[♪♪♪] -Well, hi there, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cookin' Cheap .

It's a shame Laban's, uh, not on the program anymore.

He quit and so the show is mine, and Doris isn't here either.

-[Laban grunts] -[Larry laughs] -I'm going to do a famous WCW choke slam on Bly.

-[Larry laughs] -All right.

Well, anyway.

-Where were you?

-I was sittin' down.

I got tired of waitin'.

-[Larry laughs] -You know I have to husband my strength.

-LARRY: Oh, okay.

-What little of it is left, and I thought, you know, if I had to stand up here another five minutes, I'd probably keel over before the end of the show, so.

-We don't want you to do that.

-No, I don't want to, either.

-Where is that witch?

-Yeah, where is that old--?

-Oh, there she is.

-Right to the heart.

Read that.

That was a good shot.

-She's-- [laughs] -Oh, it's one of those days.

-We're having terrible witch problem.

-This is Malia witch.

[laughs] -[reading] "Dear guys, my husband won't eat apples and I just don't know what to do."

-Oh, no.

-[reading] "Could you do "an apple show with some new recipes and maybe I can get him to try one.

Thanks."

Eve Pippin, Red Delicious, Pennsylvania.

-Oh.

Well, I think I know her.

-Eve Pippin.

-Uh-huh, the mother of all our woes.

[laughs] -Well, as a matter of fact, we can.

-Yes, we can.

-And we shall.

-And we will.

-And as a matter of fact, uh... -We're going to.

-I'm going to do Apple Almond Pudding.

And I'll tell you what, it's a mighty long recipe but it's well worth it, I think.

I believe it's gonna be pretty good with all the stuff that's in it.

-Where did it come from?

-Oh, I'm sorry.

It was sent in by Millie Byzzane of Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania.

-Oh, and I'm doing an Apple Crisp from Dawn Brower of Trenton, New Jersey.

And, uh, this is a neat recipe, easy to do.

Any fool could do it, even you.

-Uh, and then the very lovely, uh, Doris Ford will be on in a little bit by popular demand, and she is bringing in her Old-Fashioned Apple Cake sent in by Evelyn Kowalchuck of Huddleston, Virginia.

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-So, anyway.

-Say that last name again.

-Kowalchuck.

Wouldn't you say that's how--?

Kowalchick?

-LABAN: Kowalchuck.

-Kowalchuck?

LABAN: Yeah, you remember that guy who used to cook... -Bless you.

-...in the chili cook-off we knew, Sergey Kovalchuk?

-Oh yeah.

-Wonder if they're any kin.

Well-- -I don't know.

-We'll, we'll find out.

-Go ahead.

-All right.

Well, I've gotta peel a bunch of apples and I'm using [grunts] my apple peeler.

This one is not an old one, it's a real cheap one that I bought at a discount store several years ago, but it works okay, and I'm using little, tiny, uh, Granny Smith apples.

They're real good for cooking because they don't, uh... -LARRY: Fall apart.

-Fall apart.

-LARRY: That's right.

-They're just perfect.

-They hold their firmness.

-And I'm putting them over here into this bowl of acidulated water.

-LARRY: Beg your pardon?

-It's water with lemon juice and it's so they don't turn brown on us, so.

LARRY: I was wondering what the situation was with it there.

-And do you want to see how this thing works?

And then I'll [indistinct].

-LARRY: Oh yeah, we're all dying to see that.

Startling overhead.

There we go.

-You stick the apple on... LARRY: The apple cam is showing it even as we speak.

-...into the prongs and just turn it around and it-- LARRY: Look at that.

[laughs] High-tech stuff.

-It peels it and then it rams it through this little slicer that cuts out the core.

LARRY: Well, I don't think I've ever seen it quite slice in the little slices like that.

-Well, it's real neat, yeah.

-Well, that's really nifty.

-And then you just cut your thing in half, and they're all sliced perfectly.

LARRY: Well, you were always good to the core.

-I was.

LARRY: And terrible to the enlisted men.

-Enlisted men, right.

[laughs] -LARRY: That's awful.

Anyway, mine starts out-- my Apple Almond Pudding starts out-- and pretend like this has one more inch of circumference on it than it actually does.

Now what are you doing?

-I just thought maybe I would tie you up in a little green ribbon today in honor of the-- -Well, that's really neat.

You know, they used to have a contest to see who could run the longest one of these.

-Uh-huh.

Well, I definitely win today.

-Well, I think you've done a right smart of a good job.

That's what an entire apple looks like, all stretched out.

That's what it looks like.

Anyway, you have one of these springform pans, you know, the kind that's got the little sprang on one side of it and the bottom that comes out of it.

And this is a strange recipe, in that you, you actually make it all up in there.

You don't make it up in a bowl and put it in there.

So anyway, so you're supposed to start out with a nine-inch one.

Mister Johnson owns one, I don't, so he has lent me his eight-inch one.

Is that correct?

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

That's correct.

-So what's one inch among friends, ladies and gentlemen.

Pretend like it's nine inches and get off me.

-Well, you know, my recipe... -What?

-...today is real goofy, because it calls for a nine by eight pan and there ain't no such thing.

They're either nine by nine or eight by eight.

-Well, the first thing I have to do is I have to come up, uh, with a loaf of French bread, and I've got to cube it.

And this is a real fine thing.

You can also chase Doris around the studio with this.

I had her going around and round a while ago with this thing.

So just cube it up.

Now, I would say that some people would say, uh, you know, that maybe you should take some of the edges off.

But it doesn't call for that.

And I'll be honest with you, some of the best, uh, apple pudding that I've ever had had the, the crunchy stuff on the outside.

So it's definitely not necessary.

And besides, you're going to go on ahead and soak it in some really fine stuff anyway, and, and cube it in some fairly small pieces, okay?

Be good to everybody and cube it in small pieces.

-Well, wasn't one of those-- isn't that the measurement that Noah had for the ark?

-What's that?

A cubit?

It was a cubit.

Now what you do when you do this is, you put this directly in here, into the pan that you're gonna make it in because you mix it in that pan, which I think is like real sloppy, but that's what it calls for.

And I also discovered yesterday that my springform pan had a slight leak in it, so all the goop went all over my stovetop.

I was cleaning that up for a half hour.

[sighs] But anyway, I didn't want to have to spring for another pan.

-[Larry laughs] -LABAN: Oh, honestly.

-Harold liked it.

He thought it was funny.

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-And Harold hadn't even had a very good day and he's laughing, and he thought it was funny, so you know.

Anyway.

Now, it doesn't look like you could possibly get this much bread in there but believe it or not, you probably can, because I discovered that on the nine inch one that I prepared yesterday for today's show, that there was plenty of room left over, especially when you put the liquids and stuff into it.

And, uh, so anyway, we'll do that.

Johnson, back to you.

-LABAN: All right.

Well, I have determined that since I could find these little aluminum throwaway pans in eight by eight, that that's what I would use.

And I've used probably about six apples of these little apples here.

The recipe as sent in by Dawn calls for, uh, eight or ten.

So it really depends, don't let that throw you off, it just depends on the size of the apple that you've got available.

You can get those great big ones.

I can't get it off.

I have to use my kitchen pliers.

Do you have pliers in your kitchen?

-LARRY: No, sir, I do not.

I consider those to be tools that should be kept in a shed somewhere.

-No, no.

This-- these are perfect for cooking.

And, uh, and I just run them right through the dishwasher.

They're fine.

-You ran them through what?

Oh, you run them through the dishwasher.

-Sure.

Just make sure they're sanitary for all you tubaholics out there or tulaholics that are afraid.

-LARRY: Tubaholics?

[laughs] -Whatever.

You know, that you're afraid that we'll do something terrible out here.

All right, now I've got all of my apples in the lemon water and then back over into the pan.

And now I'm going to make a topping for it.

And that's real easy to do.

And, Larry, I'll-- while I'm getting ready, you show everybody what you're doing.

-Oh, no.

[laughs] I'm still doing the same thing I was doing the last time you came to me.

This does take just a couple of minutes to cube this but I'm going to stop with a little bit left over.

This would all go into a, a nine-inch one.

It will not all go into an eight-inch one but for the sake of today's show.

Pat that down in there, don't squish it but pat it.

Set that aside.

Now, what you got to start doing next is making up the good stuff that goes in it, including five eggs in a bowl.

And by the way, this recipe mentions three cups of half and half, but never ever comes back to it again.

LABAN: Well, we'll straighten that out.

-But I can assure you, it goes in with the eggs and all that stuff.

Where else would it go, use your common sense.

One... Has a good ring to it, don't you think?

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

-Two... Three... Four... Five...

Okay, there's five of those out of the way.

They're out of here.

Mix them up real good.

Into that, you put in your sugar, which is three quarters of a cup.

That's about that much.

Actually just a little more than that.

Mix that in there.

And almond paste-- and I want to tell you something, I have now three cups of half and half go in at this point, because I'm gonna forget them if I don't.

One... two... three cups of half and half goes in there.

That goes on there.

What are you doing?

LABAN: Well, I'm going to sprinkle my apples with a half teaspoon of nutmeg and a half teaspoon of cinnamon.

And I'll toss them in the pan over here a little bit.

And then I'll make my, start making my topping.

So here's a half a teaspoon of cinnamon.

And I get these spices now at a food co-op because they're so much less expensive that way, in bulk form.

And there we go.

Now just toss these with my old fingers.

LARRY: Well, I just made an interesting discovery.

-LABAN: What?

-LARRY: I think, and it's not penicillin or anything like that, but I just disco-- I was getting ready to show everybody how you have to mess with this almond paste... -LABAN: Uh-huh.

-...which I had never worked with before.

A half cup of almond paste, and if you've never seen it, it looks like this, and you can find it in the baking section where, where they have all the other stuff.

And the worst thing about this stuff is getting the lumps out of it.

And it doesn't matter how hard you try, you're gonna get lumps in it.

And I've just discovered if you take a serrated knife over the edge of it, look at that.

You kind of... -LABAN: Uh-huh.

-That was better than crumbling it by finger because when I got finished with it, it still had tons of lump in it.

Lumps in it.

-[Laban laughs] -[laughs] I can't talk.

But anyway, it's gonna take a while to do this, so bear with me, ladies and gentlemen.

This has to go in this stuff at this point, so I have no choice.

But this is working rather well-- serrated knife, I can't believe it down the edge of this stuff and just keep backing away from it because, believe me, if you get lumps, if this stuff gets lumpy, you'll never get it out.

I tried everything; I tried smushing it with a spoon.

But when all else fails, I'll show you a failsafe way to get the lumps out, [laughs] because I figured that one out yesterday too.

Johnson, go ahead and bail me out of this for a moment.

Give your recipe or something.

-LABAN: Okay.

Here is a cup of self-rising flour.

Now you can use plain flour and add, uh, oh, a teaspoon of baking powder.

But this is self-rising.

And a cup o' sugar.

There's a cup of sugar.

And a little, about three quarters of a teaspoon of salt.

You could leave this out if you're having a salt tolerance problem.

And I have to have an egg.

So, and you-- this is an unbeaten egg.

And this is what's really interesting with this recipe.

Break the egg and just put it right down in there, bo whoop.

Takes care of that.

And now you have to use a sharp, hard-bladed instrument, whether it's a big cooking spoon or one of the spatulas that, uh, that are just real hard.

And you have to cut the egg into this mixture.

And it takes a little while, it's not going to do it right in the beginning, but you just keep cutting like this.

If you are an advanced cook and make your own pie dough, you know what I'm doing.

Same technique, but you just keep going sharp like this.

Hold your hand-- the, uh, blade perpendicular.

You could use a big knife, if that's all you got.

And you could even rub it in with your fingers but that's messy.

LARRY: Oh, it's never polite to rub it in.

Tootsie told me that.

-LABAN: Rub it in and rub it in.

LARRY: Okay, I gotta add a couple of things.

Can I?

-Yeah, go ahead.

It will take me another minute.

-Okay.

Well, I got this almond paste crumbled real good.

And you add that in there because you don't want that stuff to, and sort of mix it around, because you don't want that stuff to get into big blobs.

It's just a, I've never worked with this stuff before.

Mister Johnson, who is much, much older than I am, has, on the other hand, worked with it.

There is just virtually nothing he hasn't done.

Okay, now to this we now have to add all of our spices which are as follows.

A teaspoon of cinnamon goes in here.

Teaspoon of cinnamon.

Well, we sure have been using a lot of-- oh, that's one and a half.

We sure have been using a lot of cinnamon on this show recently, you notice that?

-LABAN: Uh-huh.

Yeah.

-LARRY: It also calls for a half a teaspoon of allspice, half a teaspoon of allspice, and a half teaspoon of nutmeg.

It certainly has a lot of good stuff in it, I'll say that.

LABAN: You have to watch out for that nutmeg because if you get too much, it's overpowering.

-Oh, it'll ruin you.

It absolutely will ruin you.

Add a teaspoon of almond extract in case you miss the subtlety of all the almond paste in this recipe.

-[Laban chuckles] -I just cannot believe how much stuff goes in.

That goes in there, the extract.

Now mix that all together and we're going to pour that-- well, I'll just go on ahead and do it right now because I need to get it poured in here.

And, uh, now what you do at this point, you got your egg, your half and half and all that, as you pour this now directly over your bread actually in the thing itself.

Oh, I'm getting it everywhere, I'm sure glad I put that plate underneath there.

Like so...and this made just a little bit more than I need.

And what you do is just gently push this down.

You don't want to squish it down because you want to keep all your bread nice and frothy and light.

Push that down there like that and let that soak real nicely while you're doing the rest of the recipe, which calls for two Granny Smith apples chopped very, very finely.

-LABAN: Well, here you are.

-And I got them.

Thank you very much.

-LABAN: Oh.

[laughs] -And some almonds will also go in at this point.

So let me chop some apples and, uh, and then I'll be ready to do that part.

Johnson?

-LABAN: Okay.

Well, I have now cut my flour and sugar and egg into fine grain, looks a little bit like golden rice.

And now I'm going to cover the apples with it.

I just love to watch Larry work over here.

LARRY: [laughs] I'm going for who laid the rail, I don't think I'm gonna-- I only have ten more steps.

-LABAN: You got plenty of time.

-LARRY: I'm gonna do all right, I got plenty of time.

[inhales, exhales] LABAN: And you just pour all of this dry mixture on top of your apples and spread it out as evenly as you can, covering up everything.

And we're just about finished here.

So, Larry, you'll have plenty of time.

Now I've got a, a stick of butter melting, margarine or butter, either one, and when it's melted, I'm going to pour it on this.

But that'll take a little minute.

Larry, show everyone your cut-- uh, your, uh... LARRY: Fine cutting skills?

Well, I am doing real well.

I'm chopping up the apples and I-I'm cutting those fairly-- you'll notice I'm dicing them up fairly small.

You don't want them real big because you, you know, they won't get done.

Although this does go in the oven for 45 minutes at 350 degrees, so you would think something would get done.

Two apples.

So anyway, why don't you review your recipe now?

LABAN: Oh, that's a good idea.

-Doing this, I got one more thing to do.

-Here is the Apple Crisp from Dawn Brower of Trenton, Pennsylvania, or New Jersey rather.

-[snorts] Well, what is it?

-LABAN: I don't know.

Apple Crisp.

Ten to 12 sliced apples; that depends on the size.

LARRY: Oops.

LABAN: A half teaspoon each of cinnamon and nutmeg, one cup of flour, one cup of sugar, a teaspoon of baking powder if you're using regular flour, three quarters of a teaspoon of salt, one egg, and a half a cup or one stick of melted butter.

That's the ingredients for the Apple Crisp.

-Okay, in a couple of minutes we'll have the lovely Doris, while I'm still chopping this.

-You wanna bring the, uh, Cook Sisters?

-Yeah, let's bring the Cook Sisters in and then I'll have everything ready to go here.

-All right, boys, open up the corral and let 'em in.

-[Larry laughs] -[laughs] Here they come.

-The Cook Sisters, ladies and gentlemen, are on the way.

-LABAN: Oh, they're going to throw a shoe they're hurrying so fast.

-Hey, Sis.

-Oh, I was taking your picture.

-No, wait a minute, you're Toots.

-Oh.

[laughs] -I saw my reflection in the lens.

You know, you got to be careful when you buy hot dogs these days.

You should read the label on the back to see how much fat that's in 'em.

You'd be very surprised that low-fat hot dogs are sometimes really high fat.

You gotta read them very carefully.

-I would be surprised, you're right.

-And don't forget that low fat sometimes means high sugar and high sodium.

-Let me take a picture of that.

-Oh, I am Sister Cook.

-And I'm Tootsie Cook.

BOTH: And we're the Cook Sisters.

-LABAN: All right.

-Okay.

I'm telling you, I've finished chopping my apples and I'll do what I have to do in a couple of minutes.

But first Mister Johnson has something very exciting to show you.

-Well, you just pour the melted butter on top of your flour and sugar mixture.

Just let it spill all around.

And you're going to bake this now at the magical 350-degree temperature that everything in the world bakes at.

LARRY: It seems like it, doesn't it?

LABAN: You bake it for 40 to 45 minutes and it should be nice golden brown and take it out and it's finished, and we're going to serve it with vanilla ice cream.

-Well, let's bring in the very lovely Doris, and here, Doris.

How you doing?

DORIS: I'm doing just fine today because I've gotten Andre's cold, but that's okay.

-LARRY: Cause you got what?

-[Doris laughs] LARRY: Cause you got what?

Now, get a grip on yourself, Doris.

DORIS: We gotta get you some better toothpaste.

[laughs] -You better stop giggling and give the recipe.

DORIS: Okay, I got an Old-fashioned Apple-- -You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy.

DORIS: This recipe was given to me by my neighbor, Ruth Campbell, but it was given to her by this Evelyn Kowalchuck, and it, it is a very good recipe.

It's nice and moist.

It makes it very nice, moist cake and I used the Granny Smith apples this time with it.

But I prefer, uh, if you can get Rome apples, I think they're even better because they sort of, um, melt into the cake more.

And it takes two cups of sugar, one cup of oil, three eggs, two and a half cups of flour... -[kisses] There's the sugar.

DORIS: ...one teaspoon salt, one teaspoon soda, one teaspoon baking powder, one teaspoon cinnamon, a half a cup of raisins, and you can add more if you like, and it says a half a cup of chopped nuts is optional, but I prefer to have-- -LARRY: Nuts.

DORIS: Nuts.

Next to you, you don't want any.

LARRY: [indistinct].

If I say, if I say nuts, you understand.

DORIS: And it's a very easy cake to make.

You just have to cream the sugar and oil, add your eggs and combine in your flour mixture, your nuts and whatever, and before you know it, it's done.

And it says put it in a bundt pan, but to me-- I think a bundt pan, you're supposed to turn it over.

But it has such a nice top that I, I, I prefer to leave it this way or right out of the straight top pan.

LARRY: Well, it's gorgeous.

It really is.

Okay.

Thank you, Doris.

That is always a beautiful cake.

She does, she does great cakes.

She brings them in every single week, and just, we all descend on them.

Now here's what we have to do to finish up this marvelous thing.

What you do is you take your apples finely chopped up and you actually add them in like so, at the time.

I just love having fun with Doris.

[laughs] She wasn't expecting that tooth thing.

And you also add some slivered almonds at this point.

And what you actually have to do is physically work these down into it.

And I just think this is a little tight and tedious for this.

But that's what it, what it calls for.

It calls for actually doing it here.

I think I would prefer to do it and, and then put it in there.

Because you see, you end up with like nuts all over your hands.

See, I have nutty hands.

So anyway, uh, that goes down in there.

And then what you do after you've mixed that thoroughly, which I didn't, is you take the rest of the slivered almonds and you put them on top, like so.

And then you bake it at the obligatory 350 degrees for 45 minutes, and then you can springform it out.

Johnson, are you trying to upstage me [laughs] when I'm trying to do my job?

Now let me give you my recipe so you'll know what it is.

The Apple Almond Pudding-- three cups of half and half, three quarters of a cup of sugar, a half a cup of almond paste crumbled, five eggs mixed, a loaf of French style bread cubed, a teaspoon of cinnamon, half teaspoon of allspice, a half teaspoon of nutmeg, a teaspoon of almond extract, two Granny Smith apples chopped, and one and a half cups of sliced almonds.

When this comes out of the oven, it's gorgeous.

Though not as entirely big as I thought it was going to be, I'll have to admit.

And you will now see the magic through the magic of Cookin' Cheap .

We're going to spring the form off of the side and it will make a perfect cake.

Well, much to my utter surprise, it did.

[laughs] -[Laban laughs] -Even I didn't believe that could happen.

So anyway, let's go over and see what it's like.

LABAN: All right.

Boy, that looks good.

-Well, it does, doesn't it?

-LABAN: Mm-hm.

-I'll have to admit that I'm, uh, very surprised-- where'd the ice cream come from?

-LABAN: What?

From Elsie, up in Alaska.

-Ice cream, isn't that spe-- here, let me get you one of these real quick.

-And, and I have to admit that it's, uh, no fat.

-Oh dear.

Well, you know I won't like it.

And you know I have more friends gaining tons of weight on no-fat recipes.

All my friends have gotten as fat as pigs eating non-fat stuff.

-Well, it's all that sugar in it.

-That's because they're not watching their calories.

Well, let me try your crisp.

-Oh, wait a minute, you don't have any-- do you have a slice of Doris' cake?

-I can only eat so much so fast.

-How is the crisp?

-The crisp is real good.

I like it.

And it's real crispy.

[laughs] It is.

-Oh, it is.

-I haven't tried any of the non-fat, uh, ice cream, however.

Let me try this stuff.

It looks a little rubbery.

It's real good.

Very subtle flavor for all of that stuff that's in it, it really is.

And that person knows what they're doing.

You really do have to add all that in.

-LABAN: Mmm.

-Well, I wish we could talk about it longer but we can't because we're out of time.

-Doris' cake is pretty good, we assume.

-It is pretty good.

No assumptions necessary.

[music fades out]