[♪♪♪] -Hi.

-Hi.

Again, we've done it three times in a row, yeah, we have.

We like-- -I have worn out my welcome for myself.

-Yep.

Well, this show is being done on Halloween.

Let's get that out of the way right now because otherwise, nobody would ever understand why Andre was dressed as a large frog.

But in any event, we're doing a bunch of recipes today that they go on for ever and ever.

So, we can't play around and tell you funny stories and jokes.

Oh, lord, my pan's burning up.

-Well, of course, we can.

[laughs] -Well, let's find out from the witch why we're doing what we're doing today.

Lord, the witch is just out of control.

-Boy, that just missed Miss Doris by that much.

-"Dear Gentlemen, Pierre and I love chicken.

"We are however offended by your terminology "when cooking the front side of the bird by common and--" -Spit it out.

-I'm sorry, I'll get to it.

"Please do not refer to them "by common and trashy names that we hear every day.

I'm sure we're not the only ones who feel this way."

And it's from Pierre and Gloria Lovecookie of Airhead Manor, Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

-[Larry chuckles] -And they don't want us to call that piece of chicken by the piece of chicken's name.

-I'm doing breasts today.

-And I'm doing breasts.

And I'm going to throw some in a skillet and start browning 'em right now, okay?

That's the beginning of-- my recipe-- and we got to talk about it in a minute-- is from Philadelphia from a guy named Edgar.

And in a minute, I wanna show you his real recipe and tell you why we've had some trouble doing this one in advance.

Larry?

-Well, mine is called Sautéed Chicken Breast sent in by Julia, a fan who has no last name, of Havertown, Pennsylvania.

And I got to tell you, this is a beautiful recipe and it's fabulous, but I think it would feed a hundred people.

So, I'm doing a half-recipe today.

So everything I do, times two.

-Well, Doris and I are doing this one.

And I got to tell you, it would feed a lot of people, a bunch of people.

You could definitely take this to the church potluck supper.

There's enough here for everything.

This is a picture of Edgar's-- Let me put my thumb over his real-- This is a picture of his original recipe.

Now, he wrote it down and he printed it so that we could see it.

But unfortunately, he didn't put in the amount of chicken.

And Miss Carol had to call him up on the telephone so that we could find out how much chicken was to go in here.

And then on top of that, the instruct - half of the instructions were left out.

[Larry] Had to call her on-- call him on the poultry line.

-So, this, we hope will be tasty and good.

I have not made it before and I'll tell you by the ingredients, it's instant heart attack, kids.

Instant - no way, you die when you eat this.

Now, you probably could do it in a much heart-healthier way.

But we're gonna do it the way Edgar sent it in to us today.

So, I'm-- -Now, did you say this was sent in by Edgar Winner?

-No, no.

-[laughs] Well, I notice you're using white meat.

[Larry laughs] -White trash.

-All the old, you know, what's on the staff got that one, the younger ones who are less than seven years old didn't get it.

Anyway.

let me know when I can do something.

[Laban] Well, I'm just - well, just go right ahead.

I'm just sautéing and browning chicken breasts.

-Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

I guess I'm ready to do something.

-[Laban] Well, go on.

-Well, the first thing you have to know is when you buy these chicken breasts, you've got to buy the kind that are split open.

And it's very specific about this.

Now, let me show you this close-up startling overhead on the chicken cam.

Now, you have a slick side which is the outside, and you have the rough side which is the inside.

And it's very specific, they're quite severe about this.

You can be severely chastised if you don't do what you're supposed to.

You got to have this side up.

And you've got to keep them attached because eventually you're gonna fold it over and the stuff we're gonna put in there.

First thing you need to do is take - did I say nude?

[Laban] You did, you filthy-minded thing.

-Can you say nude on television?

Um, anyway, first thing you do is take some flour.

It tells you specifically how much.

I'm not paying much attention to this because I've got a shortcut for doing this thing, otherwise, it would be about a cup of flour.

And you also take about a quarter of a cup of grated parmesan cheese.

And add that to your flour and mix it up.

Did something pop?

[Laban] I hit the spoon over here on the pan.

-Oh, I thought something had gone off on the stove but I'm not sure - anyway, mix yourself up just a little bit of parmesan cheese.

That should be the greatest of plenty and diddle it around in there so that you got a real nice mixture of it because you're gonna dredge the chicken in that just a little bit.

Okay?

Now, here's how you go about putting - the next thing you gotta do is take some margarine and put it on the stove and heat it up real hot.

The next thing you got to do is get some wild rice.

[chuckles] It says you have to serve this with wild rice, and I have fixed up some real fine wild rice right here.

And so, this is such a big blob of meat that it is an entire meal.

In fact, it's not just a meat.

It's two kinds of meat.

It's ham or prosciutto.

I'm using real ham today.

This is precooked by the way.

And an entire chicken breast, and by the time we get finished, it's like this big-- -[Laban] Oh.

-So, all you can eat with it is some rice or some potatoes on the side.

[Laban] You mean, we have to start doing mouth exercises.

-Probably so.

-To get our mouth open big enough to eat this thing.

-I'm gonna do this simple - where are we?

I'm gonna do this the simple way.

He's hogging the camera, ladies and gentlemen.

I can't get a camera when I need one.

Take a little thyme.

It gives you a specific amount, forget that.

Just take it and sprinkle it on both sides.

And then the next thing you do is take some brown spicy mustard and just kind of spread some over on one side of it.

That's more than it calls for, by the way.

And I've got to open up some cream cheese.

And from my notion, you ought to keep the cream cheese fairly firm, but you don't have to.

You know, they have a little thing on the edge that says, 'Tear this open'.

And I end up with this mess every time.

I think the people that designed this need to go back to the board again.

There we go, finally got that out of there.

Now, what I did yesterday was just.

cut about that much.

You can soften it and put it - apply it but I think this is just about as easy.

You know, you learn to do things once you've done a recipe and put that much in there, about two little pieces like so.

And then, you take a piece of ham.

And I have found that it's best if you just fold it over.

And then, what you do next is you take that and fold it over again.

And I think probably this would be a better recipe if you use toothpicks at this point.

I discovered that while they don't pop open, it has a tendency to sort of go all over the place.

So, next thing you do is you dredge this in this parmesan cheese and flour mix and then you put it over here and you start - put a little salt and pepper on top of that.

[Doris talking in the background] Put a little salt and pepper on that and what you will do is sauté-- brown that on top of the stove.

And then, we'll come back to it - I need salt and pepper, Mr. Johnson.

Mr. Johnson, can I have the salt and pepper?

-[Laban] Here, here.

-You're not gonna charge me, are you?

-[Laban] Yes.

-Okay, a little salt - you don't need an awful lot of salt because you've got that parmesan cheese in there and it's gonna make it just a little bit salty anyway.

And a little salt and pepper and start frying that on top of the stove.

You'll do eight of these.

That's an awful lot of meat.

It really is.

-[Laban] You can keep 'em.

-Well, I don't want 'em.

-Well, I don't want 'em either.

Throw 'em to Doris.

-I don't know what to do with 'em.

[chuckles] Oh, I'm gonna need 'em anyway.

What am I talking about?

-[Laban] I don't know.

-So anyway, now that's all you do.

And you just repeat that and repeat that and repeat that until you got 'em all done.

And we will now sauté those on top of the stove until they're nice and brown.

And the next big fun thing you'll have is to trying to turn 'em over without toppling everything out of 'em although I did succeed in doing that yesterday, too.

Johnson?

-[Laban] Okay, thank you.

Now, follow closely.

This will be complicated.

There's a lot of ingredients.

First, into a large bowl, we wanna put a cup of raw rice, uncooked rice.

Then, a cup of chicken stock - if I can get it open.

There we go.

Put that in.

Next, a cup of water.

The water will not hurt your heart.

-Well, that water probably will but-- -Well, it might.

-It might hurt your health severely.

-But it's gonna cook-- all right, a cup of water, all right.

Now, a stick of butter that has been melted, so there, that goes in there.

We had the foresight to turn the heat on and melt the butter.

I'm real proud of myself for doing that.

-We are getting better at this, don't you think?

-We are, all right.

[Larry] You know, I figure another 16 years or so, we ought to have this thing down pat.

-Okay.

Here is a pint, that's two cups, 16 ounces, sealed for your protection, of cottage cheese.

-This, this thing?

You want it out of there.

[Laban] Oh, thanks.

-It's in the way, Johnson.

-Well, I need to have the-- [Larry] Try and pay attention when the camera people talk at you.

-[Laban] I'm trying, I'm trying.

I'm going as hard as a I can.

-[Larry laughs] -[Laban] All right, now, get all of the cottage cheese out and put it in there.

-Now, take your time.

I've done all mine.

-Oh, okay.

Now, I have to have-- -We have a 16-minute show.

-[Laban] A cup of diced salami, there it is.

[Larry] Daggumit, this stuff is sticking.

-[Laban] Oh, no.

Well, let me get rid of this.

-I think I'm just gonna turn it off.

-I've got so much stuff, I don't know what to do with it.

-I feel like-- -All right, I got the salami in there.

And now, we got to have an envelope of instant soup mix for leek soup.

And we'll try to - -Oh, I hate that leek soup.

You know, it doesn't matter what you put it in, it just leaks.

-Leaks, oh.

Well, thank you for at least doing a relatively decent joke on that one.

-[Larry chuckles] -Oh, I can't get the box open.

All right, now, there it is.

Now, put the coupons over here so I can take 'em home and use 'em.

Yes, we do - so here goes the-- -Now, don't get nervous.

You can do it.

-I can't get it open.

-Just take your time.

[laughs] -I literally can't.

Doris?

-Here, let me put a knife to it.

There you go.

-Thank you.

-They seal that stuff up.

They don't want you to use it.

-Well, I know.

And then there's spices, this is pepper, garlic salt and black - and onion salt, a teaspoon of each thrown in.

And now, we'll mix all that up and then I've got to break a bunch of eggs and beat 'em up.

-Oh dear, Laban.

-What?

-We have a terrible problem.

-What?

-The chicken people have done it to me, ladies and gentlemen.

-Oh, no.

Oh, no.

-They have split the breast piece.

Now, we really probably do need toothpicks or a large rope to tie this together.

But I'm going to just go right on, nothing is going to stop me.

-Well, I'm mixing all this mess up over here.

God, it is a mess, too.

All right, now let me get my chicken out the pan before it browns too much.

Get on out of there.

I'm tired of this.

You ill-tempered pieces have been giving me a hard time, and I don't know what to do with it.

All right, now, you take a dozen eggs.

-A dozen eggs?

-And you're gonna break nine of 'em into a bowl 'cause you gotta whip 'em.

-Talk about heart attack city.

-Until they yell.

-Talk about heart attack city.

-I know, this is just - it's awful.

But I mean, we are feeding the entire group down at the Salvation Army so.

This recipe makes so much, it's unbelievable.

I really honestly don't know a single family that's so big they'd have to have this much.

Well, here I go.

just breaking these eggs.

And, yes, I know, Martha Stewart says break 'em into a separate thing, but I'm not doing it.

-What does she know?

-Nothing.

-Do we have a large spatula?

Do we have one that's like bigger than this one?

That's it?

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

-[Laban laughs] -All right, I need to turn this over.

Let's take a deep breath and give it a try.

I have a great big one at home.

There we go.

Hey, it turned out very nicely.

-Well, Larry uses it for those plate-size pancakes he makes for himself every morning.

-Oh, I love those pancakes.

You know, Tootsie used to feed those to me when I was growing up on the farm.

We were stouthearted folks.

Well, as you can see, that is holding together pretty well.

And this one I just put in, this is the one that has a toothpick in it, or at least it did.

There it is.

I hope I don't lose that toothpick.

It's right in there.

Miss Doris just gave it to me.

-Okay.

Because if I chomp down on it, there will be a suit filed-- -Anyway, as you can see-- you see, you got to fry those very slowly until they're real nice.

I think I'm gonna turn that baby up.

It needs to be turned up just a little bit.

And in a couple of minutes, we'll show you what else you do with - yes, it's true, you do more stuff with it.

So, Laban.

-Okay.

Now mine, I've got nine eggs in this bowl, and I'm gonna whip 'em up.

-My cholesterol has just gone up even standing beside you.

-I'm gonna taste this bad boy but that's all it's gonna have for me.

-Oh, yeah.

He says that, ladies and gentlemen, but after the camera is turned off, he gobbles it all down.

-No, Larry, don't say that.

Dr. Nehock might be watching 'cause he does sometimes, and he will come to my house and do something terrible to me.

-Well, you know, Nehock and I are friends, now that he's given me that EKG.

[laughs] -I know.

-We've got to be close friends.

-All right.

Now-- okay, now, into this mixture goes the eggs, the nine eggs.

There's three more still to do.

And now, after this, I'm gonna put in some-- -[Larry] Hello?

-I'm gonna put in some spinach.

Here's the spinach.

This is a whole thingy, a ten-ounce package of spinach.

And that's gonna go in here now.

-Good heavens, Laban.

This is incredible.

-I know, it just goes on and on and on.

Is that still on?

I thought I turned it off.

-Okay, I'll be out in the car when-- -Oh, I know when this thing gets finished.

Can you believe all this stuff?

-When this is over with.

Let me know when you're finished.

I'll be in the car.

-Well, why don't you tell 'em what all is in yours?

-Oh, yeah.

That's a great idea.

Let me do that.

Yeah, yeah, Chicken Breast, Sautéed Chicken Breast.

Do we have to bring you in, too?

Oh, my heavens.

We got to work her in here.

Eight chicken breasts clean but still in pairs, four tablespoons of butter or margarine, eight ounces cream cheese, a little dried thyme to sprinkle on it, and you dredge that in a cup of flour and a quarter cup of grated parmesan cheese.

And then, you salt and pepper it when you put it in there on top of the stove.

And you also have some thinly sliced ham or prosciutto, four teaspoons of spicy brown mustard goes in that, too.

And there you go.

And I'll tell you what to do with it in a couple of minutes.

Miss-- the lovely Miss Thang is here.

Can we bring her in, or you still got.?

-No, I need to do some more.

Bring her in.

-Okay.

You know, Doris, we may not be able to have time for you today.

-I have this huge pan - what is it, Doris?

It's eleven by sixteen.

Yeah, it's a big pan and it needs to be greased.

And Edgar says use some more butter.

And I'm just gonna use PAM, and I'm gonna cover the bottom of it with a half a cup of grated parmesan.

So, Larry, while I'm doing that, you go ahead and tell 'em your story.

-Okay.

Well, even though this is not really absolutely positively done, I'm gonna show you - huh?

People talking all around.

There's hardly time to do the show for people-- come in here.

I'm gonna let you talk right now, and then I'll show you what - 'cause this needs to brown just a couple more minutes and then I'll show you what to do with it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Doris Ford.

Hello, Do - Hi, Doris.

How you doing?

-[Doris] This is really cholesterol city on this show today, let me tell you.

This is some butternut-- -I'm not getting fresh with Doris.

She does have to talk into my chest-al microphone.

-[Doris] Yeah, because we still don't have that extra mic, do we?

-Six thousand more dollars, if we just raise, go ahead.

-[Doris] [laughs] Okay.

This is Butter Nut Chewies from Shannon Brown of Stuart, Virginia.

And it has one and a half cups of butter, melted, two eggs, two cups of light brown sugar, one teaspoon of vanilla.

-Did you get it?

-[Doris] One and a half cups-- -Carol's taking pictures.

[Doris] of all-purpose flour, two teaspoons baking powder, half a teaspoon salt, and one cup of finely chopped walnuts.

And you mix this all together and spread it in a nine by nine baking pan but it is so - feel the butter.

Look at the butter.

The butter-- -Ooh, look, you can see, actually see a little slick on the bottom of it there.

-[Doris] Really, you can see it all over the dish.

It has an awful lot of butter in it.

-And it smells wonderful.

-[Doris] But it smells good, but you need-- -[Larry ]But look.

Now you have butter fingers.

Which would be a good name for a-- -[Doris] Butterfingers, right?

-Uh-oh, no wait a minute.

We shouldn't be mentioning brand names.

[Larry] No, we're not supposed to be-- Okay, thank you.

-[Doris] You're welcome.

-Well, we're gonna be looking forward to those.

They do smell delightful.

Laban?

-Okay, now my pan has been greased, and it's covered on the bottom with grated parmesan, not the dusty kind but grated.

And now, we're gonna put - should I put the - let's see, let me put the breast in now and I'll just lay 'em down in the bottom.

-It really didn't make it very clear, did it?

-No, it didn't.

And of course, Doris was no help at all.

[Laban scoffs] -[Larry] None, whatsoever, totally worthless, completely.

-I'm laying these bad boys-- [Larry] But we love her anyway in her worthlessness.

-[Laban] We do, yeah.

-[Larry] Listen to her.

She's just over there gabbing to herself.

She doesn't have a mic.

She's not close to anybody but she's yapping.

I think she's laid into Harold about something.

I'm not sure, I think she's laying him out because she didn't like his pants he's wearing today.

-All right.

Now, here we go with this big mixture.

-[Larry] Oh, my heavens.

-[Laban] .of all of this stuff.

-It's like a big old thang.

-[Laban] Mess.

-[Larry laughs] It's a big old thang.

-My sainted mother, Louise Von Johnson, would be unhappy to see me making such a mess today.

Bless her heart.

-She'd been humiliated beyond belief.

-All right, now, I'm gonna put all of this, spread it out into the whole pan.

Oh, I hear Doris over there.

All right, but we're not finished yet.

Now, we got the other three eggs.

[Larry] Oh, heaven sake.

-And I got to beat them up pretty good, all right.

And now you pour these.

over the top of everything, there it goes.

And this is just terrible.

All right, now you take the rest of your grated parmesan and sprinkle it.

Well, I could do a better job with it in my hand, over the whole thing.

And then you're gonna bake it for at least 40 minutes or until it's set.

And this is gonna be sort of like a pudding or a quiche until it's set at 375 degrees.

And you just have to take this one on good faith that it will get done eventually.

And there it is, and Doris, thank you.

-Have you given your recipe?

-Yeah, here-- No, I haven't, it's too long.

Here is the entire finished one, and it looks real tasty.

The recipe calls for a cup of long grain rice, a cup of chicken soup or stock, a cup of water, a stick of butter melted, a pint of small curd cottage cheese, a cup of diced salami pieces, an envelope of leek soup mix, one teaspoon each of garlic salt, onion salt, freshly - easy for you to say, freshly ground black pepper, 12 eggs, a package of frozen, chopped spinach, two tablespoons of butter for greasing the baking dish or a spray, and a half a cup of freshly grated parmesan or Romano and salt and pepper if you want to add it.

Okay.

-All right, I gotta show 'em one more quick thing.

After you get finished taking this out of the pan, it looks to me like there's some good gravy fixings in here, don't you think?

-Yup.

-Doesn't mention anything about gravy.

Anyway, you take these, and you put them in a nice baking dish, and there would be eight of 'em.

Put 'em in a baking dish like this, and put it in the oven at 325 degrees for 45 minutes and bake it the rest of the way.

And look at that, isn't that beautiful?

It really is.

-It is.

-It's just so pretty.

[chuckles] What did I tell you folks?

Let me sing you a song.

I'm waiting for Johnson to sit down at the table.

-[Laban] My goodness.

Well, I'm trying.

I'm all tangled up in my-- -You know, we have a lot of - you know what I'm gonna do, Johnson.

I'm gonna cut one of these in half because I think it's just too much.

-[Laban] That's fine.

-Look how huge they are.

-[Laban] Mm-hm.

-That's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna cut one in half.

I'm gonna take half, you're gonna take half.

What do you think about that?

-[Laban] Mm-hm.

-'Cause they're mighty large.

Look at that ham in there.

Woo, and cream cheese.

Oh, this is a - and a little bit of wild rice.

I got some wild rice for you.

I know how you love wild rice.

-[Laban] There's some for you.

-And here's some for me.

And there's that, give me one of those.

-And I'm just gonna hand you one of Doris' desserts.

-Well, how indelicate.

[chuckles] -Well, it was and is.

-And will be.

And I've lost my fork, there it is.

Okay.

-All right, here's-- would you like some cider?

-Oh, a little apple cider.

Can you believe that?

How long has this been setting out on the porch, Doris?

Let me see here.

-And, you know, Doris just has a dish for every occasion.

These are lovely Halloween dishes.

-Well, let me try heart attack city here.

-All right.

-Look at all those eggs frothing up.

-[Laban] I know.

-Hmm, well, I like that.

Of course, what's not to like.

-Yeah, now I've got a piece of chicken.

-I like that.

-I'm gonna try one little forkful.

Hmm.

-Well, I'm dying - that's a bad word for you, to try mine 'cause it's got that cream cheese and all that stuff in there.

Look at that.

-Ooh, that was good.

I wish I could eat all of eat.

Let me try Larry's here.

-Tell me what you think.

Mm-mm.

-Well, I'm trying.

-A little wild rice on the side.

-Mm-hm.

-Now, that would be an entire meal.

Johnson is just indelicate about it.

-Hmm, that's really quite good.

-Let me cleanse my palate so I can try out this little dessert which Doris did.

You know, that's mighty good cider.

It's great.

I like it.

-You know, either one of these recipes would be a major hit anywhere you took 'em.

-What's that?

-Either one of these would be a huge hit.

-And I'm telling you, if your egg recipe didn't get you, all this butter will.

-Mm-hm.

Really?

-This is fabulous.

Mm.

-Some great, great stuff today.

Much to our surprise, but we love it when it is.

-Well, I just don't know what to say except "Have some more."

-Just put some more in your mouth and-- -Put some more down my gullet and go from there.

-Well, maybe I'll try another spoonful of this rice.

-I think you're gonna be mighty, mighty impressed, and I wish you could be here after the cameras go off to see Johnson eat every single bite of it.

-I do not!

-Every bit of it.

-That's just so unfair.

[♪♪♪]