[♪♪♪] [Larry] Don't worry about it.

I'm sure it's here somewhere.

Let me see if this is done yet.

-No.

No.

-Is that you, Johnson?

-[Laban screams] It is.

It's me.

-[Larry laughs] Me too.

-Hey, pretty clever stuff, huh?

Flamin' nostrils.

It's amazin'.

It really is.

Well, hey, this lights out stuff-- [Laban] Oh, look at the nose.

No-- [Larry] I don't know what I think of that.

You gotta be very careful.

There's a lot of stuff layin' around.

-Yes, I know you might-- Watch it!

Watch it!

Don't!

-[crash] [Larry] Well, I don't know.

I can't, uh, I can't-- -[laughs] -I think there's something here somewhere but I'm not-- oh!

-Oh, now you put your foot in it.

-Oh, geez, amazing.

-Among other parts.

-Star Wars.

-[Laban humming] -[Larry laughs] [Laban] Now, the lights-- where is the fuse box?

Just go over and bang the thing.

-It's over here somewhere.

Let me just-- -Here, just hit it.

-[loud bang on surface] -There you go, that got it.

Whew.

Oh, hi.

-It's much brighter in here.

It's much brighter in here.

I can see now.

-Yeah, the crew is playin' tricks on us today.

Somebody wrote in and said, "What can you do when the lights are out?"

-[Larry] I'm not sure.

I think I sort of liked the show better when the lights weren't out.

-Uh-huh.

[Larry] It made a lot more sense when it wasn't out.

-Yes, uh-huh.

[Larry] Do you know what I'm gonna today?

[Laban] Well, what are you gonna do?

-I'm gonna do a Gazpacho.

Do you remember Gazpacho and Pinocchio?

-[Laban] Right.

-And Gazpacho was the guy that-- no, that was Geppetto, wasn't it?

-[Laban] Right.

-Oh, excuse me.

But anyway-- -[Laban] Geppetto, Pinocchio and Gazpacho, the famous Italian brothers.

-The reason that I'm doin' this is because you don't need any electricity for it whatsoever.

It's a cold soup.

-[Laban] Right.

And I'm gonna do a recipe that Holly McCoy sent in from Radford, Virginia, and I gotta tell you, folks.

I can only just barely taste this because it is-- [Larry] What, is your nose closed up again?

-No, not.

Instant death for anybody that's borderline diabetic or diabetic.

This recipe has got so much sugar in it that it will keep your kids awake for three days.

They'll go nuts, totally crazed.

They'll be totally out of hand.

This is surely a Sugar Shack recipe.

-Yeah?

Sugar Shack.

-[Laban] Unbelievable, hm-mm.

-Pretty nice flashlight.

-[Laban] Yeah.

-Do we get to keep these as a result of this program?

-[Laban] I doubt it.

No, no.

-Did the station buy these?

-The power goes out here so often [laughs] that they need 'em around.

[Larry] [laughs] There are literally entire weeks that go by when this is the only thing that keeps this station goin', right?

-[Laban] Right.

Or managers that talk about your powers that be.

[both laugh] -Well, we can put it over here on the stove since we're not gonna-- -[Larry] Now-- -Let me, let me just do this recipe.

This recipe is so easy any fool could do it.

And speakin'-- [laughs] -[Larry] Well, don't look at me when you say that.

-[both laugh] -Oh, me.

It is-- All right now, really and truly, this recipe is-- -And you don't need electricity for this.

-[Laban] No, no.

-No electricity needed in this recipe.

-[Laban] Just need a big bowl and a brave heart.

All right, you start off with a cup.

This is a 5 Cup Salad.

This is what this thing is called.

[Larry] 5 Cup Salad.

-And the first cup of anything is a cup o' sugar.

[Larry] Good heavens.

You're right about that.

Any salad that has a cup of sugar in it, I'm already worried about.

-I know, on top of all these other stuff.

And then, you add to it a cup o' marshmallows.

-Now is that, was that really sugar you just put in there?

-Yeah.

Watch out, don't trip over that can again, Bly!

Oh, no!

-[Larry laughs] -Let's see if old Maureen was panickin'.

[both laugh] -[Larry] Probably not.

-'Cause you know she wasn't.

She's in there plannin' on what she's gonna scarf up on when the show is over today, what she's gonna eat.

[Larry laughs] -It's all her husband Bill needs is to have her come home looped out on sugar.

-[Larry] Oh, don't tell me now there's gonna be a cup of those go in in addition to the sugar.

-Yes, a cup o' marshmallows.

-[Larry] Good heavens.

You'll rot your teeth out eatin' this.

-Oh, I know.

And now, a cup of-- oh, let me put this in, of English walnuts.

I guess you could use black walnuts but they'd give you a real tang.

All right, a cup of English walnuts.

And then, a cup o' fruit cocktail.

which we will open with our non-electric can opener.

-What happened to the electric one that that person sent us?

-I think it got junked, 'cause it-- you know, it didn't work too good.

All right.

[Larry] Yeah, and the fact that I knocked it apart accidentally on the air didn't help it too well either.

-So, let me just measure out a cup of fruit cocktail.

[Larry] Did you all used to just eat this as dessert, open these fruit cocktail cans up-- -[Laban] Oh, yeah, sure.

[Larry] --and serve 'em, put some banana in it?

-And my brother Mike and me-- [Larry] That's real big where I came from.

-We'd get in a big fight, you know, over whether or not he got more cherries than I did.

-[Larry] Cherries.

[laughs] I don't know whether-- do you know that there is a big deal goin' on right now with the Cherry Association about, uh, Red Dye No 2?

-[Laban] Oh, I know.

-Did you know that a cherry will not keep its redness in this juice.

-[Laban] Uh-huh-- -And the only way they can do it is to put Red Dye No 2 in it.

[Laban] Well, or whatever, it's another number now.

They've already banned No 2.

This is a-- they're, oh, what are we gonna do with dead-lookin' cherries-- and a cup of sour cream, which is eight ounces, and I-- And, you know, old Holly gives us this cautionary note on this recipe, that-- not to use too much sugar, but not to use too much sour cream.

So, that's one cup of sour cream.

And then you mix it all together, and you serve it and that's it.

-[Larry] Is that all?

-That's it.

[Larry] They is to it?

[Laban] That's all they is to this recipe.

[Larry] Well, it looks delic-- it looks real good.

[Laban] And I will mix it now for a good little while and then you can come back to me, and we'll see if anybody is dead yet from this thing.

Gosh almighty, this is a mess.

-[Larry] Okay.

-I guess you have to mix it until the sugar dissolves.

-I'm gonna do this Gazpacho.

And you start out with a can of whole tomatoes, a 16-ounce can.

I couldn't find a 16-ounce, so I had to go for 14.5.

I hope nobody'll get offended by it.

I'm gonna take that and put it in a big bowl.

And make sure you got something over the front of you 'cause you're gonna have to squish this stuff.

You gotta squish it.

And I just know it's gonna squirt out all over the camera lenses.

Well, it certainly isn't squishin' very well.

But that's what it says you have to do.

You know, I-- ah!

[laughs] How terrible.

I think this would be so much better in a blender.

But as you know, we've got to pretend like we don't have any electricity.

So, you have no choice.

You're just gonna have to chop it up with your bare hands like that and hope that you don't get too big a lump, or you're gonna offend someone later on when you gotta put this stuff out in the bowl.

So just squish it around with an ordinary squisher.

One of these old-time mashed potato squishers.

[laughs] Doris is just afraid that she's gonna have her eye put out.

-[Laban] Oh, no!

-[Larry] Yeah.

[laughs] Now, it's very important that you squish it up real good because you don't want a great big piece of it floppin' out when you go to serve it.

[Laban] Would somebody hand me that syringe of insulin?

[Larry] Boy, that looks good, doesn't it?

[all laugh] [Larry] Now, that's the first part of the Gazpacho.

Next thing you gotta do after you've mashed 'em up with the potato masher, then you put everything else in.

That is 46-ounce can of tomato juice.

That goes in there.

It looks like this is right heavy on the tomato, doesn't it?

And a quarter cup of vegetable oil.

Excuse me, folks.

A quarter cup of vegetable oil.

Not much.

just a little.

There, a quarter of a cup.

Two tablespoons of red wine vinegar, schnappy it up a little bit.

One.

two.

[laughs] Well, it is.

And a clove of "gralic" minced, it says here.

-All right, I typed it wrong.

-[laughs] Last week, it was "garlin squashed."

This week, it's "gralic" minced.

[laughs] I just love kiddin' Johnson.

Johnson cannot type the word "garlic," I've decided.

[Laban] I swear, and I've got a typewriter that corrects spelling.

-[Larry] I know.

It is the only word that he has terrible problems with, and it's just consistent.

He's very consistent about it.

So we're gonna take that and we're gonna have to mince this up.

But except I don't wanna mince it, I'm tired of mincin'.

I'm just gonna squish it, 'cause it'll take all week and I don't have all week.

Although I do have the biggest portion of the show yet-- [both laugh] [Larry] so maybe I better think about it.

[laughs] And then several hearty grinds of pepper.

Uh-oh.

Hang on a second here, I gotta find some pepper.

[Laban] Yeah.

Where is your pepper grinder?

-I forgot my pepper grinder, I'm very embarrassed.

I was usin' it on a chili recipe yesterday.

I was.

And just take it a little easy on the pepper.

-[Laban] Oh, my-- -[Larry] Oh, it's good.

Pepper is good for you.

No one ever died of too much pepper, remember that.

You'll probably die from all the salt in this tomato juice, but we won't croak from the pepper.

That's gettin' a good oily skin on it now.

[all laugh] [Larry] That's what it calls for, folks.

Now, you take a small cuke and you gotta peel it, seed it and shred it.

This should take a while, theoretically.

-[Laban] Let's hope so.

-Yeah.

[both laugh] -I tell you, the cukes don't look too good at this time of the year here when we're doin' this.

And now, Mr. Johnson is goin' to do tricks with the flashlight.

-No, I was goin' to get plenty of light on here so they can get a good shot of it.

-Thank you.

-Especially an overhead shot.

-Uh-huh, yeah.

We're just gonna take that and peel it right off of there.

[Laban] Uh-huh.

You know, I have my union card in this, in this stage lighting here.

-[Larry] Hm-mm.

-Maureen has hers in sound.

-[Larry] Yeah, I've seen you.

[Laban laughs] [Larry] I've seen both of you do this routine numerous times.

-[Laban] Now, watch out, Bly.

Don't cut yourself with that knife.

Don't drop that knife.

-Oh!

-[Laban] Oh!

-You know, I'm anxious to see the playback on this-- -[Laban] Yeah.

-to see if any of it makes any sense at all.

'Cause from out here, none of it does.

[Laban] We can't tell if Maureen is awake, see.

-We don't know.

And even if you see her, you don't know.

[Laban laughs] -So anyway-- [Laban] You know, that's how she got married.

-And here's what I like to do.

Take this and cut it in half, and then take an ordinary spoon and just spoon all these-- -[Laban] Scrape out the guts.

-Just scrape out those seeds.

You don't want those seeds in there.

[Laban] 'Cause if you've got diverticulitis, it'll just tear you up.

-I don't have, but-- [Laban] Well, a lot of our viewers probably do.

[Larry laughs] [Laban] I know they're gonna have diabetes after they eat this Five-can Salad or whatever it is.

-Now what we have to do is shred this stuff.

Oh, I almost dropped it in there.

And this is not gonna be easy to shred but I'll do the best I can.

-[Laban] [chuckles] I swear.

-Just shred this stuff in there.

[Laban] I think my marshmallows are meltin'.

[both laugh] [Larry] And it's important that you get-- don't drop any big stuff in there because you're not gonna cook this at all.

So nothing is gonna get any softer than it is when you throw it in there.

Remember that.

Go and take the other half here.

We don't have to use the whole thing, it calls for a small or medium.

What's it call for?

Calls for a small cuke and this was a medium one.

So we don't use it all-- [Laban] Now, what is the difference?

Can you explain that to our viewers?

-No, I really don't-- about this much.

[Laban laughs] [Larry] All right, there is that.

Oh, let's mix that around in there.

Mm-mm.

I love Gazpacho.

I'll never forget that terrible thing you did to us out on the boat one time, though, Johnson.

You did a low-down trick.

Everybody was supposed to bring somethin' homemade.

And so, Johnson brings Gazpacho, and everybody went wild over how delightful and wonderful it was.

Come to find out it was some-- -[Laban] It was Campbell's.

-It was Campbell's own with some vodka in it.

[laughs] I think it was the vodka that threw everybody off.

-[Laban] Yeah.

Nobody realized that the Campbell Soup Company had come out with a canned Gazpacho at that point.

-And almost two dollars a pound, this precious thing called a tomato.

-[Laban] Hm-mm.

-What I would do if I were you is de-seed it as we always try to do.

-[Laban] Yuck.

-That's real attractive, isn't it?

Get the seeds out of there, you don't want all those seeds in that.

-Now what we got to do is-- -[Laban] Put your finger up in there and clean it out [indistinct].

-I don't wanna put my fingers up there.

You put your fingers up in there and clean it out.

Now we're gonna chop it all up.

And I would suggest you chop it real well.

real well.

[sighs] I'll let-- you know, the wonderful thing about this soup is you can eat it hot if you want to.

Most people prefer it cold, but there is one of those Brazilian-Italian restaurants in town that serves it hot, and it is wonderful.

-[man] Larry.

-[Larry] What?

[man] Move the grater [indistinct].

-Move the grater.

I swear, this is-- [Laban] You need-- or you might need it again?

-[Larry] No, please don't-- -[Laban] You don't need it-- [Larry] No, I do.

Leave it, leave it.

[Laban] You know, I've seen-- remember I was tellin' you about that guy at lunch today that's on one of the cable channels, cookin'?

[Larry] Yeah, what?

-And when he's got his knife, I've never seen anybody with such knife technique.

He, uh-- let me show you this for a second.

-All right.

-When he gets goin', he goes like this, he hits his hand, he goes-- [chopping fast] [laughter] and he [indistinct].

- Does he throw it all over the floor like that?

-Oh, I wonder if Maureen got that one.

Look out for that floor, Larry!

Oh, no!

-[Larry] I'm so sorry!

-[screaming] -[clattering] -[laughs] I needed that.

-We're gettin' good at this now.

If they just match up the sound effects okay, it will make some sense.

-[Laban] And here, let me wipe off that little piece down here on the floor.

I thought you could use it, there.

[Larry] Now, be very careful.

Don't fall, Johnson!

[laughing] -No, she's only got four cuts to say about that.

-[Larry] Oh, does she?

Well.

-So we've used 'em up.

-[Larry] Oh, that's a shame.

-But we'll call for another one in a little while.

-[Larry] Oh, I'll bet she's missed at least three cues.

-Oh, you know she has.

-[Larry] So I think we still have plenty left.

-[chuckles] -[Larry] Okay, now, I've chopped that all up pretty good.

You don't want any real big pieces so make sure you mince that up pretty good.

And now, we're gonna throw that in there.

-How much of that do you have to have?

-Just one tomato, chopped up.

-Oh.

[Larry] Isn't that interesting?

You mash one, you chop one.

Well, actually you mashed a whole bunch of 'em, and you chopped one.

[sighs] It's real strange.

It seems to me like this is right heavy on the tomato, but I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.

Now, the next thing we're gonna do now is start workin' on a medium carrot which has to be scraped and shredded.

There's just an awful lot of scrapin' and shreddin' that has to go on here.

So I'm gonna scrape it first.

[scraping] It a shame you don't have anything to do today, Johnson.

-[Laban] I know.

I could have-- -I'm surprised you even-- -But well, I know, but I had to give my life for this salad, which is eatin' the marshmallows.

-[Larry] I'm surprised-- -They're losin' bulk.

[Larry] you bothered to show up.

[scraping] Yeah, put 'em in the refrigerator.

-[Laban] No, I don't want to.

-Oh.

[Laban] I want to see if this thing will explode.

I know it'll burn.

[Larry] Now we're gonna shred this also.

This should be right good.

While I'm shreddin' this, maybe we'll look at the recipes.

[Laban] Okay.

I'm sure that-- 5 Cup Salad from old Holly McCoy in Radford.

A cup of fruit cocktail, one of sugar, one of sour cream, one of English walnuts and a cup of marshmallows.

It's your cup o'salad, you mix 'em all together and chill it.

[Larry] For the Easy Gazpacho, one 16-ounce can of whole tomatoes, which you will squish the dickens out of, one 46-ounce can of tomato juice, quarter of a cup of vegetable oil, two tablespoons of red wine vinegar, clove of garlic minced-- I just kind of squished mine-- several hearty grinds of pepper, which I forgot altogether, small cuke, peeled, seeded and shredded; medium tomato chopped, medium carrot scraped and shredded, and a small green epper, finely chopped.

[Laban laughs] -[Larry] That's what it says-- -[Laban] Oh.

[Larry] a fine-- and this, ladies and gentlemen, in case you don't know, is an epper.

[laughter] -[laughs] So, anyway.

How much-- -I dated a girl named Epper one time.

-[Larry] Did you really?

-Uh-huh.

Olivia Epper.

-[Larry] Cut that and just reach in there, don't be delicate about it, and just pull all the stuff out of it, and the seeds.

People that take too long with peppers irritate me, they really do.

A small green pepper, this looks like a right large one.

-I think it's right [indistinct].

-It also looks right nasty.

-[Laban] Oh!

It's got some-- -Oh, woo.

-[Laban] corruption down there.

-We're gonna leave that part of it out and I'm gonna wash this part.

-Oh, we got hold of a bad pepper.

This pepper grew in a foreign field and foreign bugs got into it.

Yes, it's true.

Way, way overseas.

-However, I have-- I have saved enough of it that we can eat.

[laughs] I took the worst part off.

-[Laban] Either that or it was involved in the recent fierce and inclement weather that has ruined all the vegetables on this side of the US of A.

-[Larry] All right now, you shred this in here.

Shred this in here.

This is the secret part of it.

Isn't that pretty?

It really is lovely.

[laughs] Well, I mean, it's not that pretty but-- oh, a big piece went in there.

-[Laban] Oh, no!

-[Larry] You don't want that.

This pepper is not doin' so well on the shredder.

This is why it would be so nice if we just had a blender, but we can't do it with a lights-out show.

[Laban] We've got one, but we can't do it.

[Larry] We can't do it today.

[Laban] 'Cause we don't have any electrical power.

-Now, put that in there.

Now, there couldn't possibly be anything else that goes in there.

So, no, thank heavens, there isn't.

So now, we'll just mix that all around.

And there is-- now, you know, I think if we had some and if we didn't have a lot of people who would get uptight about it, you could put a little snort of vodka in there at this point.

-[Laban] Hm-mm.

Oh, yeah.

[Larry] And it would be real good, if you like that sort of thing.

If you don't like that sort of thing, then just forget about it.

[Laban] Kids, do not use the vodka at home.

[Larry] No, do not use the vodka.

This is a perfectly wonderful soup the way it is right here, right now, theoretically, although it doesn't look like much to me.

Okay, that's that.

That's our soup.

-[Laban] Oh, wonderful.

-It is.

And we only have about-- -All right now, -15 more minutes to go.

-we have a soup and a salad.

How much time-- well, we got the witch.

-She's gonna come in here.

-[Laban] She said she had a special message for us.

-[Larry] Special message.

-So, come on.

-[loud thud] -Come here, honey.

[clattering] [Larry] Oh, that's amazing.

Yes, it is.

It's just truly amazing.

-[laughs] How about that?

[laughs] Oh.

Oh, look.

It's a memo from the witch.

It's not a letter.

And it says, "Anniversary 10 and 40."

-[Larry] Huh?

-Next week, we're gonna have an anniversary show, an anniversary party.

-Oh!

-And it will be the anniversary, our tenth anniversary here on Cookin' Cheap .

Yep, we've been on for ten years, longest running show on TV from that viewpoint.

[Larry] I believe today is the longest running show.

[Laban] [chuckles] Oh, no, it was last week.

-Oh, yeah.

That's right.

We've had so many.

-And also, Doris and Harold will be celebratin' their 40th anniversary pretty soon.

-[Larry] Let's hear it for Doris and Harold's 40th anniversary.

Yes, yes, yes.

-[all cheer and applaud] -Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to present 'em with this lovely bottle of red wine vinegar.

[Laban] Partially used.

Hold it.

That's enough.

-That's it.

[Laban] That's enough, that's enough.

-And we gotta tell you, you know, they were married.

Their marriage was arranged by their parents when they were very, very young.

-Uh-huh.

-[chuckles] Because they have not-- you know, they're not old enough.

-[Larry] Well, Laban, do we have some letters?

-Well, yes, we do.

As a matter of fact, some people have been sayin', "Why don't you read the letters?"

And we've got 'em.

-I've been sayin' it for the last five minutes.

-Well, here, let me give you-- -Oh, it's all right.

You read so well.

-Well, you-- uh, you just take a pile of 'em there.

This is from Canada.

-[Larry] Uh-huh.

-From Paulette Dreisdell.

-[loud clattering] -[laughs] Good save, right?

[chuckles] -[Laban] Holy moly.

-Boy, if I didn't-- if that would have flown up against that window, probably it would have made a breaking noise.

Anyway-- -[Laban] Oh, yeah-- [laughing] [Laban] I bet you missed that one too.

All right, this Paulette says, "Dear Sir or Madam."

[laughing] Ah, there are no madams around here that we know of.

"I was home from work due to illness recently, "and was very pleased to catch your fantastic cooking show.

"I have cook-- I have never enjoyed watching two men cook with such enthusiasm and natural humor."

-[Larry laughs] -"Indeed, I begin to "recuperate immediately.

"Please send me a copy of your recipes.

"I will soon be purchasing a VCR and intend to tape your shows so that I can enjoy it with my dinner."

And it's Paulette Dreisdell from Armdale, Nova Scotia in Canada.

Well, thank you, honey.

We appreciate it.

And we like to watch the show with our dinner, too.

-Well, here's something we don't get very often.

Not only has someone sent us a recipe, they actually sent us something to do something with.

-[Laban] Oh!

-It says, "Dear Larry and Laban, I see your show every day "and need the laughs.

And keep up your famous humorous pranks."

It says, "Enclosed is a wonderful drink on me-- "spiced cider.

I just know you'll love as I do, hot."

But I hate to tell you, but when it got here, it was cold.

What can I tell you?

-Let's go-- let's go taste this stuff.

-Why?

It don't take two minutes to taste it.

Well, if you want to, you can.

I don't care.

-[overlapping conversation] -Looks like a bug here in mine.

-Oh, good heavens.

It doesn't look pretty.

Neither does this.

[laughs] I'll be honest with you.

None of this looks pretty.

Oh, okay.

Hey, have some of this Gazpacho.

-All right.

And you have some of this-- -No, it's all right.

-Preserved 5 Cup Salad.

-Let me set the bowl over here, it's so big it'll take up the whole table.

-I wanna make sure you get-- -Mmm.

Boy, Laban, that looks good.

Do I drink it?

-Oh, look at the flowers.

-Oh, we need to tell you about this.

[Laban] When we're tapin' this, it is the dead of February, -Look at that!

Isn't that gorgeous?

-[Laban] 1990.

-And the very lovely Mistress Ford brought that in for us today.

And look at that, in the middle of February in Virginia, you don't see this kind of flower arrangement ever.

[Laban] But spring has become six weeks early this year.

[Larry] But it's all natural, every bit of it.

Well, I'll try this interestin' and humorous, what is it?

-[Laban] 5 Cup Salad.

-5 Cup Salad.

[Laban] And I'll try this delicious-looking Gazpacho.

-Tastes like solid sugar.

[laughs] It does, real sugary.

-Hmm, the Gazpacho's not bad.

-[Larry] Really?

-I think I would add a dash of hot sauce or more vinegar, but it's really tasty.

-A little on the tame side, perhaps?

Well, you might wanna keep that in mind if you wanna jazz it up a little bit.

Let me try, here.

Well, it is right presentable.

Not bad at all, and it was so simple to make.

It just didn't seem like it could be good, but it is.

He's right.

You wanna jazz it up a little bit, you put a little schnappy peppy in it.

Well, that's about it.

Boy, that's sweet, isn't it?

-[Laban] That salad-- woo!

That's a dessert.

That's not a salad, folks.

-That's a dessert.

You're right.

Bye.

[♪♪♪] [loud thud and clattering]