[♪♪♪] -And I believe in fancy dinner parties.

I think-- where are the cameras?

Where are they?

They took a couple of 'em out, didn't they?

-[Laban laughs] -Oh!

Hey, how are you doing there, boys and girls?

Welcome to Cookin' Cheap .

-Isn't that funny that there's no tally light on that camera over there, so the cameraman has to signify, and which they do very well around here.

-They do!

They do, indeed.

Well, what are you doing, Johnson?

-Well, [laughs] we're trying to have a fancy dinner party today, fat chance in this place.

-Well.

-But anyway, we're gonna try and we're doing two fancy but relatively inexpensive, well, I would say like that, recipes.

And I'm doing a Beautiful Soup.

And let me show you what I've got going because it's gotta cook-- -Aren't you interested in what I'm doing?

-No, because I'm gonna turn it right over to you.

-[Larry] Oh!

Oh.

-I've got two medium-sized onions that have been thinly sliced and they are sautéing in three tablespoons of margarine until they get real wilted and limp.

And then, I'm gonna add a pound of sliced mushrooms to that mixture and fool around with 'em for a while.

And while all of this is going on-- -[Larry] What?

-Because it takes about 10 minutes for these onions and another five minutes for these 'rooms, I'm gonna pass it over to Mr. Larry Bly.

That's B-L-Y with no E. There he is.

-The baton has been passed to me.

I'm gonna do-- -Right, uh-huh.

And you're lucky you didn't get it upside the head.

-I'm gonna be doing Pork Scallopine.

-[laughs] A La Bog.

-A La Bog.

It's Pork Scallopini, and I gotta tell you, I don't think I have-- there's not a lot to this thing.

There is an awful lot to it.

I think by the time you get finished messin' around with this pork, you're gonna be worn out.

Well, I'm gonna be worn out.

First thing you do is you start with a pound-- -[laughs] I think you're worn out before you started.

-[laughs] I definitely am-- a pound of pork, boneless loin cutlets.

And you gotta pound 'em into quarter inch thickness.

Boy, am I in a mood for this.

-[Laban] Oh!

-Today.

-Where did you get that?

-This?

-Is that yours from home?

-Well, ah, err, I don't know.

Why do you ask?

-I just wonder where you got it.

I have never seen you use a instrument that was correct for the thing for pounding.

I'm surprised.

What have you got?

-[laughs] No, this is mine.

-You know me, I'm the king of the gadgets.

-This is mine.

Somebody gave it to me.

I believe it was in some kit with somethin'.

I think I bought out-- -Along with that hatchet that goes through your head.

[laughs] That you know-- -[laughs] So I'm gonna smush that.

Oh, I forgot.

I gotta take-- I'm already startin' forgettin' stuff and the show hasn't started yet.

Take a little bit of flour, a couple of tablespoons of that, and a little bit of salt and pepper, which.

doggone, you know.

[laughs] -[Laban] What?

-I've only been here two hours.

I'm not ready for the show yet.

-[laughs] No salt!

Oh no.

-[laughs] Salt and pepper.

Well, at least you know where it is.

-[Laban] I'm sorry.

[laughs] -[laughs] I'm sorry.

I've just been down the hall and I'm upset.

[laughs] So excuse me a little bit, if you don't mind.

A little salt, just a little bit.

Now, what you do is you're heatin' up some oil over here in one pan.

This is about a three-pan job.

-[Laban laughs] -So, you squish this stuff down to quarter-inch thickness, and then you rub it through here.

-Can't you hear 'em, all those hifalutin cooks out there, that are so snobby just having the hardest time-- -I hope the one in New York has gone into apoplexy.

[laughs] And you put that in there-- -Yes, tell her to get ready 'cause I'm gonna open up a lot of cans here in a minute.

-After you've squished it to a quarter of a pound, you put it down here and you brown it on each side about five minutes.

And I agree with the Dr. Johnson theory of browning things, just leave it alone for a while, okay?

So that's what we're gonna be doin'.

Now I gotta tell you, I did do one thing yesterday in preparation for the show.

-You got drunk.

[laughs] [Laban and crew laugh] -[laughs] I forgot what I was gonna say.

This thing calls for a-- -Ain't it terrible when everybody's got your number, Bly.

[laughs] -This thing calls for cranberries, fresh cranberries.

I went out yesterday and got cranberries.

Get a wonderful cranberry shot.

There's a cranberry shot.

[Laban] Picked 'em right out of the bog yourself.

-[laughs] I did.

This is fresh cranberry and all you do is you do this according to the package directions, which is as follows.

You dump an entire package into a pot about that big, you put one cup of sugar, one cup of water, and you boil it until they stop snappin' at you, like Johnson.

Five minutes'll do the job, and there it is.

And because it has its own natural pectin, it sets up, jellifies on its own.

So anyway, I did that last night in preparation for this day because I knew this was gonna be a bear of a day.

So, I'm gonna do this for a while and I'll be back.

Johnson?

-Oh, no.

I mean, I don't want it because [laughs]-- -[Larry] Okay.

-No, all right, no, no.

I'm cooking, I've got mushrooms over in here.

[Larry] I'm sick of this show.

-And I'm getting ready to open up my first can.

[laughs] [Larry] Oh, no.

Not another dual can show.

Well, I'm gonna tell you somethin'.

-All right.

We were hoping you would.

-This thing calls for a pound of these things and this is a small pan.

I can't get any more in there.

I'm just gonna put in there what I can get in there, and let it go.

I'm gonna turn it up.

How do you turn it up?

-Well, I don't know.

Just like the-- -Here we go.

Oops, it's gonna blow up.

No?

There we go.

Is that high?

When it's on the right side of high, is that high?

-Well, I think the best thing to do is to look at the flame.

[laughs] -[laughs] I never thought of that.

Can you tell that I don't-- -See, Bly is still cooking at home with whale oil.

[laughs] -[laughs] I still have a wood stove.

-From a very old whale.

[laughs] -Here, Doris.

You can put this over that black eye that Harold gave you.

[all laughing] Well, that's it.

Now, back to Laban.

-Oh, I wish I had some of that cheesecake.

Should we tell that story?

We ought to tell it.

-Tell what story?

[laughs] -We taped the show that'll be on in a few weeks from Doris and Harold's house.

-[Larry laughs] -Smith Mountain Lake.

And Doris just admitted that after we left and she served a delicious luncheon of lasagna and salad and garlic bread, mm, it was delicious, and iced tea.

And after we left, she discovered that she forgot to give us the cheesecake that she made.

And I guess she and Harold have been chowing down on cheesecake.

Now, I'm sweatin' these mushrooms real good in here and they're giving it up.

-Next thing I'm gonna do is take a quarter of a cup of red wine vinegar.

-[Laban sings] Red, red wine.

-And put that in there, and we're gonna turn the heat up on that thing.

[Laban] Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to sing.

-And with that, we're gonna add some sugar.

Three tablespoons of sugar, and I got to find that and I'll be right back.

Do we have sugar on the set?

-Yeah, in the sugar bag.

-Oh, thank heavens.

Could I have a tablespoon, darlin'?

You know, you'd think-- -You know, Bly's one of those people that gets rid of his frustrations when he cooks.

He just pounds stuff into next week.

-Now, what you gotta do is you gotta cook this stuff until the sugar dissolves.

Fat chance of that, it's in lumps as big as your head.

How many does it take, three?

Three tablespoons of sugar goes in there.

Oh, boy.

That stuff's fryin'.

Don't that smell good?

-[Laban] It does.

-Woo-wee.

Now, just stir that stuff around until the sugar just disappears right into it, real good.

So, we're gonna do that for a little bit and we ought to be ready at this point to turn this over.

It should be brown.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Look at that.

Mmm, mm, mm.

Yes, indeedy.

-Oh, they're beautiful, Bly.

-It is gorgeous, just gorgeous.

And we can probably turn that off very shortly because all we got to do is brown it a little bit on the other side now.

It's got that salt and pepper in there and everythin'.

And we've got, uh-- now all I've got to do now is just kinda wait around for this sugar to disappear into this wine vinegar.

And nothin' else I can do, I'm sorry.

That's all I can do, so leave me alone.

-All right, now, this is-- my mushrooms are wilting and the liquid is coming out of 'em.

They're steaming.

-Oh, that's pretty exciting.

-They're getting concentrated.

Now, here we go.

We're gonna put in two cups of beef broth, that's not quite two cups, and two of chicken broth.

And we'll add some water to that.

And six tablespoons of tomato puree.

So there's one.

two.

three.

-Old Dobbin and all the dobbinettes are out there today.

-[Laban] four.

-They're really lovely dobbinettes.

[Laban] five.

six.

Let's hear it for the tomato puree, huh?

-[applause] -There we are!

And we have to stir all this up and bring it to a bile.

[Larry] A bile?

Eww!

[chuckles] -Well, it sounds better than a boil.

-[Larry] Exactly.

-[Laban laughs] -[laughs] Oh, I never thought of that.

[laughs] Okay, now I gotta add three cups, ah!

I just burned myself severely-- workman's comp.

[laughs] Let's all laugh together.

Oh, okay.

Three cups of chicken stock goes in there and I'm adding that right now, now that the sugar and the vinegar and all that.

That goes in there.

We'll cook that up just a little bit.

And we'll add some more-- oh, in the meantime, you get this stuff-- well, I'm sorry.

I'm just a real busy man.

This has finished.

This is finished on both sides now.

So we take these out and we set these aside, okay?

You put 'em on a little platter and arrange 'em in a delicate manner that would impress all your friends.

On the other hand, I'm just gonna flop 'em on a plate and lay 'em over here.

Good enough for the likes of this crew.

All right, that's all I'm gonna do for right now.

Now, I'm gonna get rid of this grease because I'm gonna put some butter in here, margarine in here so that I can sauté some onions in just a minute.

Thank you.

-Oh well, how nice.

Well now, I have to bring this soup mixture to a boil.

And it's gettin' close, it's gonna do it in a minute.

And then, I'm gonna add six tablespoons of-- yes, it's an alcoholic beverage.

-[laughs] It's about time you can admit it.

-Very sweet, sweet vermouth.

-It's a little too sweet, I think.

-This is not the kind of vermouth that Bly uses at home with that juniper berry flavored liquid, that is very clear.

-[laughs] You're giving me a bad name.

-And he's got the same bottle that he started out with as a child.

-You're giving me a bad name.

The people at my Sunday School came up to me.

[laughs] -Yeah, your Sunday School.

-They gave me a hard time.

-Anyway, and what he does, he pours that-- I think it's called gin, into a glass with ice.

And then, he sprays out of an atomizer some of the dry vermouth over that to make some kind of drink.

However, this is sweet, kind of real sweet vermouth and I'm gonna add to this pan after it boils, so all the alcohol will be boiled off and I will still be able to keep my lips virgin and pure.

[Larry] Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-The six tablespoons of the sweet vermouth.

Mm, mm, mm, and you know it's gonna be good.

But while I'm doing that, Bly, let me have the salt and pepper, if you would, please.

-Well, now that I've gotten it for you.

-Thank you.

-In other words, you would have needed it eventually.

-Well, yes.

-That's two of us, two of us that's gonna need it eventually.

-But knowing that you-- I'm gonna put about a teaspoon of salt into this and oh, a good hearty swig of black pepper.

-I've got some margarine going over here right now, and I've got an onion.

I'm gonna sauté it.

[Laban] Where is it going to?

-It's going right down in there in that pan.

We're gonna sauté some onions, it takes a little while.

No reason why we can't get on with it right now.

A couple of minutes, I'm gonna stir some flour into that and make a little roux or somethin' similar to it.

And that's all I'm gonna do for right now.

Meanwhile, I've got my-- I've got all of this mess going.

I'm not sure what it's supposed to do.

Is it supposed to boil or just set there for five minutes?

[laughs] My trusty assistant Doris is goin' through her dictionary.

Bring to a boil and cook five minutes, we'll be here a week.

[laughs] See if I could get that thing goosed up a little bit.

Oh, nelly.

I think I'm gonna-- -While I'm waiting-- -[Larry] --be here a long time.

-[Laban] --for mine to boil, I've gotta have some parsley.

-And you shall.

Can I have the salt and pepper?

-Oh, I don't have it anymore.

There it is.

-Oh, excuse me.

You know, you'd think a high-toned show like ours could afford at least two of everything.

That's the wrong-- -Oh, but it's wasteful.

See, we're cheap, Bly.

Remember that?

-Maybe while we're waitin' for this and that-- -We could bring in the Cook Sisters.

-We could bring in the Cook Sisters.

-Because they're here, and they have got some housewares from their yesteryear that they want to show to us.

-Oh.

Are they dragging out that Depression glass again?

-Yes, they've got it again.

They're gonna show us their fine collection of it.

Here it is.

-Oh, Sis.

It's so nice here at the home.

-Yes, it is.

I love it out here on the porch.

What you got in your hands?

-Well, I'll swear.

Well, I got some Depression glass.

Remember when we started collectin' these, way back when?

-Yeah, I sure do.

It depressed me so much I broke every plate I could get my hand on.

-Well, I'll swear.

Well, you love this green.

It was always your favorite.

I always sort of was partial to the pink myself.

Anyway, it's Depression glass.

-And nowadays.

well, never mind.

I'm Sister Cook.

-And I'm Tootsie Cook.

[both] And we're the Cook Sisters.

-How much flour?

Okay, wasn't that exciting.

-Did you turn my pot down?

-[laughs] No, I haven't touched it.

Well, I'm still sautéing-- the land of the sautéing onions.

- You know, there's a one-act play that when I was a high school teacher, that people would drag out.

And it was somethin'-- "Six Who Watched While the Lentils Boiled" and that's the way I feel now, we're just standing here watching this pot, waiting for it to do somethin'!

-Well, uh.

okay.

-Well, I've got to have my pot fiery hot and boilin' before I can do anything.

I'm just sorry, it's got to be hotter than the hinges of you know where.

-Well, I'm gonna stir in about three tablespoons of flour into this mess.

[Laban] Is that bleached or unbleached?

-[laughs] She's not sure.

She's hedgin' on me, right?

-[Laban] Rising herself.

-[laughs] One, two-- we're gonna get real brave, three, okay.

Now I know it'll take about 10 minutes to do.

-[laughs] Oh, no, tell me it isn't so!

-[laughs] And as soon as that browns a little bit, then we're gonna take this mixture over here-- the vinegar and all that mess.

-The hot broth.

-The sugar and the hot broth and all that.

And we're gonna cook that in there, you see.

What we're doing is we're preparing the goop that goes on top of the pork which kinda makes the Scallopine a la Bog.

[laughs] -This is the slowest pot I have ever had to deal with in my entire life.

-Well, I don't know what's going on.

I finally got this rollin' after 20 minutes.

It might take into another season to get this one done, but that's okay.

We're movin' along friskly, friskly.

By the way.

-Well, it's beginning over here.

-.the cranberries will be the last thing that go in just before you serve this.

And so, it'll all be a nice sauce on top, should theoretically be very, very nice.

You wanna look at the recipes while we're waiting for things to boil?

-Well, I guess we could while we're just sittin' around waiting for the pot to boil.

[both together] Beautiful Soup.

[Laban] Two medium onions, sliced real thin.

A pound of mushrooms, sliced real thin.

Three tablespoons of butter or margarine, right, sliced real thin.

[laughs] Six tablespoons of tomato puree, two cups of canned beef broth, two cups of canned chicken broth, six tablespoons of sweet vermouth, salt and ground black pepper, three tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese, and three tablespoons of minced parsley.

And as soon as this thing boils, I'll put in the six tablespoons of-- -Pork Scallopine a la Bog.

One pound of pork scallopine, that's smushed-up pork.

Four tablespoons of flour, half teaspoon of salt, quarter teaspoon of pepper, two teaspoons of oil, quarter cup of red wine vinegar, and three tablespoons of sugar, which you add to that.

I'm gonna add that somethin' else in a minute.

Three cups of chicken broth, a cup of finely chopped onions, three tablespoons of butter, three tablespoons of flour, and a cup of fresh cranberries.

Okay, guys.

Here's what we're gonna do now.

We're gonna take this from Pot number A and we're gonna put it into Pot number B.

-Woo.

Oh, it worked.

-And it's running all over the place down on the floor.

It's quite exciting, ladies and gentlemen.

And we're gonna make a nice thick sauce.

I just cannot believe that I need to use all of this for that.

So, I'm gonna take it a little at a time because I don't wanna drown this thing.

It's-- that's such an awful lot of stock.

-You don't have to use it all.

-Well, that's what I'm sayin'.

You know, for three tablespoons of flour, it's not a whole heck of a lot.

Now, we've gotta cook that along for just a little bit.

I can't hurry.

That's gonna take at least four or five minutes.

-And I'm just chopping my parsley.

-[laughs] Listen to him laugh.

It's scary.

-I'm just chopping this parsley for who laid the rail.

-I can tell you are.

-Mm-hm.

[Larry] Maybe we ought to bring on the witch while we've got the parsley going.

-Well, no, wait a minute.

I got somethin' else to do right now.

Just hang on.

-Oh, wait.

Keep that witch in the air.

-Right.

-Don't touch that witch.

-Now, it's boiling here.

The soup has finally come to a boil and I'm gonna add my-- I'm looking at your recipe.

[laughs] And now, six tablespoons, one-- -You're looking at my recipe?

[laughs] How terrible.

[Laban] Two, three, four, five, six, oops.

-We got a right frisky crew here today.

-We do.

Well, can you blame 'em?

-[Larry] No.

-They got bored, too.

You know, I just keep waitin' for Rip van Rexrode to wake up and discover that 40 years have passed and we still have the same cameras.

[laughs] That's our manager emeritus around here.

[laughs] -Let's take a look at this roux and see how it's comin' along.

-[laughs] Chicken.

-[laughs] Oh, look at that.

Isn't that pretty?

Woo, you know that's lovely.

It is.

That's real pretty and brown, just the way it's supposed to be.

And just before we serve it, we're gonna take some cranberry and fold it in there.

And let me tell you somethin' else, if you want to, if you're not a real fanatical person and you don't mind doin' it, and you can find it, this is the most important part.

If you can find it, you can use a little cranberry liqueur which you add at the last minute because you don't wanna cook out all the good part of the liqueur, that being the liqueur part.

-[Laban laughs] -So anyway, but I couldn't find any.

And so it's okay, you don't need it.

I mean, we got the fresh cranberry, what else do you need?

But it would be a nice touch.

I mean, if you're gettin' a real fancy-fied meal together, it would be real nice.

So, now I'm gonna turn that off and we're gonna add a cup of fresh cranberries to that at this point.

A cup of fresh cranberries.

Ooo, isn't that lovely?

I love cranberries.

You know, where I came from, their idea of cranberries on the farm where I was, they'd open up a can of that jellied stuff once a year.

-Well, it was the same thing down here.

- Feed it to you, and you know, I was about 28 years old before I ever actually cooked a cranberry and found out wasn't much to it.

I mean, cooking it, I mean.

-My mother's family, the Bonds, always had the jelly.

And my father's family, the Johnsons, who were from Maryland, always had the other stuff.

And I was quite old before I learned to like anything but the jelly.

-You were in your.

at least in your 60s when you-- -I was up there.

-I believe, mmm, I love cranberry.

I'm gonna take the rest of this home and eat it for dinner tonight.

-Oh, wow.

No wonder you made so much.

-[laughs] Well, you have to buy a whole bag of it.

You can't buy a half a bag of it.

-Who are you calling old bag?

-Now, look, watch.

Here's what you do.

Where's my thing?

-I beg your pardon.

-I had a-- oh, it's all right.

It's okay.

It's alright.

Now look, here's what you do.

Take that and just put it-- now what you would do is put this on a fancy-fied platter and serve it like this just before, you know-- and make it look real pretty.

Hm, oh.

Oh, that's good.

It is.

And there you go, and you just serve 'em up in little individual pieces and it's gonna be just darlin', wonderful.

-Well, good.

-How's your soup coming?

-Well, it's ready.

-Oh, it looks pretty.

It really does.

It looks gorgeous.

-I'm trying to fill up the soup bowls here a little bit.

-Uh-huh.

Woo.

-And then we'll garnish it.

-You gonna garnish it?

Why, didn't you pay for everything?

-No, and you just take your finely minced parsley.

-That's right out of your garden, isn't it, the parsley?

-Yes.

-Mine's still going strong, too.

-And then, you're gonna sprinkle some cheese in here, too.

-I don't think we're gonna have time for the witch.

-Oh, yeah.

We got time for her.

Well, you better bring her in.

-We better bring her in.

You better bring her in posthaste because we got less than a minute.

-Oops.

Well, it's a short letter; read it there, Bly.

-"Dear boys, Sincerely, the Witch.

"Hey, you blockheads.

How about a block party?

We think other chumps in our neighborhood might show up.

Ralph Rude."

From where?

Munt City.

-Mound City.

-Mound City, Florida.

Well, let's go over here and see how this food stuff says that we got together.

I can't get over there 'cause I'm stuck on somethin'.

What is that?

Let me climb that.

-Oh, no.

How embarrassin'.

-Oh, it's okay.

Oh, there we are.

Here, have some of this.

[laughs] Wouldn't you know?

I'm gone ten minutes, they put a post in the middle of the dining room.

[laughs] -[laughs] And it's not even Saturday evening.

-Those firemen that use this for a show while we're gone, they put that in, they slide down that thing.

-Actually, the house is falling in, that's one of those house jacks.

-Hmm, Johnson, I'm gonna tell you.

You have made a fine soup.

Two?

We were down to one ten minutes ago.

Oh, well.

That is good.

What's this stuff called?

-Beautiful Soup.

-Beautiful Soup.

Woo.

That is marvelous.

-Soup of the evening, beautiful soup.

And that is hot, isn't it?

-I tell you what, I like it.

I really do, I like it.

How's this stuff?

I didn't hear you comment on it.

-Oh, it's good.

-Did it ruin you?

-No.

It's sort of like having Cherries Jubilee on a pork chop.

[all laugh] Oh, what is that--?

Oh no!

-[laughs] Oh, it's just a little pit.

-You mean, you didn't wash the cranberries and pull the stems off of 'em?

I got a cranberry stem; I swear you always find an artifact in Bly's food.

-I washed 'em.

Well, there's also a rubber washer in there somewhere, but I'm not gonna tell you where I put it.

[laughs] Oh, come on.

Let's not be too delicate.

I mean, cranberries do have little stems on 'em once in a while.

I'm not gonna go through and destem 'em.

Ha!

Hm, this is good stuff.

-Back in the old days, my grandmother Connie Bond would have peeled these things before she served 'em.

-Yeah, well.

-But the soup is real tasty.

-The same lady that washed the cow before she milked every time.

Crazy, just stupid.

Anyway.

-Thanks.

It's good to see all of you again.

-Bye.

[♪♪♪]