[easygoing music] [office phone rings] Didier, c'est Sophie.

It has been over a week since I hear from you.

Are you OK?

Please call me back, mon amour.

That might be tricky.

[Didier] I'm telling the truth.

We know the Koreans were trying to buy weapons through you.

Yes.

And I passed this information on to the MI5.

What are you talking about?

Three days ago, in Kuala Lumpur.

Are you telling me you told this to an MI5 agent in Malaysia?

-Of course.

-Who was this agent?

A big guy with a stupid face.

Can you remember his name?

Tim Elliot.

[opening theme music plays] [indistinct chatter] OK, settle down.

Is it true?

Is someone out there impersonating an MI5 agent?

No, of course not.

[clears throat] It's just Tim's body double.

My what now?

-Didn't I mention that?

-[Caitlin] No.

-I'm pretty sure... -Sir?

OK, yeah, well, you've, er... you've all got body doubles out there.

Cool, huh?

[chuckles] They don't actually look like us, right?

Course, they do.

Yeah.

Same looks, same blood type, same fingerprints.

Here, pass these out.

I mean, it's a good deal for you guys, because you don't travel as much and if a mission is suicidally dangerous, who cares if one of them gets killed?

-[Karen] Their families.

-[chuckles] What the hell is this?

Yeah, we can't always find an exact match.

-You don't say.

-My guy is amazing.

He's made over 60 kills in the last two years.

OK, well, my guy stole nuclear plans from the Iranians last year.

What did your guy do?

[laughter] Tim, your double's in London if you wanna meet him.

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah.

I can set it up.

OK. What should I wear?

[upbeat music] I hope you've enjoyed your visit to St Benjamin's.

Not particularly.

Who knows?

perhaps the Brain Alliance will soon be welcoming one of our pupils to its noble ranks.

You will find out presently.

Of course.

It's just that I would be prepared to 'smooth the path' as it were.

Sorry, are you trying to bribe me?

I am, yes.

Mr Quill, I'm the president of the foremost intellectual society in northern Europe.

The criterion for admission is the brilliance of one's mind, not the brilliance of one's silver.

So... so is that a no, then?

However, I suppose, I can disclose that I have, in fact, selected a St Benjamin pupil to join the Alliance.

Really?

I bet I can guess who it is.

You really are a very dull man.

[light-hearted upbeat music] You remember Marcus, of course.

I trust Mr Quill's been taking good care of you.

I suppose so.

Do you want to sit down while I make the announcement?

I'm fine.

So, children, we come to the results.

Indeed we do.

Some of you will be disappointed but to you I simply say this: 'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.'

Ha!

So true.

So without further ado, the Brain Alliance is delighted to welcome its newest member: Arthur Norris.

What?

-Huh?

-Come on up here, Arthur.

There's been a mistake.

I don't make mistakes.

But Arthur's an idiot.

It's true, he's a very stupid boy.

Well, I subscribe to Einstein's contention that the true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.

He deep-fried his shoes in Home Economics.

Ha ha!

Wonderful!

I demand a recount.

All right.

No.

Arthur still wins.

You didn't do anything.

It's in here.

I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Now would you mind?

Say 'Nietzsche'!

[light-hearted upbeat music] We actually have very similar backgrounds.

He got a PhD in Chemistry and...

I got a... 'D' in Carpentry.

He was in the Navy... and I like the colour blue.

-Are you listening?

-No.

You still disappointed with your double?

She infiltrated Al-Qaeda.

-Cool.

-Mm, as a man.

You got a double.

I don't even get one.

Oh, here, take mine.

You have similar facial hair.

[phone rings] [phone rings] Didier, this is Sophie again.

Why this silence?

Are you breaking up with me?

Maybe you are with another woman right now?

Well, perhaps I, too, should sleep with some other man... - Hello?

-Who is this?

-Some other man.

-Quoi?

I'm a friend of Didier's.

Where is he?

I want to speak to him.

Yeah, he's a little tied up right now.

So it's true, he is breaking up with me.

I'm not gonna lie, he doesn't look happy.

Oh, mon Dieu!

Look, I think it's probably best if we meet.

I'll come to your apartment at seven?

But how do you know where I live?

Let's just call it destiny.

-Notice anything different?

-You're dressed.

That was an honest scheduling error.

No, look.

No mess.

I just have to tap in... 'Elliot'... [bleep] File not found.

-You've lost our notes?

-Yeah.

-What a surprise.

-Barbara.

How much longer do we have to put up with this idiot?

What's the matter with you?

You've been in a bad mood.

He wasn't chosen for the Brain Alliance.

Oh.

[scoffs] Did you want to say something?

No.

Nope.

No, you did your best.

That's all anyone can ask.

Like you could do better?

You underestimate Tim Elliot at your peril.

[laughter] Laugh all you like but, er... what do you really know about Tim Elliot?

Absolutely nothing.

Barbara!

Fine.

In that case, Tim Elliot can take the exam.

Tim Elliot would be delighted.

Oh, do stop saying that.

What if you fail?

-What do you mean?

-There has to be a forfeit.

Custody.

Excuse me?

If you fail, you give up custody.

Ooh.

Are you seriously suggesting we gamble for custody?

How is it gambling?

I thought we underestimate you at our peril.

Wait, hold on.

So if I pass, you stay with me?

But it has to be you who takes the test.

I swear to you, Tim Elliot will take that test!

Yes!

-Got them!

-You found our files?

No.

But I got Rihanna tickets!

Barbara!

We got the tickets!

[Barbara] Whoo-hoo!

She's happy.

[light-hearted upbeat music] He should have been here by now.

What if he doesn't like me?

What if he's disappointed?

-Is my tie okay?

-Mh-hm.

Ohh.

How are my pecs?

-Very nice.

-You promise?

Hm.

[office phone rings] [bleeps] Well, Didier, I met with Moritz last night.

He told me that you are seeing another woman.

He said you don't love me any more.

But I do not believe him.

I will only know it is true when I hear it from own lips.

Until then, mon amour.

[Examiner] OK, everyone, let me introduce Tim Elliot.

Open that, will ya?

I'm busting for a wee.

[breaks wind] Sorry.

[light-hearted upbeat music] You're disappointed.

[reassuringly] No.

It's OK. My wife had the same look.

Before she left me.

You're a bit different than I expected.

I won't lie, it's not been a good year.

You can't tell, but I've actually put on a bit of weight.

Really.

And the irritable bowels are... still a problem.

Still got that brilliant mind, though.

-No.

-No?

The alcohol killed the brain cells.

Have you thought about... not drinking?

I've cut back quite a bit.

Really?

But fret not... Tim, because I am here to serve you.

-Can you take an exam for me?

-No.

-No.

-Blood pressure.

Right, of course.

So, what about you?

-What?

-Are you married?

I'm divorced.

-Seeing anyone?

-Not at the moment.

-Any kids?

-Yeah, I have a son.

-Do you get on well?

-Not really.

In the middle of a custody battle.

Are you gonna win?

Not now.

It's hard work being Tim Elliot.

Tell me about it.

[light-hearted upbeat music] Hey, there!

-How was school?

-OK. Yeah?

Oh, wasn't that hilarious yesterday?

-What?

-You know, all that stuff about, erm, the exam and... custody.

[chuckling] That was so funny.

-[Judith] What are you doing?

-Nothing.

Just... enjoying classic humour.

-It wasn't a joke.

-What?

My God!

I can't believe you fell for it!

-You are so... -This isn't gonna work.

Really?

-The exam's tomorrow.

-OK. Don't worry, you'll do fine.

You just wanna brush up on your quantum mechanics.

Thanks.

[neighbourhood dog barking] How long have we been studying?

Eleven minutes.

I'm never gonna get through all this.

You have to.

This is for Marcus, remember?

Mh.

All right.

You're right.

Tell you what, why don't we take a five-minute break, and then we'll hit these books like Stephen Hawking on crack.

-I've got Pepsi.

-That'll do.

Working hard.

How long have I been asleep?

-Ten hours.

-Oh, God!

-Ready for the exam?

-Yes!

Yes!

I think we've covered most things.

It's good to get some proper rest before an exam.

-I'll be in the car.

-OK, I'm there in a sec.

-Thanks a lot.

-OK. [phone line ringing] -[Sophie] Oui, 'allo?

-Allo.

-Didier?

-Oui.

Oh!

Que ça me fait plaisir d'entendre ta voix!

Où es-tu?

Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé?

Je savais tu m'appelerais.

Tu m'as tellement manqué, mon amour.

OK?

Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?

Yes, I agree.

Why are you speaking English?

Because, Sophie, French is the language of love, but English is the language of breaking up.

I am in love with another woman.

I don't believe you.

What did you say to me when we first kissed?

Ah, I say so many things.

You said our hearts would be as one forever.

Well, unfortunately , I have met someone else.

-Quoi?

-What did you expect?

I am French.

But you should do the same.

There are many men out there.

Take Moritz, for example.

He is very handsome.

He's a reptile.

That's a bit harsh.

I mean, I understand he is a wonderful lover.

Is that what you want, Didier?

You want me to sleep with Moritz?

I really do.

-OK, fine.

-What?

If that is what it takes to show my commitment to you, then that is what I will do.

-Are you serious?

-On one condition.

You call me by my special name.

Your special name?

You cannot have forgotten it.

- Can I get a clue?

- It is tattooed on your body.

Right, right of course.

Just remind me which part of my body that is?

You are just humiliating me now.

No, no, no.

A- a- actually, I have to make another call, I will ring you back with that funny name and you can have sex with me, I mean Moritz, and then everything will be cool.

OK, ciao .

I take it you heard that, then?

Yes.

Phew, thought I was dreaming.

Where's Tim today?

Erm, he's going to be in late.

He's doing an exam.

You don't mind if I sit here?

-No.

-I'm staying in a hotel... -while I'm in town.

-Oh, yeah.

It's horrible, but it's... cheap.

Yeah.

So if you're... interested?

Interested?

In coming back with me?

Are you hitting on me?

Is that OK?

Not really.

Oh, fair enough.

Fair enough.

Was it the body or the general desperation that put you off?

-There were a number of factors.

-Sure.

The main one being my boyfriend sitting right there.

Oh.

Yeah.

-Sorry.

-[Portis] Mh-hm.

-You want me to leave now.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I thought so.

[light-hearted upbeat music] The results will be ready for collection at five o'clock this evening.

[Judith] Hm.

I think we can probably start packing.

I'll give you a hand.

Hiya.

Who are you?

Thought you might like a drink.

I cannot... Oh, I'll untie you.

I need to check you're not armed.

I've already been searched.

Can't be too careful.

Are you, er... are you married, Didier?

-No.

-Girlfriend?

-Yes.

-How's that going?

Happy?

Of course.

-I love her.

-Hm.

I bet you have funny names for each other?

What are you doing?

Can I drink?

OK.

I've been thinking of getting a tattoo.

-What?

-Yeah.

But it's so hard to decide where to put it.

Do you have any tattoos?

One.

Oh, really.

-Can I see it?

-No.

-Why not?

-It is on my buttock.

Ha.

That is a quandary.

How did it go?

Badly.

Can't help feeling I let you down.

Can't help agreeing.

I don't understand how you could gamble custody on an exam you were never going to pass.

I wasn't supposed to be taking the exam.

-He means me.

-Yes, I got that.

What I meant is, why didn't you just cheat.

Tim, it may have escaped your notice, but you are an MI5 Intelligence Officer.

Surely, even you are capable of breaking into an office and fixing an exam result?

Right.

Of course.

I've got two hours before the results.

-Can I help at all?

-You would've thought.

-Where's the boss?

-Interrogation three.

Erm, re our earlier conversation... -Stay over there.

-Yes.

[soft knock on door] [intriguing music] -[Tim whispers] What's going on?

-He's got a gun.

I can see that.

-Why's he got no trousers?

-This is a bad man, Ah, I can explain.

OK. Would you mind if I left you guys to it?

-Don't move!

-OK.

It's just, you've got two hostages, and I really need to be somewhere.

-You are not going anywhere.

-Right.

Selfish.

-Excuse me.

-I am never going to sleep with you.

Yeah, no, just... there's something happening.

Oh God!

Portis, hit the alarm.

[alarm pulses] -Is there anything I can do?

-No.

Actually, yes, there is.

[zip line whizzing] [light-hearted spy music] [rattling, banging, splashing] [music continuing] [banging] [music increases tempo] Are you here to take the exam?

OK. Well, come on in, then.

I like your outfit.

Most unorthodox.

Thank you.

You tell me what happened.

[Moritz] He attacked me.

He was trying to steal Didier's girlfriend.

What?

-Is this true?

-No.

Yes.

OK, so we may have talked, but it was completely innocent.

It wasn't.

OK, so it wasn't completely innocent.

Hmm.

Is she... hot?

Can I please get out of here?

No.

So what's with the trousers?

I needed to see a tattoo, -on his buttocks.

-No way.

Look, me too.

Look, Didier.

I'm sorry.

It's true, I was trying to steal your girlfriend.

But... she loves you.

Yeah.

And if you love her, you'll let us go and we can have you back together within the hour.

But this way, there are 20 armed agents outside that door.

So just, er, just think about it, OK?

[Tim] Thank God.

-I might be able to make it.

-He's there.

Who?

Oh, no, he didn't.

[upbeat music] [Crispin] Time.

Pens down, please.

Don't forget to put your names on the front.

[Examiner chuckling] Which side?

-The tattoo?

-Oh, yeah.

-Left.

-Oh!

Very nice.

Are you really going to let me go?

No.

I didn't think so.

So if I sign this, Tim loses custody?

That's the general idea.

He's really not very bright.

What's the matter, Marcus?

Fill in the form.

-Is Tim Elliot here?

-[shouts] Yes!

Yes.

I'm here.

I'm here.

Sorry.

-[Crispin] Hm.

-Sorry.

I have the results, and I'm pleased to say you've passed.

Really?!

No.

You failed, abysmally.

I enjoyed that.

[Owen] All right, can you sign this?

Check again.

-Oh, I hardly think - -Check again!

Results for Tim Elliot.

All right.

No need to be rude.

We're no longer working together, -how about that drink.

-Nope.

Need more time?

I don't understand.

I seem to have two sets of results for Tim Elliot.

One pass and one fail.

What does that mean?

It means the bet is off.

What, are you serious?

-What do you think?

-Well, you didn't pass.

You didn't fail either.

The bet is null and void, We won't be needing this.

I don't understand.

Oh, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

We wouldn't expect you to understand.

[Tim] I did warn you... not to underestimate Tim Elliot.

[Judith] Don't start that again.

[crashing, thudding] [passing traffic] -[dial pad beeping] -[ringing] -[Examiner] What are you wearing?

-[Sophie] My darling, -is that you?

-You better believe it is.

[Sophie] But... what if Didier finds out?

[Examiner] I don't think we're going to be seeing much of him for a while.

[Sophie] Oh, you're so naughty.

You have no idea.

[closing theme music plays]