[♪♪♪] - Howdy!

- Good to see ya!

- Very nice to see ya!

Popcorn balls!

- Mm-hmm.

- Love these!

- Oh, they're delicious!

- Caramel!

- Mm-hmm!

- I guess they're caramel.

- [indistinct].

- The lovely Miss Doris came through again.

Well, does this go along with our motif?

For the program?

- Uh, actually, no.

- [Larry laughs] - Chickens eat corn, see?

And that's why we have all this... - That's it, that's it.

- We hate to tell.

- In actuality, what we did is we switched the programs on poor Doris, and didn't tell her!

[laughs] - Oh!

- So this kind of goes with either a previous or a following show, I'm not sure which.

- Yeah.

We did corn last week.

[both laugh] - So anyway, we do that occasionally just to keep things lively down here.

We switch things around a little bit.

- So she can feel like she's actually running the show.

- [Larry laughs] - She really is!

- She came, and she was shakin' her fist at me down the hall a while ago as I was... - And I mean, she's got all this delicious popcorn and this is just wonderful.

- [laughing] Now that she's just totally humiliated herself.

This is pretty!

- Mm-hmm.

- Look at this.

This is some real, honest-to-goodness corn!

Now look at that.

Isn't that beautiful?

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

- It's Indian corn.

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: It really is purple, and, and uh, yellow, and all sorts.

LABAN: We should make some.

LARRY: Well, we, shucks.

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

- See, it's got shucks on it.

- Aw, shucks!

- All right.

What now?

- "Dear Sir, please send me your recipe for meatballs "and, uh, Sweden salad.

"It sounds like it would be very good for my party "I am going to have this year.

"I am sending you an envelope, a self-addressed.

Thank you."

And it's from Louise Price in Benton, Virginia.

- Well, Louise, I hope you like it!

Some lady in the bank laid me out about that very recipe today.

Said it was the worst thing she ever ate in her life!

So I don't know.

- [Laban laughs] - Uh, I'm just warning you.

LABAN: Well, stay out of banks!

- And, and then she short-changed me!

[both laugh] And she threatened to come and short-change me at home!

Well, Mary Driscoll of Roanoke, Virginia.

Oh, Mary writes occasionally, says we watch you every Saturday you are on, and sometimes Saturdays you aren't.

Nah, she doesn't say that at all.

"We like all the fun and all the good things "you show us how to cook.

Keep up the good work!"

Elizabeth-- is that Elizabeth and Mary Driscoll?

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

- I believe that is, and they're from right here in Roanoke, Virginia.

- Well, here's a great one from Lou Herndon, in Bristol, Virginia.

She said, "Dear Laban and Larry, I just do not miss your show, "period.

"You both are absolutely G-R-E-A-T!

"If, for some reason, I have to miss it on a Saturday, "I catch it at a, on Sunday.

"Most of the time, I watch it twice.

"Tell the old biddy in Richmond if she wants to see something "really bad, to tune into The Celebrity Chef and leave your show alone!"

[laughs] She goes on and on and on, and she says, "As far as I'm concerned, "you can drop your dish towel, eat out of the pot, "spill things on the floor, "I don't know of any cooks who don't.

"You can even scratch if you want to, "and I don't mean the lottery!

As long as you are discreet about it."

[laughs] - Oh, my heavens!

My, my, my.

- Thank you!

- "Dear Laban and Larry, I wish you would cook up some homemade biscuits."

I'm sorry you even mentioned this, because what you're about to explain uh, could be, uh, from my kitchen.

"Every time I do it, "the outside is harder than my driveway.

"I can't get the same consistency.

"I don't know if I'm using too much buttermilk "or not enough lard or flour.

Maybe it's my flour."

And mentions the name, ha-ha!

"Maybe I need to use" another name, it says here.

"I would appreciate it if you could help me and I, I know my teeth would thank you."

From Andy Gilley of Ridgeway, Virginia.

Well, I don't, I'm not a good biscuit maker, so I can't tell you what you're doing wrong.

LABAN: I'm not a great one either, but it could be your oven's too hot and maybe you're turning it on to the temperature called for in the recipe, but your oven is out of calibration.

LARRY: Well, Lord, it is operating... - As opposed to outta North Dakota.

[laughs] - Which means that it is operating well outside the parameters... LABAN: Mm-hmm.

- ...which have been set up for it.

- Oh!

You've been going to some weather forecast school!

- [Larry sighs] - All right, now.

Mrs., uh, it looks like Frieda H. Daisy, but it could be Dalton.

She said she bumped into you at some program.

LARRY: Into me?

- With Edwin Newman.

LARRY: Oh!

- Has sent us these two fine spatulas, and... - [Larry laughs] - ...we appreciate it very much.

You know, we always, we can use all the help we can get 'cause we have no budget for cooking stuff.

LARRY: These are gigantic spatulas!

LABAN: They're very large.

LARRY: They're very large spatulas.

Very, very big spatulas.

LABAN: Big, big, big!

- Thank you very much!

We appreciate it... - Well... - ...and you know, we do need them because we keep breaking them down here.

- You know, Larry, I guess we ought to get over here to the kitchen and cook.

- Well, all right.

- And that's what we're supposed to be doing.

- I guess if I have to... - That's why they give us the pittance that we get.

- [laughs] Pittance!

- What are you cooking?

- I'm getting ready to do somethin' called "Chicken and Salsa."

- Ooo!

- And it's, I tried it yesterday, and I gotta tell ya it's a brand new one we just invented, and uh, uh, I tried it and it's goo-ood!

And it's also very, very simple.

Even YOU can do it!

LABAN: Well, how exciting!

- Uh-huh!

It's true.

Now, the first thing I'm gonna do, before I even get going very well is, I'm gonna take this whole chicken cut up, which is what you gotta get, and I got a whole chicken cut up.

I'm going to take it back here right now and I'm gonna wash it thoroughly, and then I'm gonna pat it dry.

Pat, pat, pat.

So that's gonna take just a little bit of time, and so I just want everybody to know I'm gonna do that.

Otherwise, people be throwing off on me that I didn't, you know, properly... LABAN: Uh-huh, and they do get upset.

- ...prepare the chicken.

So that's what I'm gonna do right now, and so I'll see you later, alligator.

- And I'm doing a, a dish called "Healthy Chicken" and a lot of people know, remember, some years ago when I had to have bypass surgery and people are always writing in, well, why don't you do something for us that have heart trouble?

So this is one for all of you that have heart trouble because you can have everything in this dish without cholesterol, and without worrying about being hurt.

Uh, so I'm gonna scrape some vegetables here.

This is a basic stir fry recipe, and I've got a carrot for those of you writing the recipe down as we go.

You're gonna need some boneless chicken breasts, and there's, my carrot is clean, and here's my onion.

Get all of this stuff peeled.

- We got right good pressure today!

- Oh, good!

- I'm feeling the pressure.

- Well, I'm so glad you're taking care of that over there, but you know, it is a good idea to wash your chicken and all of that before you start in on this stuff.

Here's my onion that I've got to have in a little while, and I've got a stalk of celery, uh, of broccoli, and you only need one for this recipe.

So you don't have to have a whole lot of 'em.

And a green pepper... And you know just to reach inside the pepper and pull out the fibrous membrane and all the seeds.

LARRY: Ewww!

Boy!

- Now we're gonna cut up this carrot first because, uh, the carrot is gonna have to be parboiled.

That means you're gonna put it into boiling water for several minutes to cook it just a tad before we do the stir fry.

That way, it won't break your teeth if you have dental trouble, and some people do in this day and age.

And I'll just... just slice this up real good.

LARRY: Well, while he's slicin'... LABAN: You go right ahead.

- ...I'm gonna empty out some oil.

Doris and I are trying to get rid of some excess bottles around the old shop.

We have all of these partial bottles of this and that and the other, and we got a little bit of oil here.

A little corn oil.

This is a little corn oil, and we're gonna start that heating up right now.

Just enough to cover the bottom, all right?

And what we're gonna do while we're getting that heated up a little bit is we're gonna take just a, a couple of garlic cloves, and we're gonna mince those things in this little mincer.

- Doo, doo, doo, doo... - And now it's very important that you keep your fingers out of the... Ow!

That's so awful when that happens, so keep your fingers out of there.

So let me get a couple of these garlic cloves, get 'em prepared and put in there, and then we gotta squish 'em out in that hot oil.

And what we'll start doin' is fryin' uh, these, uh, just right on top the stove, and while we're doing that, then we'll start getting our little batter... Well, not really our batter, our, our flour put together for our chicken and we're gonna shake it in a shaking bag.

So I, we'll get... - [Laban sings] - shaking here in a minute.

LABAN: Well, it's frying time again [singing] I'm gonna leave ya.

LARRY: Oh, I didn't realize this was a musical!

- Well, I thought maybe it would be nice.

LARRY: Was that from the Sound of Music ?

- No!

LARRY: Oh.

- That was from the sound of me cooking in the kitchen.

No, I just thought it'd be nice to have a little fryin' music.

LARRY: Yeah, that was uh, real nice.

- And you didn't, you didn't join me.

LARRY: No, I... - Don't you remember "Frying Time?"

LARRY: I-I really, uh... So-so anyway, just movin' right along here... LABAN: HECK!!!

- ...and I'm gonna let him make a fool of himself.

I'm not in the singin' mood.

I don't know what it is.

I'm not in a singin' mood today.

I've been quite busy, very harried.

So anyway, I'm just cuttin' a couple of...

CREW MEMBER: Where do chickens come from?

- Where do chickens come from?

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

You know, that is a good question.

You know, that is such a good question.

People ask me that all the time, even during programs, people ask me, where do chickens come from!

LABAN: Yeah, where, well... - I'm squishing my... - Wooo!

- Well, we've got an answer for ya about where chickens come from.

Yes, we do!

I'm so glad you asked!

- Yes.

We know this.

- Because if you hadn't though, we'd have been in big trouble on this program.

Here we go right now!

As to where chickens come from, now, those are your basic chickens.

LABAN: Your Rhode Island Red... LARRY: For those of you who have never seen them au naturel.

LABAN: That's all natural.

LARRY: In the all-natural.

LABAN: That's what a chicken looks like with its clothes on.

LARRY: That's right.

That's what it looks like before it's fried.

Oh!

That was a turkey.

LABAN: Oh, well!

LARRY: Well, goes to show what we know!

Anyway, um, now here are two rather... well, who are those suspicious characters, Johnson?

Johnson?

LABAN: Oh, no!

LARRY: Who are they?

LABAN: That looks like some of our relatives from down in the country.

LARRY: Chicken rustlers!

Yes, that's Lar, Darryl, and his other brother, Darryl, I believe.

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: And they're going in, uh-oh... Look at this!

This looks like they're up to no good.

They're going into that chicken pen, very quietly.

Oh, look at 'em!

- [both laugh] LARRY: They're on the run!

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, it's frenetic in there, it's terrible!

LABAN: Run!

Run, chicken, run chicken!

Run, run, run!

LARRY: While they still got a leg to stand on!

All the feathers are flying!

Look at that!

That's incredible!

And look!

Oh, I believe they have bingo!

They have got out with the chickens and there they go.

They do look rather suspicious.

Look at that!

That fat one just left the door open.

LABAN: I beg your pardon!

- [chortling] Well, I didn't mean to say that!

LABAN: Fat one, indeed!

[Larry laughs] I'll fat you upside the head, boy!

- Well!

My, my, my!

Okay!

So there you have it!

- [Laban laughs] - That's where chickens come from.

- We're so glad you asked.

LARRY: And that's where... - Now over here... LARRY: Something's burning.

- ...at Control... Oh, it is!

I thought it was somethin' I was cooking.

LARRY: It's, it's too hot.

It's burning.

- Over here at Control Central, I am, I have cut up an onion, and I'm separating it into large sections, and there it is right there.

That's all I'm gonna do with that onion.

That spread is plenty for this recipe.

- Now what we're doing is we're frying those uh, that little bit of garlic cloves up.

The others kind of fried away!

[laughs] That's what happens when you're watchin' chicken rustlin'.

Sometimes things get away from you a little bit.

That's all right!

It won't hurt 'em.

Let 'em burn, I don't care.

Now what we're gonna do now is we're gonna take one of these bags [giggles] and we're gonna put it over Mr. Johnson's head!

LABAN: Oh, NO!!!

- And you know what happens after you stay under one of these for about ten minutes!

LABAN: You thoughtless dog!

- No, I thought maybe we'd Martinize your hair or whatever it was they used to call that.

[Laban laughs] See, we gotta take about a cup of flour... thereabouts... and a little bit of salt... thereabouts... and a little bit of pepper... thereabouts.

He's real nervous that you're not catching the signals.

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

Ah, didn't catch any signals.

- Now, just shake that up in there a little bit, get it all shook up real good.

[sing-song] It's all shook up, uh-huh-huh!

See, I'm startin' to sing now!

[Laban humming in background] I'm-I'm starting to sing now!

Now what we do is we take our parts... [Laban chuckles] ...well, the chicken parts, and put 'em in here.

And we're gonna shake 'em around.

Now put 'em in there and shake.

Oh, oh!

I guess you gotta shake this!

All right!

Shake this around and get that stuff all over real good.

Oh, look it!!

Those chickens are fightin' to get outta there!

[Laban laughs] Just like they were a minute ago.

And now, we're gonna brown these things on the outside.

Brown them quickly, brown them brownly.

And then I'll show you how to do the rest of it.

And that's that!

That's all we gotta do for right now.

We got some salsa standin' by, and I'll tell you what we do with that in just a little bit.

I'm gonna put a little more pepper on there because I love highly peppered chicken.

Oh!

I left out the biggest part!

[laughs] Good heavens!

How could I miss that?

It's big as-- [crew members laugh] All right.

Johnson, are you with us today?

LABAN: Oh, yeah.

I'm just, you know, I don't want to confuse you over there.

LARRY: You're not confusing me, I'm finished.

- If, if you look over here, here is this fine large frying pan.

I've got some olive oil, which is, uh, just great for your heart 'cause it's got the... LARRY: Didn't she used to go with uh... LABAN: Uh-huh, Popeye.

And I'm using about two tablespoons full of olive oil in this dish, and we're gonna let it heat up.

And here are the vegetables that go in it.

Now what we're gonna do right now is we're gonna put all of the carrots over here into this boiling, fiery hot water so that they can cook just a little tad and not be too crunchy.

And we'll just put those over there.

LARRY: [sing-song] And you do the hokey-pokey, and you shake it all about... LABAN: Get over there!

LARRY: Ten minutes?

I need more than that!

- All right, and now I'm slicing up, uh... LARRY: I think I better turn this up.

- ...this chicken breast.

You remember chicken breast.

Mm-mmm!

Good golly, Miss Molly!

LARRY: Everything's poppin' and spewin' here!

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

- I'm a little nervous about it.

- Well... and with good reason.

LARRY: I'm cleanin' my... - Fingernails.

LARRY: Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm gonna smell like garlic at another party.

People have got so they know I'm around just by sniffin' the air.

And I don't want to hear anything about from any of you!

- And we always know he's coming; you can smell him down the hall.

- I intend to smell this way at the big party in a couple weeks.

All right.

- Now our oil is getting hot over here and as soon as it's hot, we're gonna, the first thing we're gonna add is the green peppers to this.

- Now Johnson, what is it you're always tellin' people about brownin' the fried chicken on the edges?

You always have a little somethin' that you go around about.

- Yeah!

Just don't mess with it.

- Just don't mess with it.

Put it in there and let it go for a while.

- Put it in there and leave it alone.

- And that's what I'm gonna do right now!

- Alright, now while you're doing that, I'm gonna add my green pepper into this fiery hot oil and let it go first.

Oooo!

LARRY: And you'll notice he's using the appropriate utensils for that Silverstone that he's using... LABAN: Right.

LARRY: ...or whatever that stuff is.

LABAN: Teflon, I think it is.

LARRY: Oh, is it?

LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: I thought it looked like Silverstone to me.

Well, yeah, I guess you're right; it is Teflon.

It sorta looks alike.

- And I'm continuing to thinly slice my chicken breast there.

And as I go, I'm trying to get rid of as much fat as I can, 'cause we don't need any of the fat.

And once this dish gets going, it's gonna get together real fast.

Doris, I'm going to need the, uh, strainer.

LARRY: Now don't strain yourself, Doris!

Doris is a lot of fun.

She'll laugh at anything.

- Mm-hmm.

LARRY: Don't strain yourself, oldest joke in the book!

LABAN: And if you'll note, I'm just tossing these like you would a salad in this hot olive oil.

And now I'm gonna add the onions to it.

LARRY: Onion!

LABAN: When you're doing a dish like this, you have to get everything ready before you go.

LARRY: Oh, this is beautiful!

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: It is.

Now what I'm gonna do is flip mine over.

Yes, I would, thank you.

What I'm goin' to do is try and flip this over with the right utensils.

Look at that!

LABAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: It's gettin' nice and brown on it.

Excuse me.

LABAN: And another trick to fryin' the chicken to get it to come out right is to let it stay until it gets thoroughly brown on one side, but you gotta use a heavy pan.

If you don't use a heavy pan, you're done for.

LARRY: Well, this is gettin' quite nice and in just a couple of minutes, I'll tell you what the final thing is.

Now these little specks on here uh, are the uh garlic, and even if they're a little done, you'll find that uh, you'll find that... LABAN: They're really bad.

- ...they'll be fine.

Don't worry about it.

Well, they are not!

LABAN: No, they'll be all right.

- They'll be fine.

We ready to show 'em how this mess is done?

- My, my carrots have been cooked now.

I'm gonna...

There's my carrots.

And I'm gonna throw them in now.

Mm-mmm!

And the trick is you gotta have high heat and you gotta keep everything moving.

Now I'm gonna put in the chicken.

Woo!

What was that?

LARRY: I don't know.

Something went WUMP!

It worries me a little when things go WUMP around here.

LABAN: And you just have to keep moving this chicken around.

Maybe we could look at the recipes just a little bit and see what's going on.

LARRY: CHICKEN SALSA.

It's a simple one to do.

You take a fryer, cut up.

You flour it with salt and pepper, uh, and then, uh, you know, the garlic cloves minced which are fried a little bit in advance on top of the stove in the oil for frying, and you put that all in there, and you brown it on both sides.

And then, in a couple of seconds here, after you've got it browned on both sides, you'll add a large 16-ounce jar of salsa.

I will actually be using two 16-ounce ones because I found the chicken's so big, it takes that much.

You can kind of play around with it.

LABAN: Could I have a paper towel?

Do you have mild or hot?

LARRY: I have mild.

LABAN: Oh!

And there's mine!

[laughs] The Healthy Chicken.

Two chicken breasts, sliced, a medium carrot, one bell pepper, one onion, one stalk of broccoli, two tablespoons of olive oil, one lemon.

And we'll see what we're gonna do with the lemon in just a minute, and it is really a healthy, healthy dish for you.

And the chicken, incidentally, over high heat cooks just-- almost immediately.

It'll be cooked through in another minute or two.

As soon as it gets a little more of the pink out of this, we'll throw in our last ingredient, which is the broccoli.

No salt.

LARRY: All right.

While we're waiting on that, now we have, at this point, got this to the point where it is now, the chicken is now browned on both sides.

And all you do at this point, you can handle this, just open up some salsa.

Maybe you make your own, maybe you just...

This is a medium, a mild, and just cover that, bring it to a boil, which it automatically does anyway on that high heat, and then you bring it down to warm and cover it.

And you will then cook it at simmer for about an hour, and that chicken will just get just real tender and delightful, and the salsa on there, and that is a wonderful dish.

And when you get finished with it, it looks like this.

Yeow!!

Very, very pretty.

LABAN: Oh!

LARRY: Oh, how awful!

There are some pieces missing from this chicken.

I must have eaten them last night, and I can tell you I did... LABAN: Mm-hmm.

LARRY: ...and they're real good.

And that just simmers in there in those juices, and oh, it's fabulous.

It really is.

LABAN: All right.

Now Lar, let me quickly show everybody.

I'm gonna add about a teaspoon of tarragon over this dish.

LARRY: Oooo!

Anything with tarragon, I love.

I'm gonna love this dish.

LABAN: And while I'm finishing it up here, I'm gonna put the broccoli in now and toss it around.

And the broccoli, I like it crunchy.

You know, I love raw broccoli anyways.

So I'm just gonna let this be, just barely heated through... And where's good ol' Miss Witch?

LARRY: She's around here somewhere.

LABAN: Oh, let's get the old girl in and see what she's got for us today.

LARRY: All right.

Here she comes 'cause I can hear her.

She just broke the sound barrier.

Oh!

- Oh.

- She just flew right past that [indistinct].

- Maybe you could read that letter while I'm... - Just keep your nose out.

- ...finishing this up here.

- Thank you.

Come back when you've been vacuumed.

Oh, a two-pager!

- Oh.

- Is that... [Laban laughs] Is this--?

- Aw.

- This program is just full of surprises!

- Yeah, yeah.

"Dear boys, please quit pickin' on the poor old staff people "who work on your show with antique equipment and doing their best they can."

Oh, yeah, yeah!

Yes, they do, they do!

- [crew members applause] - And the reason they got antique equipment is because of the antique managers around here.

Anyway, [laughs] uh, here.

Read the-read the real letter.

- Did you hear how much I said during all of that?

"Hey guys, could you two sweetie pies "show us two honey pies, how to make some new pies?

Betty and Meg Pie!"

Ah, uh, Brown Crust, Wyoming.

Well, I want to tell ya, oh, anyway, uh, yes, yes, of course, we could.

- Now Larry, on my dish here, the last, the pièce de résistance is, we're going to squeeze the juice of a fine lemon... LARRY: Oh... LABAN: ...over here... into this dish... LARRY: Whew!

LABAN: I don't want those lemon seeds in here.

LARRY: Well, too bad.

You already got one in there.

But it's gone now!

LABAN: And this is a big... LARRY: Oh, that's a pretty big... LABAN: ...juicy lemon.

LARRY: Did you get this from the house of, well, never mind.

LABAN: No.

Ooo!

Lemon juice everywhere!

LARRY: Oh, it smells wonderful!

- All right, let me toss it, and we'll go over and try it out here.

- Now this doesn't have any of that MSG in it, does it?

LABAN: It has absolutely nothing bad in it.

- That just makes me real nervous and I break out.

LABAN: Now if I can find a pot holder.

LARRY: Oh, that's a great shot!

[laughs] LABAN: Well, excuse me!

- Now I didn't mean... [indistinct].

- Yes, you did!

You tried to embarrass me for the last time.

[Larry chortles] - I think he's taking this whole show very seriously today.

I don't know what's wrong.

Thirty seconds.

Well, who cares?

Well, I'll try this, and I'll tell ya how good it is.

Oh!

It's wonderful!

LABAN: Uh!

Oh, no!

LARRY: Oh, that is real good!

Goodbye.

LABAN: Oh, this is tasty.

- Mmmm!

- Mmmm!

This is wonderful!

- Hmm.

[♪♪♪] [music fades out]