[♪♪♪] -Oh, the smell of bacon.

Woo!

-Oh, makin' bacon.

-Makin' bacon.

Absolutely.

Yes, indeed.

Do you know why I'm puttin' these glasses on?

-Oh, I-- it is hard to tell why you do things, Bly.

-Because the other night you and I were recognized so many times.

-Yes.

-At the gospel sing, for those of you who think we're heathens.

-Right.

-But I also want you to see what's written on the side of them, that-- where are we?

Who's getting it?

You are, Jim?

-Number three is getting it.

Number two, there.

"Look for me on TV."

-If you'll stop correcting, Johnson, I think we'll get it.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-"Look for me on TV."

[laughs] -LABAN: Oh, too much.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Larry and I went to the Bill Gaither and Friends concert... -It's true.

-...Saturday night.

-And we have witnesses, hundreds of witnesses who came by and said hello to us.

-It was unbelievable.

Another unbelievable thing was I picked up the tickets at the Civic Center, and they came in a Calvin Klein envelope that had a sniff strip in it.

-[Larry laughs] -It was just outrageous.

Women decorously laid out over a table and-- -Mm-hm.

-LABAN: --men undressed, and it was just terrible.

You know, this Calvin Klein is a little racy for Bill Gaither, but they, I guess they had the envelopes left, and they had to use it.

-What can you do.

Speaking of Calvin... -You got a thread hanging on your glasses.

-Speaking of Calvin, the witch... -Oh!

Boing.

-[laughs] I bet you didn't know the witch had a name.

Well, it's not Calvin.

-Here.

-Oh, okay.

Says here-- it's mighty dark in here.

-Oh, take your glasses off, fool.

-Oh, oh, okay.

I forgot about 'em.

-You'll get bacon grease on 'em anyway.

-[reading] "Dear young men."

Ooh!

I haven't had anybody call me that for roughly 20 years.

[reading] "I'm 75 years old, and I can't make a biscuit.

"Every time I try to make one, they come out like little lumps of concrete."

Which reminds me of Tootsie's biscuits.

She was a great bread baker, but all of her biscuits came out of those things you just break open, you bust open, you know, from the store.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-[reading] "What am I doing wrong?

"I'm afraid Big Billy, my current husband, "will divorce me if I don't learn soon.

"Big Billy says he just don't feel right iffin "he don't get aholt of a biscuit in the morning.

"Thank you kindly, Big Mama Hoback of Lockjaw, Texas."

[laughs] What's his name?

-Oh, well, we'll do biscuits today.

-Well, we are gonna do biscuits.

-And I'll tell you, folks, this is, this is the honest to God truth, Larry and I, neither one can make a biscuit.

I have never made a decent biscuit.

My grandma, the sainted Connie Hodges Bond, made 'em three times a day, many days during the winter.

-Well, that's the problem.

People don't make 'em enough.

You got to make 'em a lot.

-Practice.

-You got to practice.

And if you don't do that, you just don't do it.

Although Mister Johnson has shown me his, and they are right impressive.

I am impressed.

-Well... -I want to show them something.

Now I know you're not gonna say a thing about this, but I just think this is wonderful.

And give me that other piece there, too, while you're at it.

-Well, this was my momma's rolling pin.

-I know it.

I knew you were gonna say that.

Tootsie, now you know I got hers-- -Uh-huh.

--and hers are, are red here.

And I'll bring it in occasionally.

And then here's a nice little-- I'll bet that's an antique too, a little cookie cutter.

-LABAN: It is.

It belonged to my late Aunt Rowena.

-Well-- -A tough cookie, and it was an antique-- -LARRY: --enough about her.

LABAN: --because she was an antique herself.

-Well, I'm glad to see you got something.

[laughs] -[laughs] -Uh... -Oh!

-It's a private joke.

Anyway-- it isn't very funny, either, I might add.

Uh, well, we're gonna do-- even Doris is tickled about that.

-Wait a minute.

Before we do it, we've been waiting to do this all season.

-Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

-And they, they just now, they're so humble around here they just now got ready to do it.

We thought that we should show you who all these people are that we talk about all of-- -Behind the scenes.

The gum crackers, the sneezers, and the scratchers... there they are right there.

-Yes.

So, we finally sent a camera out and that's Big Jim Hammerstrom-- -LARRY: That's Big Jim.

LABAN: --that has the, uh, bubblegum all the time.

LARRY: Well, it looks like that they, if they were really important, they could have put their names underneath them.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: And there he goes, twirling out.

-LABAN: Now, that's-- -LARRY: And then there's Gertrude Lipnow.

-LABAN: No, no.

Is-- that's Suz-- -[Larry laughs] -LABAN: No, no, wait a minute.

-[Larry laughs] LABAN: That, that, is that Robin--?

-CREW MEMBER: Robin Reed.

-LABAN: Robin Reed, and there's Suzanna.

-LARRY: Oh, Suzanna!

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-LARRY: Won't you cry for me?

She looks real pretty, she's a natural.

LABAN: Robin is an intern with us.

And there's Andre Burroughs, who wrote the music that you hear.

LARRY: And he's also way up above us.

Whenever you see a, a startling overhead shot-- -LABAN: He's the witch boy.

-LARRY: And he's also the great sneezer in the bunch.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: Whenever you hear a lot of sneezing goin' on... And then way back in the room behind us-- -That's Mike Christmas Carroll.

-LARRY: That's Mike Carroll.

That's right.

Look at him.

-LABAN: Mike.

He's a sound, sound technician.

-LARRY: Well, he looks like he knows what he's doing, but he really doesn't.

-LABAN: And he usually does.

-And then, oh, Miss Carol.

-LABAN: That's Miss Carol.

-LARRY: The lovely Miss Carol, who is, uh, oh, look at that, she's shocked.

LABAN: Our director.

She's been with us for years.

LARRY: She punched up a camera, and there she was.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-And now, back to us.

-And there we are, we're back to us.

-I think that's real clever too.

-Uh-huh.

-The way she, you know, did the little thing there, joystick.

Well, anyway-- and this is us.

And then you've met... we'll make Harold come out after a while.

-Yeah.

-Harold's gonna come out with Doris today.

That's fancy stuff.

-All right.

Now, uh, let me just tell 'em what I'm going to do.

And then you can take it from there, because mine is real easy.

-LARRY: Oh, okay.

-These are called Snow Biscuits, and they were sent in by Dolores Snow.

LARRY: Oh, come on.

-I, I'm not kidding, of Ewing, Virginia.

So, these are Dolores's Snow Biscuits.

LARRY: Well, it's a good thing her name wasn't Dolores Nutley.

-And we take two cups of flour, and add, uh-- self-rising flour-- and you add a cup of heavy-- LARRY: I'm going to need a plate.

LABAN: --whipping cream, and mix that all together.

And that's the whole recipe, folks.

-LARRY: Huh?

-Let me go over it again-- two cups of flour, and a, uh, container, eight-ounce container of whipping cream.

That's all.

And make sure you use a flour that's suitable for biscuits.

Uh, if you look in your grocery store, you'll see biscuit flour in most places in the country.

And, uh, this is self-rising biscuit flour, so if you do that, I'll go on and, and take it from there while Larry does a lot of complicated stuff.

-Well, this is an interesting recipe, and I like it an awful lot.

I don't make good biscuits, and today my biscuits are, oh, just as tall as they were when I cut 'em.

[laughs] Thank heavens I cut 'em real thick.

But I had some of 'em yesterday and they, they're not the prettiest things in the world, but, uh, you know, they're still real good.

Uh, mine is, uh, Bacon Cornmeal Biscuits.

And I'll tell you, they have a wonderful texture to 'em.

The first thing obviously that you have to do-- interesting, this recipe, because it has bacon, uh, crumbled up in it.

-LABAN: Ooo.

-And it also has just a little bit, just a touch of red cayenne pepper and a little bit of brown sugar.

-LABAN: Mmm.

-Don't you think that's interesting?

Johnson was talking about, uh, what you, you get-- we, we all three of us today have different brands of cornmeal and, and, uh-- -LABAN: Flour.

-LARRY: --biscuit mix and flour.

It's very important that you start out with, with fresh ingredients.

And so even though this is not the most cost-effective way of going about buying this, I, I frequently buy it in this tiny size because you want to keep it fresh.

I would rather go to the grocery store more often and buy these and keep 'em fresh than just go once in a while and have them go bad on me.

So, this thing starts out, you start out by mixing your first four ingredients.

I gotta watch my bacon here.

I got it turned up right high.

You gotta get it real crisp because you're gonna have to, uh, crunch it all up into little crunchy things and be very careful, I'm poking around on this no-stick with a fork, and I know there will be no-stick fork people who will write letters and just get over it.

Okay, you start out with the first four ingredients.

And here's something that Mister Johnson has taught me in 17 years on Cookin' Cheap .

He has taught me to use these-- I have hundreds of Tootsie's old clothespins, never knew what to do except put them on my nose when I was cooking.

But now I've discovered a whole new way [laughs] of handling them.

You start out with the, uh, dry ingredients first-- one and a quarter cups of self-rising flour.

One and a quarter cups, and, uh, people are running all, just scurrying.

I, I fear that I have done a poor job of telling, uh, the help what I needed in preparation.

LABAN: You know, isn't it nice to know that-- -[Larry laughs] -LABAN: --at the age of 113, Doris can run that fast?

-I wish you could have seen her go across-- and Harold too, both of them foxtrottin' across the studio.

Okay.

[laughs] One and a quarter cups of self-rising flour puts you right about there, boom.

And a cup of self-rising cornmeal, and that cornmeal gives this such an interesting flavor and, and consistency.

And, you know, we have so many consistency fanatics around here.

Johnson won't eat beans because the consistency is bad, and I have a friend that practically won't eat anything, including lobster meat, because it has a strange grainy consistency.

I don't know what it is with people and food consistency.

Never has bothered me too much at all.

I'm going to turn that off because I think it's right about where we need for it to be.

That's two ingredients; then with-- to that we need to add a tablespoon of brown sugar.

Sugar.

Oh, I fear this stuff has gotten hard on me.

How much?

A tablespoon.

I'm going to add this little-- that was not a completely full spoon.

LABAN: How much was that?

LARRY: That was one tablespoon of brown sugar.

And an eighth of a teaspoon of cayenne pepper, red pepper.

-LABAN: Ooh.

-And I don't have an eighth here, but I'm, I'll tell you it's about that much.

Not much, just a little bitty thing.

And what you do then is just take that and stir it around and get it all stirred up real good.

All your dry ingredients should be stirred thoroughly before you start doing anything else.

It would be a good idea, by the way, at this point, to put your, to have your margarine set now so it softens up a little bit.

And we're going to, here in a couple of minutes, add all of our other ingredients to it.

Johnson?

-LABAN: All right.

Now I've mixed up my flour, my two cups of flour and my cup of whipping cream into this bowl and it's right crumbly.

But I'm going to dump it out onto this floured surface right now.

We'll get rid of the bowl-- we don't need you anymore, Mister Bowl-- and we're gonna grab all of this-- -LARRY: No, no, no.

-LABAN: --into a lump.

LARRY: I looked under... it was Missus Bowl.

[Larry laughs] -LABAN: Oh, give me a break.

All right.

Now you get it in a big lump, a big wad, and you have to knead it ten times.

So, I'm going to knead it.

And two.

LARRY: And knead it, and knead it some more.

LABAN: Three.

Oh, Lord, I may have to get Doris to come in.

LARRY: Well, let me ask you this, do you have to knead it every hour?

LABAN: Oh!

Five.

LARRY: [grunts] Doris thinks I'm funny, uh, Johnson thinks I'm mildly amusing, and the camera crew doesn't get me at all.

[Larry laughs] -LABAN: Oh, I'm tired.

Oh!

All right, that's... -LARRY: You're tired?

-LABAN: --eight.

-LARRY: Well, do you need a stand-in kneader?

-LABAN: No.

LARRY: Where's that stand-in kneader?

[laughs] LABAN: Nine.

Just one more and I'll be-- oh, that's about all I can take with my bad heart.

-LARRY: Bless your heart.

-LABAN: Thank you so much.

LARRY: And I mean that literally, bless your heart.

-Uh-huh.

All right.

Now when you get it to this size wad and you've kneaded it ten times, you roll it out and, folks, you start in the middle and roll to the outside.

And, Larry, I'm, it's gonna take me a while to roll this out, so if you've got anything you want to show the folks.

-LARRY: Uh, I was diddlin'-- now, I have taken my bacon off.

Taken my bacon off.

-LABAN: Bacon back off.

-And see, that's real crumbly.

Let it cool just a little bit and we'll crumble it all up, and you got to crumble it real fine because you don't want to get-- somebody to get a big old piece of that and put their false teeth out with it.

Okay?

Mister Johnson, I'd be real careful.

He does not have false teeth, but I think he does have a couple that are unreal, [laughs] so I don't want to put those things out.

Now the next thing we need to do is to cut in our margarine, and it calls for about three tablespoons.

Wouldn't you say that's about three tablespoons, Doris?

Doris is dubious.

She's not sure.

She says from where she is, it looks about like three tablespoons.

Does that look like three tablespoons to you?

Would you know three tablespoons if you saw it?

LABAN: Yeah, that looks two and a half or three.

-This thing has a teaspoon on it, but I can't figure out-- how many teaspoons go into a tablespoon.

Four?

-LABAN: Three.

-Three?

-LABAN: There are three tea-- teaspoons in a tablespoon.

-Well, that's, that looks to be about that many.

So, anyway, you take that and cut it in to there.

I'm gonna cut this and literally cut it in because I want to cut these into smaller pieces.

And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna crumble it all up with my hands at this point.

You just can't avoid gettin' in there with your hands.

Are you figuring that out, Doris?

DORIS: [indistinct].

-Well...oh, well, mine doesn't have it that way.

-DORIS: Because that's yours.

-LARRY: Oh, that's mine.

-DORIS: [laughs] -LARRY: [laughs] Thank you, Doris, for making a complete fool of me.

[laughs] Appreciate it.

I couldn't find it.

I don't know why.

Perhaps it was my glasses that I didn't have on at the time, which I have, you will notice, have never worn on the air.

[laughs] But if we make it to another season, Johnson and I, uh, I will have to wear them next time.

-LABAN: Yes.

-LARRY: I promise you that right now.

Now what you got to do is get this down to sort of a crumbly consistency, so just sort of run it through your fingers and work it all the way through there, and then in a couple of minutes, we'll put all of the liquid in.

Johnson, go ahead.

-LABAN: Okay.

Well, now I'm taking Rowena's, uh, biscuit cutter, and you can buy these at any good department store or you can use a jar or a tin can or a glass.

LARRY: Now just, just think of Rowena when you're cutting.

-I am.

Ah!

-[Larry laughs] LABAN: And you, you lay 'em out, and they're a little less than a half an inch thick.

And this is all you do-- you just cut 'em out and we're going to put 'em on a pan eventually.

What is Doris doing back there?

She makes me so nervous, 'cause you just know she's up to no good.

LARRY: She's getting ready for her new TV show.

[laughs] She hasn't told us about it yet.

She's practicing in the background while we're not looking.

LABAN: And I understand it's better if you don't twist.

Just push down and pull 'em out and there it is.

It falls out.

And here the biscuits are, and you're gonna bake 'em at 450 degrees-- that's a right quick oven-- for ten minutes.

And I will show you in just a minute-- oh, now you got the flour all over me.

Now you know what you do with the scraps.

You mix 'em all up and then you pat 'em out and you put sugar and butter and cinnamon on it and roll it up into a roll.

So, that's, that's what you do and I don't have enough time to do it today.

And then you put 'em in the oven, and let me pull 'em out.

LARRY: Oh.

You caught me trying to do something here.

-Oh, here they are, just as pretty as a picture.

-LARRY: Aren't they beautiful?

-Yeah, they are.

LARRY: I've never seen you make biscuits.

Why don't you make biscuits that good when I come to your house?

-I don't know.

I guess I've just lost the energy.

-He's lost the energy.

-Lost touch.

-At this point, now I need to add all my liquids plus my bacon.

That's a half a cup plus three tablespoons of buttermilk, and they're just real severe about it-- half a cup plus three tablespoons.

There's the half a cup and then here comes the three tablespoons.

And believe it or not, you really do need it.

One, two and a half.

I better be a little careful if I overdo it.

Tootsie used to call that drownin' the miller.

Where is my fork?

-LABAN: Drown the miller?

-LARRY: Yeah, as in the miller.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-The, the guy that mills the-- -LABAN: Oh, yes.

LARRY: --stuff.

You know, they used to make these things at mills [laughs] back in the old days.

So, we're going to add all that and I think that's all the ingredients.

Uh, [hums] and I also will need, as soon as I get this where it needs to be, the right consistency, I may have to add just a little bit of buttermilk.

This is buttermilk, by the way.

Did I tell you that?

Did I say it was buttermilk?

Comes from a buttermilk cow.

There are only a few of 'em left in the world.

A buttermilk cow.

-LABAN: That sounds-- -LARRY: While I'm doing this, why don't we go to the Cook Sisters?

LABAN: Oh, that's a good idea.

LARRY: And, uh, then we'll do some recipes.

-LABAN: Are they here today?

-Yes, they are here.

Absolutely, they are.

I'm gonna have some, uh, I'm gonna crumble up-- CREW MEMBER: The Cook Sisters are not here.

-LARRY: --my bacon.

-LABAN: Oh, the Cook Sisters are not-- -No, they couldn't make it for the last show.

They said they didn't want to appear with all that other gang.

-LABAN: Huh?

-So, anyway... Well, why don't you review your recipe, Johnson?

Oh, you already have, haven't you?

-LABAN: I already have.

-Well, I'm sorry, there's nothin' I can do about any of this.

LABAN: Well, just take your time.

-I can't do that and this too.

So, I need to add just a wee little tiny bit more.

Not much, just a wee little bit.

I'm working this into the right consistency now.

And you don't want to mess with it too much.

You mess with it too much, you're in trouble.

Why don't you read my recipe while I'm getting this where it needs to go.

LABAN: All right.

I'll be delighted to.

LARRY: So we can get one thing out of the way.

LABAN: Oh, of course I don't have my glasses [indistinct].

LARRY: [laughs] This is really sad.

This-- and now you need to dust off, uh, your area.

LABAN: All right, Bacon Cornmeal Biscuits.

One and a quarter cup self-rising flour, one cup of self-rising cornmeal, one tablespoon brown sugar, one eighth of a teaspoon of ground red pepper, one, uh, or three tablespoons of margarine, three slices of bacon, fried and crumbled, one and a half cups plus three tablespoons of buttermilk.

LARRY: All right.

LABAN: And, uh, two teaspoons of self-rising flour and vegetable cooking spray.

And that's all the ingredients there are.

LARRY: Okay, here we are.

I have rolled this out and using the stand-in [laughs] Laban Aunt Rowena-- -LABAN: Oh.

-LARRY: --cookie thing, I have to do the same thing.

At this point, I have to take a no-stick-- where is it?

I have to take-- I have this backwards.

And put a little bit-- -CREW MEMBER: [sneezes] -Bless your heart.

We finally got a sneeze out of someone else on the staff today.

And, uh, spray that real good.

Heat up your oven to 400 degrees, it's only gonna go, go 15 minutes, and this yields 15 big biscuits.

And as you can see, these are mighty pretty, mighty, mighty lovely.

And move 'em pretty fast.

I'm only going to put four in there, don't have time to mess with anything else.

Well, I don't know, maybe I can get all of 'em in there.

Let me try.

Mine did not yield as many as they say it should.

What does that mean, Mister Johnson?

-LABAN: I don't know.

-LARRY: Didn't begin to yield.

LABAN: They're rolled out mighty thick.

LARRY: Well, it says roll 'em out, uh, a half inch thickness.

LABAN: Well, that's, you got about an inch thick there.

LARRY: Well, I'm sorry about that.

But anyway, I need to put this under the broiler, and I'll be right back.

That's it for me.

Uh, do something.

LABAN: Uh, uh, uh, well, let me have Aunt Rowena's, uh... LARRY: [indistinct], if you don't mind.

Let's get, uh-- -Let's get the cutter back, 'cause I don't want her to come back and haunt either one of us.

-Well, if you move over, I'll-- -She haunted us while she was alive.

-She really did.

She really did.

-Oh, here is Doris.

-DORIS: [laughs] -The very lovely Doris is coming in.

Come on in here, Doris.

How you doing?

Nice to see you.

Welcome.

-DORIS: Hi.

-Oh, where's Harold?

Harold, get-- DORIS: Come on.

-We gotta get Harold in here too.

We gotta get the other three quarters in here.

[laughs] You notice I didn't say your other half.

DORIS: The important half.

-How are you doing, Harold?

You know, Harold, you put up with a lot, don't you?

HAROLD: Not really.

-But she's a wonderful lady, isn't she?

HAROLD: Oh, she is.

She's all right.

-What would we do without her?

-HAROLD: I'd be lost.

I really, I'd probably be dead.

-We'd be lost without Harold too.

He sits behind the cameras and helps us out.

Thanks a lot.

-DORIS: Hi.

I had to do a Pumpkin Scone today.

And it took two, two tablespoons of butter, two tablespoons of sugar, a half a cup of mashed pumpkin, one egg well beaten, a half a cup of milk and two and a half cups self-rising flour.

And you cream your butter and sugar, you add your pumpkin, add the eggs, add your milk slowly, add your flour and knead lightly on a floured board.

And it is very sticky, the dough is very sticky, and, uh, you bake it in the oven for 20 minutes.

LARRY: In fact, there's still a little bit of it stuck to you.

-DORIS: Right.

[laughs] And it's a, it's a very, it doesn't look like a regular biscuit because these are scones and scones are, uh-- LABAN: More like an English muffin.

DORIS: Yeah, and, and it's a firmer thing and you usually use it for tea, if we had some tea here or something, and this just has a very mild taste.

We tried 'em yesterday while they were warm and I think you could still put butter and jelly or something on 'em even though they have pumpkin.

And we thought they were quite good.

-Well, do they taste like pumpkin, or do they taste like biscuits?

DORIS: It's, it's a mild pumpkin taste, it's not overpowering.

I thought it would be very overpowering but it's not, it's very good.

-And how many does it yield?

DORIS: Uh, well, I have about 14 of them in here.

-Hmm.

-DORIS: And I cut 'em small because with a scone, you don't want 'em too big, I didn't think.

You know, it's more like a tea type thing.

LABAN: If you rolled the scraps of mine out, it would serve maybe eight, eight or ten biscuits.

LARRY: Mm-hm.

Well, if I had done mine just a little thinner-- -DORIS: [laughs] --perhaps I could have gotten more than just six out of it, but anyway.

Bye.

Johnson, fill.

-All right.

Well, I need to get mine out the oven 'cause I warmed them up.

Larry put his under the broiler.

LARRY: I did indeed, and it's gonna be a while till they come out.

LABAN: Well, you know that's the right thing.

-It'll be about 15 or 20 minutes.

I hope you all got a little time, do you?

Did I review mine?

Oh, you reviewed mine.

-LABAN: Yeah, I did it for you.

-I'm just so confused.

LABAN: Oh, the boy is such a mess today.

-I don't know what to do with myself.

LABAN: It's terrible.

Well, let me get mine out of the oven.

-I come from a long line of great bread makers.

Bread, not biscuits, and there's a very big difference.

Here in the South, if you don't eat biscuits, you may as well just move, because everybody down here eats biscuits.

It wasn't till I came-- actually, we didn't even eat an awful lot in Northern Virginia.

I didn't really start eatin' a lot of biscuits till I came down here, and we have some mighty fine biscuit-making places here in the South.

I'll just tell you that right now.

How're they looking, Johnson?

Well, look at 'em.

-LABAN: Beautiful.

-He has done it again.

Oh, that's the same ones he put it in a while ago.

-LABAN: Uh-huh, yes.

-Well, they are pretty, and they have risen up mighty fine, mighty fine.

LABAN: Well, I'm gonna take 'em over to the table along with my cup of water.

-Well, I may as well get these out.

I may as well get these out, but as you can see, mine are just huge.

They're just enormous.

-LABAN: Fat biscuits.

-I certainly hope that we can eat those, but they are pretty.

I mean, they really are real pretty.

I was just browning them-- LABAN: Did you bring some jelly?

LARRY: --a little bit on the top.

Did you bring some jelly?

She has, has forgotten to bring the jelly.

Do we have butter over here?

-LABAN: Yes.

-I certainly hope so.

Ooh.

Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits.

Here, have some butter.

LABAN: Thank you.

You know, my legs are just hurting today.

I think it's gonna rain tonight.

LARRY: Have you ever seen more beautiful biscuits in your life in one spot?

Now, these really are pretty.

They're, they're sort of small, but they are pretty, and they are very, very flavorful.

Now stop laughing, you know I can't make a biscuit.

I try.

This is the biggest biscuit I've ever made, this one right here in the middle.

And I think it's 'cause I cut it two inches thick.

[laughs] Compared to Mister Johnson's.

[laughs] His, in fact, could, could eat my biscuit as you can see there.

[laughs] Old cold biscuits, take an old cold biscuit and wait.

[laughs] -LABAN: Let me have a scone.

-Well, you gonna try the scone?

-LABAN: Oh yeah.

-And I'll try yours.

I've already tried mine.

-LABAN: You know, mine was-- -I must say it's a great recipe.

-LABAN: --mine was delicious when they were hot.

-LARRY: Mm-hm.

-LABAN: Biscuits don't hold.

-LARRY: No, they don't.

You gotta eat 'em right out of-- there's no way you can prepare 'em in advance.

What do you think of that scone?

-Scone is good.

-Mmm.

Your biscuit is wonderful.

-LABAN: Well, I think-- -That's a good basic biscuit.

-LABAN: --it would be a lot better if it was, uh, hot.

-LARRY: Oh, well, of course.

And if we had some other stuff.

You tried mine yet?

-LABAN: No.

-What?

Are you avoiding it?

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-He's afraid he's gonna crack a tooth on one of those bacon things.

That's real bacon in there, folks.

Tastes mighty good.

-Oh, I just want a little pinch.

I don't want it to stop up the last remaining artery in my heart.

-LARRY: Oh, for heaven's sake.

I was with you Saturday night on the way to the gospel sing.

I don't think that little wad's gonna hurt you any worse than what you had Saturday night.

You know, he actually had seafood.

He behaved himself.

What do you think of them?

-The seafood was wonderful.

-[laughs] -Oh, you mean the biscuit?

The biscuit is good too.

The biscuit, I think, would have been better if you'd cut it thicker-- or thinner.

-Well, then they would all have been a half inch thick, because they didn't rise.

Now, why didn't they rise?

Everything was fresh.

-LABAN: Well, I don't know.

You know, when you're buying that flour from that store, you've been [indistinct].

-LARRY: No, no, no, no.

-It might have been on the shelf for three years.

LARRY: No, no.

Because I was going to make this, I went to one of the-- the highfalutin stores that turns over their stuff real fast.

I didn't go to that lowdown store that I usually go to.

-LABAN: Well... -But anyway.

Well, I think they're all good biscuits.

-They are, and you would be well advised to use fresh ingredients.

That is the truth.

-Absolutely, absolutely.

And, uh, come back sometime when you can have biscuits.

-And, [clears throat] we'll see you the next time on Cookin' Cheap , and write to us if you can.

-Bye.

[music fades out]