[♪♪♪] -Well, here we are-- oh, no!

More bad teeth.

More bad teeth.

-Ayup.

[laughs] -How much can we, more can we get out of Larry's artificial teeth?

His false teeth?

-Well, I paid a lot for 'em.

Some people don't pay a, or not as much for real teeth as I paid for these.

And you're right, I figure they ought to be good for at least another show or two.

-Mm-hm.

-Until, or at least until the hate mail starts coming in.

-Or until Halloween when we do bobbing for apples.

-[both laugh] -You remember Bob and For Apples.

-Uh-huh.

-They were a good bunch.

-Well, let's get the witch in here and see what we got to do.

-[laughs] We can't catch the witch.

We need a witch catcher.

-Mm-hm.

-Someone send one of those.

-[singing] I told the witch catcher.

-Catcher.

Well, none of that.

[laughs] Don't want to get sued, you know.

-You want to read this?

-Oh, sure.

Sure, sure.

[reading] "Dear Laban and Larry, We need some help.

"Grandma left her teeth at the preacher's house last Saturday night when her circle met."

Now, for those of you who don't know what a circle is, all of us who grew up in the country, that's, was a women's group, I guess.

Wasn't it?

-Yeah, every church had several.

-Uh-huh, had a circle.

[reading] "She called up when she discovered--" -CREW MEMBER: [sneeze] -[reading] "she called up "when she discovered they were gone, "but the preacher's wife swears on her husband's big stack of Bibles that she hasn't seen them."

-[laughs] -[reading] "She has filed "a claim on her homeowners insurance, "but there's no telling when they'll pay.

Problem is Granny loves corn on the cob."

-[laughs] -[reading] "But we reckon [laughs] "she ain't gonna be eatin' "none of that anytime soon.

What can we do?

"By the way, the preacher's wife just called "and while she was a-talkin', she said that the Lord "has passed a miracle on their hound dog, Big Doofer-- "seems he could eat dog biscuits for the first time in five years."

-[Laban laughs] -Well, there's a miracle for you.

[reading] "Thank you, the Carters from Woodpecker, Arkansas."

-[Laban laughs] -[singing] What's it mean, what's it mean.

I think I found the teeth; I believe that's probably Grandma's teeth right there.

But unfortunately, these are her original teeth.

[laughs] -Hah.

[laughs] -So anyway.

-I'm telling you, I'm suffering.

I'm suffering.

The pollen is so bad and, you know, of course our studio here where we do our show is in the middle of the woods.

LARRY: Well, you heard-- well, yeah, you heard camera number three sneezing here.

-Andre is... -LARRY: Andre the sneezer.

-...coughing.

[laughs] -[Larry laughs] -So, forgive me, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to cough on you or at you, but I am just suffering from the pollen.

-Well, of course you know this will, will bring a letter from Cough Lady.

-Oh, yes.

-A whole new person that we haven't heard from yet.

What are you making?

-I'm making, uh, some kind of-- oh, what is this mess?

Three-Corn Casserole.

-[singing] Three corns in a casserole.

-Right.

And it was sent in by Brandy Cochran.

I can't believe, Brandy.

-Oh, come on.

Brandy.

-Of El Dorado Springs, Missouri.

And, Brandy, I gotta tell you, this is a wonderful recipe.

I'll tell you in advance, it's-- it's good.

-And Brandy's brother was Vodka Tonic.

-Right.

Uh-huh.

Any ignat can make this, uh, recipe.

-Oh, that's not very nice, Mister Johnson.

-Even you.

[laughs] -I'm doing a Ham and Egg Supper, except the ham portion is...Spam.

-Ooh!

-Sent in by Santa A.

Marks.

Santa.

Isn't that interesting.

-Mm-hm.

-Santa.

I've never heard of anyone, actually, except for you-know-who.

-Yeah.

-You know.

Everyone knows there's no Santa D. Claus.

-Hmm.

-Of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, another great one.

I tell you what, it looks to be a good recipe, though.

-Well, good.

-Even though it uses that other product there we were talking about.

-Mm-hm.

And, uh, the lovely Doris.

-Oh, yeah, Doris is gonna be here too.

-What's she doing?

-Uh, I don't know.

[laughs] -She's doing Casey's International Corned Beef Casserole.

-Sent in by Beverly Casey of Pennsauken, New Jersey.

-[laughs] That's why I wanted you to do that.

-[smiles] Pennsauken.

I hope.

-Larry is a radio personality and knows how to say all those hard names.

-Pennsauken, New Jersey.

Well, we'll get a bunch of people from everybody in Pennsauken now.

-Well, can I show everybody how to do the first step in this thing?

-LARRY: Do it.

-All right, this is a casserole-- use a one that's at least two cups.

And this is what my grandma used to do.

We got to have a stick of margarine in this, and I had to let it soften.

So, you take this... LARRY: Now, that's smart.

-...and diddle around in here to grease your casserole.

LARRY: See, the old people used to know how to maximize things back when they really did need to cook cheap.

-And you'd go to her house and you'd open up the 'frigerator, and all these little papers would fall out.

-[Larry laughs] -Where she would be saving the butter wraps and what have you.

But this, this is a real good way to do it.

So, uh, just remember that; that's a little homemaking tip from Laban and Larry.

LARRY: Well, that's pretty smart.

And I've, I've, I used to see Tootsie do that occasionally, believe it or not, and you know something else Tootsie used to do?

When she'd make pimento cheese-- -Uh-huh.

LARRY: --the Miracle Whip or whatever she would use for it, she'd take all that out and mix it all up, diddle it around, and then she would take all that and put it back in that jar and put the lid back on until she was ready to use it.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

Yep.

-How about that?

-LABAN: You got to be... -Smart.

Smart, smart, smart.

LABAN: ...smart these days.

Smart, smart.

Okay, now I've got a stick of softened butter and I'm adding to it, uh, an egg and some-- I'm swear, they're sneezing over on this side... LARRY: And cracking gum over to the right.

-...and on the other side they're cracking gum.

I'll tell, you don't get any respect around here.

And then a, a cup of sour cream and that's all.

I'm just gonna put them all together and then we'll mix 'em up.

-LARRY: What is that?

-It's an egg.

I had to... -LARRY: Oh!

-...bring it in.

I didn't want to bring the whole carton.

-[Larry chuckles] -So I just wrapped it up in its own little-- little nest.

LARRY: It looked like something secret.

-No, it's just in my fine little piece of you-know-what ware.

LARRY: Well, and my recipe starts out with an eight-ounce can of whole kernel corn.

Well, I went to this little cheap little store I go to; it's not so cheap, it's right expensive... -[Laban laughs] -...if you want to know the truth, and it's the most irritating store in all of Southwest Virginia.

And I don't know why I go there other than the fact that it's on my way home.

[laughs] So anyway, they didn't have any eight ounces.

They had eight ounces of creamed corn and they had eight ounces of Mexican corn and they had eight ounces of corn corn but they didn't have just plain corn.

So I had to buy a big one, and what I did is I split it.

I did half of it in the recipe I've already baked; I'm gonna do half of it here today.

It comes out about right.

But the first thing you have to do is take it and dreen, as they say around here, all of the juice off'n it and put that into a measuring device because the next thing you will do after you've drained that is you will fill it the rest of the way to make one and a quarter cups of liquid.

Put some milk in there to bring it up to about one and a quarter cups, and that's going to be your liquid part of it.

And that's all you do for right now.

And of course hold on to the corn, don't throw that away.

-LABAN: You know... -Because we're gonna use it later.

-...you couldn't find an eight- or a 16-ounce can of corn anymore because our standards and measurement people, uh, at the corn companies; this one is, uh, is 15.25 ounces instead of 16, and this one is 15.

So, they've, they've reduced the size of the can again but not the price.

Oh, I tell you... you just get it from everything you do.

-Next thing I have to do is open a can of the secret ingredient.

And this calls for Spam.

And the next thing you got to do is try and get it out of there because you're gonna have to-- -CREW MEMBER: [sneezes] -LABAN: This is not a good-- -Get that man a tissue.

[laughs] He's over on my side-- is get it out there because you're gonna have to chop it real fine.

LABAN: But you can open the other end and push.

-Well, I could, if I was of mind to, but yesterday, the other day, I was able to get it out of there.

It just plopped right out like-- just like-- LABAN: There it comes.

There, it's coming out.

LARRY: There you go.

Ain't that attractive.

-Put some Spam jelly on it.

-[laughs] And next thing you do then is you start cutting it and chopping it up.

So, I found that if I chopped - [laughs] I don't know why I'm tickled about this recipe but I am-- so just chop it very carefully and very tenderly.

[laughs] LABAN: That sounds like a hymn that we used to have in the Broadman hymnal.

-Oh, that was, uh, [hums] [sings] tenderly [hums]-- -BOTH: [singing] calling.

-Yep.

-[sings] Home.

-We all grew up with the same hymns, I believe.

You know, I always wondered about that.

Now, wh-what was that?

Was that, uh, what church did you go to?

-LABAN: Methodist.

-Methodist.

See, mine was Disciples of Christ.

We all sang the same songs.

They just put a different logo on the outside of the book.

Whoops, we'll be hearing about that.

Okay.

-[Laban laughs] I know some of those people - heathens out there-- -Hymn Lady will be in touch... [laughs] -But, you know, we have had-- -I think you people should just be grateful that we know hymns around here.

-[laughs] -I think that's pretty encouraging.

-You know... -What?

-...we did, we had, we have had a lady write in one time that just laid us out because we were making fun of the church.

-LARRY: Oh, we were not.

-We-- no.

-LARRY: We would never do that.

-I mean, we have gone to church, both of us, all our lives and still go, and if we want to make a little bit of fun of it, we will.

-The name of the song was "Softly and--" -LABAN: Tenderly.

-"Tenderly Jesus Is Calling."

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-That was the name of the song.

Okay.

See?

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-I remember this stuff.

-We know, we know our hymns.

-We're church-goin' boys.

Okay, I'm still chopping.

Now if you chop it like, right about like that, that's just about right.

Okay?

Fine little choppy-chops.

And you just got to keep doing that till you go through that whole thing, so just keep moseying on.

Johnson, go ahead.

-LABAN: All right.

Well, I've got my cup of sour cream, my soft stick of butter and an egg in here, and I'm gonna beat it up.

And your mar-- it's, actually it's margarine, and it really does have to be soft.

So when you get it, leave it out for a while.

Don't melt it, just make sure it's real soft.

-I find if you leave it in the car for a couple of days, it helps.

-[laughs] And don't laugh, folks, he does.

It's a miracle we're not all dead.

[laughs] Actually, you know-- now, we'll get letters on this too but it's the truth-- margarine actually can stay out of the refrigerator for a while, 'cause you see big displays of it in the grocery store.

-LARRY: So can Miracle Whip.

-Yeah, yeah.

-LARRY: Yeah, really.

-I mean, you-- you can do stuff like that.

Just-- I know that Craig Claiborne talks all the time about, uh, we've always left the fried chicken out on the stove overnight so that, you know, tomorrow you get up and get a piece.

But it'll probably kill you today, and somebody will sue us if we say do that.

Now, I've got two cans of corn I'm going to mix up in here.

One is cream style, and one is regular that has to be drained.

And I'll tell you the great thing about this recipe is this is something you literally can pull out of your cabinet and refrigerator at the last minute.

-'Scuse me.

I didn't mean to get in your shot.

-Well, you did.

Now let's see, can I operate-- LARRY: Let's see if he can operate a can opener.

-Now, wait a minute.

Where's that high-priced can opener somebody sent us last week?

-It's in the cabinet, they tell me.

-Well, that's all right.

-LARRY: It's in... Oh, well, don't worry about it.

He'll have it open before you get back, Doris.

Well, while he's opening that, I have to take three eggs and crack them and beat them.

So I'm gonna do that right now.

-LABAN: Oh, no.

-And you will see over to the right here I've taken my ham product, which by the way, if you wanted to, you could also use actual ham.

There's a startling thing.

This is after all called a ham and egg supper.

So anyway, you could use-- well, I'm not saying this isn't real ham, it is; but you could use actual ham ham instead of Spam ham.

Are you catching the drift here, folks?

Take three eggs and mix them up.

This sounds to be, uh, maybe, uh, an old timey recipe, I don't know.

It's difficult to say.

Now, you got that ready to go.

And the next thing you do is take a little, uh, fat-free cooking, uh, stuff, no-stick cooking spray, and spray a baking dish with it, just a little bit, and set that aside and get it ready.

And in a couple of minutes, we'll put this whole thing together.

LABAN: Oh, now I've got to drain the can of corn juice.

Unless, I guess I'll do it over here in the sink.

-[laughs] Goofy.

That's an attractive shot, don't you think?

-LABAN: Well, you know-- -Mister Johnson's-- huh?

What?

-Mister Johnson's haunches.

-[Larry laughs] -[Laban laughs] I kind of feel like Betty Grable in this pose.

[laughs] -Yeah, you know, you look like Betty Grable, painted on the side of an airplane.

Anyway.

-LABAN: Anyway... -Oh, that's-- well, maybe I should do something.

-No, no, I've got, I've got the corn.

-I don't know what to do.

And Jim is nervous.

He can't keep up to me.

What?

-LABAN: All right.

Now, let's see, I got both of the cans of corn in there.

And let me stir that up a little bit.

-Well, aren't you gonna kind of smush up your corn doing that?

-No, not with this thing.

I don't have-- -I never heard tell of using an electric mixer on corn.

-LABAN: Well, you have now.

-[Larry laughs] -LABAN: All right.

-Well, he was right delicate about it.

-Now, go ahead.

Now, I have one more secret ingredient to put in here and then it will all be done.

-Okay.

Well, now you got to add, uh, all this stuff together and put it together.

[laughs] This is what you got to do.

So what we do is we take our egg and put it in there.

That's three eggs beaten up just a little bit.

And your corn, about eight ounces of corn, and do not get the stuff that is in, uh, the creamed corn.

You know what, I'm gonna move this over.

Is it all right?

Can I move it over?

Is that gonna bother anybody?

Ooh, beautifully done.

Also at this time, you will put in the ham product.

That goes in there.

See how beautifully I chopped.

Every single piece is completely chopped thoroughly.

-LABAN: I am really amazed.

-In the same amount of-- LABAN: If we didn't know better, we'd sworn you'd worked in a fine restaurant somewhere.

-And then of course you have to take-- and it calls specifically for two cups of shredded sharp processed cheese.

Lowdown store, of course, didn't have the stuff so that you could shred it.

The only processed sharp they had was in these little individual packs.

And you're not gonna believe this, but I stood around today for a half hour taking those things out of those little packs and chopping it up, [laughs] so you all would not have to see me go through that today.

So there you go, two cups of that.

And as you can see, once again, each one has been chopped perfectly into a little square.

It is a talent that I have.

Now the next thing you do also, is you need to put in there... a cup of fine cracker crumbs goes in there.

That goes in there.

It's cracker meal, that's close enough for the likes of this recipe.

There you go.

And then put your milk in there and mix it all up real good.

And that's going to be your recipe.

And make sure you mix it real well.

I just took some crackers I had left over at home and crumbled them all up for the one that I brought in today.

Just smashed them up with, uh, uh-- LABAN: Your fist.

-No, no, no, I had a rolling pin.

Did I leave anything out, uh, Miss Doris?

She's not saying much today, and, you know, that always just mightily worries me.

She hasn't even sneezed today.

[laughs] Like myself, she has not had any problems with this.

Go ahead, Johnson.

Oh, oh, yeah.

And then the next thing you do is you-- you pour it in here into the greased dish and you bake that at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes or until set.

And when it comes out, it looks like this.

-LABAN: Well, for-- -Which is pret' near what it looks like when it goes in.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-Look at that.

Oh, isn't that startling?

There it is.

-LABAN: Lovely.

-Very nice.

We'll be heatin' that up and we'll be eatin' it with our lips very shortly.

Mister Johnson?

-All right.

Now, into my mixture, uh, we now put a box of corn muffin mix.

Uh, you can use any variety, about an eight-ounce box, and just give it a tap, and then you mix all that in.

So, let me work on this now.

LARRY: While he's doing that, I'll give my recipe.

LABAN: All right.

-The Ham and Egg Supper is so simple that I've already finished it, and we still have 20 more minutes on the program to go.

-LABAN: Oh, no!

-Got him scared.

One eight-ounce can of whole kernel corn, some milk, one 12-ounce can of Spam finely diced; I would imagine you could use any kind of ham on this.

Two cups of shredded sharp processed cheese, and hope to heavens you can find a block of it so you really can shred it, one cup of fine cracker crumbs, three eggs slightly beaten.

Put it all in there for 45 minutes or so, 350 degrees or until set.

Very lovely recipe.

Mister Johnson.

-LABAN: All right.

Well, let me give my, uh, recipe ingredients.

You need a stick of butter, an egg, a cup of sour cream, a 16- or 15-ounce can of regular corn, same of cream style corn, and a box of corn muffin mix.

And that's all you do to my-- Mine, let me get it over in my casserole here.

Uh, you bake this for an hour, a good hour, at 375 degrees.

And it just comes out beautifully.

Mine is over there.

Larry, maybe you could get mine out of the microwave.

LARRY: No, that's mine in the microwave.

-LABAN: Oh, where's mine?

-LARRY: Sittin' out on the sink.

LABAN: Oh, okay.

Well, ask Aunt Doris if she'd come in and bring it over here.

-Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the day when Miss Doris has to come in.

How you doing, Doris baby?

-DORIS: Fine.

-Come over here and gimme a big ol' kiss.

-And this is the way mine looks when it's finished.

-Give me a big ol' smooch.

-DORIS: [laughs] -[Larry laughs] Go ahead.

You're not gonna laugh all day like you did the last time.

-DORIS: No, well... -Look at her.

She's got bows.

What's that-- what was the name of that song?

[Larry sings] -LABAN: "Buttons and Bows."

-She's got buttons and bows.

-LABAN: Well, you know, she's Day Eleven's grandmother.

[laughs] -I think-- she was talking today, and she had to wear a hat earlier... -[Doris laughs] -...and she said-- I think she looks a little like Mamie Eisenhower.

-DORIS: [indistinct] -ALL: [laughing] -Well, you know, you know, the last time we had a big party here, uh, Doris, uh, came and, and did that wonderful rendition of "I Want to Be a Cowboy's Sweetheart."

[all laughing] -Well, on my porch right now, the sun shines in and I have to wear a hat in order to read, so it sort of flattened me out.

But anyway... [laughs] -So her hair is where the sun don't shine.

DORIS: I had to do a Corned Beef Casserole.

It takes five medium potatoes, pared, boiled and drained, half a cup of milk, half a stick of butter, a fourth a teaspoon dill weed, salt and pepper to taste, one small can sauerkraut, one can corned beef, one can corn and a fourth a cup of parmesan cheese.

And you mash your potatoes with it, with your, uh, milk, butter, dill, salt and pepper and put it on the bottom of the pan and then you layer it with, uh, the sauerkraut.

It doesn't say anything about draining any of these things, but I'm sure you're supposed to, so I drained the sauerkraut, put that in, and I sliced the corned beef and put it on top of it and the corn.

Well, you bake it in the oven for 325 for 45 minutes, but the corn dries out terribly, and I should think you'd have to put a cover or something on it to keep it a little moist because when, uh, it, it's come up a little bit because I put some, uh, foil right on it as soon as I got it out of the oven, but it was very - you can see how very dry that, that, the corn got.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

LARRY: Yeah, it's got little dry ones in there.

DORIS: It looks good on the air there but here it looks like little hard knots.

-So if you don't have a cover, you could just use foil.

DORIS: Foil or a cover for the pan, but doesn't call for it.

But I would advise it, I think, to, uh, keep it from drying out.

-LARRY: Well, there you have it.

-DORIS: But it looks good.

-Some fabulous tips from the very lovely Doris.

Thank you very much for stopping by today, and always say please and thank you and look both ways before crossing.

DORIS: Right.

-LABAN: Uh... -Speaking... -[Laban laughs] -...speaking of Doris, we have, uh, the Cook Sisters coming by.

-[laughs] Are they here again?

-She's gonna kill us.

I know she's going-- oh, yes, you know they love to come in when we're running a little long.

[laughs] -Well, let's go over, let's go over to that high-price Cook Sister set and see them.

Hey, Tootsie!

-Hmm?

-If you want plenty of eggs all year long, you got to make sure the hens are comfortable.

That's cool in the summertime, and warm in the winter, and they'll lay like there's no tomorrow.

I'm Sister Cook.

-And I'm Tootsie Cook.

-And we're the Cook Sisters.

-CREW MEMBER: You're on.

-[laughs] Got caught.

Well, I think we're ready to go.

-Well, my recipe is coming-- oh, Doris, it's nice and cold.

Oh, it's so hot, I can hardly stand it.

-LABAN: Oh.

-Oh no, we don't have time to put it back in.

It's time to eat, Doris.

When it's time to eat, just because you keep your chilluns waitin' all the time for cold food don't mean we're gonna be waiting around here.

We'll, we'll find a way here.

It's, it's a little warm on top.

[laughs] I don't think I'll make it over here.

-Well, I hope you're not gonna feed me any nasty food today.

-Oh, it's not nasty, Laban.

It's just a little gelatinous.

Okay, there you go, have a big wad of that.

Looks real good.

-LABAN: A lump of this.

-A lump of this, a wad of that.

Oh, me.

And let's try Doris' recipe, the land of the hard corn.

Well, it looks wonderful.

Look at that-- all the layers and everything.

LABAN: It's sort of like a shepherd's pie in reverse.

LARRY: It really is.

Oh, how delicate, Mister Johnson.

-LABAN: Well, I can't help it.

-[Larry laughs] -I have a little spoon.

-He's just, he's just clawing it out with a fork or something.

Which one shall we try first?

-I don't know.

-Which one's yours?

-The one closest to me.

Oh, oh.

Let's see.

-Oh, this one yours?

-Yes.

-And what is it?

-This is a three-corn bake.

Three-Corn Casserole.

Is it any good?

-I like it.

I think it's real nice.

-It sure is easy.

-Mm-hm.

That's good.

-LABAN: Got a nice flavor to it.

-It does.

-LABAN: Real corny.

-[laughs] Aside from the fact that, thanks to Doris, mine is totally cold, it's real cheesy and real good.

Cheese would have been-- the cheese would have been much better if it had been melted.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-What do you think?

-It's pretty good.

Mm-mm-mm.

-[chuckles] Have we tried Doris' mess here?

I tell you, this is a beautiful recipe.

It really is.

-Now, I wonder what this sauerkraut will do to you?

-Oh, I've hurt my tooth on a corn.

It's so hard I think it pulled out my molar.

That is wonderful.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-That's a great recipe that Doris did.

And, Doris, I think that, really and truly, I, I know that it is sort of tough when your corn gets hard on you, but that, that's not bad.

-No, it really isn't.

It's really great.

You probably could do this using real corned beef and not, well, not that the stuff in the can isn't real, but... -Well, sure.

Yeah, that's right, you could.

Just as you could do this recipe with, uh, any real type of ham... -...just slices of real ham.

-...if you wanted to.

Mm-mm-mm.

Well, strangely enough, it's all come out pretty well.

Of course, you know, I just, I just adore sauerkraut.

I really do.

I love, just love sauer-- but sauerkraut is only good if you eat it with mashed potatoes.

LABAN: And, you know, mine could be made more heart healthy by using egg substitute and, uh, the artificial sour cream, you know, so by the time you get to it, it wouldn't be so, so terribly bad for you.

-Mm-hm.

I know you're always looking for ways to, to do that.

-Mm-hm.

Unclog my arteries.

-Unclog your soul.

Well, it's a good one thing that we've done here, and... it's just a shame it didn't take longer, [laughs] because it seems like we've been sitting here for an hour.

-You read that letter too fast at the beginning.

That's what's wrong.

-I think you're right.

[sighs] You know, it's just, it's incredible, it really is.

So seldom do we have the occasion to just relax at the end of a program.

[laughs] But-- oh, Doris is here with the desserts!

-Oh!

Oh, no, no.

-I love it.

Bye.

-Oh!

Doctor, need help for a-- [music fades out]