So that's why sometimes he will hit Matthew probably more than anyone else.

>>But this moment is a good one.

Their parents are making every effort to reinforce that bond.

>>I have a wall upstairs of the pictures where they're being loving.

I call it the brother wall.

So I'll show them that a lot, that they have to look out for each other and support each other as much as possible.

>>Jennifer is referencing the support that needs to continue when both parents are no longer around.

It's a reality that she and Mike are preparing Matthew for, while revising their expectations for Michael's future.

>>The first thing that I had to do was to release all the preconceived notions I had of having a son.

That when she was pregnant and we were planning the future, I was like yes Im going to take him to ball games.

You know, we're gonna play catch in the yard, we're gonna do all these things that I never got to do with my dad.

Or that, you always wanted to bond with your son over and throw that plan out the window.

>>Instead, the revised plan includes helping others understand autism better and encouraging families with similar circumstances to ask for help.

Jennifer, a writer, publishes articles on what life is like with a neurodivergent child.

>>It does still have stigma on it, and I think sometimes you can feel powerless because I can't predict what's gonna happen with Michael.

I can't make certain things happen with Michael.

Despite how many groups there are out there and resources, there's still not a really solid roadmap for parents who have a neurodivergent child.

There just isn't.

Especially 'cause they're all so different.

What may work for one parent may not work for another.

What would work for one child may not work for another.

>>Jennifer and Mike want to give Michael and Matthew the best future they can and hope to cheer their sons on through life's milestones.

>>We all have special skills.

We all have jobs that fit us well and jobs that don't.

And there shouldn't be any difference in how that's viewed.

>>I look at a superpower for my son is him graduating high school.

That would be most one of the most amazing.

You will see tears flowing from my eyes and you will see me just the proudest person ever.

>>And Matthew had his own advice on the skill of patience for others growing up with a sibling like Michael.

>>Just be determined, wait, know what's happening and just focus.

>>For "A World of Difference," I'm Mabel Jong.

(upbeat music) >>Thanks, Mabel.

Next, our panel of experts provides insights on evolving the conversation through the years with children about learning differences.

Dr. Roshni Patel is Chief of Pediatrics with Community Health Centers, Incorporated, a federally qualified health center that provides quality and compassionate primary healthcare services to nearly 70,000 insured, uninsured, underinsured, and underserved children and adults throughout central Florida.

Dr. AJ Marsden is a former US Army surgical nurse, who now serves as an Associate Professor of Psychology and Human Services at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida.

Dr. Marsha Glines is an Adjunct Professor in the Department of Education at Regis College in Weston, Massachusetts, and a learning specialist at the Children's Center for Psychiatry, Psychology, and Related Services in Delray Beach, Florida.

Glines, also, is the creator of the nationally recognized Institute for Achievement in Learning at Lynn University in Boca Raton, Florida and the founding president of Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida, the nation's first accredited college or university dedicated to educating neurodivergent students with learning disabilities, ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning differences.

So we're gonna start our conversation this morning with Dr. Patel.

Many parents fear labeling their child when they're diagnosed with learning disabilities.

What advice would you give them?

>>I think you have to look at it not so much as a label, but the diagnosis is extremely important, especially for insurance purposes.

You need that diagnosis to get the proper therapies, to get the additional help that you need.

A lot of schools also require the diagnosis for the IEP, which is the Individual Education Plan.

So I wouldn't think of it labeling because that kind of seems like we're singling them out, but you need that diagnosis so you can get the necessary services.

>>Well what are some consequences for children who aren't properly informed by their parents about their learning disability?

>>I think not telling a child about their neurodivergence can lead to a lot of confusion.

It leaves the child to be feeling alone, that maybe they're the only ones experiencing this or the only one having trouble in school when in reality that's not the case.

So to kind of quell their fears, to kind of make them feel a little bit better, I think it's really important for the parent to explain what the neurodivergence is and what it isn't so that they have a better understanding.

>>Thank you.

Dr. Marsden, why is it that these conversations often prove so difficult for parents to have with their kids?

>>That's a great question, Darryl.

I think the main reason is, first of all, they don't know very much about it themselves, right?

A lot of times these diagnoses, they kind of come outta nowhere, sometimes.

They knew that their child was struggling, now they have this diagnosis of dyslexia, but what does that mean exactly?

So first and foremost, parents before they can kind of have that conversation with their child, they need to understand what is dyslexia, what are the things that go along with it, what are some of the characteristics of it?

How can they help their child, right?

What are the accommodations that he or she needs?

So that's the first thing that they can do before they even have this conversation, educate themselves, understand that you don't know very much about it, and that's okay, this is a great opportunity for you to learn and in the process of you learning about it, bring your child along for the ride, right?

Learn together about what it is, what they need, their accommodations, all of those things.

And then together, they can tackle this problem.

So it will be a difficult conversation, but it's also a great opportunity to learn more about the diagnosis and to use it as like almost a bonding journey with your son or daughter as you go through this together.

>>Alright, thank you.

Well, Dr. Glines, what are some ways that parents can help their children develop the skills they need to navigate the academic and social world as they grow older?

>>I think one of the things we have to consider when we talk about the challenges is that in addition to the learning challenges and the social challenges, something like 40 million children in this country have experienced some form of trauma.

And trauma can be social, social media bullying, it can be a medical issue.

So one of the things as parents we have to think about very seriously is building resilience, helping our children build a sense of resiliency.

Some of that comes from finding anchors, as James Garbarino speaks about in his book, about every child needing an anchor.

It can be a therapeutic anchor, an educational anchor, it can be a coach, it can be a spiritual anchor.

But to help build trust, which is how we build resiliency, so anytime any of those anchors can be identified and used helps parents with that sense of building resiliency.

And I just think that's one of the most important things.

The other is a simple equation.

If we help children understand why, that is a belief or an idea that leads to how we're going to figure something out, and then the what, what the outcome is.

It's a very simple equation to help conversations begin with, why is something happening?

How are we going to handle that and what's the outcome?

And I think those are just a couple strategies.

>>All right.

Thank you.

So Dr. Patel, the first physician that most children see outside of the delivery room is a pediatrician.

Can you tell me about what role pediatricians play in the development of neurodivergent children?

>>Yes, pediatricians play an extremely important role because they aid in the early detection of neurodivergent patients.

So if you think about it, by the time a child is two years old, they've had at least 10 well checkups.

And then starting at the age of three, they have a yearly checkup.

So it's during these routine well-child checks that the pediatrician is able to determine are there any developmental delays?

Is the child not meeting their milestones in some way?

>>Watch the full Ask The Experts segment on our website at awodtv.org, if you want to learn more about this topic.

You can also watch or listen on Facebook, YouTube, or on your favorite podcasting platform.

(upbeat music) Next, let's reveal our latest difference maker.

When you come into the world the child of a mother struggling with substance abuse and as a result, saddled with developmental delays and learning issues and then you're moved into the foster care system less than two weeks after entering the world, there is no telling where your life will end up as the subtitle of his memoir, "Living Proof" notes.

For Lucas Boyce, that journey took him from foster care to the White House and the National Basketball Association.

After failing kindergarten, with the sterling support of his adoptive mother, he earned advanced degrees, found himself flying aboard Air Force One as former president George W Bush's Associate Director in the Office of Political Affairs, and serving as an executive with the Orlando Magic at the age of 29, Boyce indeed is living proof that it's not where you start, but where you finish.

Chief correspondent Cindy Peterson brings us his story.

(upbeat music) >>The saying goes, "It's not where you start, but where you finish that counts."

It's been a mantra to live by for Lucas Daniel Boyce, whose life has seesawed from the lowest of lows, winding up as a preemie in foster care, to the highest of highs, soaring across America in Air Force One.

His journey from a challenging start in foster care to achieving his dreams of serving in the White House and later becoming an executive with the NBA is an awe-inspiring testament to the power of resilience, determination, and his faith.

But his story begins in an unconventional way.

Born prematurely to a courageous teenager battling substance abuse, Lucas was saddled with developmental delays and learning and attention issues because of his in-utero exposure.

>>My biological mom had everything going for her.

She had gotten caught up with the wrong crowd, started getting into drugs, started getting into substance abuse, started drinking alcohol.

And in order to support her habit, she lived on the streets and so she did whatever she could.

Found out she was pregnant but by then the alcohol and the drugs had already impacted me in my development.

And so I came out undercooked, a little premature, by about six weeks, weighing about four pounds, two ounces, was in the NICU for about 10 days.

And the reason for that was because of what she had done in the womb.

At 10 days old, I was sent to the foster care home of my white mom, and her name is Dorothy Boyce.

And over the course of about 15 years, she had over 40 foster care children.

And we came to her with disabilities, known and unknown.

And then there was me who struggled with FASD, which stands for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, which is a disorder that takes place when mommy's drink in the womb and that there's a real impact on the life of that child in there when they do those types of things.

>>Some of the effects of FASD are often that the person is unusually small, premature, many are mentally handicapped, some can experience seizures, often have a low IQ, are hyperactive, have growth deficiencies, memory problems and learning disorders.

>>Those learning disorders caught up with me when I tried to go to school.

And so I flunked kindergarten and that was mom's first opportunity to help reframe what setbacks look like for a future comeback.

And she took me aside and she shared with me her two keys of success after I had this horrible, horrible failure.

And all my friends were going to first grade and I was standing still, right?

And she said two things.

She says, "Lucas, I can't promise you success, but I can promise you that if you do these two things, the likelihood for your success will be that much greater."

And she said that you can do anything you put your mind to and I needed to remember who I am and who I represent.

>>Despite struggling academicall Lucas found unwavering support from his adoptive mother who instilled in him the principles of perseverance and self-belief.

>>So I had to study harder than everybody else, right?

I had to work longer than everybody else.

And things other people got just real quickly.

It took me a long time to get.

ADHD, hyperactive, you know, memory problems, those are all impacting in school, right?

But God was good and I was able to have mentors, family, mom and dad, stepdad, teachers that wouldn't give up on me.

We wouldn't just shuffle me along through the system to get me outta school.

That they believed in me and told me to believe in myself and to believe in God and that with God, all things are possible.

So I was able to, thankfully, with all the help that I've just described, go from being a flunked kindergarten to being valedictorian of my high school class.

>>These guiding principles propelled Lucas to defy expectations.

>>19 years old, valedictorian, giving a valedictorian speech.

Mom pulls me aside after the graduation and when you're wanting to turn up and party and go hang out with your friends.

And she pulls me aside for a fireside chat and she said, "Okay, what's next?

What do you wanna accomplish and how are you gonna get there?"

And a few things were popping in the '90s when I was growing up as a teenager, in politics Bill Clinton was the president, in sports, the Chicago Bulls reigned the earth.

And so those are a few of the things that mattered to me.

And so God, religion and basketball and politics, all wonderful, strange things were things that I just kind of gravitated towards.

And so when my mom asked me this, I told her I wanted to be missionary and share my faith.

And I told her I wanted to fly on Air Force One.

Saw this movie in '97, "Air Force One," the movie, when it came out, told her I wanted to work at the White House.

And I also told my mom that I wanted to work for the Chicago Bulls.

Michael Jordan is a person that overcame enormous obstacles to be the greatest player in his and the current generation.

And I wanted to be like Mike.

I was cut from my team like he was cut from his high school team.

I was cut from my mom's team, my birth mom's team.

Those are my dreams.

This is what I told my mom.

And over the course of 10 years, from age 19 to age 29, by the grace of God, a lot of hard work, I was able to work at the White House as an intern, and then later as a staffer, work on a presidential campaign, fly in Air Force One and work for an NBA team for about eight years.

All before the age of 29, 30 years of age.

>>Lucas went on to graduate college, serve in the White House as the president's liaison to the African-American community and transition to regional public relations, where he finally got to fly on Air Force One.

>>I was like a kid in a candy store and I'm pretty reserved.

I'm a real kind of chill guy, but I was not, there was no acting like I had been there before.

>>From 2008 to 2016, his second dream was achieved when he had the opportunity to work with the Orlando Magic as Director of Business Development, Community Relations and Government Affairs.

>>And so my very first year, which was with them, we went to the NBA finals.

That was when Dwight Howard was a member of the team and Kobe Bryant was with the Lakers.

They beat us like a drum, but it was certainly fun to get there, beating LeBron James to get there.

>>Today he serves as the Assistant to the County Administrator for Orange County, Florida government, a fulfilling role in helping people at the local level.

>>I've had experience with federal government, but working in local government and doing public service and trying to be a servant leader has meant a world of difference to me because you give away money at that federal level, but at the local levels, how you distribute that money and how you get it into the pockets of those that are most in need and that's what we do every single day.

>>In 2011, Lucas documented his powerful story in his autobiography, "Living Proof, From Foster Care to the White House and NBA" in hopes of reaching people with the same values his adoptive mother instilled in him.

>>I shake my head sometimes that I would write an autobiography at age 30, that seems like a little bit too early to write one of these, but this one was special and honestly, because of some of the things, the disabilities and things, it's kind of cool to have this written down because I have kind of poor memory, sometimes, on certain things.

And so this kinda helps you remember how cool things were.

But also it kind of acts like a journal for me as well.

But it's entitled, "Living Proof, From Foster Care To the White House and the NBA" and it just chronicles the arc of my life and my story with God at my side with what we've been able to accomplish.

My favorite quote, and I quote this all the time, it says, "Some men see things as they are and they ask why, others will dream things that can be and ask why not?"

And so as I think through what it means to have different abilities, this one really, really, really lands home for me 'cause there are some people that will see things as they are, they'll see the obstacles, the disability, the different ability, and they'll use those as excuses to shrink from the opportunity of the moment.

But then there are those difference makers, those trailblazers, those that will push through towards their purpose that will see all of those obstacles.

They'll see the headwinds, the storms, but they will still dream things that could be and ask why not.

>>With "A World of Difference," I'm Cindy Peterson.

(upbeat music) >>Thanks, Cindy.

And congratulations, Lucas Boyce, for making a difference.

And that does it for this edition of "A World of Difference, Embracing Neurodiversity."

I'm Darryl Owens.

I'll see you back here next time.

You can watch episodes of "A World of Difference" on the Beacon College Facebook and YouTube channels, and on the show's website, awodtv.org.

The website also provides tip sheets and other resources for your parenting journey.

You can watch the show from the PBS app, available on your favorite streaming device and you can listen on your favorite podcasting platform.

Thank you for watching and supporting "A World of Difference."

(upbeat music)