[♪♪♪] -Excuse me, I'm diddlin' around with my ink pen.

I just realized my pen was up there and was going to be banging around on the microphone.

-Oh, I thought maybe you were talking into your pen again.

-Irritated.

Well, yeah, this is actually an ink pen microphone.

It's so nice to have you here.

-Thank you so much.

He got it in Washington.

-You're an embarrassment.

Anyway, how you doing, Mr. Johnson?

-Oh, I'm just creeping along today.

-And all the folks out there, so nice to see you.

-Good to see you.

-You look good today.

Dressed fairly decently.

-Mm-hmm.

-You can't beat that.

-No.

-What are we gonna be doing today?

On this exciting program.

-I don't know.

Send Witchy in here and-- -And here she comes right into the arms of Laban.

And here she comes back right into the face of Laban.

[laughs] She's gettin' a little dusty.

You know, that's what it is.

That's what it is that gets him sneezing in the middle of the show.

-We need to take the vacuum to her.

-We need to vacuum the witch.

Because Andre, you know, goes up there and gets in his snoot.

-Mm-hmm.

-A snootful.

Of course, not the first time that Andre's had a snootful.

[reading] "Oh, boys, you just keep doing "all these healthy recipes.

"We're not all sick and a-fixin' to die.

"I'd like to see what you get "for a good beef stew and some side dishes.

We know Johnson is at death's dark door..." Thank heavens he has forgotten the key.

"...but Bly looks like he's still sitting up at the table "and cleaning his plates.

Sincerely, Jack and Dorothy Spratt."

Oh, Jack Spratt.

-[Laban] Oh, yes.

-Who could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean.

And when the zzz-zzz, they licked the platter clean.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-I can never remember the parts in the middle.

Hot Trot, New Mexico.

-[Laban] Oh.

-It's a great town.

-[Laban] It is.

-I love it.

I'm gonna do something.

What am I going to do?

Get off camera.

I'm gonna do a beef stew that is so easy and so wonderful.

Let me tell you something.

I put that in that crock pot last night at 7 o'clock, turned it on.

You do it for 12 hours.

Got up 7:00 this morning.

The entire house smelled so wonderful.

It was incredible.

This was sent in by Cathleen Wright of Roanoke, Virginia.

-Well, I'm doing a scalloped potato recipe that is, by Southern standards, weird.

[Larry chuckles] -It looks like it'll be good, but I don't know.

And it's from Gladys in New Jersey.

[Larry] Gladys in New Jersey.

-Uh-huh.

-[Larry] Well.

-And I have just never had one of these before.

And don't worry, it is not good for you.

[Larry] Wonder if that's the same Gladys that was in Knoxville a couple of years ago.

[laughs] -Well.

Could have been-- [chuckles] [Doris] I think she's the one in Philadelphia.

-[Larry] Oh.

Thank you.

-Oh.

No.

[Larry] Oh, she's the one in Philadelphia.

The off-camera prompter has just given us some additional information.

-Oh.

She's such a noodge.

-First thing I've got to do, and I'll just start and then I'll give it to you because mostly I'm gonna have to chop a lot of things.

First thing you have to do is get about two pounds of beef stew meat cut into about one-inch cubes.

And that's what we have there.

And you start everything right in the old crock pot.

You do not have to pre-prepare anything.

So, the beef goes in there.

And the next thing we're gonna do is you prepare just a little bit of flour, salt, and pepper mixture to put in on top of that and we'll diddle that around in there a little bit.

Should be just about-- that's kind of your thickener, is what it is.

Your thickener.

And a little bit of salt.

Just a wee little bit.

Ooh, that's more than a wee bit.

But this is off-- let me tell you something.

Laban?

-[Laban] Yes?

[Larry] This makes enough to feed Coxey's Army.

You remember them.

-[Laban] Yes.

-I haven't-- -I met somebody the other day that was from out away from here and somebody used that expression and he said, "What does that mean?"

-Well, if you knew anything about history, and you are, after all, watching the History-- well, no, this isn't the History.

Well, anyway.

Now put that in there and mix that around.

Mix the meat around there in the salt, pepper, and flour.

Make sure you get it in there real good.

Now what will happen is this will eventually-- can you see any of that?

Yes, you can.

It's really deep down in there, isn't it, boys and girls?

Now the next thing we're gonna do is start chopping a couple of things.

Put in the meat in the pot, mix the flour, salt, and pepper, pour over the meat, stir to coat the flour, add remaining ingredients.

The next thing I got to do is start cutting and chopping.

I have some celery and I'm gonna start doing that.

And I got a green bell pepper that's got to go in there, and a big old onion and some potatoes.

And then just cans and cans of stuff.

Take it away, Mr. Johnson.

-Well, thank you so much.

Now, I'm gonna make a white sauce.

This is one of the basic sauces in all of cooking.

Two tablespoons of butter or margarine, two of flour and a pint of milk.

That's two cups of milk for those of you that are kind of handicapped in that area.

[Larry] Some of that pepper got up my norstrils.

We used to have a minister, that's they way he would talk about.

-Mm-hmm.

-"And then the Lord breathed fire into his norstrils."

I don't know where in the world he ever got that pronunciation.

-His norstrils.

-I just know that several of us would get up and run from the church when he'd start talking about it.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

Chop, chop, chop.

You know, this is as bad as Chinese food.

Let me tell you something about this recipe that's very interesting.

At my home, at the end of the garden season in the fall, practically everything that is in this recipe except for the celery, but the potatoes and the peas and the corn and the limas and green beans and all that stuff, we used to go out and finish up the garden with this and Tootsie would make something called a soup mix.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-And essentially what's-- -I had some of that one time.

-Yeah, and you can it.

It's wonderful.

And all you have to do in the middle of winter when a big old snow comes is you just get out a can of that stuff, big old Ball jar of that stuff and open it up and all you have to do is add the beef and cook it and you've got the same thing we're gonna work ourselves to death doing today.

But basically, everything that's coming out of a can today could come out of your garden at the end of the season.

-[Laban] Sure.

-And would all be very fresh.

So, I'm gonna put some veggies in there.

I've chopped up a couple of things of celery, a little more than they called for.

I like it.

It says one rib, but I like two.

You know I like-- how much I love to rib.

Okay.

Some potatoes.

Three potatoes.

I have washed them all up real good.

I'm gonna do them with their little coats on 'em.

I'm not even gonna bother to do anything else.

Laban, go ahead.

-[Laban] All right.

Well, now I have mixed the two tablespoons of margarine and the two tablespoons of flour together.

And this makes a roux, R-O-U-X.

And you want to cook it a little bit, so the raw taste of the flour gets out of it.

And then once that's been cooked a little bit, we're gonna add the two cups, one pint, half a quart of milk.

And of all things today, the milk carton was leaking, so I had to take everything out of it and bring it in a container from home.

[Larry] Oh boy.

I had that happen to me last week.

And by the time I got home, I had 600 cats following my van to the house.

I was popular in the neighborhood.

I'm just slicing up these potatoes.

You want to cube these up.

You don't have to cube them real small because it's gonna, for heaven's sake, gonna cook for 12 hours.

There couldn't be anything left of anything after that.

But I'm going on ahead and cubing them fairly small, as you can see.

So, no need to get great big old lumps of the stuff.

[clears throat] So, I'm just rough cutting it real quick and getting on with it.

-I've got a big casserole dish, probably a little bigger than we need, but I'll use it and be glad of it.

And I'm spraying it with some liquid oil so that our friends on the staff, when they do the dishes, won't have too hard a time doing it.

Now this sauce, you have to stir every few minutes.

Maybe more than that.

-What's the difference between a roux and a gravy?

[Laban] Well, a roux is the flour and the fat, and the gravy is what happens after you add a liquid.

-Ah!

Just checking, Mr. Johnson, to make sure you know.

You win a brand-new Cadillac.

-Well, bring it to me.

[Larry] Okay, we're gonna put the potatoes in here now.

That's three potatoes right smart.

You know, this cooker of yours is just a wee little bit smaller than mine.

I have a funny feeling it's gonna be right full in there by the time we're through.

I have also chopped up some carrots [laughs] and put those in there.

And now the next thing I gotta do is chop an onion and put that in there.

That onion makes it taste mighty good.

[Laban] Doris, did you bring salt and pepper today?

-[Doris] Yeah.

-I have some right here.

[Laban] Oh, here's some right over here.

-I put it, oh, there they are.

I had a separate supply over here.

That's unusual.

We have extra sets of everything today.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-And just chop up an onion to get in there too while you're at it.

-[Laban] That's supposed to be a teaspoon and a half of salt and pepper to taste.

-Tasteful pepper.

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, it's mighty quiet here.

-Well, it sure is.

Well, you know, what can you do while you wait for the pot to boil?

-There's just not much you can do.

You have to chop things and that's just the fact of life.

That goes in there.

Next, big old green pepper.

I'm gonna slice that into thin strips, it says.

Now, I just bought this pepper the other day and it's already looking a little bad on the edge there.

That doesn't look attractive at all.

I'm gonna cut a cancer out of there.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-There we go.

That goes out.

And pull this thing out and get rid of that.

There's a couple little seeds in here.

And it says do these in strips, so I guess that's what I'm gonna do.

Get little bitty thin strips of these things.

This is a very pretty stew.

I don't know what the difference between a stew and a soup is.

Can you tell me that, Doris?

What is the difference between a beef stew and beef soup?

Vegetable soup.

I mean, it's got beef, it's got-- oh.

[laughs] [Laban] I'm telling you, this is a bad day.

-Mr. Johnson just fell over something.

I hope you're all right.

You okay?

-[Laban] My stool.

No.

[Doris] [indistinct] has a gravy and the other has just the water.

-Aha.

We're making a lot of fine distinctions here today.

-[Laban] We certainly are.

-[Larry chuckles] -Well, while you're cutting up on that pepper-- -Mm-hmm.

-This dish needs six potatoes.

And I use the smaller ones like this with the peel left on 'em, that's the in thing to do now.

Don't get great big ones because you'll have more potato than you can use.

And slice them thinly.

And then cook 'em for about ten minutes in water.

And I've got the peppers, or the potatoes cooked here, sliced potatoes with the skins on.

And you want to make a layer in your dish.

And-- [Larry] I need a little measuring device, Miss Doris.

Just something to put some bouillon in.

About a cup of it.

I'm sorry, I'm having to give Miss Doris some stage instructions right here on set 'cause I forgot to get all my stuff together.

Those strips go in there just like that.

-[Laban] Oh, my god.

-It's mighty pretty.

Oh, lord.

[chuckles] It's gonna ruin itself.

You all right?

-Mm-hmm.

-You know, my stove does that.

Just catches up with me and boils over very quickly.

When it gets hot, it gets very, very hot.

[Laban] And I can remember a time when we couldn't get this thing to-- [Larry] Oh, I know.

We had to hand crank it one time just to get it up to-- but it's doing great now.

-Mm-hmm.

-Instead of beef broth today, I've brought in just a few beef bouillon cubes and I'm gonna smash those up and put them in there along with a little bit of water here in a couple minutes.

[Laban] Now with my potatoes, I now have to slice six hard-boiled eggs.

And I brought-- somebody sent us an egg slicer, and it doesn't work worth diddly.

[Larry] A brand new one and it already doesn't work?

[Laban] Already doesn't work.

[Larry] Well, they don't make 'em like they used to.

[Laban] No, they don't.

[Larry] Excuse me.

I'm just... [Laban] And you put a layer of hard-boiled eggs in here.

[Larry] ...beatin' up on this bouillon real bad.

[Laban] Oh, sauce, come on, slow down.

-What you got to do now, Johnson?

-I have to keep layering hard-boiled eggs and potatoes.

-Whew.

Mm.

Doesn't smell too good.

-Uh-uh.

-Okay.

Well, okay.

Well, okay.

Now we got to put all the rest of the stuff in here.

Let me know when you get finished because I'm in no hurry whatsoever.

-Well, all right.

I got to slice another egg here.

[Larry] I just had this cleaned.

I should wear an apron, shouldn't I?

-[Laban] Well-- -[Larry] That's what-- [Laban] It's real pretty.

Did you get that out of a catalog?

[Larry] Uh-huh.

Well, I can't remember where I got it from.

It's real nice.

And I didn't overpay for it.

I paid what I felt was fair market value for it.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

[Larry] And considering the number of compliments I get and how warm it is on a cold day... -Yeah.

I just don't recall seeing that one at Walmart.

[Larry] [laughs] Well, that's because I have it.

That's why you don't see it at Walmart.

Okay.

What I've done is you got to put a little bit of-- I'm gonna put some bouillon in here, about a cup.

Pour that in there.

That's part of your liquid.

Also, a whole thing of tomatoes, whole tomatoes with juice.

And what I'm gonna do is squish those.

I know it's not real attractive, folks, but you could take-- Am I doing that or are you doing it?

[laughs] -[Laban] No, I'm doing it.

[Larry] The whole thing just about took off down through the studio.

Oops.

You've got to be very careful.

You could ruin your lovely dress at home while you're doing this, Mother.

So, be careful when you're squishing these things.

They go all over you.

A whole can of tomatoes and the juice that goes in it.

I wash my hands.

This thing keeps squirtin' on me.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-Somethin' wrong with it.

Now, here's a tricky part.

[clears throat] Small can of sweet corn.

Small can of peas.

I know you'll love that, Johnson.

He's gotten nervous.

Oh, I shouldn't even tell him this.

Small can of butter beans.

-[Laban groans] -I don't want him to know the butter beans are in it.

He gets real nervous about beans, ladies and gentlemen.

A big can of French cut, French style, no salt added.

[laughs] I'm telling you.

I'm telling you, thank heavens, not too much more goes in here.

And in a couple of minutes, we'll add a whole bunch of other secret ingredients, all of which are herbs and spices.

Thank heavens because we don't have any room to even stir the stuff at this point.

But it's okay.

It'll bake down.

You don't have to worry.

It's gonna set in there for 12 solid hours.

I'm just gonna mix it around a little.

[Laban] Oh, that'll be the longest cooking show ever on TV.

-[chuckles] It is.

We all have to come back next week and see how it turns out.

-[Laban] Uh-huh.

-Go ahead, Johnson.

It's all yours.

[Laban] All right.

Well, I put another layer of the cooked potatoes there.

And I am once again slicing eggs and putting the eggs on top here.

And then, after we do that, we'll check out this wonderful cream sauce over here that we gotta add a couple more things to.

Then it'll be almost ready for baking.

-Okay, I gotta put a bay leaf in here.

Stick a big old bay leaf in there.

And you'll pull that out later on, so you don't choke your friends and neighbors.

We've got to put a little paprika, a teaspoon of paprika goes in there at this point.

And what else?

There's somethin' else.

A little bit of minced garlic, about a clove.

I didn't want to have to do that, so I just brought some of this pre-minced stuff today so I wouldn't have to get it all over my hands.

Be real gentle with it.

They're laughing at me.

A teaspoon of low soda Worcestershire sauce, a little bit of that goes in there.

Mix that all around.

Put the cover on it.

Cook it on low for about, actually it says 4 to 6 hours, or you cook it on low, 10 to 12 hours or on high 4 to 6.

And that will just be so wonderful tomorrow morning when you get up, if indeed you even bother to get up.

I don't know.

Maybe you spend all day in bed.

I know I [indistinct].

-Or you could do it at-- yeah.

-But the wonderful thing is you've now done all of that and that will cook in its own juices and the meat in there and all that stuff and the tomato sauce and the beef stuff, broth and what have you.

And just put a, where is the lid?

Put a lid on it.

You've heard the term.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

Numerous times.

-There it is.

[Laban] All right.

Now with my sauce here.

-I'm out of here.

-I need to add a tablespoon of chopped parsley.

So, here's a tablespoon of fresh chopped parsley.

I was gonna get it out of my garden, but I'd used too much of it last week.

I've still got parsley growing beautifully.

I know you do too.

-[Larry] I am envious.

Mine all croaked at the end of the season this year.

It doesn't always but it did this year.

It was just a little too tough on it, I guess.

My chives, they're all gone.

Everything's gone.

It's all a memory of last summer.

Johnson and I do both grow a lot of our own herbs and spices.

And he does it in an apartment.

That's amazing.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-Got all those big pots out there.

Terracotta pots.

Want me to give my recipe, or are you still doin' stuff?

-Let me do this, and then we'll do the recipes.

This is the cream sauce now.

-[Larry] Ooh.

-And I add salt and pepper.

-[Larry] Look at that.

Gorgeous.

Gorgeous.

That's pretty as Betty Sue... -[Laban] Uh-huh.

-...in the summer of '67.

-Oh, she was a good girl.

[Larry] She was a lovely young lass.

Said she was a lovely long lass.

[laughs] I don't know what that means.

I need to dip this out with something.

Huh?

What am I supposed to dip it in?

My hand?

Miss Doris forgot to get the bowls.

Oh, I used those bowls for somethin' else.

Here's the recipes.

[laughs] Beef stew.

Two pounds of beef stew meat cut into one-inch cup.

Cubes.

Quarter cup of flour.

Half teaspoon of salt.

Quarter teaspoon of black pepper.

A teaspoon of low soda Worcestershire sauce.

A clove of-- it's a soup.

Of garlic minced.

A bay leaf.

What?

All right.

Hang on.

Teaspoon of paprika.

Four peeled carrots.

Three medium potatoes.

Medium onion.

Rib of celery.

Small green or red bell pepper.

Thank you.

Whole tomatoes.

French style green beans.

Corn, peas, lima beans, and beef broth.

See, now we're cooking.

-Now the egg and potato scallop.

You need two tablespoons of butter or margarine.

Two tablespoons of flour.

Two cups of milk.

A tablespoon of chopped parsley.

One and a half teaspoons of salt, and pepper to taste.

Six small potatoes sliced and cooked.

Four to six hard-boiled eggs sliced, and one cup of bread crumbs.

And Larry, I'm gonna put the bread crumbs on mine, and then maybe we can bring in some of our guests.

-The lovely Doris will be coming in here in a second.

-Oh, well, good.

-[Larry] Come on in.

She finally got me some bowls.

She was resisting the bowl idea.

How can--?

Doris.

[Doris] I didn't know it would be that soupy.

[Larry] Darling.

Darling.

[Doris] I can see why you want to [indistinct].

[Larry] Hello.

Testing.

One, two, three.

Doris, listen to me.

Look at this.

[Doris] Yeah.

But my [indistinct].

[Larry] How would you get that to stay on a plate?

-[Doris] I don't know.

-You can't get that on a plate.

[Doris] Well, see, you asked me the difference between soup and stew, and that looks to me more like soup than stew because my stews, I don't know about yours, but they're usually thick, right?

-[Laban coughs] -What do you got?

-Okay.

Well, I had to do a corned beef salad.

-[Laban] Eww.

-[chuckles] Oh, no, that's pretty good.

Corned beef is good.

I guess that's more of a northern thing for people to eat corned beef.

-[Laban] Yup.

[Doris] And this was from Betty Van Saun, I guess it is, Riverton, New Jersey.

And it took one three-ounce package of lemon gelatin, two bouillon cubes, one cup of boiling water, one eight-ounce package cream cheese softened, one cup of salad dressing, one can corned beef chopped, four hard-cooked eggs chopped, one small onion chopped, one green pepper chopped, two cups of celery chopped, and one package of frozen peas cooked.

Well, you mix it all together and put it in here.

[laughs] And I don't, and I guess you can serve it as a salad.

I think it's a regular, it could be a regular meal too or a church thing.

Just put it on that and serve it with a roll.

-Terrific.

I think we got the Cook Sisters coming in if we have time for them.

-Oh, everybody's here today.

-I'm not sure whether we have time for the Cook Sisters or not.

-[Laban] Bring them on in.

-If we have time for them, we'll see them.

And then we'll see you at the table here in a couple of seconds while the lovely Cook Sisters dispense all sorts of marvelous information to you.

I love them so much.

I can't talk enough about them.

-Say.

Excuse me.

Tootsie.

Tootsie.

-Oh.

Oh.

I'll be right back to you.

-You know, I've noticed that you've been having a lot of trouble with your eggs, telling the difference between which one was hard-boiled and which one was raw.

-Mm-hmm.

-And I have found... -Have you got a cold, Sis?

Your voice is getting deeper all the time.

-A little.

A little.

A little.

-Go ahead.

-But I have found that when you hard-boil the eggs, if you put two or three drops of food coloring in the water, when they're hard-boiled, they'll take on a tinge like green or purple.

-[laughs] A tinge.

-And you can tell the difference between the hard-boiled ones and the raw ones.

-What's a tinge?

-Uh-- it's about that much.

I'm Sister Cook.

-I'm Tootsie Cook.

-And we're the Cook Sisters.

-Oh, they're a mess.

They really are.

Sit yourself down.

-[Laban groans] -I'm trying this corned beef casserole of Miss Doris.

-Mm.

Oh.

I didn't get any.

-Weird.

-Doris always forgets me.

-Well, it's full of peas.

-She even got the lettuce out.

-Johnson, it's full of peas.

I don't think you're gonna be real thrilled about it.

-Oh.

Well, I like peas.

-[Larry] Oh, you like peas?

-I don't like lima beans.

-[Larry] Oh.

[laughs] Well here, have some of the soup.

-No.

-Oh, I think you'll like this.

This really is good.

Mm-mm-mm.

-Mm.

-The beef broth, which is kind of like a soup, [laughs] is real good.

Mm-mm-mm.

-Should I use a spoon on it?

-[Larry] Mm-hmm.

It's good stuff.

And Mr. Johnson's little scallop thing-- -Scalloped potatoes.

-Which has onions.

I mean, has whole... -Potatoes and eggs.

-...things.

Eggs.

It's real eggy, but it's good.

-Well, yours is wonderful.

-It really is.

It really is good.

Well, how could you go wrong with a stew that cooks for 12 hours?

I mean, if you seeped in your juices for, well, never mind.

Well-- mm.

I'm telling you, we've done real well.

-We have.

-Well, who baked these?

I don't recall these being baked on the air.

Jim Hammerstrom said he baked them.

-Oh.

[Doris] That's the recipe [indistinct].

[Larry] She made this recipe.

She's way off mic.

I'm having to say what she says.

In the 1700s, she says, she first made this recipe.

And I think I remember it.

-[Laban] Uh-huh.

-It really was quite good.

As I recall, Martha and George showed up for that one.

-[Laban] Mm-hmm.

-And he had those choppers on.

I'll never forget them.

They were wood, you know.

Mm.

This is all terrific.

-It's a good meal all the way around.

-Mm-mm-mm.

That's it.

-All right.

-Bye.

-Bye.

[♪♪♪] [music fades out]