[♪♪♪] - I didn't know frankly we're still involved with the show.

- Oh yes, huh-huh.

- Well, that's wonderful.

How about-- - Real funny, little person.

- Before we even get started, I want you to see this lovely-- [gasps] Oh, my heavens!

- Oh, you broke the fin off of him.

[laughs] - Oh, that's terrible.

Fin-ne, fin-ne.

Right at the beginnin' of the program.

This is, I am told by the lovely Doris who is our consultant on this program, and our inferior decorator, uh, I am told that this thing is probably a couple hundred years old.

LABAN: Hmm-mm.

And it's cute.

LARRY: It's almost as old as you, Johnson, and it looks a lot better too.

LABAN: Well, I remember when I was a child-- no, it's a little pitcher.

LARRY: Well, you used to go-- you used to go with its gill friend.

- [both laugh] LABAN: Oh, give me a-- - [laughs] A little joke there, but seriously.

- Oh, all the fish in the world-- - We don't know what it is, but we think it's some-- what did you think, it was some kind of a little tea thing.

You see, you stick the water down-- oh, it's gotten-- it's terrible-terrible, it's bitten me.

And then you see it's got a hole where its mouth is... - Uh-huh.

- ...maybe you can see that, maybe you can't.

- Well, it could be a little incense burner too.

- And it's sort of like you, it's got a little hole where your head is.

[both laugh] Just like that.

- Would you put that down, and read the mail and quit playing with it.

You don't know where it's been.

- Well, I just think it's real neat.

- Sweet.

- She comes up with anything.

Doesn't matter what we come up with, she comes up with something.

- Uh-huh.

- Go ahead.

- Well-- oh, just kill it!

- She's just fabulous.

[Larry laughs] - Ms. Patricia Haluska of Blacksburg, Virginia, writes in and says, "Even though Laban didn't do a superb job "of making the cheesecake, I'd like to try this myself.

"As for the beans and rice, "I've been looking for a good easy recipe for this duo.

Thank you."

Well, thank you, Pat.

LARRY: Hmm.

I didn't think you did a very good job either.

- But do you remember doing a show with beans and rice and cheesecake?

- No, I really don't, but do you realize it's the second letter we've gotten about it?

LABAN: Uh-huh.

- I think someone's picked up some other show from somewhere and thought it was us.

I don't know what the chances are.

"Dear boys, enjoy your show a lot each week.

"And the recipes I try always...

I try always turn out delicious."

Okay.

Um, and it turns a right snappy phrase occasionally too.

"Sincerely, Virginia Morris-" Norris, I'm sorry, "of Leesburg, Virginia."

Thank you, Virginia Norris.

- Well, this one is from Portsmouth, Virginia, and it says, "Hi, we watched you today "and sure would like to have the recipes.

"One was called... "one was corn puddin', and another was Apple blank question mark."

LARRY: Oh, that'd be Apple Betty, wouldn't it?

- Oh, maybe.

I don't know.

- Apple Betty, Apple Pan Betty.

- We've done so many.

- "Dear sir, I think I'd be interested "in the cookbook "Cookin' Cheap" "but I didn't get the price of it.

"And I don't know if it is to be ordered "from the address on this letter or not.

"Please let me know about it.

"I'd like the simple recipes you do where you don't have to get foreign parts for."

[both laugh] This is from Mrs. Ralph Fulcher of Stewart, Virginia, and you know, I've got my business partner's Mammy, his-his old Mammy.

Uh, Bernice Hall is from down Stewart-- if you know, you go over and say hi.

LABAN: Now wait up, this is Bernice Greene over here.

- Well, isn't that somethin'?

LABAN: Lot of déjà vu here today.

And Hudson Klein wrote in and said, "We would like some recipes for a diet after heart attacks and surgery."

Well, they're in our book.

LARRY: Hmm.

"Dear boys, sure like your cooking recipes and the way you make it look so hard to do at times."

[Laban laughs] That's called filling time.

LABAN: Right.

[laughs] - "Thanks for your recipes."

LABAN: Listen, I think we need to get fishing.

- Well, let me finish the letter.

- Oh no, I thought you were finished.

LARRY: Talk about bein' pushy.

Why, are you a little nervous?

You've got a long recipe?

LABAN: Yeah.

- He's afraid he's not gonna get his 28 minutes' worth today.

Mrs. Thelma Ross of Pinella Park, Florida-- they're not watching you, the camera's on me.

How did you say this was pronounced?

Pinellas Park.

- I'm sorry, no.

Yeah, Pi-Pinellas.

- Pinellas, yeah, you're the one that gave me a big, you know-- well, when it's a double "L" in Florida, it's Spanish.

- Spanish.

- Thank you very much for watching us.

Goodbye.

- [Laban laughs] - Oh.

- [laughs] Stepped on your tail, didn't ya?

- Yes, I did.

- Well, it's so flabby it's hanging down like a pendulum.

- I'm telling you, I'm not looking forward to this recipe today.

- Well, why?

- Because I don't-- LABAN: That's a terrible thing to say.

- Because I don't like working with raw fish.

I never have.

I'm a farm boy.

We didn't have fish where I came from except, out of the pond.

And you threw those away.

[Larry inhales and exhales] LABAN: Oh, for Pete's sakes.

- And to top it all off, I'm working with herring which is the boniest of bony fish.

So, anyway-- LABAN: In his book.

- This is scalloped herring and potatoes, but it does smell real good, I must tell you.

And I-- should I tell 'em?

Or you wanna start?

Or you want me to--?

LABAN: Yeah, let me just show what I'm gonna do, and then you can get into yours.

If you remember, last week, we did some beer batter, and we've still got some batter here.

And I've got some flounder fillets here.

LARRY: Yeah, you've been floundering around for a long time.

- And they're not bony, and I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to slice up these fillets into little cubes and then we're gonna batter-fry them, so we'll have deep fish fry, and then I'm gonna do a salad to go along with this.

So, this is just a flounder fillet.

You get it at the flounder store.

And-- LARRY: At the flounder store?

- Well... sure.

- [both laugh] LARRY: Flounders 'R' Us.

LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: It's a brand-new store, ladies and gentlemen.

I assume you've seen the advertisement all the time.

LABAN: Most of your supermarkets are carrying-- - [Larry chuckles] LABAN: Well, you know, what can I say?

LARRY: [laughs] Uh.

LABAN: You can go to the bass store or the Sunpurch store.

Well, anyway, I'm gonna-- and I mean, you all know how to do the batter.

You learned that last week.

And these little fish pieces are gonna be deep fried, and I'm sure they'll be delicious.

So, that's all, Lar.

- Well, I went out and caught these meself.

[laughs] LABAN: Oh!

- Let me tell you a little bit about salt-cured herring.

They're real cheap, first of all.

You get for, like on this particular day, for a $1.59, I got enough of these things to feed an awful lot of people.

Actually, it just kind of goes on forever.

Now let me show you how these things come.

If I can get it out of the package.

What they do is they-- they pack these things in one of these sealed containers you see, and it's got the-- it's-it's actually got pieces of salt in there.

You can see it at some places.

They're actually little clumps of salt around in there, and it's sort of packed in a brine.

And they're already filleted.

We thought we were gonna fillet these things today, but I-I got these home yesterday evening and discovered that they were already filleted.

LABAN: And I am so disappointed because-- - Because Laban was looking so forward to making fun of me on the air and havin' a great deal of fun with me.

But I'm not kiddin' you, they are.

But now, I've got to show you something, Laban.

What you do-- now, first of all, even after they're filleted, you will note that they still have the greatest of plenty of bones.

They have an entire ridge of bones down through here, and you just leave 'em on there and do what you're gonna do.

I guess you can pick 'em out later, or if they're soft, you just eat 'em.

Now what you do with this stuff is, you trim off the tails if you want to, or you can leave 'em on.

I trimmed 'em off, and then you soak them in water, cold water, overnight.

And what you should do, is you should soak them several times.

Uh, sometimes for about 12 hours, you soak these things, sure to get some of that salt out of there and-and what have you.

And change the water a couple of times during the evening.

It gives you something to do on a Sunday night when it's just an otherwise boring night.

Whatever night you're doin' it, and all of a sudden, if you're in the middle of a big party, you jump up and say, I got to change the water on my fish, and you run out and you do that.

And don't forget to do that.

So anyway-- you've seen the two stages of these things thus far.

Now I'm gonna-- what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna start just taking care of-- I'm gonna peel a couple of potatoes.

I want you to see these potatoes up close, ladies and gentlemen.

This is something most people aren't used to.

These are real honest to goodness dirty potatoes.

These potatoes are so fresh out of the garden, they still have the dirt on them.

See, people think that they come out of bins out of the stores, and they're real clean.

LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: And that's not-- this is what they look like with the dirt on 'em.

And I'm going to go back and wash the dirt off of it.

I've got these from home.

I didn't buy these.

LABAN: Oh, did you really?

- It wasn't a very good year for potatoes, they're kind of piddly, not real big this year.

[whispers] I don't know what happened.

So that's all I'm gonna do for right now.

I'm goin' to wash these, and then I'm gonna slice 'em-- well, I'll tell you in a minute.

Go ahead, Laban.

- Oh, where did you grow those?

- These were grown on my business partner's farm down in Floyd County.

- Oh.

- These are Floyd County potatoes.

- For goodness sakes.

Now I'm gonna do a little salad that was sent in by Kevin Hobson of Blacksburg, Virginia.

And this is called an 'Old-fashioned Country Salad'.

And you start by slicing up four tomatoes thinly, and you just put them in the bowl.

So, that's easy enough to do.

And I'm gonna--fortunately, I've got a good knife here, and it's easy to slice them thinly.

And then some other vegetables go in.

And this is a salad because it's marinated for a little while that you can use even with these hard winter tomatoes that aren't sometimes-- LARRY: Oh.

- Oh, what went in there?

LARRY: [laughs] One of my tators slipped out of my hand and went rollin' into the trash can.

- Well, I've got to turn my fish over.

- That's all right now, we can't get 'em dirty.

No chance of that happenin'.

Thank you very much.

What will we do without Doris, I wonder?

What did we do before without Doris?

- We made a complete mess out of things.

- Well, yeah, I remember that time when he said, "Excuse me" and left and went to the store, and didn't come back until the next show.

- Uh-huh.

- Things like that used to happen around here all the time.

Thank heavens we don't do that anymore.

Now what are you doing?

- I'm just slicing up these hard tomatoes that don't favor nobody.

LARRY: Uh-huh.

Where did you get your tomatoes this time of the year?

These are some fine ones that you-- [Laban sneezing loudly] [all laugh] For heaven's sake.

- I'm going to do it again.

[sneezing] Oh, how awful, right here on the air!

It's-it's something in those potatoes, Bly.

LARRY: Well, it wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't made such a big production out of it.

- Well, I know, but I'm sorry.

- I guess there's nothing you can do.

- This is awful.

- Let me ask you this.

- Excuse me.

[Laban whining] - Oh, for heaven's sake.

I'll bet you've never seen Dan Rather sneeze, have you?

- What?

- Dan Rather sneeze.

- Oh, Dan would never sneeze.

He's-he's not even real.

- What do you suppose he does?

[Larry laughs] - What?

- What do you suppose he does?

- I don't know.

He probably comes out of a little hose and goes away.

- Oh, for heaven's sake.

[all laugh] [laughs] I think-I think that we've had enough of this conversation.

Now, what are you doing, Laban?

Regarding the cooking portion of the program, that is?

- Well, I'm still slicing these tomatoes as thinly as I can.

LARRY: Oh, you're right slow today.

- I know.

There's nothing I can do.

LARRY: Well, once I get past this agonizing little thing here, the show will get real frisky, I promise you.

LABAN: Oh, are you sure?

- I promise you a program with excitement galore.

LABAN: These tomatoes are a disgrace.

- [laughs] These potatoes are too.

But they're free, hey.

I can't complain.

LABAN: Oh, yeah.

Oh, how's this doing?

Let me take out-- oh for goodness sakes, you can't be screaming with laughter every second on this show.

- Well, I remember a time when we used to be before we got old and tired.

LABAN: Give me a break.

LARRY: Now, because, because, because these are such dirty messes-- LABAN: [singsong] Because, just because.

- I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna wash 'em one more time and then I'm going to put 'em in a bowl and I'm gonna wash 'em and rinse 'em one more time just so as I don't get so much dirt in this stuff here.

Don't have to do too much.

Now here's what you need to do.

- Oh, look at that.

That one came out in the shape of a goldfish.

[Laban laughs] - We're just going to slice these real fine, real thin slice, just old sliced potatoes, what it is.

Real thin.

A lot of people have fancy slicers.

This is the way I do it.

Don't need anything but just your finger and your thumb.

Now, if you don't have a thumb-- [chuckles] I'd suggest you try an alternate route.

Alright, now there we go.

Now y'all are only gonna need a couple of these because what you're gonna do is, you're gonna layer the bottom first.

Miss Doris and I decided, before we went on the air, that it'd probably be best if you put the potatoes on the bottom, being that this is an non-covered dish, and you're not gonna have enough liquids to cover it with when you put it in the oven at 375° and bake it for an hour.

I mean, a potato gets mighty, mighty hard if it doesn't have any water or anything on it for an hour.

Now, I'm gonna wash these off one more real quick time, and then we're gonna start doing our thing over here.

Unless Mr. Johnson has something he needs to do.

- No, I'm just slicing tomatoes.

Now, I'm gonna do-- well, I'll do a cuke here but I'll use my-- LARRY: Do a cuke.

It says split the herrings and remove the bones.

[scoffs] Somebody's idea of a joke obviously.

LABAN: Well, no, I was hoping you'd do it for us.

- Well, even when they're filleted, they have bones in 'em.

Maybe somebody would like to tell us about that out there in TV Land.

Now, see what I'm doing right now?

I'm just layerin' the bottom of a baking dish.

This is an old pie plate, but it's all right, it will do for the likes of us, with some potatoes.

There we go.

Now, what next?

The onions.

LABAN: I'm throwing in an entire cucumber, for those that care.

- I think I'm going to put some onions on this.

Now what?

You did what?

- It's too late.

Too late.

You weren't paying attention.

Just hurt my feelings so bad I can't tell you.

- They're right and dull over there.

- I don't know... listen, oh, they're going to sleep again.

This crew needs to stay home and get some sleep at night.

LARRY: Next thing I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna layer just real thin, and I'm goin' to put some on both sides of this fish.

I'm goin' to take just a little bit of onion and just thinly slice it and put it across on top of the potatoes.

Like so, see, just a nice little thin layer of that.

[scatting] [Larry humming] LABAN: Oh, there's-- LARRY: Mr. Castanet out there.

LABAN: Hmm-mm.

LARRY: All right.

LABAN: I remember him when he worked for José Greco.

My gosh!

LARRY: Jose, did you say?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Now that we've done that-- [exhales deeply] Excuse me just a sec.

- [clattering] - [Laban laughs] Oh Bly, coming up from under the counter.

- [exhales deeply] I'm sorry, this salt fish-- the salt is-- gets down in here and, ooh whee!

Boy, I tell you.

I've been having this-- been with me all day, this fish.

[singsong] This fish has gone up and down the highways and the byways.

LABAN: For those that care, and are really interested in this-- LARRY: Oh, now he's got something to do.

- Well, no, I'm just slicing up-- now I've gotten a cucumber.

Now I'm doing a green pepper.

I mean, what can I do?

LARRY: Oh, okay.

LABAN: You really do... LARRY: Alright-- now, here's what you do.

Take your little herring fillets, and put them in here.

Now, I know that someone is gonna write me a terrible letter and say, "You fool, you buffoon, you don't know what you're doing."

And you know what, you're right.

I don't know much about fish.

- Now, seriously, you never had fish much on the farm?

LARRY: No.

No, I had fish an awful lot in the Chesapeake Bay Area, but I didn't live there very long.

My daddy would bring me down-- now, we had a lot of oysters 'cause we understood them.

They're real easy.

You know, just open your mouth and eat 'em.

LABAN: Well, you know, my mother's family that lived on a farm near here, had fish all the time.

Because they fished out of the river.

LARRY: Yeah.

- Had trout and bass.

LARRY: Well, we were sort of uptown farmers.

You know?

Besides, we owned a beef cattle farm.

I mean, it was not, you know-- wasn't supportin' the family if you were eatin' fish.

What else am I supposed to do?

Is that it?

- [Laban chuckles] - Oh, I'm goin' to put some more onions on top of it.

[Larry chuckles] I'm just layerin' these things.

Openin' up the old nasal passages, isn't it?

LABAN: Yes, sir.

LARRY: Boy, I want to tell you, whew!

LABAN: I hope this fish is going to be as good as I think it is.

LARRY: Well, I tell you, the one I got in the oven, that's bakin' right now, is just going along just wonderfully.

Well, that onion has just gotten impossible.

I don't know whether I wanna mess with it anymore.

I'm afraid I'm gonna cut myself.

Something I seldom ever do.

Just take it and crumble it on top.

Yeah, that's good, just like that.

A little pepper on that too.

But wait a minute.

Oh, I know what we got to do now.

We take some margarine and dot it around.

A little margarine in there.

Just put that around in there.

About... well, I guess about... oh, I don't know, half a stick or so margarine goes in there.

Gotta put a little pepper on it, and we're gonna stick it in the oven.

Oh, and a little milk too.

I don't want you to forget that.

It requires about a cup of milk.

You put that milk in there.

Boom.

And a little pepper.

Now, I seriously don't believe you need any salt in this recipe, ladies and gentlemen, because this is a salted herring.

And even though we have soaked it overnight, I think that probably it still has the greatest plenty of salt in it.

Now, there you have it.

That's all there is to it.

And you put that in an oven.

LABAN: Uh-oh, I'm worried.

- You put that in an oven at 375° and you bake it for one hour.

And that's that.

And in a little bit, we're gonna take it out.

It's been baking for just about an hour right now, as a matter of fact.

It'll be ready for eatin'.

And that is the salted herring and potatoes.

It's really kind of a one-- I guess a one-dish dish.

Let's look at the recipe and see how these thangs are done while Mr. Johnson still-- he's still doing-- LABAN: I'm not ready to look at my recipe.

LARRY: Deep fried fish.

LABAN: Deep fried fish.

Oh, it's the same kind of batter that we had last week, and any kind of delicious fish fillets without the bones.

And there is the recipe for the batter right there.

LARRY: You saw the movie.

Old-fashioned Country Salad.

LABAN: And you need everything below sliced thinly.

Four medium tomatoes, a large cucumber, a Spanish onion, and a green pepper.

And we're gonna have sugar, salt, vinegar, and paprika and pepper to taste in a few minutes.

LARRY: Mmm, mmm, it does sound good.

The scalloped herring and potatoes.

Two salt herrings soaked in water overnight.

One package ought to do the job real well.

Several raw potatoes.

Two onions, a cup of milk, and a half a stick of margarine.

And you know, that herring, Laban, is real cheap.

It's dirt cheap.

LABAN: Uh-huh.

- It's, as I said, less than $2 for a package.

And one hour at 375°.

And it's in there right now, and I'll be taking it out in just a couple of minutes.

- Alright.

And I'm still slicing tomatoes.

This is a high slice kind of salad.

LARRY: He slices, he dices.

- Uh-huh.

Just like that woman that used to do it for money.

I wish I got paid for this.

LARRY: Well, Laban, it's up to you to entertain 'em now.

LABAN: Well, I'm going to.

As soon as I get through slicing this tomato, I will do one more little thing.

I'm going to do the dressing on here which is just real easy to do.

LARRY: I want them to see this.

It's real pretty.

This is what it looks like when it comes out of that oven.

Right here.

Well, that's pretty too, but this is prettier.

Okay, there you go.

You see how it's nice and bubbly?

And it's scalloped.

It even smells right half good too.

LABAN: All right.

LARRY: It's going to be interesting to see about 'em bones.

- Now... now we've got a tablespoon of sugar that goes over this salad.

All right.

There's our sugar.

- [loud clattering] LABAN: And we're going to use a teaspoon of salt, and sprinkle that in.

LARRY: Those deep-fried fish look great, Laban.

LABAN: Uh-huh, they do, don't they?

LARRY: Real tasty.

Lovely.

- And a half a cup of vinegar, and this is your standard issue Apple cider vinegar.

That goes in on our salad there.

And then we've got some paprika to go in here.

So we're gonna put in a teaspoon or so of paprika.

And if I could have the pepper, Dr. Bly.

LARRY: Dr. Pepper.

Oh, I mean yeah, Dr. Bly.

LABAN: Thank you.

And I'm gonna put in some pepper here if I can get it open.

I'll start sneezing again, alright.

LARRY: Here we go again.

LABAN: All right.

Now, we've got to toss this baby.

LARRY: Toss a baby?

LABAN: Uh-huh.

LARRY: Oh, I see.

That baby.

LABAN: Uh-huh.

Now, it really needs to marinate.

LARRY: Overnight?

LABAN: Oh, no, no, just for an hour or so.

LARRY: Well, it's pretty.

LABAN: But it is pretty, and I think we'll be able to have it here in just a second.

LARRY: It's as pretty as a salad.

LABAN: Uh-huh.

Look at this.

LARRY: Is that it?

LABAN: Well, it's close.

It's close.

You have to stir it up.

Yeah, that is basically it.

- Because we've got to have the witch come in.

- Oh well, bring her in.

Tell her to come on in.

- Oh, witchy.

[chuckles] Witchy woman.

I know she'll be in here very shortly.

Here she is.

Here she is.

How you doing, doll?

See you later.

She got in my hair.

I always hate that when she gets in my hair.

- See what she says.

- She says you have dandruff.

"Dear guys, what are you?

A bunch of cowards?

You should have--" What's that say?

- Bopped.

- "Bopped that--" - Clown.

- "--clown that rode in last week a good one.

We thought you had more gumption."

Well, I had some gumption, and I left it at home.

"Next, you'll be doing yellow vegetables."

What does this say?

- Ed Ocher, from Golden, Colorado.

- Oh, for heaven's sake, Ed Ocher.

Ah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Well, let me get you some herring.

- And let me give you some of this salad.

- Let me get you a big piece of herring.

Yes indeed, and let me get some potatoes.

[Laban chuckles] Well, it does smell real good, I will say that.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

[sighs deeply] Yes, indeed, let me get some herring too.

Yes, indeed.

LABAN: Whoops.

This is somewhat of a messy salad here.

[Larry chuckles] And let me give you-- - Sorry, I missed the herring part.

LABAN: A piece of fried fish.

- Ooh, boy, that looks good.

LABAN: You didn't get much over there.

- Oh, the greatest of plenty.

I'm just so full.

- Wait a minute, Bly, you didn't get any herring.

Get some!

- [Larry chuckles] - Right now.

- Okay.

I've-I've got some.

- Yeah, put it on your plate.

[Larry chuckles] You want to grow up and be an adult, don't you?

- Well, I can enjoy it from here.

I don't have to get any closer to it.

LABAN: Oh, it smells wonderful.

LARRY: Yeah, this is a guy that eats-- what are those little raw fish?

- Oh, anchovies.

LARRY: Anchovies, eats 'em.

Look at those bones!

Millions of bones!

LABAN: Oh, I'll swear.

- I hate bones.

I really do.

- Mmm, mmm, it's delicious.

LARRY: Mmm, it is.

Mmm!

- [laughs] What are you drinking, Bly?

- [sigh of pleasure] A little ale.

LABAN: Mmm-mmm.

- Now, that's real good.

I like that because I can't see the bones in it.

Now, let me try the-- - Oh, this fish is good.

- The salad-- - He is such a fishy wimp.

Oh, bye.

- [muffled conversation] [♪♪♪] [music fades out]